Controlled Burn
by staceygirl aka jackbauer
Summary: Summary: Bella has always joked about marrying Alice’s much younger brother so she could be a part of her best friend’s family, but now he’s all grown up and hot. Bella tries to control the burn for him, but it quickly becomes a raging fire. ExB AH
1. Chapter 1 Humseen

Summary: Bella has always joked about marrying Alice's much younger brother so she could be a part of her best friend's family, but now he's all grown up and got hot. Bella tries to control the burn for him, but it quickly becomes a raging fire. ExB AH

**A/N: Welcome to a new story! This is E/B, don't worry. It will take a few chapters to get there, so that Bella won't get arrested. **

**Thanks to all my little elves: Daisy, Profmom, and Twike. This is my writing process – as I write I chat Daisy and ask – Is this funny? Then I send it to Profmom, and she tells me the parts that a little too ridiculous and makes suggestions – I call her my Jiminy Cricket, and then Twike does the final proofing. **

**Everwondering is my ever hero. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 1

Humseen

We were in the middle of a heat storm. The Arabs called it a Humseen. Scorching dusty winds blew out of the west making everyone suffer. The air was hot and thick and the Jordanians hadn't caught on to the air conditioning craze yet. The storm would last until cooler winds blew down from the north sending the hot air south. I looked down on the sweat rings under my armpits and groaned. Not here. Not now. I was standing next to Jasper Hale - God's gift to women with that "please make out with me now" stupid Southern accent, and I was dripping sweat. He was sweating too, but his glistening skin and the blonde hair which stuck to his forehead made him look even more attractive. I, on the other hand, looked more like Richard Simmons with my shiny forehead and drops of yuck sliding down my skin. I quickly sniffed my armpit to see if there was an odor to go along with my wet shirt. I smelled like Shower Fresh Secret. It really was strong enough for a man.

"Bella, would you kindly stop smelling yourself and hand me that brush?" Jasper said with a cocky grin. I rolled my eyes and tried to play it off. I went to slam the brush in his hand, but it fell to the ground. We both bent over at the same time to get it.

"I'll get it…" I grabbed the dust brush and started to stand back up at the same time as Jasper. He angled his head just right so that his nose and forehead brushed my nasty shirt right where it was damp with sweat. I closed my eyes and tried to apparate Harry Potter style, but when I opened them a second later, Jasper was wiping off his face with a towel and looking mildly disgusted. I shrugged my shoulders and gave him my best sorry look. He chuckled, finished wiping the sweat from his brow, and threw the towel at me.

"You're crazy, Swan, not to mention sweating like a pig. Why don't you go shower while I finish cleaning up these last pottery shards?"

"Well, you're sweating like a really extra sweaty mother pig, but sure – I'll happily go shower." I winked at Jasper, grabbed my bag, and headed down the old stone stairs to catch a bus back to the dorms.

"Hey, Swan!" Jasper called after me.

"Yeah?"

"Meet you for dinner at six?"

"Of course," I answered with a smile. I was glad to have some fun to look forward to.

Dr. Cullen was at the bus stop waiting. She was my advisor for my study abroad program in Archeology at the University of Cairo. We were doing field work in Jordan this month and would be finishing the summer back in Egypt. I was getting dual degrees in Journalism and Middle Eastern Studies. I was lucky to be chosen for this program because it would fulfill several of my Middle Eastern Studies credits. My dream was to cover international news for a major newspaper. It was a hard niche to get into and field experience in the Middle East would look great on my resume. Traveling abroad like this was something I'd never done before; it was scary and exciting at the same time. I was literally digging up things that were thousands of years old. More than anything though the people I met were fascinating. Some of them were scary, but people like Dr. Cullen and Jasper made it all worthwhile. Jasper was getting his graduate degree in Anthropology and was here studying the origins of metallurgy.

"Hot enough for you?" Dr. Cullen asked as I sat next to her on the bench at the bus stop.

"Yes, if I wanted to die of heat exhaustion I would have gone to Houston for the summer." I fanned myself trying to cool down.

"There hasn't been a Humseen like this in a few years. At least it's not humid. Nothing worse than poofy hair," the old woman chuckled. I loved her. She was smart and as sweet as could be. I had enjoyed my time here immensely, mostly because I had a chance to be around Dr. Cullen and to learn from her. She was a genius when it came to history and the Middle East.

"Oh Bella, dear, I have a question for you. I was wondering if you I might ask you for a bit of a favor. It would mean a great deal to me."

"Of course, Dr. Cullen. Anything."

"My granddaughter, Alice, is flying in this week. I was hoping you could look after her?"

"You mean babysit?" I tried really hard to keep my expression neutral, but the thought of babysitting did not sound fun. Some little brat would probably bite me and give me rabies. She would eat all the Sour Patch Kids my mom had sent me and then throw up on me. She would make me never want to have kids and then the perfect life I'd always imagined would never happen! This kid was going to ruin my life! "Sure, I guess."

"Oh no, nothing like that. Alice is twenty. I was just hoping you could befriend her, maybe have some fun together. I'm afraid she'll be bored following around an old bat like me."

Whew. Hopefully this girl would already be past the biting stage. "Oh, of course. I'm going to be lonely after Jasper leaves on Saturday anyway. He's the only friend I've really made here. Everyone else is really, really weird." I leaned over and whispered the second half of the sentence to her.

Dr. Cullen's shoulders shook as she laughed. She was the cutest old lady in the world, but with her two Ph.D.s and many archeological discoveries, I think she would prefer to be called the female Indiana Jones than a cute old lady.

"Splendid. She'll be here on Thursday. I'll bring her with me to school on Friday."

"Okay, but if she's weird, the deal's off," I said.

"Oh, Bella, you're such a silly little dear."

We caught the bus and rode it back to the dormitory the university owned here. Dr. Cullen went to her suite and I went to my room I was sharing with Lauren, the rude girl from Germany who liked to growl at me if any of my things crossed the line she had taped down the middle of our room. I wasn't sure what I'd done to her, but she liked to bark orders at me and play loud techno music late at night.

I wasn't kidding when I told Dr. Cullen the people here were weird. Lauren was psycho. Jessica was a rebelling Amish kid from Pennsylvania who came here on a scholarship but treated the University of Cairo like it was a party school. Kate was an irritable little bookworm who loved to study almost as much as she loved Jasper. That is the one thing all these girls had in common – they all fawned over Jasper. I found it completely irritating. I'd kind of wanted to have a crush on him, but now it was out of the question. I refused to be some sort of lemming who jumped off the same love sick cliff as all the other girls. Instead I ended up becoming his only friend here and he mine. None of the girls would even look at me unless it was to glare. They saw me as the one thing keeping them apart from their one true love. Get. A. Frickin. Life.

Of course, in a way I understood them. Every time I talked to a male who was half way decent to me, I started imagining him as "the One." I would envision our destinies entwined and living happily ever after making sweet, sweet love. I was a complete cliché, a hopeless romantic who was always on the lookout for Prince Charming to come and sweep me off my feet. The best lovers often started out as the best of friends. A few times I let my mind wander. Maybe once we were back in the states, Jasper would confess his undying love and affection for me. We would move to Mexico where I would write and take care of the casa while he studied the native Mayans or Incas or whoever lived in Mexico these days. Hopefully they wore loin cloths there, and Jasper would want to really experience their culture as part of his work. I made a note to casually ask Jasper if he was interested in studying people who wear loin cloths.

Jasper took all the female attention in stride. I knew he was sometimes flattered and sometimes irritated by it. I think the reason he liked hanging out with me was that I didn't constantly drool all over him. After a few spats of sarcastic joking and discovering our shared love of card games, we quickly became close.

Jasper and I spent most of our evenings walking around the city or taking taxis to explore the tourist sites. Jasper had a knack for finding the best falafel, and he was nice enough to let me try to argue over the price with the taxi drivers who pretended not to speak English. He would finally laugh and pay whatever they were asking even though we were clearly being ripped off. I loved the fact that Jasper chose to hang out with me and completely ignored the other girls like Lauren, the big boobed freak show. Little victories like that made life worthwhile.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hi, I'm Alice. Granny tells me we are going to be the best of friends!" a cute little smiling thing practically attacked me as I got in from the field on Friday.

"Hi, Alice. It's nice to meet you. I'd love to be the best of friends with you," I laughed. This girl was obviously contagious. She made me want to go all girly and jump up and down hugging her while squealing. We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out getting to know each other. By the time Dr. Cullen, aka Granny, sent us back to the dorms together, I already felt comfortable with Alice. We just clicked. I was almost sad when I had to leave her to have dinner with Jasper on his last night in town, but I wasn't sad enough to invite her along. I wanted to be alone with Jasper one last time, and there was a good chance Alice would annoy me by flirting with him or telling me she thought he was dreamy.

"Schmidt!" I mumbled when I heard Jasper knock on my door, before I had a chance to get rid of Alice. "Okay, Alice. That's Jasper picking me up for dinner, so I'll introduce you on my way out and see you in the morning." I knew it wouldn't be that easy. Once she saw Jasper, she would probably be stuck to us like glue so she could spend the rest of the night drooling over him. She would become just another member of Jasper's fan club, and my friendship with her would be tainted.

Alice followed me to the door. I opened it, and when I saw Jasper standing there in his University of Texas t-shirt and low hanging jeans covered with holes, I had to suppress a sigh. I didn't think about him like EVERY OTHER GIRL IN THE WORLD did. I didn't. Really.

I was impressed when instead of swooning, Alice simply reached out her hand. I made a mental note to keep Alice around. She had the possibility to be infinitely cooler than any one I'd ever met.

"Hi, Jasper. I'm Alice. I was just heading back to my Granny's apartment."

"Nice to meet you, Alice. You have a pretty awesome grandma."

"Thanks," Alice laughed. "I really do."

With that Alice headed one direction, while Jasper and I headed the other. I cried and cried after I told Jasper goodbye that night. I knew we would keep in touch, but I was really going to miss having him around. He had kept me sane over the past two months, and I was dreading being alone for the next few weeks. He was the only "normal" person here. Under other circumstances we might never have become close, but he had become an important person in my life. I wanted to keep in touch with him. I wanted him to be my friend always. I didn't want to be alone here.

I had nothing to worry about. My affections (friendly affections) for Jasper were soon forgotten and quickly replaced with my adoration (friendly adoration) for Alice. She was my true kindred spirit. I found everything she said and did hilarious. She would laugh at me even when I wasn't really funny. We had fun sifting through dirt and singing movie tunes at the top our lungs. We thought we were entertaining. Everyone else thought we were annoying. We didn't care.

Alice and I talked about everything. We talked about what life would be like when we grew up. We vowed to be in each other's weddings. Our babies would each call the other Auntie Alice and Auntie Bella. And we would make sure we lived in the same city. We would always be close.

"My older brother, Emmett, is like some psycho body building freak of nature. He's funny. He likes to joke about bodily functions a lot, and I think thing he's gross. You would probably adore him." Alice was describing her family to me while we were relaxing on my bed and thumbing through magazines she'd brought with her from home.

"He is married to Rosalie. She's like a cactus – prickly on the outside but soft on the inside. She's amazing when it comes to picking out clothes, doing hair and make-up, and putting up with my goof of a brother. Then there is my younger brother Edward. He is the brooding musician of the family. I'm the closest with him. Then there is Jake. He is my little annoying brother who drives us all nuts, but we still love him."

"Oh man. I want to have a big family. Being the only child sucks. I should marry into your family! We can really be sisters."

"I'm not sure it's going to work." Alice looked genuinely disappointed.

"Why not?"

"Well my older brother is already married, and I mean married way out of his league. He'll never do anything to mess things up with Rose."

"Well what about your younger brother?"

"He's fourteen."

"Oh, yeah. I'm pretty sure that's illegal," I sighed. "Oh well, you'll always be my sister, Alice."

"Pinky swear?" she held out her finger.

"Pinky swear." I agreed. "Alice?"

"Huh?"

"We are ridiculously immature, aren't we?" I was about to graduate from college, and I was pinky swearing to be bff's with Alice like a twelve-year-old.

"Who cares… at least we're having fun. Want to play MASH?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Two Years Later_

"Hello," I answered my phone on the way out the door to work. I was running late as usual.

"Well, hello there stranger. Got time to chat with an old friend?"

"Jasper! I haven't talked to you in months! How are you?" I could barely contain my excitement.

"I'm great. Actually I'm hoping to come to the States for a bit to try and do some research on Native Americans. You wouldn't have any contacts in that field would you?"

"Yes, Jasper. Every journalist on the East Coast has tons of Indians in their Rolodex."

"Cut the sarcasm, Swan. Can you help an old friend or not?"

"You know, actually Dr. Cullen's son uh… Dr. Cullen lives in Washington State. He's an MD, and I think he works with an Indian reservation up there sometimes. You should give him a call."

"Have you kept in touch with Dr. Cullen?" Jasper asked.

"Yes, a little, but more so with her granddaughter, Alice. You met her briefly."

"Oh yeah, I vaguely remember her. If you could send me his number I would be forever in your debt."

"Of course, buddy. I have to go, but let's catch up soon."

"Alright then, bye Swan."

"Bye, Jasper." I walked into Starbucks with a huge smile on my face. It was great to hear from Jasper, and with him back in the states, maybe we could rekindle our friendship. Maybe even more.

**A/N: So some of those one girls like Ellegna have educated me about writing a better Jasper. Edward's coming – don't worry. The next chapter will be up in about a week, and in the mean time if you would please review it could result in world peace. You want world peace, don't you? **


	2. Chapter 2 Flicker

A/N: Don't worry. Bella is sevenish years older than Edward, and nothing happens until he is adult. We skip forward in time quite a bit these first few chapters.

Thanks Daisy, Profmom, and Twike for your help as well as Lamourducache for the journalism info.

There's a thread on twilighted for the story under AU Human. Stop by and I'll try to be funny. It's hard being funny sometimes. This is my burden to bear though.

Charcters are not mine.

Chapter 2 Flicker

"Bella, please promise you won't be mad at me," Alice said as soon as I answered the phone.

"Why would I be mad at you?" I asked. This sounded very suspicious. I made a note to myself never to trust someone who starts by making you promise not be mad.

"Well, I kind of wanted to be little old single ladies with you or nuns or something, but I've um… met someone."

"Why would that make me mad? I know we joke about growing old and getting cats together, but I was kind of hoping that was our plan B."

"Oh yeah… well. So you won't be mad?"

"Alice, of course I'm not mad! What kind of terrible friend do you think I am?"

"Well, there's one more thing. It's Jasper."

"Oh."

"See, you're mad. I knew you were going to be mad."

"I'M NOT MAD!"

"But… you hated it when those girls liked Jasper! And you are single, and you sort of saw him first or something. It's just he came here to meet with my dad, and one thing led to another. But you don't even have any prospects right now. I mean you must be lonely."

"Wow, Alice, thank you for putting my life in perspective. Excuse me while I go shoot myself."

"Bella, stop! I'm serious. Are you okay with this?"

"Yes. I mean I'm happy for you. I feel a little sorry for myself now, but I'm happy for you. Jasper is a great guy."

I was happy for her. I didn't really have a choice. It's not like I'd laid claim to Jasper or told her to stay away from him. I just didn't feel any closer to the ideal life I'd always envisioned for myself. In fact I felt even farther away from it. I worried about being left behind. I worried everyone else would be happy ever after, and I would always be lonely. I was still young though. There was plenty of time, and Alice deserved to be happy more than anyone else I knew.

"Oh I know he's great. I'm going to marry him. I just know it. I could barely even remember meeting him in Jordan. The way you talked about him, I just assumed you had a thing for him. Now, all these years later, my dad invites him to Sunday dinner because he's new to the area, and we couldn't keep our eyes off each other. The attraction was there, but it was more than that too. The way he looks at me – it's like he can see my soul. We are so obviously meant for each other. Oh, and his accent..." She was getting ridiculously close to squealing. I should have acted angry in order to avoid this.

"Okay, Alice, slow down, and tell me everything."

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_One Year Later_

I was walking toward the baggage claim and had the urge to sprint. I was so excited to see Alice that I could barely contain myself. When we met four years ago in Jordan, we vowed to be best friends forever, and we were keeping true to our word. When she asked me to be her maid of honor, I was so happy I cried. She and Jasper ended up making the perfect couple. I should have known this would happen when I put him in touch with Alice's dad. Fate had a funny way of working these things out.

As excited as I was to be here, I was not looking forward to being the 25-year-old maid of honor who would get to stand up with all the little girls to catch the bouquet. At least I'd missed the bachelorette party last night. The thought of drinking out of a penis straw just seemed wrong to me. Alice had already told me that one of Jasper's old college friends James Zunbar was looking forward to meeting me. Once he saw me in the dress that looked utterly ridiculous on me, he would probably run away screaming for someone to save him from the giant purple people eater. Who knows though? Maybe he would be the one I was waiting for. I told myself that I wouldn't start to worry about still being single until I was 28. Single at 28 was nearing pathetic.

The second I saw Alice, I gave up trying to be normal and ran towards her. We'd always been over the top together, and this was no exception. When I was about 10 feet away from her, I dropped my bags and held out my arms. She ran into them, and I picked up her tiny body swinging her around as we laughed hysterically. People were staring. When I finally set her down, we stared at each other smiling.

"Your hair!" I screamed.

"I grew it out for the wedding!"

"Oh my gosh!"

"Oh my gosh!" We hugged again and laughed and everyone was staring at us.

"I thought you said Jasper was coming," I said when I finally let her go.

"I did. He did. Where did he go?" We both started searching the terminal for him.

I spotted him standing behind a pillar obviously embarrassed by our PDA. Just for fun I yelled, "Jasper!" When he peeked his head around the pillar, I went running to him and jumped up in his arms like the girls always do on _Survivor_ when they find out they win a challenge.

"Good grief, Swan. You're causing a scene," he mumbled, but I could tell by his smile that he was happy to see me.

It was a couple of hours with traffic from the airport to where they lived just outside of Tacoma. Alice and I were talking a million miles a minute. Jasper watched us in fascination. He'd never really seen the two of us together in action.

"Oh my gosh, you should meet Jasper's friend Peter's wife, Maria. He met her in London and now they live in New York together. She is some sort of Socialite. I guess she knows the writer of _Sex in the City_. Oh and she waxes…everything. I bet it hurts. Can you imagine?"

I laughed and looked at Jasper who looked perfectly calm and content. He really was perfect for her.

"She keeps following Edward around telling him to sing for her. She says she knows producers. He's terrified of her. He hid in his room the entire night last night when we all had dinner at my parent's house."

"Oh Edward. How is he doing?"

"He's doing great. He plays at coffee shops on the weekends, and he's getting ready to go to school in the fall."

"A musician eh? How old is he now?"

"Seventeen."

"Hmmm. Not legal yet. I can't wait till next year," I joked.

"Yeah, you can be his sugar momma," Alice laughed.

"I'm pretty sure I need some sugar first. Being a junior reporter doesn't exactly bring in the big bucks."

"You'll get your big break soon. I just know it," Alice said. Her belief in me always made me feel so good. She was my number one cheerleader. Breaking into reporting world news for a halfway decent paper was hard, and so far the best I'd done was finding a job as a beat reporter at a small community paper outside of Boston. They were a subsidiary of the Globe, and I was hoping to work my way up.

We went straight to Alice's parent's house. She was staying with them until the wedding to save money, and I couldn't blame her. It looked like a palace compared to what I grew up in. Alice and I had gotten together over the years, but I'd never met anyone in her family, aside from her grandma. I should have taken some sort of prep course for what I encountered there. As an only child, I didn't really understand big family dynamics. I could describe it in one word – chaos.

The second I walked in the door, I was mauled by Esme, Alice's mom. "Bella! I can't believe you're finally here. Let me look at you! The pictures don't do you justice dear. What do you want to drink?" She hugged me and then held my face in both of her hands staring into my eyes.

"Um, hello. How about a Pepsi?" I asked with wide eyes as she finally let me out of her embrace.

"Bella, this is my dad, Carlisle." Alice pointed to her dad who was standing behind her mom.

"Welcome, Bella. We've heard so much about you. I'm glad you could make it." He shook my hand and was much more formal than his wife.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"Oh Bella, call him Carlisle," Alice said. Dr. Cullen didn't say anything though, and so I was left wondering what I was really supposed to call him. I decided to try and not call him at all. He was a bit intimidating (and hot for an old guy).

"I'm going to kill you!" Two teenagers ran by. The first shorter one was laughing, and the second had a huge scowl on his face. It was clear he was the one planning to commit a felony. I moved out of their way and avoided what would have been a nasty collision.

"Jake, stop it! Whatever you took, give it back to your brother," Esme yelled after them as they dashed up the stairs. "Edward, stop trying to kill your brother."

"So that was Edward and Jake?" I turned to Alice.

"Yes, they don't exactly get along."

"That's because he won't stay out of my CDs, and he smells like wet dog," Edward said as he walked down the stairs.

"Edward, this is my friend, Bella. Bella, this is my brother Edward."

"Finally, the famous Bella. I expected you to have a halo or something the way Alice talks about you."

"Nice to meet you, jailbait," I said and winked at Alice who started giggling.

"Excuse me?" Edward looked confused.

"Oh, well you might be too young for me now, but in a few years I'll have established myself financially and I will be able to support the two of us. Alice and I have been planning it for years."

Edward shifted nervously like he had no idea what to say next.

Alice broke into a full fledged cackle. "I can't believe it. You've left him speechless!"

"You guys are ridiculous." Edward rolled his eyes. "Bella it was nice to meet you. We can discuss this further in a few years." He winked at me, kissed Alice on the cheek, and walked off towards the kitchen.

"He's actually kind of hot," I said after he was out of earshot.

"Cradle robber," Alice said. We laughed, and I followed her up to her bedroom.

I put my bags down, and when I looked up there was a kid standing at the door. "Um, hi? Jake?"

"Get out!" Alice yelled at him without turning around. He looked deflated.

"I'm Bella," I said and walked up to him holding out my hand.

"I know who you are," he grinned. "Alice talks about you non-stop."

"Oh, you're adorable." I ruffled my hand through his hair. I wanted to scratch him behind the ears like a little puppy.

Alice came up behind me, shoved him all the way out of the room, and shut the door.

"Alice! I was talking to him."

"Well, you're done now."

Maybe it was just because I'd never had a brother, but I couldn't believe everyone was so mean to little Jake. I thought he seemed really cool, plus I always liked to root for the underdog.

Before the rehearsal that night, I met Emmett and Rosalie. We were standing out front waiting for Jasper and Carlisle to pull the car around. Rosalie reached over and started fluffing my hair. "I really want to curl that later," she said. I thought it was pretty strange that I'd known her for less than five minutes, and she'd already decided I was in desperate need of a makeover. Emmett looked bored, but his face lit up as he said, "Hey Bella, what do you think Tigger was looking for in the Toilet?"

"I don't know," I answered.

"A little poo." Rosalie gave him a disgusted look, which I found way funnier than the joke. I laughed and then Rosalie gave me a dirty look for laughing. Thankfully Jasper pulled up with the car. I made a mental note not to make Rosalie mad. She seemed like she could be a scary, scary monster.

The rehearsal and dinner were fun. There was a collective sigh from all the females when Edward rehearsed the song he'd written especially for Alice. It was a really beautiful love song, and if he were just a few years older, I might have jumped him right there.

Late that night, Alice and I were back at her parent's house, but we were too excited to sleep. We settled on making S'mores on the gas stove in the kitchen.

"So what's your something old, blue, and borrowed for tomorrow?" I asked Alice while I browned my marshmallow. She had already caught hers on fire and burnt it to a crisp. I would feel really bad if we burned down this big beautiful house.

"Hang on, I'll run up and get my something blue!" Alice dashed up the stairs. A few seconds later she came back down. "No luck. It's in the bathroom, and Edward's in there naked. I did not want to see that."

"After that song tonight, I want to see your brother naked!" I joked.

Just then I heard a man clear his throat. Alice's dad stood up from an arm chair in the family room. It was facing away from us, and we hadn't realized he was sitting there.

"Son of a biscuit," I whispered while Alice covered her mouth with her hands.

Carlisle just looked at us like we had three heads, turned, and walked to his bedroom shutting the door behind him.

Alice burst out laughing, while I buried my head in my hands. "I just said I want to see your teenage brother naked in front of his dad!"

"I know. That was hilarious!"

"Your dad didn't seem to think so," I moaned.

"Oh he was probably just messing with us. I hope. Maybe. I'm not sure," Alice said.

The next day I avoided Carlisle like the plague. I was still so embarrassed about what I'd said and the look he'd given me.

The wedding was perfect. Alice was perfect. Jasper was perfect.

The way they looked at each other made the rest of us feel like we were intruding. I was happy for them. I really was. Really.

Okay, I was a disaster. The purple dress looked even worse on me than I remembered. I swear I saw Rosalie snicker when I put it on. Of course _she_ looked perfect. I got through the ceremony, but I was a blubbering mess the whole time. Alice actually reached over and handed me a tissue at one point. I must have looked ridiculous, but that didn't stop James Zunbar. You would have thought I was the most desirable woman in the world.

We were introduced at the reception, and he immediately leaned in and smelled my neck. "Mmm, you smell good enough to eat." Was that supposed to be a compliment? I guess to some he could be considered good looking, but I thought his long blonde pony tail made him look like a greaser. And by that I mean greasy, not hot like Pony Boy.

I didn't consider myself a dancer, but I was practically a ballerina compared to James. During a slow song, he asked me to join him. We were standing like we were dancing to a slow song, but he was moving us around in a circle so fast that I was dizzy by the end. He also suffered from halitosis.

I hated to hurt his feelings, but I desperately wanted to get away from him. I scanned the crowd for help. Edward was walking in my direction. He looked at me, and I tried to beg him with my eyes to save me. He didn't even acknowledge me but walked right on past and up to some pretty blonde girl who flung her arms around him. I saw him put his hand in hers, and they walked off together out of sight.

Stupid little pretty boy prick.

Thankfully a few seconds later I saw a hand tap James on the shoulder. "May I cut in?" the voice cracked.

James stepped out of the way, and I was overjoyed to see Jacob standing there with a huge smile on his face. I had never been so happy to dance with a fourteen year old in my entire life. We cracked ourselves up as he spun me around. We tried to do the Riverdance, but it just didn't work with our shoes. By the time the DJ started playing the Electric Slide and YMCA, Jake was my new favorite person. My only regret was that I didn't get to sit at the kid's table with him during dinner. I didn't see anything wrong with the fact that I apparently had the maturity of a fourteen year old boy.

Jasper pulled me aside to dance with him. I put Jake on patrol and told him to make sure James Zunbar stayed away from me. He took his assignment seriously. Every once in a while I would see him pestering James. I loved that kid.

"Enjoying yourself, Swan?" Jasper asked.

"Of course. Everything is so beautiful, and it's all because of me."

"Really?"

"Yes. If I hadn't told you to contact Alice's dad, the two of you would never have met."

"Well then, I guess I should thank you."

"I guess you should. A thank you card on your anniversary every year would be nice." My hands rested on Jasper's shoulders. They were wide and muscular, but I didn't feel jealous that Alice could lick them whenever she felt like it. I didn't, really.

"I'll talk to Alice about it," Jasper laughed as the song ended. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. "Thanks for everything, Swan," he whispered in my ear. Alice was a lucky, lucky woman. She owed me for life.

The reception was great fun. Jake and I hung out most of the night. Edward was all over that blonde chick and looked like a complete douche. The cocky smirk on his face when they stopped making out in public at his sister's wedding make me want to puke. I watched, disgusted, as he was obviously playing games with the girl. He paid attention to her one minute but completely ignored her the next. I guess it was the type of behavior you could expect from a good looking seventeen year old guy.

Alice was so happy, I could feel it radiating off of her. When it was time for her to throw the bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was so irritated that I threw it back and hit her in the back of the head with it.

As the party wound down, Alice and I sat together at a table. She was resting her head on my shoulder. I felt sentimental and sad I didn't get to spend more time with her. I was dreading the moment she and Jasper drove off to their happily ever after, leaving me behind.

"Did you have a good time, Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yes. Jake was the perfect wedding date," I laughed.

"Sorry about James. I had no idea he was so slimy."

"Yeah, he does have that sweaty upper lip thing going for him."

"You could offer to lick it off."

"Sick." The thought of it made me dry heave. "Speaking of slimy, what's up with your brother?" I gestured toward Edward who was still dancing with the same girl.

"Oh, that's Tanya. She's twenty-years-old and has a kid that her mom is raising as her own. My dad knows it's really Tanya's because he works at the hospital. Anyway my parents do not approve of Edward spending time with her. He says she's not his girlfriend, and I don't think he even cares for her at all. He just likes to piss my parents off. Whatever they want him to do, he does the opposite. I guess he's going through some sort of rebellious stage."

"I don't blame your parents. That girl must be pretty desperate to be dating a boy in high school."

"Exactly," said Alice. "Plus, she knows my family has money. I don't trust her."

"Well, the good news is that your brother seems to like older women, and I would never use him for his money. I'm way more interested in his body and his singing voice."

"You are insane," Alice laughed.

"I know." We sat there a while longer, and I was thankful for the few minutes with Alice. Life would never be the same after this. We were growing up. We were changing. She was married now. Our dreams of living together in New York City or backpacking through Europe one summer would never be realized. It was bittersweet. I watched Edward and Tanya out of the corner of my eye. There was something about him that seemed almost tragically sad. His eyes weren't happy. I didn't understand it. His life was perfect. He had perfect parents, a big family that adored him, and the kind of talent most people dreamed of. The song he wrote for Alice was amazing.

"Bella?"

"Uh huh?"

"You're starting at my brother."

"Oops."

A/N: If you review, I'll send you an outtake from Edward's POV in this chapter. It's nothing much, but definitely worth your while. Here I am bribing. You know me. That's how I roll.

Under my favorites, there is a one shot called Underexposed. It's the best story in the history of the world, and you should go read it. It's by Daisy3853. She's an up and coming author who will rock your face off.


	3. Chapter 3 Snuffed Out

**A/N: Thank you to the coolest betas in town Twike, Daisy, and Profmom. I have a girl crush on all of them. **

**Everwondering has me wondering about her sanity, but I still love her. **

**This chapter covers the span of about two years. Bella and adult Edward meet up next chapter. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Chapter 3 Snuffed Out

_1 Year Later_

"No Alice, I will not take a picture of my outfit and email it to you."

"Bella, you're not getting any younger. You need to start trying to actually impress men. I don't want you to end up alone."

"I'm 26. That's hardly an old maid, Alice. Plus, I've been focused on my career. It's a hard field to break into, and I'm so busy sleeping with the higher ups there's hardly time to think about having to satisfy a boyfriend."

"Bella, can you please be serious for once? We are all happy about your big promotion, but this guy seems like a good prospect. He's got a job, he owns his own home, and I already checked the sex offender website."

Yes. I checked the sex offender registry before all dates. There was nothing worse than going out with a seemingly respectable business man one night, and then the next day looking up information for a reporter and seeing his picture glaring back at you with the words LEWD MOLESTATION nearby. It still makes me ill to think about it.

"I swear if this is another loser, I am never letting anyone set me up again."

"I know Bella. You've kissed – well no you haven't even gotten that far most of the time – you've been set up with a bunch of frogs, but everyone is just worried about you. You deserve to be happy."

"Why do I need a man to make me happy?" I sighed. It seemed like Alice and I had had this same conversation a million times. As much as I tried to act like my status as a single woman didn't bother me, I was starting to feel left behind. Most of my friends were married now. Some of them were starting to have kids. It wasn't a big deal to me before; I always assumed it would just happen. But for the last year or so, I'd started to feel more pressure from others. The more they asked when I was going to settle down, the more I started to worry about it. The more people told me they respected my independence, the more I realized they were really telling me there was something wrong with me.

"You don't need a man to be happy, but sex is really fun." Alice said. "Maybe you'll get laid tonight at least."

"Shut up Alice, you know I'm not like that."

"I know. I know. You're more like my brother: all deep and searching for true love or destiny or something ridiculous like that."

"You know Alice, it's really funny that you of all people would call that ridiculous when you have true love and are with the man you were obviously destined for."

"You should read my brother's blog. He writes lyrics and poetry under the screen name _cleoconsumesme_, and no one in my family is allowed to know about it. He only let me read it cause I was so nosy and kept looking at it over his shoulder. You would love it. It's all tortured and mushy just like you."

"Send me a link, and then send that young little hottie over here to show me just how fun sex can be."

"You're disgusting. Now go get ready. You only have three hours left before Prince Charming picks you up."

I looked at my closet, but I already knew what I was going to wear. I wore the same black dress on every first date with the same black shoes and the same black dangly earrings. I could get ready in less than an hour. I was tired of being set up and going on all these stupid blind dates. Some of the guys were freaks. Some were nice. None of them were "it." I didn't want just a relationship. I wanted lust and love and longing and lots of other things that start with the letter L. I hadn't felt the L's with anyone.

Instead of primping for the entire afternoon, I got on my laptop and clicked on the link to Edward's blog that Alice had sent me.

_8.1.06_

_**Cleopatra**_

_I caught her looking at me. I wanted her to say it. _

_With her mouth and not her eyes._

_I wanted to feel it. Her hand. Her touch. Her words._

_If only I knew for a second._

_That she felt it. Knew it. Breathed it._

_I would make her mine._

_But she sits there. Throwing glances. _

_I give a coward's glance back. Too much a boy to say it first._

_-by EAC_

Mother Father Piece of Shirt!

These words. His words. There were no words to describe. Holy freaking physical reaction to these words. These beautiful lovely making-me-all-hot-and-bothered words. A guy who writes poetry? I needed to stick my head in the freezer.

_5.7.06_

_**Tide**_

_She calls to me on the morning breeze_

_Her waves crash into me, calming me as I listen to the sound of the waters_

_The gentle hum the restless roar_

_Reaching crashing spraying soaking_

_Taking me to far away places and then bringing me home_

_Always home. I wake up. _

- by EAC

I let out an honest to goodness sigh. I never should have started reading this. It was bound to make anyone I met tonight seem lame in comparison. Edward was just the kind of man I found attractive. If only he were a man. If he did make it in the music business, I was bound to become a groupie. Hopefully Alice could get me backstage passes. Alice's brother was hot. I didn't care how old he was. Brooding romantic musicians and artists had always had this kind of effect on me. I'll admit Pablo Neruda turned me on. I'd totally do him, if he weren't dead.

Thinking about Edward being hot reminded me of all the things I wanted that I didn't have. I wanted to be in love. I wanted to feel content. I wanted a bunch of people around me that loved me. I wanted to be Alice. Dang it! It wasn't just Edward. Why did Emmett have to be married! Why did Jacob have to be a teenager? Why did I have so much in common with a kid in junior high? I belonged in Alice's family. I was like Laurie in _Little Women _when he had a crush on the entire March family. I didn't care how, I just knew I should be a Cullen. Maybe I was switched at birth. Maybe I was adopted. There was no way I was meant to be brought up as the only child of divorced parents. One of whom was stoic and introverted while the other was just well – she was pretty much insane. I didn't see how I could come from them. No, I definitely belonged in a family with gushing supportive rich parents who loved their kids' friends like their own and hosted parties and paid for college. I should have had brothers and sisters who tormented me, but who would have also been there to beat up Jimmy in second grade when he called me a nose picker.

I'd been day dreaming for too long, and now I had to rush and get ready. I jumped in the shower, shaved everything, washed everything, then dried everything, and fixed everything. I was ready five minutes before the doorbell rang.

I opened the front door to a short chubby bald guy with an orange shirt on. I wasn't really superficial. I wouldn't count him out just because of his looks. He might be some sort of Renaissance man.

"Ellow are yew Bewa?"

My first thoughts were, "_What's wrong with is speech? Is he wearing braces or something? Wait, no, he's foreign. That's right. He's from Belgium_." He was staring at me, and I decided I needed to stop having a conversation with myself and talk.

"Hi. Yes. I'm Bella. Are you Laurent?"

"Yeth."

"Great. Let's go."

Thank goodness Laurent wasn't much of a talker. If I had to listen to his accent much more, I would have gone nuts. Every time he did talk, I asked him to repeat himself at least three times because for the life of me, I couldn't understand a word he was saying. He did smile and nod his head a lot, oh and stare at my breasts. He took me to a Mexican food buffet. I mean I love me some tacos, but apparently they don't have much to eat in Belgium. He just kept going back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Plus the place kind of smelled like urine. I didn't enjoy it. I distracted myself by thinking about Edward's poetry. I wanted to read more. I needed to read more. During Hungry Hippo's eighth trip back for more enchiladas, I pulled out my phone and quickly went to his blog.

_1.7.06_

_**Tide**_

so many miles. so many songs. so many words

all written wrong.

the rain and the maze and the way it all goes.

when love comes and i'm left here still all alone.

-by EAC

I read his words quickly, and looked back up at lover boy with queso on his shirt. Yum. I knew I should have taken Caroline up on her offer to call me with an emergency at 8:00. I really wanted to get home to read more.

Laurent walked me to the door. "Stho, do yew fink we could go out agin?" he asked still staring at my boobs.

"Sure, call me," I said as I ran in and shut the door behind me. I was going to have to change my number. Again.

Three months later, Irina from the paper set me up with Tyler. She promised me that he was a catch. He was nice and even had a personality. I put on my same black dress and my same black shoes. The date was surprisingly better. We went to a movie they were showing in a park. It was fun, and he was sweet. I even kissed him on the cheek when he walked me back to my car. On the second date we went for a walk on the beach. I had a good time. He made me laugh, and he didn't seem to mind it when I made fun of him. I asked him out on the third date. I suggested we meet for coffee and then do something else afterwards. I was leaning towards dinner and then making out.

I got to the coffee shop early, so I bought my Americano and sat down. Tyler came in a few minutes later, got himself a drink, and joined me.

"Hello, beautiful. You look amazing." He winked at me, and I giggled.

"Hi, Tyler."

We chatted and even though it still had its awkward moments, I was starting to wonder if maybe this guy actually had potential.

"I was thinking we could go over to that little Italian place for dinner," I said.

"Yeah, or what about ribs. I was really hoping for ribs."

"Okay, ribs are fine." Barbeque sauce on my face wasn't exactly my dream date, but it was fine.

"Oh, Bella, I'm a little strapped for cash this week, so you'll have to buy your own dinner."

Huh?

"Oh, okay. That's uh fine."

We got to the restaurant. It was one of those chain steakhouse places where you could throw your peanuts right on the floor. Most of the meals were reasonably priced as long as you didn't order anything too extravagant like a New York Strip and rack of ribs.

"I'll have the Strip and Ribs combo," Tyler told the waitress. "Oh, and one of those Big Tex Tea things."

The waitress looked at me. "I'll have the Cobb Salad for $6.99 and a water on a separate check," I said. The Texas tea was $9.

"Bella, are you mad?" Tyler asked with a cocky smile on his face.

"Nope," I smiled and batted my eyelashes at him. I was mother flicking disgusted. I realized then that while our dates had been fun, they had also been free. He was not destitute. He worked for a bank. He obviously just didn't think I was worth spending any money on.

That was the last time I went out with Tyler. Stupid prick.

My dates didn't get any better. There was Eric at the office. I was actually very attracted to him. We went out several times, and I was hoping things would get serious. Then, one day, Vicky informed me that he was married. I wanted to let the air out of his tires. Vicky said I could get arrested. I didn't see how you could get arrested for taking air. It's everywhere.

The next year I went through my internet dating phase. Three of my girlfriends sat me down and informed me that I was going to do this, and that they had already created a profile for me. Heather pulled out her laptop to show me.

"I like horseback riding?" Who did they write this thing about?

"Well a lot of men on here say they like the outdoors. We were trying to make you more marketable."

"Cute reporter looking for a man to scoop her? That's the dumbest thing I've ever read."

"You try thinking up this stuff! It's not exactly easy," Heather huffed.

"How about – twenty-eight-year-old is really picky and not in that high of demand. Are you the one?" I suggested.

"Or what about, 'Don't want to die alone. Save me from myself please?'" Tricia snapped at me.

"You guys, be nice," Katie pleaded with me trying to keep the peace.

"Fine, whatever is fine," I pouted.

I was surprisingly popular online. Emails started flooding my inbox. I had never been so desirable before. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Men who had never seen or talked to me thought I was hot. The men who saw me every day ignored me.

The first man I met online seemed like he was too good to be true. We emailed and chatted online. He was funny. He was understanding. We had things in common like the books we read and food we liked. After several weeks of getting to know each other via internet, we decided to meet. Wes was worried I wouldn't feel so optimistic about him once we met. He said he'd put up his best picture. I was supportive. I mean of course everyone puts their best pictures on those sites. Who knew that he put up his best picture from when he was 30, and that now he was a 53 year old man with a beer belly?

We had a nice talk, but I wasn't interested in him romantically. I told him I thought of him more like my dad or Santa Claus.

Garrett was really good looking, and I was really looking forward to meeting him. We made eye contact when he walked into the restaurant. He turned around and walked right back out. I cried in my car, and then I went to buy a new first date dress.

There were a lot of creeps online too. One guy emailed me the sweetest email, but after I gave him my phone number, he started texting me and asking me to come lick his disco stick. Another constantly asked me for more pictures. I could just imagine his room decorated with my face all over as he plotted my ritualistic murder. One guy even sent me some extra pictures of himself. If only I could burn those images from my memory. Honestly he had nothing to brag about.

After going on dates with a man who lived with his mother, a man who wouldn't stop talking about politics, and a man with a mullet, I pulled my profile down. From now on my only online relationship would be the love affair I had with Alice's kid brother's blog. I gave up on blind dates and agreed to something I swore I never would. I agreed to go out with Mike.

Mike had been asking me out ever since I moved to Boston. There was nothing wrong with him per se, but I just wasn't really attracted to him. A lot of my friends encouraged me to date him, but I kept telling him no and no and no and no and no. He was nothing if not persistent.

I told him we could go out as friends, and we started going to movies on the weekends. It was fun. Mike was a perfect gentleman. I could tell he wanted more, but he didn't push. The problem was he reminded me of the Big Shaggy Dog. Every time I looked at him, I couldn't stop imagining him morphing into a canine.

Every Friday, Mike sent me flowers. Nothing extravagant, just daisies or a simple arrangement. It was sweet. I started to look forward to it. Then I started to look forward to seeing Mike sometimes. He made me laugh with his goofy remarks, and I swear if a man could be a dumb blonde it was Mike. We started holding hands, and after four months I thought it was only fair that I let him kiss me. I felt nothing. He seemed more infatuated than ever. I really hated to hurt his feelings, and I wasn't getting any younger. I was going on 29. My clock was ticking. If I wanted to have any offspring to care for me when I went senile, I was going to have to start procreating. The thought of procreating with Mike kind of made me want to throw up, but at least he had ridiculously large feet. It couldn't be all that bad.

I was sitting at my desk trying to make a decision about Mike, when my cell rang.

"Alice!"

"Hey, Bella, what are you up to?"

"Just deciding if I want to have sex with Mike or not."

"Sick. Don't do it!" She was not a fan of Mike. She thought I was settling.

"He's not that bad. I only have to see him a couple of times a week, he travels a lot for work, and he can fix things around my house."

"Bella Swan, you're being ridiculous! How can you even think of doing it with him!" she shrieked.

"Calm down, Alice. You're going to scare the kids in the neighborhood."

"Yeah, I don't want their moms to say they can't play with little Lucy next year."

"Who's Lucy?"

"The baby growing in my belly, if it's a girl."

"THE WHAT!?!?" I screamed. Everyone in the office looked up to see if I'd been injured.

"I'm pregnant!"

"Oh my gosh! I'm going to be an aunt!" I started jumping up and down and giggling like crazy.

"You're the only person we've told so far. I couldn't wait to call you."

"Oh Alice, I can't wait to meet her or him or it."

"You have to come out here. I can't wait either."

"I will. I promise."

When I finally got off the phone with Alice, I sat back down at my desk. I was excited for her and Jasper. They would be great parents, but sadness washed over me at the same time. I was being left behind again. I held back the tears that threatened to spill out and picked up the phone. "Hi Mike, do you want to come over tonight?"

**A/N: Sooooo, that EPOV thing worked pretty well for me. I keep telling myself that I could do that every chapter, but then myself answers back that it would make me a whore, and that I want people to review just out of the goodness of their own hearts because they appreciate the story not because I whore myself out to them or threaten them or beg them or tell them about my pathetic life and how reviews are the only thing that keep me going and some days when I feel alone, seeing that little thing in my inbox makes it all worth while or about how…. **

**So I'll do an EPOV every few chapters, so I can just be a little slutty or something like that. BUT if you would review it would make you a better person, and I really want to help you. Also if you didn't get the EPOV last chapter (which is kind of important) mention it in your review of this chapter and I'll send it to ya. **

**Come by the forum at twilighted and discuss bad dating stories. **


	4. Chapter 4 Shock

**A/N: Thanks for the positive response so far. Here we arrive with Bella getting old and Edward all grown up. This chapter opens a little over a year after chapter 3. **

**Thank you to the team of people working on this story. Daisy3853, Profmom72, and Twike. ALSO one of my bff's LikeToRead has been a great help and support and this chapter is dedicated to her and her mom. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Chapter 4 Shock

I was scrolling through the contacts on my phone trying to figure out what I could be busy doing tonight when Mike called. He wasn't so bad. He just talked like a teenage girl, and by that I mean a lot. Oh and he liked to flip his hair. He also shook his leg when he sat down. He left the toilet seat up too.

I had learned the art of tuning him out. I was good at nodding my head yes and saying, "Oh really?" while I made to do lists in my mind or watched TV out of the corner of my eye. We'd been together for almost a year now. It was a practical arrangement. We spent Tuesday and Saturday nights together, unless I had other plans. I had other plans pretty often.

When we were together, it was fine. He was always willing to help me with things like taking my car to the shop or pretending he knew how to fix my sink when it leaked. Sometimes he got lucky and actually figured it out. And I did enjoy his company. I liked the fact that he liked me, but still I felt like I used him more as a crutch. Because I had Mike, everyone left me alone about being alone. I could tell men who asked me out that I had a boyfriend if I wasn't interested. Mike seemed okay with the way things were. I tried to meet his needs as well. I could do that for him. I couldn't love him, but I could make him feel good. All I had to do was lie there.

I gave up and checked my email hoping there was an emergency at work. There was an email from Alice.

_Hey Bellakins, _

_Little Lucy says hello and that she can't wait to meet you and spit up on you and let you change her diaper. I hope you don't mind, but you are going to be sleeping in Edward's room when you come. No, he will not be sleeping with you. Dream on. I'll move him to the couch. He has been staying with me and Jasper for about a month to be closer to Seattle. _

_I am so excited you're coming! It will be just like the old days when we acted crazy, except we'll go to bed earlier and have a baby with us. OH! Did I tell you I've been volunteering? I'm helping with fundraising for the Mental Health Association. We are planning a gala fundraiser, and it's going to be while you're here!!!! YES! I can hear you groaning, but it will be soooooooooooooooooooo much fun. You'll need a dress. I am laughing so hard right now. No, it's not an evil laugh, more like a victorious one. _

_Xoxo, _

_Alice_

I hit reply.

_Alice, _

_I remember you telling me there are two twin beds in your spare room. No need to make your brother sleep on the couch. I would love to watch him sleep. It might freak him out a little bit when he wakes up and catches me staring at him, but I promise not to touch him… much. I'll make sure he is sound asleep first. Do you know what he sleeps in? Does he wear boxers or briefs? Commando? Does he know I'm coming? Is he excited? He's of legal age now, and I plan to use that to my advantage. I hope he'll sing me to sleep at night. OK. I can't wait to see you… and your brother. _

_I love you, (and your brother)_

_Bella_

_P.S. Tell your brother I said hi. _

I successfully cracked myself up, and I couldn't stop picturing Alice rolling her eyes when she read it. It was only a few minutes before I heard my inbox ding.

_You are out of control. After I let my brother read that email, he's probably going to leave town while you're here just to protect his virtue. _

_Alice_

_Tell your brother that an older woman like me can help him with that virtue problem. _

_Bella_

_Ew. You're such a cougar. Rawr._

_Alice_

_Cougar? Cougar? Are you kidding me? I am not old enough to be a cougar. Gross. Cougars are at least 38, have long hair, fake boobs, and use Botox…Like your mom. I am not a cougar!_

_Bella_

I did not like being called a cougar. It was almost as bad as being called a spinster. I was not a cougar. I just had a pretend crush on my friend's younger brother. It was good for getting a laugh from Alice; that's it, as if I would ever be so desperate as to date someone that much younger. Besides, he had all kinds of girls fawning over him all the time. He was probably slutty. He probably had herpes and wore guy liner. He probably didn't even write that blog. The guy I saw entertaining that bimbo at Alice's wedding could not possibly write about such beauty and love and passion, and I decided I better check it to see if he updated because I would probably recognize words written by some dead poet or something that he plagiarized. There would probably be some sort of raven or highway hijacker on there this week.

Nope. No highwayman or heroine induced birds.

There wasn't anything new so I clicked on some of the older stuff I hadn't gotten to yet.

10.9.05

**my future life file. **

sometimes i stare up at the dark night.

you know it's love. you know. you know and i stare.

at least it's love at night.

i keep your picture in my front shirt pocket.

it's my future life file. for the moment, everything's on hold.

-by EAC

How does he come up with this stuff? Is there a web page for words to make girls swoon? I was good with words. I could summarize the roots of the Palestinian/Israeli conflict in 500 words or less, but nothing like this.

**Three Weeks Later**

I was a little disappointed that Alice and I couldn't reenact our usual airport scene. Jasper refused to let us humiliate him again, so we resorted to her having to pick me up at the curb outside of baggage claim. It was easier than her lugging the baby inside. We still caused a scene and held up traffic, and the airport cop was about to give Alice a ticket, but she sweet talked him.

"What are you doing Bella?"

"I'm sitting in the back. I want to see my baby, Lucy."

"No way, get up here."

"No, I'm sitting back here. Come on, that cop is looking mad at us again."

"Bella, I haven't seen you in over a year. Now get up here and talk to me. I'm not leaving till you're up here."

"Lucy, your mother is being ridiculous. Oh Alice, she's beautiful. She looks like Jasper." I winked at Lucy and giggled. I climbed over the seat into the front making sure I knocked Alice in the head with my arm and stuck my butt in her face. She smacked it. Hard.

"Danny Alice! That hurt!"

"Danny?" Alice tried not to laugh at the dirty look I was giving her. "Is that another fake cuss word? For the love, just say damn it."

"No. Cussing is so trashy. I hate cussing. Stop being so crass."

"Then stop bothering me with your ASS!" We both laughed as Alice blew a kiss to the airport cop who was rolling his eyes at us.

"So, is your brother home?" I asked after we chatted for a bit.

"Are you starting that already?

"So, is he home?"

"Bella! No, he's not home. He's barely ever home. Your ogling time might be limited."

"Is he single?"

"He's twenty-two."

"So, he's an adult and single?"

"He is a very private person. We don't talk much about his love life."

"Good, it would probably be awkward for us if he tells you about the amazing things I can do with my tongue."

"Oh, speaking of that – I was worried the sex wouldn't be good anymore after I had a baby, but it's so much better. Everything just fits right now. It's always been a struggle with my tiny frame and Jasper's huge…"

I should have known better than to take Alice on in a battle to see who can make the other one more uncomfortable. She always won.

"Okay, Alice, I'll stop! Please! Please, don't keep talking. I'll never objectify your brother again, I promise!" I held my hands over my ears.

"I knew that would work," Alice laughed.

We got to her house, and she showed me to my room. There was a guitar case lying on one of the beds. I put my suitcase on the other bed and looked around. It was pretty sparse except for the desk in the corner of the room and the closet filled with plaid button up shirts and t-shirts. I scooted them over and hung up some of my clothes. I was staying for two weeks, and I felt bad about taking over Edward's room. Before I closed the closet, I accidentally sniffed his clothes. They smelled like cologne and coffee. If Alice caught me doing that, she would freak out and make fun of me for the next fifty years.

The desk was scattered with spiral notebooks and a laptop. This was probably where he wrote his blog. I ran my hand over his Mac. I kind of wanted to sniff it too, but it would probably just smell like a laptop where really hot words were typed. Too bad he was just a kid. Although, I wouldn't mind babysitting him and giving him a bath. I laughed at how insane I was.

"Are you daydreaming about my brother?" Alice asked standing in the doorway with a disgusted look on her face.

"Um, no?" I squeaked. I felt like I just got caught doing something dirty. "I usually only dream about him at night or when I'm in the shower."

"Bellaaaaaaaaaaa," Alice groaned.

We hung out for a while, and I played with Lucy. She was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen, and I was excited to be her cool Auntie Bella. I could teach her all kinds of things that would annoy her parents. I would feed her candy and cookies and buy her loud toys and make-up when she was still too young for it. It wasn't long before Lucy and I looked up and Alice was sitting on the couch sleeping. I guess being a first time mom could wear out even perky little Alice.

Jasper got home, and he still looked as good as ever. His hair was shorter and his face was older. He seemed to have transitioned from boyish looks to manly looks and it suited him. He was wearing khaki cargo pants and a navy polo. I guessed this was his "business attire" though he still looked like he was ready to dig in the dirt or help some Africans dig a well at a moment's notice.

"Jasper!" I whispered and nodded to Alice so he wouldn't wake her.

"Hi!" he whispered back with a huge smile. "I'm so glad you could come." He bent down, kissed me on the cheek, and grabbed Lucy out of my arms.

"How's my girl?" he lifted her to his lips and kissed her head.

"Oh, I'm great," I said. Jasper chuckled and sat down in the chair next to me. "Being a dad seems to suit you."

"It really does. I didn't know I could love anything as much as I love my two girls," he looked past me to where Alice was sprawled out. He had a gleam in his eye that made my insides ache. It was sweet, but the little green monster inside of me wished someone would gleam about me like that. I hated happy people.

"So what do you want to do while you're here, besides Edward?"

I almost choked when he said it. My face turned red, and I had the impulse to run and hide. "So, Alice told you about our little joke."

"Right, Swan. You know, they say there's a little bit of truth in every joke."

"Yes, but it's also true that I'm seven years older than he is and way too hot for him."

"You've got a point there. Just be careful around him, he's hard to resist from what I hear."

"Well I did alright with you, didn't I?"

"Just keep telling yourself that, Swan." He winked at me.

Alice let out a loud yawn and stretched her arms over her head. "Bella, why did you let me fall asleep? Oh, hi, babe." She smiled at Jasper.

"Swan and I were just talking about her plans to seduce your brother," Jasper said.

"Still?" Alice grumbled. "I swear I was hoping you wanted to come here to see me and maybe my baby."

"You know I'm kidding about your brother. I'll probably be too embarrassed when I see him to even speak to him after talking so much smack."

"Either that, or he'll be all over you. I'm sure he's quite flattered by all your fawning," Jasper smirked.

"Jasper! What did you tell him!?!" I shrieked.

"Nothing. I just printed out yours and Alice's emails about him and left them sitting on the coffee table."

"He did," Alice said. "I threw them away as soon as I saw them, so I don't know if Edward looked at them or not. I've been more careful to close my browser since then, and I wasn't going to tell her." She growled, and we both glared at Jasper.

"It was a joke!" he shrugged. "Besides, I was just getting back at her for the time she told Lauren I was a fan of the Spice Girls. That crazy German followed me around playing that CD on repeat for a month. To this day I get that Wannabe song stuck in my head."

I started cracking up. That was definitely one of the funniest things I'd ever done. Lauren was relentless in her attempts to impress Jasper, and once I gave her the inside scoop on his taste in music, she even started calling herself Hot Spice. She would dance around him singing, while he tried to catalogue his shards. I called her Schnitzel Spice behind her back for the rest of the summer.

Alice and I made eye contact, and I winked at her.

I looked out the window and sang quietly, "If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends."

"Make it last forever. Friendship never ends…" Alice giggled as she sang. Jasper left the room in a huff rolling his eyes and taking Lucy with him. Alice and I laughed as we watched him go. Jasper should know better than to mess with me. I would be singing that song every opportunity I got now.

"You know what we need?" Alice said as I moved and flopped down on the couch together.

"What?"

"Backup singers," she said in complete seriousness. We looked at each other and burst out laughing again.

A few hours later we caught Jasper humming the song. Schnitzel Spice strikes again!

We ate dinner, and before I knew it, they were ready for bed. It was only 9:30. That's when I realized people with babies are kind of lame. I wanted to read before I fell asleep, so I went to my room hoping to find something good. I looked through the books on the small shelf by the bed. No Austen or Bronte here. They were a bunch of books I never heard of. I picked one up, and it had too many big words. I wasn't dumb, but I didn't want to think too hard if I wasn't getting paid for it. I finally settled on a fiction book about some kid who walks across the desert. It was actually pretty good, until he died at the end. I couldn't believe I stayed up to read about a dead kid.

The book got thrown on the floor, and I started dreaming the second I closed my eyes. I dreamed I had to walk across the desert to visit Alice. The whole time, the Spice Girls were playing in the background like the soundtrack to a movie. I kept stopping to pick up artifacts and putting them in my pockets to give Jasper to catalogue. I finally got to Alice and we went out for a falafel. It was a weird dream.

I woke up and felt all kinds of weird. It was 4:00 in the morning. I was still tired, but also wide awake. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. It was about 10 minutes before I realized that it was 7:00 in Boston. I woke up every day at 7:00 without an alarm like clockwork. It would take me a few days to adjust to the new time zone. I climbed out of bed, still groggy from staying up reading. I figured I might as well see what was on TV at 4 a.m. I had a strange fascination with infomercials and this was probably prime infomercial time. I felt my way through the dark house into the kitchen. I was worried about waking up Lucy, so I tried to be as quiet as possible. I found the kitchen, turned on the small light over the stove, and poured myself some cereal.

I tip toed into the living room, felt around for the remote near the TV, and plopped myself down on the couch. Something didn't feel right.

"Get off me, Alice!" the couch yelled. Before I knew what was happening, the couch launched me onto the floor, and the cereal went flying into the air landing all over the place. I screamed.

"Damn it, Alice! What are you doing?" The couch sounded pretty angry.

"It's not Alice. It's Bella. I was just going to watch TV." I buried my head in my hands as I realized that I had just sat on Edward. A light switched on, and Jasper stood in at the other end of the room with a baseball bat in his hand.

"What are you two doing? Please tell me part of your plan for seduction isn't eating Captain Crunch out of Edward's hair."

I gave Jasper a look that told him he could go die, and he burst out laughing.

"I'm so sorry Edward. I forgot you were out here. I can't believe I took your room over and then did this to you." I sat in front of him on my knees and started swiping the cereal off him and onto the floor. I hadn't had any coffee, so I obviously wasn't thinking clearly. I was only focused on the little pieces of Captain Crunch scattered all over him, when I started wiping off the crotch of his pajama pants. Edward jumped back from me in a flash with a horrified look in his eyes. That was the first time I really got a good look at him. He was completely different from the last time I saw him. He was… older. His hair was a disheveled mess; his jaw was defined and manly; and well the rest of him filled out nicely too.

"Oops, I mean, um… why don't I go get some towels." I started looking nervously around the room in any direction but his. I wanted to die.

"I'm just going to take a shower." Edward said gruffly and stomped out of the room. He apparently wasn't finding any humor in being attacked in his sleep.

By this time Alice was standing behind Jasper. Jasper was whispering in her ear, and her face changed from concerned to amused. She held her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh and make Edward even grouchier. As soon as he was gone, she literally fell on the floor laughing. I wanted to punch her in the face right after I kicked Jasper.

"Help me clean this mess up," I growled. "This is so embarrassing," I moaned and sat on the couch needing a minute to calm my pounding heart.

"I'd say you made quite an impression on your lover boy," Jasper said trying not to start laughing again.

"Yeah, your first night together is one he'll never forget," Alice teased and they both enjoyed another laugh at my expense. I finally decided to join them, after Alice picked a piece of cereal off of me and ate it.

**A/N: You should have seen the first version of this chapter. Profmom saved it. I have decided to start a pattern with my a/n's. Bribe, Beg, Threaten. I'm on threaten this chapter. I'll bribe you with another EPOV next chapter. Anyway, if you don't review, this will become Jacob/Bella. He's 17 by now, and we've all seen the trailers for New Moon. 17 looks good on him. Do you really want to be responsible for that though? Have you no shame? If you don't want to be some sort of sick freak you need to hit that review button NOW! Please. Thank you. I love you. **


	5. Chapter 5 Steamed

**A/N: Edward will have more and more interaction with Bella each chapter. Poor girl. **

**Thanks Daisy for being mmb. Thanks Profmom for being my conscience. Thanks Twike for being my English Teacher. Thanks Everwondering for helping my self-esteem. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 5 Steamed

When Edward came out of the shower wearing only a towel, I almost fainted, and then I insisted that he sleep in his bedroom, because I wasn't planning to go back to bed. He agreed but still seemed irritated about his beauty sleep being disrupted. I didn't realize that he was planning to hibernate for the winter when I made the offer. By noon, I was getting antsy to get my clothes out of the closet so I could shower and get dressed. Lucy and I had been playing all morning, and by that I mean I held her while she spat up on me. I smelled.

Finally, I knocked softly on the door. He didn't say anything, so I cracked it open just barely. I could see he was still in bed. I tiptoed in as quietly as I could. He was lying on his stomach with one arm hanging off the side of the bed. His hair was wild, and I wondered if ever brushed it. He had that whole kind-of-seems-like-he-never-takes-a-bath-but-it-somehow-works-for-him look. As he breathed in and out, I watched the muscles on his back contract. There were a lot of them. I noticed he had a tattoo of some swirly lines on his right shoulder blade. The realization hit me like a slap in the face. I was watching Alice's brother sleep and practically drooling all over him. I had honestly been joking when Alice and I talked about him. I just never expected him to have become so… so… inhumanly attractive.

I wanted to run my fingers over the lines of his back, run a comb through his hair, and lick his… He rolled over and stretched his arms over his head. I dashed to my suitcase and tried to make it look like I'd been looking for something.

I heard him yawn and then say, "Hey."

"Oh, hey Edward. I hope I didn't wake you. I just needed some um, clean underwear."

I pulled out the first pair I saw and held them up. They were cotton Strawberry Shortcake panties. Wait why was I showing him my underwear? I started giggling nervously.

"Um, okay," Edward said. He looked a little afraid. I grabbed a shirt and some jeans out of the closet and bit my lip in horror as soon as he couldn't see my face. Had I really just shown him my underwear? I prayed he wouldn't tell Alice or Jasper.

"See you later." I made a beeline for the door.

"Bella?" he called after me.

"Yes?" I stopped and looked at him. I forced myself to smile and act confident. I could do this.

"I think you dropped your underwear."

"Oh." My smile disappeared as I slowly looked behind me and saw Strawberry Shortcake looking up at me. I grabbed them, let out some weird chortle while I shrugged at Edward, and then ran out of the room.

In the safety of the bathroom, I banged my head against the wall a few times. I was an idiot. First I sat on him, then I wiped cereal off his pants, now I had I shown him my underwear? I wanted to die. Why was I having this reaction to him?

My shower lasted until my skin was wrinkled and red. I spent an extra long time on my hair. Alice would think I did it for her, but really I just didn't think it was safe to have my mouth open outside of this enclosed space. The longer I spent in here, the longer it would be until I had to face Edward and embarrass myself further. Hopefully he went back to sleep, or maybe he left for the day to go to his job or whatever it was that he did. What did he do? I knew he wasn't in school, but surely by 22 he must have an income.

I finally left the bathroom to find Alice, Jasper, and Edward all sitting at the kitchen table. "About time, Swan. I'm so hungry my stomach is eating itself," Jasper said.

"Sorry," I blushed. Edward didn't even look up from his cell phone. He was texting or something.

"Oh my gosh! Your hair is beautiful!" Alice jumped up and ran towards me. I had the urge to run for my life, but she was faster. She started petting me and sighing happily. "Bella, you have got to stop hiding this in a pony tail! You used my conditioner, didn't you? It costs $80 a bottle, so you should have asked first, but it was totally worth it."

"Alice! Stop! I am a grown woman, and I am capable of fixing my hair. When you saw me yesterday I'd been on a plane for six hours, and $80 really? My hair must look expensive today." I pulled a strand to my eyes to examine it more closely.

Jasper whistled and then said, "Now that I look closer, you are quite lovely. Is there someone particular you're trying to impress?"

There was no reason for my face to flame, but it did. Jasper noticed, and started laughing just as he took a sip of his drink. He started choking which finally caused Edward to look up from his phone. Alice was still pawing at me. "Edward, you're a guy. Doesn't Bella look pretty?" Alice asked making me blush even harder.

"I guess," he shrugged. I guess? I guess! I spent an hour on this flick-me hair, and he said 'I guess!' I was insulted and just a teensy bit disappointed.

I sat down at the table and rolled my eyes at Jasper, who was still smiling at me. He was incorrigible. I hated the way he'd always been able to read me. I had never been one to wear my emotions on my sleeve except for when it came to him. I was going to have to rein myself in and quick.

Alice had prepared a simple meal of acorn squash soup, roast chicken, asparagus, and cobbler. I had no idea how she did stuff like this with such apparent ease while nursing a baby and looking perfect. She made me ill sometimes.

"Let's all go around the table and say one good deed we've done today," Alice said.

"None of us have left the house," Edward sighed.

"So, surely you can think of something nice you've done," Alice prompted as she started passing the food around the table.

"I haven't said everything I've wanted to," Jasper winked at me.

"I let Bella use my conditioner," Alice said.

"You didn't let me use it," I argued. "I just used it."

"Well, I made it available to you. What have you done, Bella?"

"I'm not slapping you right now," I mumbled under my breath. Edward, sitting next to me, let out a small laugh; I felt some of my nerves finally start to settle. "I let Edward sleep in his bed." I smiled proudly.

"And I let Bella show me her panties." Edward smirked, Jasper choked again, and Alice just looked horrified.

"Bella! What did you do?!?"

"I… I…"

"Calm down," Edward stopped his sister. "I was just teasing."

I didn't know whether I should slap him or thank him. He just humiliated me and rescued me practically in the same breath.

Alice leered at me for a second, before she shifted her attention back to her food. No one was talking. I felt uncomfortable having the last topic hanging out there having to do with my undergarments. "So, Edward, what are you up to these days? Do you work?"

Alice raised her eyebrows at him. "Yeah, Edward, what are you doing these days?"

Edward gave Alice an icy look and stabbed his chicken with his fork. Oops. "I'm sorry?" I said.

"I play the guitar and work at a coffee shop. Alice thinks I need to get a real job."

"No, I think you need to go to back to school and then get a real job. Do you really want to stand outside of the farmer's market playing your guitar for the rest of your life?" Alice asked.

"I'm not having this conversation again." He put down his fork and got up from the table. Alice jumped up and followed him. I could hear them arguing from the other room but couldn't make out the words.

"I didn't mean to start something," I said to Jasper.

"You didn't. Alice has her control issues, and Edward refuses to listen to anyone's advice. It's not the best combination. Give them about five minutes. Alice will cry, Edward will hug her, and everything will be okay until Alice brings it up again tomorrow. It's frustrating, but it's just how they operate."

"Does he have a plan? I mean is he planning to do anything else?"

"Why are you so concerned, Swan? Still fantasizing about being his sugar momma?"

"No, I'm just making conversation. Ugh, I wish we'd never let you in on this joke!"

"I don't know what Edward is planning. He's a very private person, and he doesn't like to be pushed. Alice should just leave him alone, but she loves to meddle."

"Who, Alice? I don't know what you mean?" I joked.

We were interrupted when the yelling got even louder. I heard a door slam, and Edward came stomping out of the room carrying his guitar. He grabbed some keys off the counter, looked at me angrily, and said, "Thanks." With that he walked out the front door and left.

"Just ignore him, Bella. He can be such a drama queen." Jasper reached over and squeezed my knee. My stomach ached, and I felt terrible. Alice came out a few seconds later carrying Lucy. Her eyes were red and puffy like she'd obviously been crying.

"I'm so sorry Ally," I said.

"You didn't do anything to be sorry for. I just hate to see him throwing his life away like this. I thought if he stayed with us for a while, we would be able to talk some sense into him. I hate fighting with him. I only nag him because I care." She gave Jasper a pleading look asking for reassurance that she wasn't a terrible person.

"Come here." He reached out his hand to her and pulled Alice and Lucy onto his lap. He whispered something in her ear, and I felt like I was intruding on a private moment between the two of them. Finally she sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Bella, would you mind going with me to the farmer's market later? I want to apologize to Edward."

"Sure Alice. You know, I wish I had a family like yours. I would kill for a big sister who got in my business."

"Silly Bella, you've got me for that." She reached out for my hand with her free one and squeezed it.

I went back in the bedroom to put away my pajamas and finish getting ready. The bed wasn't made, and I could still picture shirtless Edward lying there. The thought of him like that made my heart rate increase. I felt almost dizzy. It could only be described as lust, and I knew the more I let myself entertain those thoughts, the worse off I would be. I would be like one of those women on TV who seduced a high school student and then married him when she got out of prison. Gross. I wasn't stupid. Obviously Edward was good looking, but I had to look at him more like a younger brother and less like someone I would really enjoy licking all over.

Alice drove Lucy and me to the farmer's market. It was full of Seattle types. Women wearing their babies in slings, people walking dogs, everyone wearing Birkenstocks and buying overpriced organic produce that magically made them both healthier and considerably cooler.

I could hear someone strumming a guitar fiercely in the distance, and my eyes started scanning the street for the dirty looking mess of hair that roosted on top of Edward's head. I swear I felt his voice before I heard it. He was singing a Gnarls Barkley cover about being crazy, and I could definitely relate. His voice was low and smooth, and it hypnotized me. There was a small crowd gathered around him as he played, and he was singing with his eyes closed. He seemed to be taking all of the morning's frustration out on this guitar. We walked toward him and stopped at the edge of the crowd. He opened his eyes and looked directly at me. I held my breath. He didn't break eye contact for a few seconds, and I was uncomfortable and invigorated all at the same time. That was really not helping my situation.

Finally he looked at Alice and broke into a grin. I looked down at her, and she was smiling back at him. Just like that, all was forgiven. Edward finished the song, and I immediately missed his voice. He started up quickly again picking at the strings slowly and playing a sweet melody. He started singing something about twirling and dancing and laughing, and it didn't take me long to figure it out.

"He wrote a song about you?" I said to Alice.

She had a huge smile on her face and nodded her head yes. "He wrote it the year before I got married when we used to spend a lot of time together. My mom loves this song. So do I, of course." Was this a joke? The boy I'd been joking about being attracted to for the last eight years had grown in to a perfectly-muscled, deep, has-a way-with-words, incredibly sweet, god-like tortured artist. Life wasn't fair.

Edward finished singing, and the swarm of women wearing their babies practically started throwing money at him. A few of them probably would have tried to stuff singles down his pants if it weren't for the children. When the groupies dispersed, Edward put his guitar away in the case, right on top of the easily few hundred dollars he'd collected over the past couple of hours.

"How about we walk over to Tully's and get a coffee?" he suggested after he shut his guitar case.

He wrapped one arm around Alice's shoulder and bent down to kiss Lucy on the head. He wrapped his other arm around my shoulder and said, "This way, ladies." I almost died.

We got to the coffee shop, and Alice headed for the bathroom, leaving Edward and me in line to order coffee. "Edward, I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't realize it was a sensitive subject."

"Please, Bella, I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, and you shouldn't have had to see that." He reached up and squeezed my shoulder sending tingles all over my body. Stop it! I felt like I should keep making conversation, but I was a bit flustered.

"Oh yeah, well I guess it's your life. I mean Alice obviously just cares about your well-being, but if you don't want to do anything, that's up to you. My grandma used to warn me that really smart people often end up wasting their lives away. I bet you're smart. I mean well… you know, like you're a good writer."

"Uh, thanks?" Edward said, seemingly confused. I was babbling. It wasn't safe for me to be this close to him. I couldn't think straight. I was pretty sure I'd just insulted him.

"Oh no, that's not what I meant. I just, um, well I think you sing really great, and, man, you raked it in today. That was probably more than you could make in that amount of time somewhere else, and all those women paying to you sing for them – that must feel good. I mean I guess you could say you were kind of whoring yourself out to them. They probably don't realize what a true artist you are - you know it's got to be hard to see past your voice and looks, but really – you're talented."

"Bella, maybe you should look at the menu," he suggested, trying to save both of us.

Alice came back and we all sat around a table with our drinks. Edward took Lucy from Alice and started playing with her. He was kissing her and tickling her. Lucy responded by making happy noises. It was so cute that Alice and I just stared at the two of them in awe. I'm pretty sure I was more awed by his broad shoulders than she was, but we both found it adorable.

"So, do you like being a mom, Alice?" I asked while we watched Lucy and Edward.

"Yes, I love it. I didn't think I could feel this much for another person. Don't get me wrong, it's hard, and I miss sleeping and my alone time with Jasper, but it's all worth it. You've really got to meet someone quick Bella; I want you to experience this, but not with that loser, Mike."

"Who's Mike?" Edward asked. I didn't think he'd even been listening to us.

"My um… umm." Who was Mike? I couldn't make the word boyfriend come out of my mouth. I didn't want to say frak buddy or friend-with-benefits or excuse-for-not-going-out-on-more-dates-with-landscapers.

"He's a guy who's in love with her who she feels sorry for and refuses to get rid of, even though she doesn't love him at all," Alice explained for me.

"Ooookay," Edward said and looked at me like I was stupid. I felt my face flush yet again, and I tried to think of a way to explain Mike without making myself sound like a jerk.

"It's not like that. Not exactly. I just… I don't know how to explain it. It's complicated."

"Why is it complicated? If you don't love him, why are you with him?" Alice demanded.

Because Edward was still underage the last time I saw him.

"Alice, do we have to talk about this now?" I pleaded.

"No," she smiled at Edward who was giving her a dirty look. "I don't want to meddle." She gave her brother a fake smile but bent down to whisper in my ear, "I promise we will discuss this before you leave."

Edward handed Lucy back to Alice, put his elbows on the table, and rested his head in his hands.

"I think Mr. Moody is ready to go." Alice nodded toward Edward and started wrapping Lucy back up in the thing-a-ma-jig she carried her in. We got up to go.

"I'll see you guys later. Don't wait up," Edward said as he stood and walked out of the restaurant.

"Um, bye?" I said shrugging at Alice.

"That's just how he is. Ignore him." She rolled her eyes and finished getting the baby ready to leave. I wished ignoring him was that easy.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! This is a bribe chapter, so if you review you will get mini EPOV chapter as your reply. I think they are worth it – personally. This is a flat out shameless bribe because I want reviews. **

**There is a thread on Twilighted. Visit it now. You can also follow me on twitter jackbauer429. **

**You can also read some other great stories like Rabbit Hole by Profmom, Finding Home by Jennde, and Inconceivable by Accioburbon. They should all be on my favorites. **


	6. Chapter 6 Scorched

**A/N: Bribes seem to be my friend, and you are my friend. **

**Thanks to all the people that help me with this stuff. Profmom72 makes me think and makes me a better writer. Daisy3853 reads it like 26 times and tells me its good. Twike fixes it up, and introducing LikeToRead22 who helped me with this chapter as well. I know I need so much help it's ridiculous. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 6

Scorched

The next few days at Alice's were a whirlwind of activity. Everyone in the family stopped by to spend time with me. I loved how Alice came as a package deal which included a big, happy family that seemed to adore me.f

Sunday after church, Emmett and Rosalie came over for lunch. I was surprised when Rosalie practically attacked me when she walked in the front door.

"Bella, come here! You look so much better than you did the last time I saw you." She grabbed my shoulders and turned me around so she could study me. "You're working out, aren't you?"

"Um, sometimes." I searched the room for someone to rescue me, but the only people around were Emmett, who was laughing at Rosalie, and Edward, who was working on his laptop. Rosalie was great, but she could be a little overwhelming if you weren't used to her. That, and I was sort of terrified of her. I'd heard stories and had been warned to never get on her bad side. If that meant letting her curl my hair once every few years, it was worth it. Safety first.

"I knew it. She looks good, doesn't she, you guys?" She looked over at Emmett and Edward.

"You know it," Emmett winked.

"Mmmm hmmm," Edward said, without looking up from his computer.

My face was bright red when she finally let me go and headed toward the bedrooms to look for Alice and Lucy.

"My turn!" Emmett opened up his arms to hug me. I wasn't expecting him to squeeze me quite so tightly. I made some strange sort of gasping choking noises trying to get free.

"Let her go, dufus. She can't breathe," Edward said.

"Ha ha, right." Emmett let me go, and I inhaled a deep breath while he patted me on the head. "I missed you little sis."

"You too, Em. You too. Thanks, Edward. I think you just saved my life." I was proud of the fact that I'd just said a complete sentence to Edward without embarrassing myself.

"No problem." He didn't even look up to talk to me. If he weren't so good looking, I'd really start to dislike him.

I helped Alice set the table for lunch, and as usual, she had effortlessly created a feast including dessert. She was some sort of domestic goddess, and I was in awe. She called everyone in for lunch, and I sat in an empty seat next to her. Emmett came in and sat next to me, and Rosalie joined us a second later.

"Move," she said to Emmett.

"Why?" he asked.

"I want to sit by Bella." Rosalie motioned again for him to move.

"No way. I want to sit by her."

"I said move, Emmett."

"Fine, but I get to play Wii with her after lunch," Emmett huffed.

"Bella, you're so popular here. Don't you want to fight for a seat next to her too, Edward?" Jasper chuckled.

"I'm good," Edward said and put his napkin in his lap.

Oh snap.

We enjoyed lunch, and I loved feeling like everyone was fighting for my attention. I didn't really get it. I'd only been around Rosalie and Emmett a handful of times, but I loved how they made me feel like a long lost member of the family. I'd just gotten here, but I was already dreading the day I'd have to leave. I wanted to stay here forever. Emmett, Jasper, and I played games on the Wii most of the afternoon, while Rosalie, Alice, and Lucy watched. Well Lucy slept, and ate – same difference. Edward stayed in the room with us, but stayed completely engrossed in his laptop, ignoring the action completely.

Later that evening, I was in the nursery with Alice when I heard Jacob's voice in the front room. I jumped up and ran toward it.

"Jake! I can't believe you didn't come over sooner!" I said as I hugged him.

"I had to ride the stupid bus over here. My mom wouldn't give me a ride and said I had to wait till tomorrow."

"You rode all the way over here for me?"

"Are you kidding? I've been so excited you were coming, and I couldn't wait for you to get here. Do you have any new music on your computer I can steal?"

Jacob obviously thought I was the coolest person in the universe, and I wasn't going to argue with him. I started to feel a little bad for ignoring him so often on IM. He would ping me a couple of times a week wanting to chat about music or Middle Eastern politics or just to talk. Sometimes I would talk to him, but usually I was too busy reading his brother's blog.

We got our laptops out and sat side by side on the couch. We started comparing playlists and sending each other songs we thought the other would like. When he filled my inbox with JayZ and TuPac, I punched him hard in the arm, and he pretended to cry. I sent him my collection of Disney soundtracks to get back at him.

When we were done with the music, Jacob started showing me funny videos on YouTube like some drunk sorority girl crying and a kid making perverted faces while watching a video of a Miley Cyrus. We were both laughing hard, and I might have snorted a few times. When he played a video of some red headed kid crumping and slapping his own ass, we both started howling.

I heard a door slam. Edward came stomping out of the other room, whacked Jacob on the back of the head, and said, "Maybe you could be a little louder, idiot." He kept walking toward the front door.

"You're just jealous that Alice's hot friend wants to hang out with me and not you," Jacob called after him.

Edward froze for a second like he was trying to decide how to respond. He didn't say anything; he just took a deep breath and walked out the door. We heard him peel out of the driveway a few seconds later. It was probably best that he didn't argue with Jacob because I was afraid of what he might say. At least he didn't call me ugly and make gagging noises.

"What's up his butt?" I asked Jacob.

"He's been like that ever since he moved out of Mom and Dad's."

"Oh, did something happen? I thought he just wanted to be closer to downtown."

"I don't know exactly. I think he just feels smothered by everyone trying to get him to grow up," Jake shrugged.

"What are you doing here?" Alice said to Jacob when she walked into the room, interrupting our discussion about Edward. I was a little disappointed. Jacob was probably the only one I could safely get information from.

"I rode a bus over 'cause mom wouldn't bring me."

Alice studied his face intently and frowned. "You came over here to hang out with Bella, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I had to see my girl." Jake held out his fist for me to bump.

"I try to get you to hang out with me all the time, and you're always too busy playing some weird video game or doing homework, but the second Bella gets here you ride a bus over?" She held her hands on her hips and glared at him, while I looked back and forth between the two of them like I was watching a tennis match.

"You want me to come over and bake with you or go shopping. Bella's cool. She has good taste in music."

"I know she's cool. She's MY friend!"

"She's my friend too!"

"Kids, kids, let's not fight. There's plenty of me to go around," I finally interrupted. "Alice, you've got to see this kid dancing."

Alice joined us on the couch, and soon the three of us were laughing at the videos Jacob showed us. When I went to bed that night, it was as if I could feel some of the loneliness that usually haunted me melting away. I was so glad to be there. I'd needed something like this for so long – needed to feel wanted, needed to smile, needed to be surrounded by people I enjoyed.

The weekend passed, and Jasper got up early Monday morning to leave for work. My internal clock still wasn't used to the time change so I got up and had breakfast with him. After I told Jasper goodbye, I went into the living room and felt bad that Edward was sleeping on the couch. Instead of sitting on him, I decided to wake him up and tell him to go sleep in his bed. I was afraid if I stayed in the living room while he was sleeping, I would end up watching him, and if Alice caught me, I would never hear the end of it.

"Edward, wake up." I shook his shoulder gently.

"Huh?" he said gruffly. I was touching the bare skin of his shoulder and I'll admit, I felt a little tingly inside.

"Edward, you can go sleep in your bed now. I'm not in there anymore."

"Okay, momma," he whispered and rolled over facing away from me. I started giggling. "I just called you momma, didn't I?" Edward said flatly, without looking at me.

"Mmm hmmm," I giggled.

"Well I guess I'll go to bed then." He stood up and stretched his arms above his head. He yawned and gave me an embarrassed shrug before laughing with me a little. "Let's keep this our little secret okay?" He winked at me.

Thud.

"Uhhhh, okay." I said, barely able talk to shirtless, winking, stretching, mumbling in his sleep Edward.

He reached out and patted me on the shoulder before he turned and walked off to bed. I fell on the couch when I heard the door close. Hotty McSnotty just did something funny, joked with me, winked at me, and then touched me. This was very different behavior than the cold aloofness I experienced from him yesterday. He was going to make me crazy if this kept up. If he ignored me, I could just brush him off as a jerk. If he was nice to me, I could think of him as another member of Alice's family I adored, but this back and forth was giving me a headache. Either way he was still hot.

I helped Alice with Lucy when they woke up. Edward woke a few hours later and was his usual disinterested self until he left the house to go do whatever he does. I didn't pay much attention to Mr. Moody, I was too busy having fun with Alice. The two of us were surprised when Emmett came walking in the door just after noon.

"What are you doing here?" Alice asked suspiciously.

"It's my lunch break, and I figured I'd come eat with you guys," he said.

"So you think I should feed you for free?"

"Come on, Ali, fix your favorite brother a sandwich." Emmett tried batting his eyes at her.

"Edward's not here," Alice smirked.

"I heard my name," Edward said as he closed the front door behind him.

"I was just thinking about making you a sandwich," Alice giggled. "What brings you home so early?"

"Slow day at the office," Edward shrugged and sat down at the kitchen table.

I was really enjoying watching this sibling interaction. I was an only child, and I longed for a family like this, a family that argued and bantered back and forth but still loved each other despite all the teasing. It was also nice to have someone around to make me sandwiches. Sandwiches always tasted better if they were made by someone else.

Emmett and I both sat down at the table, and he started telling me the stupidest jokes I'd ever heard.

"Bella, what do you do when you see a space man?"

"I don't know, Emmett. What do you do?"

"You park the car man!" He said, with the goofiest grin on his face.

I burst out laughing harder than I needed to, but I was having fun with Emmett. I loved how he thought he was hilarious. Alice hated how I encouraged it.

"Oh Emmett, you always make me laugh," I chuckled. Alice and Edward both rolled their eyes and groaned. Alice had just finished serving our lunches when the front door opened, and Rosalie strutted in.

"Emmett! What are you doing here?" She asked with her hands on her hips.

"I came to hang out with Bella," he answered, and Alice's head snapped up. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see if Bella wanted to go shopping with me," Rosalie said.

I looked over at Alice, and I could tell she was fuming. I wasn't sure what I'd done. I really didn't think laughing at

Emmett was that great of a crime. Babies must make you grumpy.

"I can't believe you guys!" Alice threw her hands up in the air. "Ever since I got married, I've barely seen any of you. I ask you guys to hang out all the time, and you're always too busy. The second Bella gets here, Jacob is riding a bus over, Rosalie wants to shop, Emmett comes over during his lunch break. What am I, chopped liver?"

"No, no, Alice. Liver's gross. You're just plain ol' oatmeal or something like that." I patted her leg.

Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward tried not to laugh. I was really enjoying my popularity here. Alice glared at me, and I just smiled sweetly back at her. I didn't think she was really mad, but I loved it when she got worked up like this. She was so stinkin' cute.

"Edward, you're the only decent one in the bunch. Thank you for not going gah gah over Bella," Alice said.

"You're welcome?" Edward looked at his sister like she was crazy.

"Of course, you're probably the only one Bella wants to go gah gah over her." Alice gave me a look that said, 'take that,' while I secretly plotted her death.

I could tell I was probably blushing, but I just tried to act interested in my sandwich. "Really, Bella? You're still pining for Edward after all these years?" Emmett said, while Rosalie and Alice giggled. Edward looked like he was a mixture of amused and uncomfortable.

"Yeah, especially now that he's legal." I winked at Edward, and everyone laughed. Thankfully Lucy started crying, and Alice brought her into the kitchen, distracting everyone from my humiliation. I played it off well but still planned to kill Alice.

I talked Rosalie into taking me shopping later in the week so I could spend the afternoon with Alice and Lucy. We had a good time looking at old pictures and catching up. It was like that with the two of us. We didn't have to be doing anything in particular; just being together was fun enough.

Jasper got home too soon. I liked him, but I loved the girl time. I still wasn't used to the two of them as a couple. I'd only seen them together a handful of times, and the fact that they got to see each other naked was so weird to me.

Carlisle, Esme, and Jacob came over that night with take-out. I heard Alice mumbling under her breath about the Bella Swan Fan Club, but I was enjoying myself too much to care. Esme hugged me like I was her own prodigal daughter finally returning home after years of separation. Carlisle gave his customary handshake and warm smile. Jacob and I blew it up. I hadn't seen any of them since the wedding, but they treated me like part of the family. I was in heaven. We ate dinner at the table, and it was so much fun. Everyone was talking at once, eating food off each others' plates, and laughing. Carlisle kept making comments about Edward needing a haircut, and I said something about him looking like he needed a shower too. The entire table laughed at that. Edward stuck his tongue out and me and gave me a dirty look.

"Now, now, children, be nice," Esme pretended to scold us, while she laughed.

After we finished eating, I helped Alice clear the table while everyone else went to sit in the living room. Alice and I went to join them, and I was faced with precarious seating predicament. Jacob and Jasper were sitting on the couch, and Alice sat down next to her husband. Esme was sitting in the oversized chair, and Carlisle had pulled up a dining room chair next to her. The only seat left was on the loveseat with Edward. It looked... cozy. I wasn't sure why I felt so awkward about sitting close to him, but I did. I wondered how weird it would seem if I asked Jacob and Edward to switch places. Was it even weirder that I felt less uncomfortable with the thought of cuddling with a teenager?

I sucked it up and sat down next to Edward. I was pretty sure we were both leaning as far away from each other as possible. Then Esme pulled out her camera. "We need some pictures!" She took some of Jasper, Lucy, and Alice.

Then of Alice and Jacob. Then she pointed it toward Edward and me.

"Edward, quit acting like Bella has cooties." Esme motioned for Edward to scoot closer to me. "Come on you two, pretend you like each other."

I leaned into Edward as he put an arm around my shoulder. I wanted to sigh and melt into him. He smelled a lot better than he looked like he did. We both smiled, and Esme snapped a picture. She looked down at it on the display and said, "The two of you look adorable together!"

She showed Carlisle, who nodded approvingly. She passed the camera to Edward who held it so I could see too.

"Wow," he said and stared at it for several seconds. Esme was right. We were adorable. I think I blushed again.

Thankfully the sexual tension I had created by entertaining a fake crush on my best friend's little brother was interrupted by Alice insisting that we play Win Lose or Draw. It was fun, except for fact that Edward played like a spoiled brat. He was moody and apparently losing was not a viable option to him. I begged Alice several times to let me be on the other team, but she refused. Every time it was my turn to draw, he got mad at me. It wasn't my fault he couldn't tell that what he insisted was an ear was clearly a speedboat. Some people just can't recognize good art.

The game wrapped up, and Edward stalked off pouting after we lost. We all had a good laugh at his expense, and the rest of the Cullens got up to leave. Esme hugged me tightly, promising to spend more time with me before I left. Carlisle even hugged me this time, making another joke about Edward needing to take a shower. I high-fived Jacob and promised to pick him up and take him to the mall or something in a couple of days.

"I swear my entire family adores you," Alice said after everyone left. "It wouldn't be so bad if they liked me half as much."

"Don't be silly, Alice. I'm just the shiny new toy here for them to play with. Besides, I'm not sure 'adore' is the word I would use to describe Edward's feelings for me," I laughed.

"Oh don't worry about him. He'll come around – he's just extra moody these days."

"I'm not worried about it, as long as you like me."

"I still like you," she winked at me.

I wouldn't admit out loud that the whole temperamental, unhappy, muscled, singer thing Edward had going completely turned me on.

**A/N: I planned to use this week to beg you to vote for my Jasper one shot, but mine won't be up till voting round two next week. Stay tuned for my begging for that. Now you'll have to settle for plain ol fashioned begging. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! Review or I'll die. I'll just die. I've been sick. Reviews will make me feel better. PLEASE PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAASE. You have the power to brighten someone's day. Use your power for good and not for evil. REVIEW!!!!**

**This was a transition chapter. Things with Edward start to change in chapter 7. See you around Thursday where I will threaten you to review. Let me know if you missed out on any of the EPOV's from chapters 2 or 5. **


	7. Chapter 7 Thaw

**A/N: Some of you are confused by Edward. That's not a bad thing. Quiet artsy moody boys are hot. Thank you so much for your support of this story. You are wonderful human beings. **

**Thanks profmom, you're the smartest person I know. Daisy you're the hottest person I know. LTR you're the most economical person I know. Twike you're the busiest person I know. **

**Characters are not mine. **

**There's a thread on Twilighted. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 7 Thaw

"Bella, finally!" Alice said when I emerged from the bedroom. I was surprised to find Alice up and dressed and even more surprised to find Edward awake and drinking coffee. He looked like his usual grumpy self, but it was strange for him to be awake.

Alice was wearing a cute little skirt and blouse, and her hair was perfection. This would have been normal for the old Alice, but not for Alice the mom. Usually she didn't get dressed up that much unless she had somewhere to go. These days it was normal to find her in more casual outfits.

"Bella, I got a call from one of the vendors for the Gala, and they want me to come by and taste samples from our menu. Edward is going to watch Lucy, and you can just hang out. I was hoping to drag you with me, but you slept too late," Alice said.

"Oh, sorry. You didn't mention we were going anywhere."

"I know; they just called a couple of hours ago," Alice shrugged. "Don't forget we still need to get you a dress. We only have nine days until the big event." I was still groggy, and she was confusing me. She was buzzing around the kitchen getting a bottle ready for Lucy and giving Edward instructions.

"So wait, I'm staying here, but Edward is watching Lucy?"

"Yes, he's great with her. I'm not going to make you babysit on your vacation, silly."

"Oh, okay," I scratched my head and realized my hair was sticking up. I probably had drool stains on my face. I needed a shower.

"I'm going to go get cleaned up," I said. I really wasn't used to sleeping this late. Win, Lose, or Draw must have exhausted me. Who knew creativity could be so taxing? I turned on the shower and waited until the steam filled the bathroom and the mirror began fogging up. I wanted the water almost hot enough to burn me. I stood under the stream, letting it relax my muscles and rinse away my tired haze. I considered the prospect of spending the morning alone in the house with Edward. It would probably be awkward. It seemed like the more nonchalant and cool I tried to play things with him, the more I ended up feeling like an idiot. I just had to remind myself over and over that he was just Alice's younger brother. Way younger brother. Extremely attractive, but much-too-young-for-me brother.

It was strange that Alice had asked Edward and not me to watch Lucy. Did she not think I was capable of handling a baby? She trusted her grumpy musician extremely attractive younger brother over me? I was good with kids. They seemed to really like me, especially on Halloween. Jake was technically still a kid, and he adored me. It almost felt like Alice was making some sort of statement about how different we were. She was Alice, the mom. I was Bella, the spinster. I wasn't capable of doing her job, and she wanted me to understand that. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions, and Alice really was just trying to be nice and respect my vacation. I really wouldn't have minded spending time with Lucy though. We were bound to be the best of friends or the best fake aunt/honorary niece ever.

I got out of the shower and the steam was so thick I couldn't get dried off enough to put my clothes back on. I felt like I couldn't breathe as I forced the thick air in and out of my lungs. I had to get out of the bathroom so I could get a good breath. I wrapped a towel around my body and planned to sprint to the bedroom to get dressed. I cracked the door open and peeked into the hallway. The coast was clear. I made a run for it, and thought I was safe when I made it past the threshold of my bedroom. Well, actually it was Edward's bedroom, and he had chosen that moment to go in there to get something out of his desk.

"Oh!" I said in a high startled voice.

Edward turned around, and his eyes nearly popped out of his head.

"Sorry!" we both said at the same time. He stared at the ground like he was afraid of turning to stone if he took one more glance at Medusa and scooted around me toward the hallway.

"No big deal," I said, but my voice cracked as I said it, furthering my humiliation. What was the big deal? Why was I so embarrassed? I was fully covered. The presence of Edward Cullen seemed to constantly turn me into an idiot.

I dressed like my life depended on it, or like he might walk back into the room at any second and see me naked. He would probably bleach his eyes out if that happened. When I was decent, I relaxed a little and spent a long time getting ready. Now it was sure to be awkward here with Edward. My best bet was probably to try and make a joke out of the situation.

_Hey, I bet you wish my towel would have fallen off, don't you?_

or

_I know I know…. I'm every twenty-two year old's fantasy. You're welcome._

or

_Geeze, Edward, I didn't know you were such a perv. _

I was probably better off just acting like nothing happened.

When it was time to face the music, or musician rather, I made my way to the living room. The sight I was greeted with was so perfect that it made my ovaries ache with longing. Edward was making faces at Lucy, and she was smiling back at him. He would act like he was about to tickle her, and she would squeal in anticipation. It was so cute. Lucy was cute too, I guess.

"Hey," I said, after I'd been standing there watching long enough to be considered creepy.

"Hi," Edward smiled at me sheepishly. "Sorry again about earlier. I promise I didn't see anything."

"No, that's okay. It was my fault. I got too hot in the bathroom and couldn't dry off. I should have just waited or um… Please just tell me to shut up, before I embarrass myself even more."

Edward laughed and the sound of it made me want to run around the room doing cartwheels in celebration. I was pretty sure that would scare him though.

"You want to watch TV or something?" Edward suggested trying to ease some of the tension in the air. He looked nervous. Probably because he thought I'd just tried to flash him.

"Sure, I'm just going to make a cup of coffee. Do you want anything?"

"I'm fine."

"Yes, you are," I sighed not loud enough for him to hear. I needed to seriously consider making up some reason I needed to leave early and go back to Boston. My hormones were getting away from me, and the more time I spent here, the more I was losing control of my thoughts. I was thinking of Edward more and more like a man and less like Alice's younger brother. It was wrong on so many levels. He was young. Young enough that it didn't seem okay for me to be attracted to him. He lived across the country from me, and he was Alice's brother. She would hate me if she could hear my thoughts.

I got a cup of coffee and was just about to start giving myself a lecture/pep talk, when I heard Lucy start to cry. I walked back to the living room, and Edward was standing up bouncing her.

"Need any help?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "This is when I usually hand her back to Alice. Maybe I should make her a bottle."

"I'll make her one. You just keep doing what you're doing."

I went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle and the formula. I started reading the directions, but I wasn't sure how many ounces to make or how much Lucy weighed. I was pretty sure she was somewhere between 10 and 30 pounds. Maybe she could suck on a pickle, or we could give her some liquid coffee creamer. Alice had that tasty caramel flavored stuff. Thankfully when I glanced in the fridge, I found several bottles already made up. I let out a sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to ask Edward how to make a bottle. Could I have been any more stupid?

I ran the bottle under hot water in the sink to warm it like I'd seen Alice do a few times. When it felt warmer, I brought it out and handed it Edward. He sat down on the couch with Lucy and put the nipple in her mouth. She was immediately quiet except for the sucking noises and happy coos.

"Thank you, Bella," Edward breathed. "She doesn't usually eat again so soon, but she's probably edgy without Alice here. She doesn't leave her very often."

"Well, it's really nice of you to help her out. I'm glad I was here to help."

Edward smiled at me. I wanted to swoon. He looked back lovingly at Lucy and continued to hold the bottle to her mouth. A few seconds later he glanced back up at me. "Do you want to feed her?"

"Oh, sure. If you don't want to. I mean it can't be that hard, can it?" I suddenly felt self-conscious about my lack of baby knowledge. Part of me wanted him to think I was some sort of baby whisperer with instinctual wisdom about all things maternal, and that I would be the perfect candidate to bear the fruit of his loins. Clearly that part of me was delusional.

"No, it's easy," he chuckled. He set the bottle down next to him and turned, holding Lucy out to me. As he placed her in my arms, the brush of his hands against my skin was warm and almost electrifying. A simple touch from him created a physical reaction in me. I seriously needed therapy. I settled Lucy on my lap, mimicking the position he'd been holding her in and picked up the bottle. I smiled as I looked down at her and tried to imagine for one second that this was my baby, and I was sitting next to her dad, and we were a happy family with a perfect life like Alice's. I rolled my eyes at my own ridiculous day dream and noticed Edward was watching me with a contented smile on his face.

"You're a natural," he said.

"I take it you can tell I don't have a lot of experience with babies," I smiled back at him.

"You're an only child," he shrugged. "I've had a younger brother and plenty of cousins to practice on. Plus Alice made me play house a lot when we were younger."

I laughed at the thought. "Oh you poor boy. It couldn't have been easy being Alice's younger brother."

"It wasn't so bad once I got too big to fit in her toy stroller."

I laughed again, and he joined me. I'd never had an actual conversation with Edward before, at least never one where I didn't feel like a moron.

"You're right though, there's a lot I missed out on as an only child. I've always been jealous of Alice and your family. It must be so fun having all these people around all the time. It's easy to get lonely when you're by yourself."

The easy contentment left Edward's face and was replaced with a frown. "You can be lonely in a crowd too. I guess the grass is always greener."

I thought maybe I'd brought up a sore subject, but I couldn't help feeling like he was taking what he had for granted. I would have given anything to have grown up with so much love and support. "I don't really get that perspective. It's hard not having anyone around that you feel really connected to or that understands where you're coming from. The closest I've ever had to that is when I became friends with Alice."

Edward looked at me with more intensity than I could handle. I was either going to drop Lucy and jump him or pass out and die. Death would probably be less embarrassing.

"I think we have more in common than you think," Edward finally said with a sad smile. I wasn't sure what to say next. Luckily Lucy finished the bottle. "Now you need to burp her." He gestured toward the baby, and I snapped out of my daze.

"Right, beat her on the back," I said sitting her up. "I know a few things."

"Yeah, just be careful not to leave any bruises when you beat her." Edward elbowed me playfully. I got Lucy to burp in less than ten seconds and beamed at Edward with pride. It was funny how a little gas could brighten my day.

I held Lucy up against my chest and swayed my body. "Bella!" Edward looked at me in horror.

"What?" I asked with wide eyes afraid I did something to break her.

"Don't move." He jumped up and grabbed something from across the room and ran back. He swept my hair back over my shoulder and arranged a burp cloth there patting my back when he finished. I almost purred. "She just ate. If you move around, she'll spit up all over you."

"Oh, right." My hero. Saves me from puke in a single bound.

Lucy snuggled up against me, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Most of my friends were moms, and maybe I could get used to something like this. When she held onto my shoulder with one of her tiny hands, I melted. It was a good thing she couldn't talk, because if she'd asked me to sign my retirement account over to her, I would have agreed.

"She's asleep," Edward whispered a few minutes later. I smiled, afraid that if I talked she would wake up. "Here, I'll put her in her crib." He held out his hands, and I set her in them as gently as possible. She moved a little, but didn't open her eyes. I didn't breathe until I'd completely let go of her.

When he came back from putting Lucy down, he sat on the couch facing me and put one arm across the back of the seat. "So, now what do you want to do?" he asked.

Make out. Watch you take off your clothes. Watch you take off my clothes. Lick you.

"Whatever you want," I shrugged. "Preferably not Win, Lose, or Draw."

Edward rolled his eyes at me and chucked. "Have you read any good books lately?" he asked.

"I read _The Long Way Home_ off your bookshelf the first night I was here. I stayed up for hours. I couldn't put it down."

"Really?" His face grew animated. "You liked it? Alice tried to read it and wouldn't even finish it. It's one of my favorite books."

"I loved it," I said honestly.

Edward started telling me about the next book in the series, and I could tell by how big his eyes got and how he talked a little louder than necessary that he felt passionate about it. I loved listening to him speak. He looked so different from the brooding moody musician vibe he usually gave off. He looked like he cared and like he could even feel something other than annoyance.

"Would you want to read the next book? I have it in my car, and I'm on the third one. Maybe we could even just sit here and read until Lucy wakes up or Alice gets back."

"That sounds perfect," I said, and it was. Edward and I sat side by side on the couch reading the books, and every once in a while he asked me what part I was on. I answered and he smiled fondly and told me I was getting to the good part. I laughed, and said, "That's what you told me fifty pages ago." We weren't sitting close enough to cuddle, but every once in a while our elbows touched if we turned a page at the same time, or if he leaned over to see what I was reading. I felt comfortable around him for the first time. I was also impressed that his idea of a fun afternoon was sitting around reading. It just made him even hotter. I was finally seeing the side of him that Alice described when she talked about him. She said he was her favorite sibling and that he could always make her laugh. Alice also described Edward as extremely intelligent and artistic, and she always bragged about how talented he was. He had been planning to go to medical school after college, but after only one semester he shocked everyone and dropped out. He took classes at the community college every now and then, but it was a pretty controversial topic from what I understood. Carlisle and Esme had always been loving, supportive parents but had trouble accepting his choices in this area. I could understand why. It's not exactly every parent's dream for their child to grow up and work as a street musician.

Sitting there next to him, I wondered what his plans were. If he was content with his life, it didn't really show. He seemed angry and frustrated more often than not. I was glad to see the other side to him. I glanced over and felt an ache in my chest. Not the lustful ache, that longed for his pants to come off, but an ache to see him smile like this more. Inexplicably, his happiness mattered to me. It was silly really. He was my friend's little brother, but I couldn't help replaying the words he'd said over again in my head, "We have more in common than you think." He was lonely. I didn't understand it, but for some unknown reason, I wanted to.

We were still reading and Lucy was still asleep when Alice walked in the door at a little after one. Edward looked up and told his sister hello. He gave her a report on Lucy, including a lie about how he was struggling, and I saved him with my maternal instincts. Alice thanked him, and he said he was heading out.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked.

"Down to the market," he answered.

"Edward, why don't you just stay here today?" she whined.

Edward's demeanor changed in an instant. Moody Edward was back in full effect, and he glared at his older sister. They seemed to be having a silent conversation, and just before I started humming the Twilight Zone theme song, Edward turned without a word and walked out the front door.

"Bye," I called after him sarcastically. "I had fun too."

"I swear he will never grow up," Alice sighed and walked off to check on Lucy. I stood there wondering what in the world had just happened.

**A/N: For those of you just joining us, I have a bit of a reputation for crazy author's notes trying to get reviews. I either beg, threaten, or bribe. Today I'm going to threaten. Isn't little Lucy cute? I have one word for you: IMPRINT. If you don't review it means you hate babies. Don't be a baby hater. **


	8. Chapter 8 Smolder

**A/N: Thanks to the wonderful Betas who make me brave enough to post this. Twike, Daisy, and Profmom. **

**Thank you for reviewing. You make this fun for me to write. **

**Characters are not mine. **

**VERY IMPORTANT I MEAN LIFE OR DEATH IMPORTANT NOTE AT THE END!**

**(legna, you might not want to read it if it is still supposed to be a secret. Hi, by the way. Love you!)**

Chapter 8 Smolder

I could hear Lucy crying for the third time that night. It had been an uneventful few days. I ran around with Alice trying to help her get ready for the gala, finally went shopping with Rose, took Jake to an arcade and kicked his butt at air hockey, and said embarrassing things in front of Edward who acted like I smelled bad. I'd hoped we'd formed some sort of camaraderie after reading together, but apparently I was wrong.

I could hear Alice down the hall talking to Lucy, and I climbed out of bed to see if she wanted me to take a turn.

"Alice, do you want me to rock her this time?" I asked with a yawn.

"Oh no, go back to bed," Alice answered. She was sitting in the rocking chair holding Lucy. She could barely keep her eyes open.

"No, it's okay. What do you think is the matter with her?"

"I guess she's going through some sort of developmental stage. Her body's changing and growing and every few months we go through a phase where she doesn't sleep well. It's the worst kind of torture."

"I'll sit up with you for a bit at least," I offered. Alice was either a martyr or didn't think I could handle it. I should have taken a picture to show her how bad she looked. That would show her not to minimize me.

"Sure, I love having you around," Alice smiled through her tired eyes.

I sat on the small bench in the room, while Alice rocked Lucy in the rocking chair. We started talking, and it wasn't long before Alice brought up Mike.

"So, Bella, let's talk about your little problem," Alice said and gave me a look filled with motherly concern. It was the look she gave when she was about to meddle.

"What little problem?"

"Mike."

"I should have never mentioned his size to you," I sighed.

"Bella, be serious. What are you doing with him? You act like he annoys you, and we both know you don't love him."

"I don't know, Alice. You don't understand how hard it is being alone. I mean how can you? You have everything I don't."

Alice was silent, which was very unusual. I looked up at her, and she seemed really sad or hurt or something.

"Alice, I'm sorry! I'm not trying to be harsh. It's just a sensitive subject," I whispered, worrying that our arguing would bother Lucy.

"But you don't love him, Bella. That can't be okay."

"What are the alternatives at this point? I'm twenty-nine. All the single men left seem to be single for a reason, or they just want sex. Mike cares about me, and I think surely he must be better than nothing."

"That's a terrible thing to have to settle for," Alice pouted. "You deserve more. You deserve love."

"Well we don't always get what we deserve, Alice. If you know anyone single, halfway intelligent, and willing to date someone this average, please, by all means give him my number."

"Jacob's getting a part-time job dog-sitting, and he seems to be rather fond of you," Alice sighed.

"I do like 'em young."

"We could always drive by the middle school and see if there are any prospects," Alice giggled.

"And here I was thinking we should check out a frat party. You're a genius, Alice!"

"Well that's true."

We relaxed again, and the subject was dropped for now. I sat up with her for a few more minutes, until she put Lucy down, and we both went back to bed. It didn't last though. I heard Lucy crying a few minutes later. I was about to get up again, but I heard Jasper tell her he'd do it. If I knew Alice though, she still wouldn't be able to sleep until Lucy was settled.

I was up early the next morning, and Alice finally dragged into the kitchen later than usual. Instead of getting breakfast ready and making Jasper a four course lunch to-go, she got out some cereal and told him to pick something up. She had bags under her eyes, and her hair was matted flat against her head.

"Alice, you look awful," I said.

"Thanks." She slumped in the chair next to me. "It was a rough night."

"I kind of like it when you're not the picture of perfection. It makes me feel better about myself to see you uglied up."

Alice just gave me a look that told me I could go die. I cleaned up after breakfast while she put her head down on the table and rested. A few minutes later, Lucy started crying. Alice groaned.

"I'll get her," I offered.

"No, it's okay," Alice drug herself up from the table and was about to go after her daughter, when Edward walked into the kitchen carrying Lucy.

"Look who's up," he said. He still had sleepy eyes, and his hair was pointing every which direction, his chin was shadowed with the beginning of a beard, and he looked like he needed a bath. I wouldn't mind helping with that.

"Great," Alice mumbled holding out her arms as Edward placed Lucy in them. "I'm going to go change her diaper."

"I'll do it," Edward and I both said at the same time.

"No, no, it's okay. She's my little girl," Alice insisted.

"She always has to be in control," Edward turned to me and sighed.

"Coffee?" I asked him.

"Sure, that would be great." He ran his hand through his hair and stood there awkwardly as I filled a mug with his drink.

"Alice was up most of the night with Lucy. Something about a developmental stage."

"Mmmm," was all he said as I passed him the mug.

"Are you always this friendly?" I asked out of nowhere, before I had a chance to stop myself.

"I just woke up." Edward gave me a confused look.

"I know, but you're always like this. I thought we had fun babysitting the other day, but then you went back to acting like my presence is just something you have to tolerate. Did I do something to offend you?" I was tired too. I guess being tired made me assertive and rude.

"It's not you," he sighed. "I'm sorry."

Alice came back in carrying Lucy. "Bella, would you mind if we don't go out today? I'm so tired, and I'm afraid I wouldn't be much fun. I can see if my mom will watch Lucy tomorrow instead."

"Oh, Alice, that's fine. I can just hang out around here and read while you get some rest."

Alice stared at Edward like she was forming a plan. That look always made me nervous.

"Edward, maybe you could hang out with Bella today. You guys could get some lunch and maybe even go to a movie. You don't have anything planned other than singing, do you?"

"No, Alice. I never have anything to do," Edward said coldly.

"Come on, Edward, please?" Alice batted her eyelashes at him. She was laying it on pretty thick.

"Really, guys, I'm fine with doing nothing. I can take care of Lucy, and you can rest," I said, but it was as if I were no longer a factor in this battle. Alice continued to look at Edward, completely ignoring me.

"Alllllliiiiiiiicccee," Edward moaned.

"Please?" she said one more time, and we all knew he was a goner.

"Fine," he huffed. "I'm going to go get ready."

"Thanks, Alice. Now I'm stuck being entertained by someone who doesn't want to be around me. This is going to be so much fun."

"It's not you," she said.

Edward drove me in his truck, and I wasn't sure if I should be apologizing or pouting. He wasn't exactly beaming at the prospect of a day-o-Bella.

"Really, you can just drop me off at a coffee shop and pick me up later. I can read, and you can go do whatever it is you go do," I offered.

"No, this will be fun. I can get my work done later."

"You mean go sing later?"

"No, I… I… I just do that on the side. I have some other projects I'm working on too."

"Like what?" I didn't remember Alice mentioning him doing anything.

"It's kind of… well… I just haven't told many people about it yet."

"Oh, okay."

"I'm sorry. I just… really, I'm not sorry I have to do this with you. I just get tired of Alice trying to control me."

"Why do you live with her then?"

"I thought I could help her out when Lucy was born, and if you think Alice meddles, you should see Esme. She does it more subtly with that sad disappointed look in her eye. She tells you her opinion, but then promises to love and support you no matter what you decide. It's impossible."

"Sounds awful," I said sarcastically.

"It is, trust me. What do you want to eat?"

"How about something I can't eat at home," I suggested.

Edward surprised me when he drove toward the Sound. He finally parked in a cute little shopping area with coffee shops and little specialty stores all over the place. I could see the water a few blocks up. There were flowers in planters outside of the buildings, and people out walking dogs and pushing strollers.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Do you like seafood?"

"Sure."

We walked down toward the water, and he directed me to a walk-up fish place called Ibar's. I wasn't expecting fast food, but I decided to trust him. He ordered some prawns, and I went with the fried cod filets. After a few minutes, we got a big paper bag full of fried fish and fries. It was one of those perfect weather days in Seattle. Luckily I'd only been here during those summer months when the weather was mostly sunny, there were flowers blooming everywhere, and it wasn't too hot or cold. I had very little experience with the gloomy Seattle rain Alice always complained about. Edward started walking toward the water and I followed him, taking a sip of my soda.

He was a couple of steps in front of me, and I found myself ignoring the beautiful water and staring at the beautiful boy instead. His shirt was kind of a wrinkled mess, but the messy look worked for him. I could see the definition in his arms where the sleeves of his button-up shirt were rolled up past his elbows. His shoulders were wide and looked solid but not husky. He was tall, but not freakishly skinny like some musician types tended to be. He was pretty much perfect. He obviously didn't try to look good. He didn't need to.

Edward led us to a bench which faced the water and sat down. "It's so beautiful here," he said. "I thought you might enjoy this more than sitting in some restaurant."

"I do. I love the scenery." I made a little inside joke with myself.

Edward passed out our food. Greasy breaded fish and tartar sauce never tasted so good. I kept telling myself to slow down, that men do not find women gorging themselves to be attractive, but I couldn't stop. At one point, Edward stopped eating and stared at my mouth. I was surprised by this. Did he want to kiss me?

"You've got some tartar sauce…" He pointed to the corner of his own mouth, and I felt stupid. I wiped it with a napkin and tried to play it off.

"This is so good. I'm being such a pig, but I can't help it." I took another bite.

"Ha ha, you've got some more." This time he reached up and wiped it away with his own napkin. I'm pretty sure I looked back at him with that ga ga look I'd seen other stupid girls give good looking guys, but I was officially dazzled. I wasn't used to this happening to me. I was used to being in control. I was used to being able to speak. I was used to wiping my own mouth. But even if he noticed what he was doing to me, it was no big deal. He was probably used to having groupies. Surely he must know how he affects women.

"Thanks," I said and looked down at my lap.

"So, you're a writer?" Edward asked even though he already knew the answer.

"Yes, I'm a reporter. I'm still waiting on my big break. It's hard to get noticed."

"Yeah, it was the same with me," he said.

"You mean singing? I'm surprised you haven't been signed yet. You're so talented."

"Oh, I've had some offers, but I don't really want to be in the limelight. There are too many strings attached to that kind of lifestyle," he said.

"So what do you want to do then?"

"If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that question, I would never have to work a day in my life." He looked tired and frustrated. I realized this topic was not a pleasant one for him.

"Oh I didn't mean to pry."

"No, you're not prying. I just get tired of not living up to everyone's expectations. No matter what I do, I'm disappointing someone."

"Well honestly, I don't care all that much what you do. I mean I'm not that invested in your future, and I've already offered to support you, so you don't even need to collect those dollars." I nudged him with my arm trying to lighten things up.

He smiled at me, and then spoke again, "I guess that's true. You're only interested in me sexually."

"Yeah, pretty much," I said thankful my voice didn't crack and reveal anything beyond teasing banter.

"Of course I could cook and clean as well." Oh well, I might as well make things interesting.

"Well as long as you're willing to reach the high stuff, I think I'll keep you so exhausted satisfying my physical needs that you won't be able to do much else."

This time Edward blushed.

"Sorry. Sorry. You can talk about it if you want," I offered.

"I've just been having problems with my family for a few years now. They put a lot of pressure on me to be who they think I should be, and I'm just not that person. I tried to be for a while, but sometimes I wonder if I was adopted. Before, I always figured it was Jake that was adopted. He's too weird to be one of us.

"Yeah, well that would explain his strange fascination with rap music. That's definitely not genetic."

Edward chuckled. "I know they want the best for me, but we have very different ideas about what that is. My dad is a doctor, a scientist. I'm more creative. That kind of stuff makes me feel claustrophobic."

I thought back to his blog, to the song he wrote for Alice's wedding, even how excited he got over the novel he'd read. The idea of his words being trapped or stifled made me cringe. I wanted him to be able to create. He was an artist. It was clear to me.

"I think you're right. You need to follow your own path. It might be hard for them, but in the end they'll be happy that you're happy. I don't think you should worry so much about pleasing them."

"I know. I just hate feeling like I've disappointed them. I end up trying to conform, but then hating myself and all of them for boxing me in. My mom picks up the community college schedule for me like clockwork every semester, and then says, 'No pressure,' when she hands it to me."

"Have you told them how you feel? From what Alice has told me, they think you are just waiting trying to decide what to do with your life. It doesn't seem like they understand you don't want their help. They think you want options to weigh."

"Yeah, I know what I want to do. I just haven't worked up the courage to tell any of them yet. I'm afraid if I fail, I'll have to admit they were right or something. I want to see how things work out before I let them in on it."

"You might not be giving them enough credit," I offered, but I wasn't sure exactly what we were talking about anymore. "I think you should give them a chance to be supportive."

"I haven't talked to anyone about this for a while. Thank you, Bella. It was good to get some of it out at least."

"Hey that's what sugar mommas are for, right?"

"Can I have some money for clothes later?" Edward winked at me.

"Only if you take off your clothes first." I said it as a joke, but Edward's eyes got huge and his face turned red. Crap. I'd taken it too far. I had a problem with taking jokes to the next level when they were only safe on the ground floor.

"I mean, not here in public, obviously. I don't want you getting arrested. I would have to spend your clothing allowance on your bail. My dad is also a cop, and I'm not sure he would like me hanging out with criminals. You can keep your clothes on."

Why oh why could I not shut up?

"How about we go catch a movie now?" Edward said, finally saving me from myself.

"Okay, better than jail," I said in a voice that came out a little too loud and obnoxious. I was an idiot.

Edward smiled and gathered up our trash to throw away. I made myself promise not to talk again. Ever.

We walked a few blocks to the movie theater, and I kept my promise. It was easier to focus on watching Edward walk anyway. The theater was an old fashioned kind, with the blinking marquee out front, and only two screens inside. There were two movies playing: _The Proposal _and a Disney movie. Something about going to a kid's movie with Edward seemed a little too ironic, so I chose _The Proposal. _Disney might have been ironic, but _The Proposal_ was sick and wrong. It was about a woman who ends up falling for her younger assistant. He was funny and cute and had abs of perfection. The coincidences didn't end there. The guy had a grandma and the girl had brown hair. I just hoped Edward didn't think I'd done this on purpose.

The movie I chose was embarrassing, but sitting through it next to Edward was pure torture. The close proximity, his smell, and the fantasy I'd been fighting off of making out with him were almost enough to kill me. He had his elbow the arm rest, and I longed to make contact. Maybe I could do the yawn and stretch move. I laughed to myself, when I thought about how he might react to me putting my arm around him. He would know for sure I was a freak. He looked over and saw me laughing. I smiled and nodded toward the movie. It was at the part where Sandra Bullock got told she was being deported. Not exactly a comedic moment.

"I hate Canada. Go USA!" I whispered loudly trying to make it seem like I was just celebrating sticking it to a Canadian. I broke my promise! Ugh!

Edward chuckled, and I once again became obsessed with his elbow. I finally stuck my arm flat on my leg and reached up with my pinky until it barely grazed his arm. It was the closest to cuddling I could manage without him noticing.

The movie seemed like it lasted forever. Edward kept glancing over at me when he laughed, like he wanted to see if I thought it was funny too. I was having trouble focusing on the movie though. I was too busy alternating between picturing myself in Edward's arms and then yelling at myself for failing to control these thoughts about him. If only he would be a jerk to me all the time, it would make it easier. This nice guy routine was about to make me nuts. I could dismiss Edward the grouch, but Edward the sweet, thoughtful, misunderstood artist was hard to resist.

My imagination kept going into overdrive, and my fantasy life was bordering on ridiculous. Alice would never talk to me again if she knew the thoughts I was having about her brother. The movie finally ended, but I didn't want to leave. I wanted to keep sitting there imagining this was a date and that Edward was going to kiss me when we got in the car. I wanted to imagine us holding hands in the parking lot and joking about how I also had brown hair, and he also had a grandma.

"Bella, are you coming?" Edward was standing a few steps down the aisle waiting for me to get up.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I just like to watch the credits. The little people deserve their moment to shine too. The actors aren't the only ones who make a movie happen," I said.

"Wow, you're passionate about movie production," Edward said. I mentally kicked myself.

It was just after four, and Edward started driving back to the house when his phone rang.

"Alice, come on, that is miles away. Can't I just get some from the grocery store?" Edward paused and I could just imagine Alice arguing with him. She liked to get her way. "Fine," Edward sighed. "I'll see if Bella minds riding along. I'll drop her off first if she doesn't want to go."

Edward hung up the phone and turned to me. "Alice is insisting that I drive to a peach orchard about 45 miles away and get some fresh peaches for her to make a pie tonight. I won't be offended if you don't want to ride all that way."

"Oh well, if you don't want me to go, then that's fine. I mean I don't want to bother you. You might want some time to yourself."

"No, I'd like the company, but I don't mind taking you home if you've had enough of me."

"Oh, I guess I'll ride along then. I'm sure it will be nice to see some of the countryside."

Countryside? Were we in _Little House on the Prairie_?

"How about some music?" Edward said, pulling out his iPod. I silently thanked him for not trying to make more conversation. I couldn't stop being stupid. I needed medication.

He turned on some music, and his tastes were… weird. It wasn't like the stuff I'd heard him sing. It was more folksy, bluegrassy, countryish.

"Do you mind if I roll down the windows?" he asked.

"No, its fine." I stuck my hair up in a pony tail, and enjoyed the breeze blowing on my face. I felt so rural. Driving in a truck, listening to bluegrass, and enjoying the scenery. The only thing that would have made this more like a scene out of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers was a barn and a flowy skirt. Well, and maybe a wagon instead of a truck. Edward would have to go by Ed. I'd also probably have to marry his older brother named Ephraim.

We got to the orchard and wound around the dirt road until we found the stand. Usually they had some buckets already filled with peaches you could just buy, but they were out; we had to pick our own and then come back to pay for them. This was turning into one of the best dates I'd ever been on. Hopefully by some miracle I'd get lucky at the end.

With our bucket full and the peaches paid for, we finally climbed back into Edward's truck and headed for home. I smelled the smoke before I saw it. My eyes scanned the horizon, and I saw the black billow a few miles up the road. We were heading in the general direction.

"Edward! There's a fire. We can't go that way!"

"I think it's just a controlled burn. The fire department does it to prevent any forest fires from spreading out here during the dry season," Edward said. "It's nothing to worry about."

I started breathing fast. My chest tightened. This had been happening to me ever since I was a kid on a camping trip. I was standing next to the fire when the wind changed directions sending a huge billow of smoke straight at me. I took a huge breath. It burned my lungs, and I couldn't get a good breath for a long time. I'd cried and cried in my mom's arms. Since that day, the smell of smoke always caused this reaction. It created an irrational panic in me where I was terrified I would suffocate.

Edward looked over at me and saw me starting to hyperventilate.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He pulled the car over onto the shoulder and turned toward me.

"Please, just don't go that way. It's the smoke. I… I… I'm scared of it. I have been since I was a kid."

Edward started rubbing big circles on my back and telling me to breathe. "It's okay Bella. The fire department sets these fires. They can only go so far, and then they have to stop. It burns itself out. It can't get you. It's perfectly safe." He kept comforting me and finally had the wisdom to roll up the windows and turn the vents to inside air only. Once I couldn't smell the smell the smoke, I started to calm down and enjoy his caresses. I might have milked it just a little bit longer than I needed to, but it felt so good.

"Okay, I think I'm okay now."

"Are you sure?" he asked with his hand still resting on my back.

"Yes, thank you. That was actually pretty mild compared to what usually happens to me when I see a grass fire."

"No problem. Just don't scare me like that again." He moved his hand off my back, and I missed it. I think he took an extra long way home in order to avoid the smoke, and I was touched by his kindness. He didn't make me feel like a freak. The way he'd handled the situation had been wonderful.

We got back to Alice's, and I held the front door open while he carried in the box of peaches. He sat them down on the table, gave me a quick smile, went into his room and shut the door. Well, it was nice while it lasted.

**A/N: BRIBE: Review and I will send you Edward's POV from part of this chapter. I think you're missing out if you haven't read them. Everything isn't always what it seems. **

**LIFE OR DEATH IMPORTANCE: I have an entry in the For the Love of Jasper contest. It is my first contest. I am very competitive. I am not athletic, so this and UNO are all I have. If I don't win, I may very well die. If I die, this story will never be finished. We will all lose. **

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go directly from this page (after reviewing of course) to my profile, click on the link at the top for the contest, and vote for UNSPOKEN by me. If you want you can read it too. I think it might be the best thing I've written. You can vote for five, so please also vote for Underexposed by Daisy3853 and More than a Feeling by Profmom72. They beta this story and are some of my bffs. **

**Come on. Please. Please. I'm pleading with you as if my life depends on it. If you think my dramatics are annoying, you're a lot like my mom. **


	9. Chapter 9 Glowing Embers

**A/N: We're getting closer and closer to the good stuff. **

**Thanks to Daisy, Profmom, LTR, and Twike who helped with this chapter. Online friends are not dangerous. I don't care what my mom and Dateline say. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 9

Glowing Embers

"I'm sad." Alice leaned her head on my shoulder as we sat on the couch relaxing.

"Me too, Alice. It seems like I just got here," I said.

"I can't believe we only have four more days together. I'm going to die when you leave."

"You're just a tad dramatic, dearykins."

"I know, but you're my best friend, and I never see you."

We'd spent the afternoon running errands and getting ready for tomorrow's gala, while Esme came over and watched Lucy. Jasper had offered to take Lucy over to Emmett and Rosalie's for the evening so the two of us had the entire day together.

"You could always visit me for a change. No wait, you have a baby now. You're trapped. You will never be fun again," I groaned.

"Look who's being dramatic now. I'm just glad Jasper offered to give me a break. I'm going to be fun tonight. You know Jasper doesn't like me to drink anything but wine. He can be such a fuddy duddy sometimes, but I want to make gin and tonics tonight when we get home."

"Jasper's probably just embarrassed that your favorite drink is an old lady cocktail."

Alice pursed her lips and stared at me with a fake glare from the other side of the couch were she was sitting. Suddenly, she launched herself at me, tackling me over onto my side while she squealed, "It's going to be fun and you know it!"

"Get off me!" I laughed.

"Not until you say it's going to be fun." She dug her bony elbow into my side.

"It's going to be fun! It's going to be fun." I gave in, and she rolled off of me with a huge smile on her face. "Geez, Alice, you didn't have to attack me."

"It's the product of growing up with all these brothers. Sometimes you have to fight for what you want." She stood up, straightened her clothes, and skipped off to get ready.

Alice and I had sushi for dinner, and it was the best time I could remember having in forever. We laughed and teased each other and talked about our lives. It was different than it had been before. Alice was in a different place in her life now, but it didn't mean we weren't still able to connect. No matter what, Alice and I would always just work. We had that type of friendship.

After dinner, Alice suggested we go by Edward's coffee shop for dessert. I tried to act indifferent, but I wasn't going to pass up a chance to stare at my favorite view. I wasn't prepared for what I found there. When we walked in the door, I was immediately assaulted by his voice. It swirled all around me and wrapped me up like a blanket on a cold day. I let out a sigh before my eyes even found him.

He was sitting in a chair on the little make-shift stage in the corner, playing his guitar and singing with his eyes closed. The song was slow and sad, and it made me want to hug someone. Preferably him.

"Oh good, I didn't know he was playing tonight," Alice said. "I'm going to run to the bathroom."

I nodded, barely acknowledging that she had spoken. Somehow I made my way over to a table, dragged the chair back to sit down, and it scratched against the floor. Edward opened his eyes. He continued to sing but looked straight at me. He didn't acknowledge me. His voice didn't falter. He just stared and sang and sang and stared. It should have freaked me out or embarrassed me, but it didn't. I was too busy watching my life fall apart in front of me.

I started to feel it, the ache that you get somewhere between your heart and your stomach. I longed for this boy. Not just lust – though it was there of course. I was physically attracted to him. I'd have to be blind and deaf not to be, but I also longed to know him, to understand what his words meant, why he wasn't quite happy; I wantedto make him smile, to touch him the way his words had touched me. Somehow all the jokes and teasing had morphed into something else. I was so screwed.

I looked away and felt the heat on my cheeks. I couldn't do this. Nothing would come of it. Nothing could come of it. For one thing, he would never be interested in me. I was old and mediocre at best. I wasn't deep or artsy like him. I had nothing to offer. I doubted he would really take me up on my offer to support him financially in return for his services, and I was pretty sure that would make him a whore if he did. His sister was my best friend, and though she joked about it, I doubted she would be pleased if her brother chose to date someone so much older.

When I looked up again, his eyes were closed. I didn't even hear Alice sit down.

"Bella?"

"Uh huh."

"You're staring at my brother again."

"Uh huh." I thought I heard Alice mutter something, but I couldn't make it out. Edward finished the song and stood up with his guitar. "I have to go to the bathroom," I said and jumped up. If Edward came over here to talk to us now, I was bound to throw up or die or something. I was losing my mind.

I stayed in the bathroom long enough for them to think I must be having digestive problems. When I came back out, Edward was safely behind the bar making coffee, and Alice had two drinks for us at the table and a piece of cheesecake.

I sat down, and Alice started talking. I started eating the cheesecake and listened to her ramble on, but I was acutely aware of Edward being just across the room. I chanced a glance up at him, and he was looking at me.

My eyes opened wide, and I panicked. I looked down sure I must have had food on my shirt or toilet paper hanging from my pants or something equally humiliating. I didn't see any problems, so I shyly glanced back at him. He smiled at me with a small wave, and I'm pretty sure I died. I smiled back, fully aware of the heat on my cheeks as I did so.

"Bella, would you please stop molesting my brother with your eyes, and pay attention to me?" Alice said sounding annoyed.

I tried to think of a joke about how hot he was or how I would be his sugar momma, but I couldn't get anything out. "Okay," was all I said and shrugged my shoulders. I finally realized Alice was on the verge of getting seriously irritated, and I didn't want her to suspect the chaos that was going on inside of me right now. This was supposed to be our night. I wasn't supposed to be the stupidest person in the history of the world.

"How about we go get our ingredients and head back to the house?" I said and made myself stop staring at Edward. Alice agreed, and we moved in the direction of the door. I took one little glance back over my shoulder in Edward's direction. Our eyes met again. Was he watching me? He gave me a crooked smile and a nod that made my insides all mushy. I smiled back nervously and quickly looked away.

We made our way to the store. Alice and I were not drinkers by any stretch of the imagination. Alice was so little that after a few sips, she usually just fell asleep. I, on the other hand, just had very little use for it. I could drink two margaritas and feel nothing. It must have been a genetic thing. We Swans could hold our liquor. Alice insisted on buying cute little glasses to mix our drinks in. I thought it was pointless. She'd be snoring in ten minutes.

We got home, and Alice started mixing up our concoctions. We sipped our drinks and looked at gossip magazines together. It was like heaven on earth. Me, Alice, old lady drinks, and pictures of Brad Pitt. Alice had just started yawning uncontrollably, when Edward walked in the door.

"What are you doing home so earl…." Alice interrupted herself with another yawn.

"Slow night. I got off early," Edward said. He bent down and kissed Alice on the cheek. Sometimes he did the sweetest brotherly things for her. Other times he acted like he despised her. Maybe he had multiple personalities. I wished he would just talk to her about the things that bothered him. I could tell that the strain on their relationship was hard for her.

"Hey, Bella," he said and squeezed my shoulder. I wanted to squeeze some part of his body back.

"Hi, coffee boy." I said at a volume meant more for a concert. Oops.

"Let me make you a drink!" Alice found a sudden burst of energy and ran to the kitchen. Edward sat down on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. I could feel my pulse thumping in my ears.

"Are you two having fun?" He asked. I felt like there was something different between us. It wasn't the same strange almost animosity I'd felt for the past week. I guess our trip to the movies changed our relationship. I wasn't sure we were friends, but I didn't think he hated me anymore. It made my predicament that much more excruciating.

"Oh yeah, I'm just surprised Alice is still awake. This has to be some sort of new record for her."

Edward chuckled and shook his head in agreement. He had the sexiest Adam's apple I'd ever seen. Alice brought Edward a drink and threw a magazine his way. He started looking through it.

Alice started making fun of the cast of The Hills while looking at pictures of Heidi and Spencer. "Oh hi, I'm Heidi. I had a faux wedding in Mexico to the biggest douche bag in the universe. I even think I can sing."

I knew I must have had plenty to drink when I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I started giggling, and Alice kept going. Edward just watched the two of us and smiled like he was enjoying himself. It was nice to see him so relaxed.

"Bella, who do you think is the hotter musician: Bono or Dave Grohl?"

"Neither," I said. "Bono is old, and Dave Grohl just seems filthy to me. A lot of musicians are only hot because they can sing though."

"Did you hear that, Edward? She only thinks you're hot, because you can sing."

"No Edward's hot, period. You just can't see it, because you're related." Oh crap. I said that out loud. I looked over at Edward. He seemed embarrassed, and I could see a hint of red on his cheeks, but then he smiled at me like he appreciated the compliment. Was he flirting?

"I mean, um, well you obviously know you're hot, right?" I tried to joke.

"Whatever you think, Bella," he replied in a low voice. I accidently started fanning myself and giggling. I realized what I was doing and pushed my glass away from me. It was time to lay off the sauce.

He flipped through a People magazine, and I noticed he was reading the book reviews. Like anyone read People for the book reviews, but whatever. He ripped out a page, folded it up, and stuck it in the front pocket of his shirt.

"Putting that in your future life file, Edward?" I asked giggling like an idiot again.

"My what?" He looked like all the color drained out of his face.

"You know – your future life file. Where you keep the picture of the girl. God, I love that one."

Edward's stare was frozen on his sister. He looked ready to explode. "Alice?" Something bad was happening here.

Alice's eyes grew wide. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Edward, she sent me the link to your blog a few years ago. I'm practically addicted to it. You can write like no one's business, and I can't tell you how many times a week I check it for updates. You should really write more often."

Edward stared in my direction for what felt like an eternity. His eyes were emotionless except for the fact that he seemed to be trying to decide something about me. I felt like I was taking some sort of test, but I had no idea how to pass it. I smiled at him nervously, wondering what I'd done wrong and took another sip of my drink. The burn of the liquor on my throat was nothing compared to the heat in his eyes.

The anger returned to his face as he turned to Alice, who still looked confused.

"How could you Alice? You knew. You knew everything, and you told her. I'm a stupid joke to both of you." He pushed himself up from the floor, grabbed his keys off the coffee table, and walked out the front door slamming it behind him.

"What just happened?" Alice asked in shock.

"I think he's mad I read his blog," I said with my heart pounding in my chest.

"I know he said it was private, but it's not like he even really knows you. I didn't think it was that big of a deal."

"Why does he think he's a joke to us?"

"Do you think he's using drugs?"

"I don't think so, Alice." I was irritated she would even ask that. I was beginning to think she didn't know her brother at all.

We both sat there in silence for several minutes staring at the door Edward had just walked out of, trying to make sense of his anger. I had gathered the fact that he was private, but why would he have been so emotional over me reading his blog? It wasn't a joke to me. I honestly loved it. I'd loved and fantasized about every word he'd written and even dreamed he was writing them about me. Since coming here to visit and spending time with him, the body and the eyes behind the words had me even more captivated. He was anything but a joke to me. I was the only joke here.

"I didn't hear his truck start. Do you think I should go see if he's still here?" Alice asked.

"Why don't I go," I offered. "I'm the one who upset him."

Alice agreed, and I walked outside scanning the yard for him. I saw him sitting on the tailgate of his truck. His hands were at his sides resting on the truck bed. His shoulders were slumped, and he was staring at the ground. He looked sad.

"Edward, I'm sorry. Your blog is beautiful. I honestly love it. Whoever you wrote those things about is a lucky girl." My chest hurt as the words came out of my mouth. Someone had to have inspired that passion in him. I wondered if it was that girl Tanya he was with so long ago at Alice's wedding. There had probably been many others since her. I hated the fact that he had a life outside of my fantasy world.

"If you're making fun of me again, it's really not funny," he said flatly.

"I don't understand what you're talking about. Why would I be making fun of you?" I sat down next to him angling my body towards his. He turned towards me and started doing that freaky searching me with his eyes thing again.

"Are you telling me that you simply like my poetry? You read it, and you like it, and that's it?" he asked, with a hint of sarcasm and anger in his voice.

"What else would I be telling you? I know Alice wasn't supposed to tell anyone about it, but she was so sure I would love it. Plus she figured the whole secrecy thing was more in regards to your family than me. Chances were pretty good you would never even see me again. I never planned to come and sleep in your bed or take over your free time."

Edward gave me another searing stare and then looked at the ground again. "I thought you knew what some of the poems were about, and you guys were making fun of me. Some of them… they're pretty personal to me."

"Of course they are. It's obvious you pour your soul into them. I can't tell you how they've moved me over the years." I reached my hand up and put it on his arm, trying to emphasize that I meant what I said. Edward glanced over at my hand and then back up at my eyes. I worried my body was going to burst into flames at any second.

"You inspire me," he whispered so quietly that I wasn't even sure if I'd understood him correctly. What was that supposed to mean? That he appreciated someone noticing his talent, or that it helped having someone to talk to about his family problems? But I longed for him to mean something else. To hear him say the words he'd written aloud as he stared into my eyes. To be the reason behind his words or anyone's words for that matter. I wanted it to be something more. I wanted to be something more.

"I uh… I better get back inside before Alice drinks herself into a coma," I said and stood up. I'm pretty sure I imagined the look of disappointment on Edward's face. He nodded to me, and I imagined him following me with his eyes as I walked back into the house.

**A/N: Well there were a lot of reviews for the last chapter. I mean a whole freaking lot. I just sat with my mouth hanging open most of the time. Today, as I sit here contemplating how to beg, I am afraid. I'm afraid, you don't really love me – oh, I mean this story. I'm afraid this time when there is no bribe, you will not review. I am afraid that if you don't review now, it will send me on a downward spiral of hurt and rejection, and and….. ok don't be mean. Review please. **

**Don't forget to vote for the three amigos in the For the Love of Jasper contest: Unspoken by me, More than a Feeling by Profmom72, and Underexposed by Daisy3853. You could read them too. They are all spectacular. Link to the contest is on my profile. **


	10. Chapter 10 Torch

**A/N: I'm pretty much blown away and freaked out by the response this story is getting. Thank you so much for being nice and supportive and pretty. **

**Important information at the end. I mean life or death important… yes – again! **

**Special thanks to Daisy3853 – I can't live if living is without you. Thanks also Profmom72, LTR, and Twike – the other loves of my life. **

**Don't worry about Bella not understanding what Edward meant by you inspire me. He didn't expect her to get it, and he wasn't a fountain of information either. Everything is fine. I think you'll like this. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 10

Torch

I didn't sleep well after my little heart to heart with Edward outside. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I hated what I was doing to myself. Nothing good or healthy would come from my deranged fantasies about Edward. His behavior toward me had changed, but he probably thought of me as another older sister to confide in. I'd always wanted brothers, but now the thought of him thinking of me like that made me ill. I'd worked hard to quench any sort of feelings for anyone for so long. With Mike, I was safe. I knew I would never love him enough to get hurt. The kind of men who could hurt me weren't interested in me. I'd accepted that, and I had grown semi-satisfied with the protected little universe I'd constructed.

I was in the kitchen looking through the cabinets and considering having a major pity party with myself when the phone started ringing. Alice was feeding Lucy, and Edward was in the shower, so I answered it, "Whitlock residence."

"Bella?"

"Oh hey, Jake. What are you up to?"

"I'm just chillin'. Looking forward to the partay?" He asked like a gangster.

"It will be fun. You're going to dance with me right?"

"You know it baby."

"Are you brining a date? I never asked you if there's anyone you're interested in," I asked as I pulled out a box of cereal.

"No, there's a girl I'm interested in, but I don't know if I should make a move. I'm not sure if I'm her type or not," Jacob confided.

"Jacob, if I could give you any advice, it would be to go for it. You don't want to end up stuck in life in a dead end relationship with someone that annoys you. If you find someone you connect with go after her, and don't let anything stop you."

"You really think so?" he asked.

"Definitely."

"Thanks for the advice, Bella."

"You're welcome. I'll see you tonight, handsome."

I got off the phone with Jacob and continued on with my pity party. At least I could help him out, even if I couldn't help myself.

The fact that Edward seemed to be everywhere I went on the day of the fundraiser only made matters worse for me. He told Alice he wanted to help her with whatever she needed. She was surprised but almost giddy that he'd offered. He was up early and ready to assist us. He helped load the car with Alice's things, looked after Lucy, went to the venue with us, unloaded the car, carried things for Alice, and helped set up. He was right in the thick of it the whole time.

I was working on carrying the centerpieces to the tables, and I was struggling. They were heavy vases filled with marbles, water, and fresh flowers. Whoever's idea it was for me to do this, obviously didn't know me very well.

"Hey, let me get that for you," Edward came jogging up to me out of nowhere.

"No, it's okay. I've got it."

"Please Bella?" he asked and made the cutest most pathetic face I'd ever seen. I was helpless against it.

"Thanks." I smiled at him. He smiled back at me and took the vase.

The rest of the day went on like that. I was convinced I was losing my mind, because I swear I saw him looking at me several times. Whenever I caught his glance, he would smile at me, sending my emotions into another tizzy. Everywhere I turned, there he was. If he wasn't busy with a specific task, he was at my side talking to me or offering to help with whatever I was doing. I wasn't complaining. I liked having him around. It made the work go by faster, and he made me laugh more times than I could count.

I realized he had never been a real person to me before. He started out as the punch line of a million jokes I shared with Alice. Then through this blog, his music, and taking every chance I could get to stare at his body, he had become some sort of archetype of lustful perfection in my mind. But he wasn't just a joke or an inappropriate fantasy, he was funny and considerate and intelligent. I liked being around him. I liked that he felt comfortable telling me about things that bothered him. I liked that he read books and wanted to know my opinion about them. I liked the way he looked at little Lucy like he adored her and the way he was affectionate toward his sister. I even liked the way he got all moody and tortured, and the way he was afraid of letting the people he loved down but even more afraid of letting himself down. He was younger, but he didn't feel younger. Or maybe I didn't feel older. I'd never been the poster child for wisdom and maturity.

We were sitting down tying ribbons on gift bags when Edward started to ask me about my work.

"So you're covering a police beat in a suburb of Boston when you went to school to cover international news?" he asked.

"Yes, and I still want to cover world news, but it's really hard to break into. I need a big break or a connection or something."

"What about my grandma? She knows everyone."

"I know, I've thought about it, but I just hate to feel like I'm using her. She's been so wonderful to me, and I just don't feel right asking her for favors."

"That's silly. She might be the key to you getting to do something you've always dreamt about, and you're afraid to ask her for a favor?" Edward said. "It can't hurt to ask."

"I know," I sighed. "I just want it to be about my talent and not my connections."

"Oh come on," Edward rolled his eyes. "You said it yourself; it's a hard field to break into. You might need to use your connections in order for people to have the chance to recognize your talent. It's not like just because my grandma gets you an interview somewhere that they're going to hire you even if you're terrible. You'll still have to prove yourself."

"Okay, Okay, I'll call her," I laughed.

"Good. You need to. I want you to be happy."

The way he said it took my breath right out of my lungs. Why did he care? But two could play this game.

"What about you? What would make you happy?"I asked.

"I don't even think I know," he shrugged and kept tying the most perfect little bows on the sacks. My bows looked like a 12 year old tied them.

"Come on, tell me your hopes, your dreams, your fears," I nudged him with my arm.

There was a long pause as Edward seemed to be forming his answer. He looked up at me with almost a sad expression and said, "I hope for earth shattering, mind blowing, all consuming love. I dream about her almost every night. I fear I'm living in a fantasy world, and it will never happen." Reading his words on my laptop was one thing, but hearing something like this come out of his mouth was enough to kill me.

"Um… oh. I… um. She's a lucky girl." I blurted out and started focusing intently on the ribbon I was tying.

"I don't think luck has anything to do with it," he mumbled.

After an awkward silence, I asked, "So, this secret thing you're working on. Have you thought anymore about telling your family about it?"

I needed desperately to change the subject. The thought of him writing and dreaming about some girl made me feel nauseous. I had no claim on him. I was nothing to him. Why was I feeling like he was everything to me? Edward looked away for a second, and some of the intensity he'd been speaking with had drained from his eyes when he spoke again.

"I've been thinking about the situation a lot. I think it's time I did some growing up. I need to start living my life, and I have to believe that in the end my happiness will make them happy. For one thing, I don't think staying with Alice is a good idea. I love her too much, you know? Being in such close proximity isn't good for our relationship."

"I'm sure it will all work out. I never understood the way she talked about you before. It was like you were more than her brother. You were her closest friend. I thought it was a little bit concerning at first, until I knew your family better. Now I get it."

"Alice and I are alike in a lot of ways. We've got different temperaments, but there's always been a part of each other we just understand. Over the last couple of years some of that has changed. I've needed to make some of my own choices, and she's having trouble letting go. I get it, because I get her, but that doesn't make it any easier."

"I think I understand. But it's obvious how much you care about each other. I love that about you two." I fiddled with the ribbon thinking about all the other things I loved about him too. "So do you make enough money to live on your own? I mean if you are really planning to move out."

"Bella, seriously, I would never let you be my sugar momma," he joked.

"That's not what I meant, silly." I laughed and then he laughed which made me giggle and want him. The feelings I had for him started to bubble up inside of me again, and I was sure I was acting like a silly flirty girl.

"Money's not an issue for me," he said when I finished giggling like a teenage girl at a Jonas Brothers concert.

"Whatever," I smiled and rolled my eyes. He was probably just trying to act independent, or maybe his parents still gave him an allowance.

"Bella, we need to go!" Alice yelled from across the ballroom. "We only have a few hours to get ready before we need to be back here."

"Coming!" I yelled back. "Well, I guess I'll see you back at the house," I said to Edward. He stood up and held out his hand to pull me out of my chair. I'm pretty sure I had some sort of awestruck stupefied grin on my face and heat on my cheeks as I put my hand in his and stood.

"I'm actually looking forward to one of Alice's events for once." He smiled at me and hadn't let go of my hand.

"Yeah, well she's not doing your make-up or inviting Rosalie over to fix your hair," I grumbled.

Edward laughed, took two steps backwards and squeezed my hand before letting it fall. "I'll see you tonight, Bella."

Alice's event was the annual Black and White Ball benefitting the Mental Health Association. I couldn't help but think about what a yuppie little housewife she'd become. Black tie events were a far cry from digging in the sand in Jordan. I wasn't really looking forward to being stuck in a room with a bunch of people I didn't know, wearing uncomfortable shoes, and pretending to have fun. At least most of Alice's family would be there. They would make it bearable.

Rosalie came over to get ready with us, which was really code for – Rosalie came over to help Alice fix me. I wore a simple strapless black dress with white polka dots. It went to my knees. I insisted on leaving my hair down, so Rose insisted on curling it. All in all, it wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be. I wasn't going to take anyone's breath away, but I didn't look that bad.

Alice had to be there early, so I stayed back to ride with Jasper and Edward. When I arrived in Seattle, we talked about the gala at the end of my trip. Now it was here, and it was reminding me that I would be leaving soon. My heart was already aching. Every time I said goodbye to Alice, it was hard. I never knew when I'd get to see her again, and I always felt like I was leaving part of myself behind. I'd been surrounded by fun people the whole time I was here. The thought of going home to my empty house alone made me sad. It was hard living alone.

I was sitting on the couch reading Edward's book and waiting. I couldn't stop rubbing my lips together and popping them. The thick MAC lip gloss Alice made me wear was so cool and sticky.

"Hoping those things get some action later, Swan?" I looked up and Jasper was standing in the doorway smirking at me. His hair was wet. He had on black dress pants and a white undershirt. He was pretty freaking hot.

"Why? Is your dad going to be there?"

"No, he was going out with your mom tonight, the last time I talked to him."

I smiled at my old friend, and he smiled back at me. "I'm almost ready. I just have to get dressed and then run to pick up the sitter and Jacob. He's insisting on riding with us so mom and dad can have a date or something like that. Edward's in the shower, in case you want to go see if you can help him scrub anything."

I rolled my eyes. Jasper laughed and walked off. Great, now I was stuck waiting and picturing Edward in the shower. Actually it wasn't such a bad way to pass the time.

I heard the water turn off. About ten minutes later Edward came out wearing black pants, a charcoal dress shirt, and a thin grey tie. He was beautiful.

I sat on the overstuffed chair in the living room, and he didn't notice me at first. He looked at himself in the mirror hanging on the couch, straightened his tie, ran his hands through his hair, looked toward the hallway, and sighed.

If I didn't let him know I was there soon, it was going to be awkward when he noticed me.

"Edward?" I said trying to get his attention.

I hadn't meant to scare him, but when I said his name, he jumped and snapped around so quickly that he lost his balance a little and hit the corner of the entertainment center with his face.

Oops. I jumped up and ran to him.

"Oh my gosh! Edward! Are you okay? I'm so sorry! Please tell me you're okay!"

I grabbed his arm and held onto him in case he was too hurt to hold himself up. With his other hand, he held his mouth where he hit.

"What are you doing, Bella?" he groaned.

"I wasn't trying to scare you. It was an accident."

"Well, I'm terrified." He looked at his hand to see if it was bleeding. Thankfully it wasn't but his lip was swollen.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so clumsy, even when I'm sitting down, I make a mess of things."

"It's okay." He put his hand on my shoulder like he was trying to comfort me. I was the one who'd just maimed his perfect face.

"Oh my gosh, your lip. We need to get some ice on it." I was standing so close to him, I could smell his soap and his cologne, and I don't think I'd ever realized just how tall he was before. He was big enough to make me feel small and protected even. I wanted him to hug me and make me feel better for assaulting him.

Instead I kept holding onto his arm and pulled him with me to the kitchen. I sat him at the table, and he obeyed. I went to the fridge and got out a bag of frozen broccoli, and I could feel his eyes following me. I turned back around expecting to find him glaring at me, but he wasn't glaring. He was staring.

"You look, um… really nice," he said.

"And you just hit your head," I scoffed and stood in front of him so our knees were almost touching. I reached up to put the cold pack on his lip, but he caught my wrist. "No, you're beautiful."

I felt my face flaming. "Thanks," I whispered and quickly glanced down. He dropped my wrist, and I put the bag of broccoli on his face. He reached up and put his hand over mine holding it there. He looked up at me, and I looked down at him. There was some sort of heat radiating between us, and I feared it would consume me.

I heard the front door open, and in an instant, Edward dropped his hand, and I dropped the broccoli on the floor. Jasper walked in, and I felt like I'd just gotten caught doing something very, very bad. Jasper didn't seem to notice; he just mouthed the word 'sorry' at me and shrugged his shoulders. Jacob followed him in and had his hands behind his back. He was decked out in a suit and had gel in his hair. I wanted to pinch his cute little cheeks; he was so adorable.

I heard Edward mutter, "What the hell?" under his breath as Jacob moved his arm and held out a small bouquet of really beautiful hot pink roses for me.

"Bella, I was hoping you would be my date tonight?" Jacob asked. I glanced at Edward who looked furious, but he looked furious most times Jacob opened his mouth. I looked back at Jacob who had the cutest little hopeful smirk on his face, and I started giggling uncontrollably. I wanted to make out with a 22 year-old, but a 17 year-old was standing here asking me out on a date. Could my life get any more ridiculous?

"That's very sweet, Jakey. It will be just like Alice and Jasper's wedding."

I swear I heard Edward growl behind me, but when I snapped my head around, he just gave me a faint smile and nodded his head.

**A/N: Well – I can't think of a good threat to save my life, so I think it's time to bring up the children. I work with very poor mentally ill children. They don't have much. I try to give them what I can, but I feel like I can give them more when my love bucket is full. Reviews fill my love bucket. Won't you fill my love bucket? For the children? You have the power to make a difference in their lives. Hallelujah**

**LIFE OR DEATH IMPORTANCE: We did it! Yippee! Thank you Thank you Thank you! Unspoken made it to the final round of the Jasper contest! NOW IS THE TIME TO RALLY! Go straight there and vote people. We can do this! We can do it! Hands in… 1, 2, 3… Unspoken! (By the way, I'll die if I don't win but no pressure). Link is on my profile. PLEASE!  
**

**Thankfully my bffs Daisy3853 and Profmom72 also made it. I need every other one of you to also vote for one of them, because you can only vote for two. You guys can figure that out amongst yourselves. Their stories are better than mine, but don't tell anyone I said that. **


	11. Chapter 11 Sparks

**A/N: Don't worry. Jake will be fine. There will not be a love triangle. Calm down. I love all of you oh so much. **

**I am also trying to set the Guinness Book of World Records for the fic with the most betas. They all serve a very important purpose, and I don't want to gyp any of them from having the title. If you're interested in being one – I can send you an application (that was a joke). Thanks to Daisy, Profmom, LTR, Twikers, and now LMC who has come on as research support. Ha ha . **

**MORE LIFE OR DEATH INFO AT THE END!**

Controlled Burn

Chapter 11 Sparks

"Time to go," Jasper called from the living room.

"Shall we?" Jacob said, and held his arm out for me to take. I put my hand through it, and we walked toward the door. Edward stood up from his chair at the kitchen table and followed behind us after putting the frozen broccoli back in the freezer.

The front seat of the car had a huge flower arrangement in it. "Sorry guys, I'll have to chauffeur you tonight," Jasper said. "We had to stop and pick these up for Alice on the way here."

Jacob held the back door of Jasper's car open for me, and Edward went around to the other side. I climbed in and scooted to the middle. The Cullen boys sat on either side of me. Jasper started driving, and it was the longest 12 minute car ride of my life.

Edward seemed tense beside me, and all I wanted to do was to turn my head and sniff him. Jacob acted jittery, shaking one of his legs and drumming his fingers on his thigh. I finally sneaked a glance over at Edward and found him glaring at my bare knee. That's when I felt Jacob's hand resting there. I rolled my eyes, picked up his hand, and placed it back on his own knee. I looked over at him, and he had a cocky smile on his face. Oh god.

We finally arrived at the mansion where the event was being held. The two boys climbed out, and I almost followed Edward on his side. Unfortunately, Jacob was already bending down, holding his hand to help me out. I took it, and when I stepped out of the car, instead of extending his arm to me again, he just kept a hold of my hand. I didn't want his parents to think I was some sort of perverted freak, so I quickly grabbed my hand back and held my clutch with both hands in front of me. Jacob put his hand on my back and led me inside. He was starting to annoy me.

We got inside, and I excused myself to go find Alice. She was the perfect hostess, greeting more people than I could have ever remembered by name, welcoming them, and making small talk. She had a huge smile plastered on her face, and I was a bit in awe of her skills. I went up to her and congratulated her on the wonderful turnout. She introduced me to a few of her friends and then excused herself to go check on the silent auction pieces.

I scanned the crowd, not looking for anyone in particular. I found that certain no-one-in-particular standing alone against a pillar with a drink in his hand. He looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, and it was like I could feel goodness and warmth and loveliness flowing through my veins. I was about to walk toward him when Edward's smile turned to a frown. He huffed and slumped his shoulders ending our moment.

"There you are," I heard a voice behind me say. I almost gagged when I thought I felt him blow on my neck. Jacob had found me. My sweet, innocent, young buddy was acting all sorts of weird, and it was making me uncomfortable.

"Dance with me?" he asked.

"I guess, but I'd rather wait until the Electric Slide later," I smiled at him. He just winked at me and started walking toward the dance floor. Eww, I did not like young boys winking at me.

The song was a slow one. I put my hands on Jacob's shoulders, and he instantly pulled my body flush against him and started rubbing his hands up and down my back like he wanted to feel me up.

"Jacob, give some room to breathe," I said grabbing his arms from around my waist and pushing him back until there was some space between us.

"Sure," he winked at me again. We danced the rest of the song with Jacob staring at me intensely while I looked everywhere but at him. I was uncomfortable to say the least. I finally found Edward dancing with his mom and made the sight of them together my happy place. As soon as the song ended, I told Jacob I had to pee and headed for the bathroom.

When I came back out, I tried to be covert, but Jacob saw me, and started walking towards me. I pretended not to see him and turned a different direction. Of course, I literally ran straight into Edward.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I said and glanced back over my shoulder to see if Jacob had caught up with me yet. Edward followed my eyes to see what I was looking at and frowned when he saw Jacob. "Save me?" I pleaded with a whisper. Edward looked down at me and smiled. His smile was my new happy place. Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. He kept me at a respectable distance, and we kept eye contact.

"Thank you," I breathed after I saw Jacob sulk off.

"Looks like someone has a little crush," Edward smiled at me.

"Oh no, I swear I don't! He's much too young for me. I mean not that I wouldn't date someone younger. Younger is okay, just well, he's too young. He's barely past puberty." I couldn't believe I had been giving them that impression. Edward must think I was some sort of sick freak.

"I mean that Jacob has a crush on you," Edward laughed.

"Oh! Oh, of course that's what you meant. I don't know what I did to bring this on. We get along so well. He's like the little brother I never had."

"Bella, I don't think you have to do anything but breathe to attract everyone you meet."

"Whatever, you're just being silly." I pursed my lips at him and tried to play it cool, but on the inside my heart started racing.

"I'm serious. You're gorgeous and funny, and everyone loves you."

I wondered if he included himself in everyone. I just smiled at him and kept dancing. I loved going to formal events.

The song ended, but he didn't let go when the next one started. Jacob came up and tapped Edward on the shoulder. "May I cut in? You're hogging my date."

"Get lost," Edward said and pulled me closer wrapping his arms around my waist and making our bodies touch. It was similar to what Jacob had done, but this time I couldn't find it in me to care. Jacob stomped off, and I rested my head against Edward's chest letting him lead us. This was my new happy place.

That song ended, and the music picked up tempo. Edward slowly undid his arms, and I reluctantly pulled away. Before I knew what was happening, Jasper grabbed my hand, and spun me around to dance with him. I laughed as we did some sort of hip-hop swing tango. "You're wild!" I said through my giggles.

"You seem to be the one having a wild night," Jasper said back trying to make his voice loud enough for me to hear over the music. I laughed again as he dipped me, and I caught a glance of Edward over to the side of the dance floor smiling at us. I smiled back and then let out a shriek as Jasper spun me again.

When the song finally finished, I was out of breath and thirsty. I made my way over the refreshments, got a drink, and scanned the room for my happy place. I caught a glimpse of Edward walking out the door to the patio. I felt compelled to follow him. I didn't know what I would say when I got to him, but being near him was the only thing I could seem to focus on. I got outside and didn't see him anywhere. It was a beautiful night. The temperature was perfect and we were close enough to the water that you could hear it in the distance. I took a seat on the stone ledge surrounding the patio, listened to the sounds, and thought about Edward.

"Bella, there you are. I wanted to talk to you," Jacob interrupted me and was making his way toward me from the door.

"Oh, hi Jake. I was just getting some air."

Jacob sat down next to me, picked up my free hand, and held it in his. He started rubbing circles on it with his thumb. I tried to pull it back, but he held on tighter.

He looked up at me, took a deep breath, and said, "Bella, I've loved you since the first time I saw you at Alice's wedding. I was too young for you then, obviously, but I'm a man now. I know I don't have a full-time job or a car or even a driver's license, but I can get all that eventually. The important thing is that we love each other."

My mouth must have been touching my lap, it was hanging so far open. Why was this happening? Had I led him on? Was I really some sort of sick freak who flirts with young boys?

"Jake, I don't know what gave you the impression I might be interested, but you really are too young for me. I – I think you're adorable, but more like little brother adorable."

His face fell, and he let go of my hand. "But, it's not that much of a difference. In 40 years you'll be 71, and I'll be 59. I love you. I know it can be enough. Besides, you told me to go for it."

The look on his face broke my heart. I didn't feel bad enough to risk getting arrested though. "I'm sorry, Jake, I had no idea you were talking about me. I thought it was a girl at school or at your dog-sitting job. It would never work. I'll always be your sister though."

"Okay," he nodded. I reached out to squeeze his arm, but he jerked it away, stood up, and ran off down the steps and out into the gardens.

I felt awful. Who knew Bella Swan could be such a heartbreaker? I sat there for a long time staring at my glass in my hands. I was such an idiot. I did have a crush on a younger man, but the wrong younger man had a crush on me. It figured.

I felt him sit down next to me before I saw him. I looked up to find Edward with a soft smile on his face looking back at me.

"I've been looking for you," he said.

"Well, you found me." I smiled back, completely forgetting about Jacob. My happy place had arrived. I turned to the side and set my glass down beside me. When I turned back toward Edward, he was sitting even closer to me and leaning in.

"Bella, I wanted to talk to you."

Oh. My. Gosh.

"Uh huh?" My mind was going a million miles a minute. I couldn't think. I couldn't see. What was happening?

"Bella, I… I…," Edward sighed in frustration like he couldn't get the words out and looked down at his hands.

He took a deep breath and looked back up. "I…" but instead of talking he leaned forward with his eyes trained on my lips.

I leaned forward. Yes! He was about to kiss me!

I leaned back. No! He was Alice's kid brother!

I leaned forward again. I'd been fantasizing about those lips for two weeks.

I leaned back again. He was young. So very young.

I probably looked more like Rain Man than an alluring woman with all the rocking back and forth. Edward took control and put his hand behind my head, threading it through my hair and pulling me toward him. He placed his lips softly on mine and held them there. I felt the kiss from my lips down to my toes. It was soft and sweet and gentle and flawless. It was over too soon.

We were interrupted by an angry yell. The next thing I knew we broke apart, and I opened my eyes to see Jacob tackling Edward backwards. Edward nearly fell off the ledge, and I grabbed onto both of them trying to keep him and Jacob from falling over into the grass several feet below. Jacob shoved my arm off of him throwing me off of balance, and before I knew what was happening, I found myself laying on my back in the garden looking up at their horrified faces still on the patio above me.

Ouch.

Edward jumped down over the ledge, while Jacob ran down the steps. "Bella? Bella, can you hear me?" Edward grabbed my hand and kneeled over me.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Jacob said taking my other hand.

"Sweetheart? Jacob, you're delusional," Edward snapped at him angrily.

"Well at least I didn't try and suck her face off, you pervert," Jacob growled.

"Excuse me? I just fell off a ledge! Would one of you please help me up?" I interrupted. Luckily nothing felt broken.

"What is going on? Mr. Carey just came and told me there was a fight out here." The three of us looked up simultaneously at Alice who was standing up on the patio, looking at us with a furious expression on her face.

"Oh no, nothing like that. You know how clumsy I am. I just lost my balance and fell. This is so embarrassing." I started to get up, and Edward and Jacob both jumped to their feet and grabbed my elbows to help me. "Will you two stop!" I snarled too quiet for Alice to hear me.

Alice rushed down the steps to my side. "Are you okay? Oh your dress is all wrinkled, and your hair!"

"She looks fine, Alice," Edward said and reached up to smooth my hair down. I think I must have hit my head, because I just looked up at him, smiled, and let out a loud sigh.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go inside." Alice tugged on my arm, and I went with her back to the party. "I'm so sorry I haven't gotten to pay more attention to you tonight. Were you having fun before you fell?" Alice asked once we were back inside.

"Yes. I've been having a nice time," I answered her, but in my mind I was busy playing that kiss over and over.

"Good. The program is about to start, so you can just stick with me now. I've noticed Jake being a little clingy. Sorry about that. I think he has a bit of a crush on you."

"Yeah," I said. All I could think about was Edward leaning, Edward touching, and Edward's lips touching mine.

"Bella, are you okay? You seem out of it."

"Uh huh." Edward's smell, Edward's hands, Edward's lips.

"Come on, let's go sit down." Alice looked at me with concern and led me to the front row of chairs where they would be holding the auction. The room started filling with people. Jacob took the seat on the other side of me and put his arm around the back of my chair. He could not take a hint. I didn't see Edward sit down behind me, but I swear I felt him. I glanced over my shoulder, and there he was. Our eyes met, and the faintest hint of a smile crossed his lips. I looked away quickly, and sat in my seat grinning like an idiot.

I didn't get anywhere near my happy place the rest of the night. After the program and auction, Alice had me helping her pass out gift bags and making sure people left with their purchases. I found him with my eyes every chance I got, but when I did he was sitting by himself and appeared deep in thought. When the gala was over and it was finally time to leave, Esme and Carlisle both hugged Alice and congratulated her on a successful event.

"Bella, I don't know if we'll see you again before you leave. You need to come back soon. You're practically a Cullen now." Esme pulled me in close for a hug.

"Sooner or later, mom," Jacob said and grabbed me as soon as she let go and before I could stop him. He hugged me tight against his chest and whispered in my ear, "I'll wait for you."

"Stop." I gave him a stern look and heard Edward snarl something angrily behind me.

"Sure, sure." Jacob winked at me. I don't know where this cocky little jerk came from, but I wanted the old Jacob back who was cute and played with me.

"It's been a pleasure having you here," Carlisle said and held out his arms to hug me. "You're welcome to visit us any time."

"Thank you." I hugged him and felt sad that it was the beginning of the goodbyes. They left, followed by Rosalie and Emmett.

"Do you want Edward and Bella to take my car, and I'll ride with you?" Jasper asked Alice. Yes! I wanted to ride with Edward! I wanted to be trapped in a confined space with him! I wanted to talk about that kiss. I wanted to figure out what was going on. I wanted to be near him.

Jasper looked at Alice. Alice looked at Edward. Edward was looking at me, and I tried my best not to make eye contact with anyone. I was feeling exposed or like I'd been doing something naughty.

"No, I think I want to spend as much time as I can with Bella. Why don't you drive Edward?" There was something in Alice's voice that didn't sound quite right. What if she knew I kissed her brother? Well technically he kissed me. I didn't do anything wrong.

"Sure thing, I'll see you ladies at home," Jasper said. He turned toward the door, and Edward turned to follow. He paused and looked back at me. It was a quick glance, but I felt like he was telling me something. Like we would talk later or kiss later. I gave him a quick nod and waved goodbye.

I helped Alice get the rest of her things together, and she didn't seem upset with me at all. She didn't mention anything about Edward or Jacob. We discussed what a great night it had been, and Alice told me how much money they had raised.

When she pulled into the driveway, I noticed Edward's truck was gone. It was late, and we were both exhausted, so I told Alice goodnight. Tomorrow would be my last full day in Seattle. I wasn't ready to leave. I wasn't ready to tell Alice goodbye, and I had no idea what was going on with Edward.

I got ready for bed, and lay awake listening for him to come home. As ridiculous as my feelings for him were, they were real. I never would have imagined he would feel something for me too, but apparently he did. I just didn't know what any of it meant. Was it just a kiss, or was there something more? It was after two in the morning when I finally heard the front door close. I'd planned to get up and talk to him when he got home. I wanted to ask him how he felt, or what he'd been thinking when he kissed me. I might have even been hoping to try the whole thing out again when Jacob wasn't around to interrupt us. Now that he was home though, I found myself chickening out. I waited. I heard him come out of the bathroom. I waited more. I didn't hear anymore movement. I waited a little longer working up my nerve. By the time I made it out of bed and into the living room, he was sound asleep.

I watched him sleep, and I ached for him. It felt good but painful all at the same time. I worried it couldn't work. I worried that it could. I considered waking him. I thought about kissing him just to find out how he'd respond. I thought about reaching out and running my fingers through his hair, but in the end all I did was sit there, because I couldn't find the courage to do anything else. After a couple of hours I got up, bent over him, lightly kissed him on the cheek, and went to bed.

I woke up later than usual but still hadn't gotten much sleep. I thought I should probably try and at least check my appearance and brush my teeth before I chanced running into Edward. I started to sneak toward the bathroom when I heard Alice crying in the living room.

"Alice! What's wrong?" I followed the sound of her voice and found her sitting on the couch in the living room. She was holding a page ripped from a legal pad in one hand and a tissue in the other.

"It's Edward," she sobbed. I froze. What did she mean?

"What about him?" I asked calmly trying to hide the chaos raging inside of me.

"He's gone."

**A/N: This is a ****BRIBE**** chapter, and that cliffie was beta approved, so blame them. The EPOV will help you out. I'll send it to you in my reply if you review. I'm telling you it's worth it. Don't be lazy.**

**NOW we need to have a talk. My entry in the For the Love of Jasper Contest is rated T. I think it takes a lot of guts to rate a fic T knowing you will automatically lose some readers because of the rating. I try hard to write stories that are good enough that you don't miss the smut. It's not that the smutty stories are bad, but doesn't a clean fic deserve a chance too? It seems impossible – for a smutless story to beat out the others. But hey, the colonies beat the motherland. David beat Goliath. Edward beat James. Daisy told me that saying it's a battle of good vs. evil was too dramatic, but you be the judge. Let's do something different here. Let's show that fan fic isn't just a celebration of porn. It's only partially a celebration of porn. Vote for two of the three T rated fics. Mine – Unspoken, Daisy3853's Underexposed, and Profmom's More than a Feeling. It would mean a lot. Link on my profile. Thanks to those of you that already voted. **


	12. Chapter 12 Extinguished

**A/N: A lot of people are starting to read this. It's freaking me out a little. Guess what! I got second in the Jasper contest!! Thank you so much for voting and for giving non smut a chance. I love each of you hard. **

**Thanks to the Burn Unit: Twike, Daisy, Profmom, LTR, and LMC. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 12

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" I asked a crying Alice.

"When I woke up, his blankets were put away, this note was on the coffee table, and his truck was gone." Alice held up the paper to me. I took it from her and read:

_Alice, _

_I've been planning to get away. I didn't plan to leave like this, but something happened that made it necessary. I don't know exactly where I'm going or when I'll be back. I just need time to be alone and think. I know you will be upset, but please respect my need to do this. I have to do some soul searching and make some life changes. It's time. We both know that. I'm going to call Dad from the road, and I promise I'll talk to you soon. _

_Love, EAC_

My heart sank when I read the words. I'd been the one to encourage him to try something different. It was my fault Alice was crying. I was also disappointed that he hadn't told me. There had been plenty of chances yesterday for him to confide in me. Instead, he kissed me. What did that mean now? He kissed me, just once, for just one moment, and now he was gone. For me that kiss meant everything, but maybe the Cullens were just kissy. Maybe they kissed each on the lips all the time, and I just hadn't noticed it. Maybe they were some sort of sick freaks. I was pretty sure it wasn't a brotherly or a friendly kiss, but maybe I was stupid for thinking it was something more. It was foolish to hope that someone like Edward could have feelings for someone like me. It was probably just a passing infatuation for him. I, on the other hand, was in too deep, and it hurt like hell.

"I'm sorry, Alice." I handed the letter back to her and tried to hide my own emotions.

"I know he hasn't been happy. I just don't know why he didn't tell me what he was going to do."

"Probably because you would never have let him go. You would have tried to talk him out of it, and made him feel like you were disappointed in him if he went anyway."

She looked at me like I'd just hurt her and started crying harder. "Alice, no… I mean, he probably just needs some time away. He'll be back. You left the country for three months when you were close to his age. Remember, how much you grew up in Egypt.? He needs a chance to experience something like that." I put my arm around her, and she cried on my shoulder.

Jasper walked in the door. "No luck," he said.

"No luck with what?" I asked.

"Alice made me go try to chase after Edward and get him to come back. I finally got him to answer his phone, but he was already in Idaho."

"Alice, don't hate me, but I think you've got to let him go." I knew I was giving myself the same advice. I had to let Edward Cullen go. He was a fantasy, a fairy tale, but Prince Charming wasn't going to comeride up on a white horse and take me away. Our road wasn't going to lead to happily ever after. I was too old, and he was too young. People would find it creepy. I even found the idea a little creepy.

"I know. It's just hard. I've always felt responsible for him. This is all my fault." Jasper sat on the other side of her, and she moved to lean into his embrace.

"It's nobody's fault, Alice. It's just something he needed to do," Jasper said.

"I'm sure he'll be back before you know it," I tried to reassure her.

"He's gone, and tomorrow you'll be gone, and I'll be all alone," Alice whined.

That was a little much. Alice had never been alone in her life. She had no idea what it was like to have a flat tire and have no one to call. She could probably count the nights she'd slept in a house all by herself on one hand. She didn't have to depend on her friend's brother's blog to keep her company. Alice had never been alone.

I felt my eyes starting to sting, and I needed to get out of there. "I'm going to get dressed."

"You look fine, Swan," Jasper said, but then he looked at my face and knew I was upset. He nodded his head toward the hall and told me with his eyes to go.

I went into the bedroom and noticed Edward's guitar was gone. The notebooks on the desk weren't there any more to taunt me, and when I looked in the closet, some of his shirts were missing. He'd come in here and packed while I slept. I wondered if he'd watched me like I'd watched him. I prayed he was really asleep last night when I kissed his cheek. I plopped myself down on the corner of the bed and stared at the closet. I didn't want to cry for him. That would be ridiculous. We weren't anything, but possibly just barely friends.

The more I thought about what Alice said, the more frustrated I became. She had everything. She had Jasper and her family and Lucy who would love her forever and change her Depends when she got older. I didn't like the situation I was in. It wasn't how I pictured my life turning out. I'd tried to make something out of it, but to be honest Mike only made matters worse.

The false sense of companionship I'd built with Mike, pretending that _something_ was better than _nothing_, wasn't working. Edward and this trip had been a fun little escape from the monotony of my daily life, but it was time for me to face reality. Being here had been wonderful. It made me realize how unhappy I'd been. It was time for some things to change. Some things like Mike, to start with. Was it really worth being with someone if I volunteered at a soup kitchen once a month to get out of spending a night with him? I preferred flirting with homeless men over flirting with Mike.

It was also time to stop believing that I had to have the perfectly prescribed life with two kids, a husband, and a dog to be happy. Being alone didn't mean I had to be lonely. There were plenty of things I could do. I could adopt a child; I could adopt a dog; I could become eccentric and spend all my money on big shiny purses that made a statement. I could write a book or try and get the most dangerous assignments around the world and live life on the edge. There were plenty of things I could do to be happy that didn't involve a husband or starting to take in stray cats.

It was time I focused more on my career. I think in a way I'd been waiting for everything else in my life to work out first, afraid that if I was too into my work that my potential relationships would suffer. It was silly to put my life on hold waiting for something that might or might not even happen. I was going to start working on my portfolio, and I was even going to take Edward's advice and call Dr. Cullen.

All of my future- oriented thinking was good and healthy and positive, but there was one thing I couldn't get out of my mind. Edward. He kissed me. He'd been nicer to me the last few days, and; there were even a few moments where I was amazed at our chemistry and could practically feel the sparks flying between us, but I'd just dismissed it all as the workings of my always healthy imagination. Still, if I'd imagined those things, then why did he kiss me? What was he thinking? Why did he leave without explaining? Part of me was frustrated that he didn't tell me anything, but even more of me missed him.

I would miss the rest of Alice's family when I went home, too, but the way I missed Edward was different. Even if this little day dream was endingould have ended when I left to go back to Boston, I still would have liked the chance to say goodbye and to thank him for letting me get to know him. He was the only one of the Cullens I didn't feel like I knew before I got here, and now I knew he was just as wonderful as the rest of his family. He was also the star in at least three naughty dreams I'd had in the last week, but I planned to keep that information to myself. I didn't need to thank him for everything.

There was a light knock on the door, and Alice peeked her head inside. "Can I come in?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Dad just called. He talked to Edward. My dad actually thinks this is a good idea. Can you believe that? I'm done. I'm tired of trying to help him. If he wants to ruin his life, that's up to him. He never listens to me anyway." Alice threw herself down dramatically on the bed next to me.

I looked down at my friend, and I couldn't decide if I wanted to laugh at her or slap her. In the end I knew it was useless. Disagreeing with Alice is like telling a squirrel in your front yard to sit. It's pointless. It was probably better that I didn't talk too much about Edward anyway. I wasn't sure how well I could hide my feelings from her if we did.

"Let's not let Edward ruin our last day together. I want to have fun with my best friend, not cry over your brother."

"By fun do you mean makeovers, shopping, or watching chick flicks?"

"Little Pixie, can we please try and make you a _little_ less cliché? How about we read books together and discuss them or paint or try andto find a cure for cancer.?"

Alice gave me the most ferocious look someone so small could muster. I was willing to admit she scared me. "Let's go to the mall!" I laughed, grabbed a pillow off the bed, and slung it at her. She was too quick for me and ducked.

Two hours later I was regretting not fighting harder to find a cure for cancer. My feet were already aching as Alice went from baby store to baby store, looking for sundresses for Lucy. It wasn't that I hated shopping with Alice all the time, but when we were only looking at clothes that were clearly too small for me, I was bored.

We were walking through Gap for Kids on the way to Baby Gap, when I heard a child say, "Mommy, that's Edward's sister."

Alice and I both snapped our heads in the direction of the voice. An adorable little blonde -haired girl was pointing at Alice. She was probably about five, or six, or maybe 12. I really had no idea. The woman looked in our direction, and recognition flashed across her face. She started over toward us. She looked familiar to me, but there was no way I could have known her.

"Hi, Tanya," Alice practically sighed. Tanya. The girl from Alice's wedding who Edward was sucking face with. I wanted to cut her, but not in front of the children.

"Alice, I'm so glad I ran into you. Do you know where Edward is? He was supposed to come by this morning, and he never showed up. I tried calling his phone, but it went straight to voicemail."

Alice rolled her eyes rather obviously. I wanted to throw up, myself, but I didn't think blatant rudeness was Alice's style.

"He went out of town," Alice said.

"Oh… um, he didn't mention it to me, or maybe he did, and I just forgot."

"It was kind of last minute," Alice said while she looked through some boy's t-shirts. Tanya looked painfully uncomfortable. I couldn't stand it anymore. This called for an intervention.

"Hi, I'm Alice's friend Bella."

"Oh, Bella!" A smile appeared on Tanya's face and she shook my hand enthusiastically. "Edward told me about you. I'm so glad to meet you."

Huh?

"Oh, well it's nice to meet you too."

"This is my daughter, Chloe." Tanya pointed to the little girl.

"Hi." I smiled down at her, and she smiled back.

"Well if you guys hear from Edward, please tell him to call me," Tanya said and smiled at me again.

Alice let out some sort of grunt. I said goodbye and pulled Alice over to the girls' section. "What was that all about?"

"Don't like her." Alice shrugged and kept looking at clothes.

"You didn't have to be so rude to her. Are she and Edward, um still hanging out?" I tried not to be too obvious about wanting to know.

"I guess so," Alice huffed. "I wish she would stop manipulating him. She's probably trying to make him her baby- daddy."

"He's not her baby daddy, is he?" I might have been panicking just a little bit. It was bad enough that Edward apparently had a long -time girlfriend, but if he had a kid, I was going to die.

"Oh no, that was some loser named Sam. He's my age, and he ran off and joined the army right after she got pregnant. I hear he's back in town, but I really couldn't care less about any of them. If my brother wants to be an idiot, that's his problem."

"Maybe he left town to get away from her."

Alice froze. "I bet you're right. She's probably crazy and stalks him or something."

"She's probably blackmailing him."

"I bet she's not even human."

Alice looked at me with horror in her eyes. I looked back at her with equal shock, and we both started laughing. I needed to keep laughing. It would be the only thing that would keep me from crying.

I didn't know what was going on, but I was starting to think I had misread Edward even more than I originally thought.

The rest of the day and the next morning were bitter sweet. Nothing in me felt like going back to Boston. Jasper made fun of Alice and me for being too clingy with each other, but I knew the clock was ticking and all the fun would soon be over. And then it was.

Walking away from Alice at the airport was like walking into a cloudy day. I wiped away the tears and knew I must look especially ridiculous when the woman at security hugged me. I sat on the plane, dabbing my eyes with a tissue. An older woman sat down next to me. She looked warm and kind, and I had the urge to ask her to hold me and brush my hair.

I noticed her looking at me. I must have been quite a sight with mascara smudged around my eyes and snot wiped on my sleeve.

"Sorry," I said. "Rough day."

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry." She patted me on the arm and then bent over to put down her magazine. Oh good, she wanted to know about it.

"Yeah, I've been visiting my friend in Seattle. She just had a baby, and I wanted to meet her. Her name is Lucy. She's cute, but Alice doesn't think I would make a good mother. Alice is married to Jasper, and I used to have a crush on him back in Cairo, but this is the first time I've ever admitted that because all the other girls liked him and there's nothing worse than being a cliché. So anyway, I used to joke about wanting to date Alice's younger brother Edward, but he was 14, so I guess it wasn't that funny, but now he's 22, and wow he is so good looking, but he never brushes his hair, and that's a little gross, but I never did mind a fixer upper. Anyway, I don't think I'm joking anymore, I think I like him, but he's kind of moody, and I usually think he hates me, but then he kissed me after his little brother asked me out, and then he just left after I watched him sleep, and and, I just don't know what do." I started crying again and laid my head down in her lap. "He's so wonderful, and I'm, I'm so old," I cried.

The woman slowly patted me on the head. "Um, your hair is in my trail mix."

"Oh, oh! I'm so sorry." I lifted my head, looked down at her lap, and there was a smashed baggie of trail mix there. I looked up at her face, and she looked like she was scared of me.

I tried to straighten her clothing where I'd rumpled it and thought I heard her mumble something about boundaries as I sat back in my own seat.

I slammed my head against the headrest a few times. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I pretended I was asleep for the rest of the flight, trying to avoid another awkward moment with my neighbor. By the time I walked into my house, I was exhausted. Pretending to sleep had worn me out, and I had to be at work the next morning. I threw a load of laundry in the washing machine and powered up my laptop to email Alice and let her know I was home.

I glanced at the toolbar with my favorites and told myself no. There was no point in obsessing over him. It had been months and months since he'd posted anything new, and I had practically had every entry memorized. I told my hand to stop moving the mouse toward the link. I told my eyes to stop looking at the screen. My hand and eyes ignored me as I clicked on Edward's blog.

I blinked, rubbed my eyes, and looked again.

He updated.

**8.23.09**

dreaming. thinking. waiting.

The End.

fire. burning. scorching skin.

I need her.

decay of vision. want. expectation.

the Phoenix rises. alive.

one kiss. I die.

-by EAC

One kiss. One kiss? It couldn't be. He probably wrote that ages ago. If ithe was referring to our one kiss, did he mean it killed him? I was the kiss of death? Figured.

**A/N: Let me know if you still want to read any of the previous EPOVs. I'm not stingy. But I am miserable. I've been sick for three weeks, and I've been to the doctor four times. Your review may be the only thing that gets me through. It would be like a get well card. I'm too weak to even do a good job begging. Cough… cough… sigh. **

**If you are looking for good stories to read, I suggest Finding Home by Jennde for a freaking HOT Edward in uniform…yum, Rabbit Hole by Profmom72 for the most freakishly brilliant mystery ever written, and WriteOnTime writes the funniest stuff ever, and she has a new fic called Breaking News. **


	13. Chapter 13 Blaze

**A/N: After a review from sunfire04 the other day, I tried to look back and figure out which ones of you have been reading and reviewing my fics all along. It's been over a year now that I've been spending hours and hours each week writing stories based on a teenage book about Vampires. Some call it crazy; I call it worth it for all the bffs I've made. Really the interacting with each other is the fun part. Thank you. Oh and I'm feeling much better. **

**I posted some of the earlier outtakes under The Fireman on my profile. If you don't like it when I bribe, you can wait for them to show up there, or you can just not read them. The story is complete without them. I think more of you like it than not though, so I'll probably keep doing it. I'm a people pleaser. **

**Thanks to the burn team Twike for proofing, Daisy for approving, T for being the voice of reason, LTR for prereads and feedback and LMC for fact checking. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 13

Blaze

When I got back to Boston I tried to be proactive and make some changes. I called Dr. Cullen. She was so warm and gracious and immediately offered to check with her contacts and get back with me. I started updating my resume, made a CD presentation of my writing clips, and I even looked into what it would take to put my house on the market if I got offered a job in another city. I planned the speech I was going to give Mike to break up with him. Luckily, I'd been able to avoid him since I got back from Seattle almost three weeks ago. I was sick. I had cramps. I had a deadline. Swine flu. Had to drive to Connecticut to shop at an outlet mall. I'd have to do it sooner or later, though.

As much as I was trying to make changes for the better, some things remained the same. I still got home from work every afternoon and walked into a quiet house. I spent most evenings alone, unless a friend asked me to do something. When I got home, I would try to find something to do like start some laundry or dust. I would wait at least twelve minutes every day before I signed onto my laptop to check Edward's blog. After not updating for months and months, now he was updating almost daily. I was going mad trying to analyze his words.

9.7.09

_**Goodbye**_

_i had to leave. _

_your smile. your words on repeat in my head. _

_your smell. the sway of your hips._

_i had to leave. you. _

_i had to go._

_through trees and fields and rain i fly_

_trying to imagine a world without her. _

_it follows. me. your smile. your smell. your sway._

_from where you laid your head on my pillow._

_i had to leave. i had to go._

_i won't forget. anything. you're everything._

_no matter the miles and songs. _

_her heart. my heart. _

_her love. not mine. _

I sat in my living room crying like an idiot. I didn't know what it meant. Why was he doing this to me? Was he even thinking about me at all, while he consumed my every thought? I read it over and over until I started to make myself crazy. I looked for some hint, some sign that would make it obviously about me, but how could it be? I wanted it to be, but if I let myself start to believe, it would only hurt more. I was home now. I had to get back reality, but I wanted to go back to Seattle.

_9.9.09_

_**Haiku**_

_i can't leave her now_

_i'll lose myself walking through _

_her strawberry fields_

Where in this country was he picking strawberries, and who couldn't he leave there!?! I despised her, whoever she was. I shut the laptop, went to bed, and thought of him.

_9.11.09_

_i smiled in my sleep loving your quiet and indifferent self confidence. _

_you're stronger than you think._

I couldn't stop thinking about where he was and what he was doing. I talked to Alice, and she said he was in Kansas last time she talked to him. They had reached some sort of truce, but Alice was still upset that he refused to come home.

_9.12.09_

_**Shhhh**_

_so many words scare me._

_if she would stop talking I might kiss her. I might need her. I might love her. _

_she never shuts up._

_I sit and I listen and I wait for my chance. _

_when she takes a breath, I'll take what's mine. _

Now that one sounded like me. I kept trying to imagine that he was writing about me. If he had never kissed me, I wouldn't even have had the guts to dream it. But he _had_ kissed me, and this entry made it sound like something that hadn't happened yet. He must have been writing about that strawberry girl he met on the road. It had been a long day. I didn't want to sit around thinking about Edward and his new lover. This was just a silly crush. I was going to give it a few more days, and then I was going to delete the bookmark from my computer and let it go. I'd been obsessing over this blog for years, and now I was obsessing over the author. Obsessions weren't healthy. Running was healthy. In a few more days I would start running.

_9.13.09_

_**wants**_

_i want to be with you. i'll say that plainly._

_i want your mouth to be mine. i'll say it out loud._

_i want your body on me. i'll never stop dreaming._

_i want you. _

_but to this end, i still don't know. if you want me._

I knew exactly how he felt. The two of us could start a support group. Maybe one of my new life resolutions could be to find a group called Unhealthy Obsessions Anonymous. I could invite Edward. Or we could just make out.

9.17.09

_Another mile another song another night I dreamed of her all night long. _

Once again, I could relate to his words. Well more like another train commute, another article, I dreamed of him all night too. I couldn't think of a good word to rhyme with article. I was tired. I ran almost half a mile before I gave up, came home, and turned on my computer.

_9.19.09_

_**Perfect**_

_My perfect world is full of afternoon naps and banjo songs._

_We drive in my truck down a country lane. You sit close, and I drape my arm over your shoulder._

_You talk and I listen._

_I kiss your cheek and you sigh._

_I'm not too young. You're not too old._

_I don't have to be established. You don't have to be so far away._

_We make love under a tree, I sing to you, and you smile. _

_My perfect world is you. _

Well crap. That one hurt. He was fantasizing about outdoor sex, and I was fantasizing about him. ALL. THE. TIME. This was the last day. I was going to look for a new hobby tomorrow. I'd always wanted to try knitting. I could make scarves. People loved scarves. I would become popular with all my friends.

_9.21.09_

_today i wonder if you'll ever know. not the time. not the years. not the way i one time kissed you. _

_i wonder if you'll ever know the way i really want you. the way i know you in my heart and in my head. i want to know you with my hands and with your skin._

Wasn't I supposed to have given him up by now? That was the last time I was checking it. Unfortunately knitting took concentration, counting, and math skills. I'd always hated math.

_9.24.09_

_you make the first move. let me make all the rest. _

Why was he updating so much more? It wasn't helping me quit him. Maybe I should try smoking or promiscuity to distract me. The blog updates were starting to get depressing. They used to be romantic, but they were more geared toward some far off dream of a woman. Now they seemed focused on a specific girl. He must have fallen for someone during his travels. For all I knew he had a girlfriend back home. Sure there were little things that reminded me of what happened between us, but there was just no way. I was clearly delusional.

Crushes on friends' little brothers were stupid.

I slammed my laptop shut, slumped down in my chair, and pouted. It was still early on Saturday morning, but I considered looking to see if there was still any ice cream left in my freezer. My plans were interrupted when my phone started ringing in my purse.

I dashed across the room, opened it, and started searching. I could hear the ringing but I couldn't find it. I started to think I wasn't going to answer the call in time, when I saw the light and grabbed it. I saw the Seattle area code. It was Alice!

"Yo yo yo, 'sup buttacup?" I said in my best gangsta speak.

"Bella?" a masculine voice said softly.

"Uhhh, ummm, no, just a second." I put my hand over the receiver and screamed.

"This is Bella?" I tried again, playing it cool this time.

"Hi, it's Edward." Oh. My. Gosh.

"Oh, hi." I tried to sound nonchalant.

"Hi." He sounded like he let out a breath. "I'm in your area actually, and I was um, wondering if you might like to get together for dinner one night this week."

"You're in Boston?"

"Yeah, I've been making my way east," he said. The shakiness in his voice made him sound nervous.

"Oh, cool. Um, sure. When do you want to go?"

"Would tonight be too soon?"

"Tonight, hmm, let me think." I paused pretending like I really had to check my social calendar. "I think tonight would be fine." I was going to see Edward!

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Okay. What time?"

"Seven?"

"Ok seven sounds good. I'll see you at seven. Bye." I was about to hyperventilate.

"Bella!" he called out before I could hang up the phone.

"Yes?"

"I don't know where you live," he chuckled.

"Oh right. I'll text you my address and directions."

"I look forward to seeing you, Bella."

"You too, buddy." Buddy? Buddy! I was an idiot! I hung up the phone before I could say anything else.

What the fudge?!? What the fudge?!? What the fudge?!? Edward called me! Edward was in town! I was meeting Edward for dinner! I screamed and ran a couple of laps around the room like a crazy person.

OH MY GOSH! I only had nine hours to get ready. I needed something to wear. I needed help. I needed to call Alice! I couldn't call Alice. I was going on a date with her younger brother. Wait, it wasn't a date. Was it a date? It wasn't a date. He probably just wanted to see a familiar face. He'd been away from home for weeks.

Was I supposed to dress for a date or dress to spend time with a family friend? How did 22-year-old girls dress for dates? Should I try to act younger?

I had to sit down. I put my head between my knees and tried to breathe. I needed some clarity. I needed a pedicure! My feet were disgusting. I needed to look good for my date or for hanging out with my friend's brother. I needed some of Alice's expensive conditioner. I needed to calm down.

I flopped myself down and rested my head on the couch pillows. I was going to see Edward, alone, without having to go back to Alice at the end of the night. I wondered how different he would be out of his environment. Maybe some of the pressure he usually felt would be gone. What would we talk about? Would it seem too obvious if I admitted I finished the book of his I was reading and bought the next two in the series? What if he tried to kiss me again? What if he didn't? What if I couldn't take it anymore and ended up throwing myself at him? I needed to calm down again.

I wished I could call one of my friends, but I was afraid of what any of them would say if I told them I was interested in a zygote. It was kind of embarrassing. Plus, I didn't want to make it seem like something it wasn't. In reality, it was nothing, just a silly attraction that would pass. We were just getting together because he was in town and happened to know someone here. I needed to stop making it more than it was.

Dinner tonight was no big deal. I kept telling myself that as I left the house, got a manicure and pedicure, bought $80-a-bottle conditioner, three new shirts, and underwear that seemed like it might actually belong to a grownup.

I stayed out of the house for a long time so I wouldn't have hours to sit around the house and freak out about what was going to happen. I needed to buddha-ize myself and live in the moment. I would just take things as they came and try my best not to act like a spaz.

I washed my hair with expensive products, flat ironed it, and then curled it. It looked good, but it also looked like I was trying too hard. I put it in a ponytail. Too casual. I put it back down. I decided to go with natural looking make up. Alice would have killed me, but I always thought guys liked girls who looked like they didn't need much make up. I was pretty sure Edward was that kind of guy anyway. Not that I was trying to impress him. He was just a friend. An acquaintance, really.

It was time to get dressed. I started pulling out options from my closet and putting them on my bed. I took out my first date dress. It was nice. It looked good on me. Dressy. I would probably look like I was taking a hobo out for a charity dinner if I wore that with Edward.

I decided I should probably wear some sort of band t-shirt and jeans. He would probably like that more than anything too fancy. I dug through the back of my closet to find some old concert shirts. I found Kelly Clarkson and Hootie and the Blowfish. Arg! That would be embarrassing. Why couldn't I have anything cool like Rolling Stones or the Beatles? Oh great, an Eminem shirt. I went through a rap stage in my early twenties. So, no band shirt.

It was warm outside, so I decided to go with a casual sundress, white cardigan, and flip flops. It was a little bit dressy, but hopefully it didn't look like I was trying too hard. In reality I was trying very, very hard, but I didn't want Edward to know that. After all, this was just a dinner meeting.

I threw the huge mess I'd made in my closet and shut the door to hide it. I grabbed a book off my shelf, opened it, and put it on the coffee table hoping it would make me seem smart. I lit a candle that smelled like sugar cookies and made sure everything looked just right. I still had over half an hour before seven, and I couldn't stop fidgeting. I was just about to change clothes, when my doorbell rang. He was early!

I was in the entryway, and I froze. I couldn't do this. I would just have to pretend like I wasn't home. The doorbell rang again. I had to do this. I wanted to do this. Maybe I could use this night to help me get over my infatuation. I would probably see him and feel nothing.

I walked to the door, opened it slowly, and came very close to slamming it shut. Somewhere under all that facial hair, I finally recognized Edward. His hair was wild. He had a full beard. His clothes were crumpled and he looked more like a hobo than ever. I should have taken a picture and sent it Carlisle. He'd get a kick out of it.

"Hello, Bella." His sexy voice pulled me back to the moment.

"Edward, you look… different." He was still attractive. Something about the rugged mountain man look was strangely delicious, but the thought of going out in public with that thing bothered me. People really would think I was helping out a beggar.

"You look amazing." He smiled at me.

"Thank you." I stared down at my feet uncomfortably, and when I looked up he was still smiling.

"I'm sorry about my appearance. I've been driving and camping in the back of my truck most nights."

"Oh, you look good. You always look good," I said. Oops. Edward just smiled.

"Do you want to get going, or do you need more time? I know I'm a little early."

"Yeah, um, you can come in. I um… well." How did I put this without sounding like I just wanted him to take off his clothes? On the other hand, it might offend him if I made it sound like I thought he smelled, too.

"Do you need to or, um, want to use the bathroom? You probably haven't been anywhere with a nice shower or towels." Or a razor or a washing machine, but I didn't want to be too forward.

"Oh thank you." He reached out and squeezed my arm shooting fire through my veins. "I thought it might be too forward for me to ask if I could clean up, but I could use a shower. Let me just go grab my bag."

He jogged down the stairs of the porch, and I accidently sighed while I watched him. He grabbed a duffle bag out of the truck and came back.

"This way." I held the screen door for him, and he walked past me inside.

"Wow, this place is perfect, Bella. It's so warm and homey. It's exactly where I would have pictured you living," he said as his eyes roamed around the room, examining my things.

"Thank you." I beamed with pride. I bet the cookie smell added a nice touch. I started walking toward the hallway. "The bathroom is back here. There are towels and washcloths in the cabinet. You can use anything you want. You can even use my conditioner without asking first."

Edward chuckled and nodded a thank you to me as he went into the bathroom. "I'll be out in a few minutes," he said and then shut the door.

Oh. No. Edward was in my house. Naked. Edward was naked in my house. My house was old. There were keyholes. No. NO. I had to have some boundaries. Plus I knew with my luck, I'd definitely get caught. I couldn't believe I even considered that. I creeped myself out.

I wasn't sure what I should be doing when he came out. Reading_?_ Watching TV? I felt uncomfortable in my own home. I sat down in a chair in the living room and picked up a magazine, but I couldn't stop staring down the hallway waiting for Edward.

Finally, after what felt like forever, the bathroom door opened. Edward was shaven; his hair was still damp; he had on black jeans and a nice grey t-shirt. I think I might have drooled a little.

"Hey, I feel so much better. Thank you," he said.

"No problem. Where do you want to go tonight?"

"I think you're going to have to pick actually. I have no idea what's around here."

"Oh, right." A million thoughts went through my head. Should we go somewhere nice? Somewhere romantic? Somewhere casual? TGI Fridays? If we went somewhere dimly lit with cloth napkins, it would communicate that I thought this was a date. If we went to a sports bar or somewhere the waiters wore flair, it would be more of a night out with a friend. This was stressful!

"Um, do you like Italian? There's a great little place just down the street."

"Sounds perfect." His smile was warm, and I was afraid of getting lost in it.

"Let me just call to make sure the wait isn't too long. I have the number in the kitchen."

"Do you mind if I check my email real quick? My laptop is out of battery power, and I haven't been anywhere to charge it today." He gestured toward my laptop sitting on the table.

"Sure, help yourself." I went to the kitchen and started digging through my junk drawer looking for the takeout menu with the phone number on it. I froze. My computer. Edward was on my computer. My computer that I was earlier using to look at… Nooooooooooooooooo! I ran as fast as I could, but it seemed like I was moving in slow motion. I busted through the kitchen door, and Edward had my laptop open with a half-grin on his face. He was typing something. He glanced up at me, and I was sure I was about to die.

When he saw me, he casually shut the laptop, stood up, and said "Ready?"

**A/N: **

**Sooo…. Edward was typing something eh? Some of these blogs were cowritten by Afaye. Her family and hot brother are the inspiration for this story. I never wiped cereal off his crotch, but I did accidentally say I wanted to see him naked in front of their dad several years ago when I was 26 and he was 17. Oops. It was just a joke anyway… mostly. **

**I'm going to try and experiment, because I've had a few complaints. We'll see if it works. **

**I'd really appreciate it if you would review. I won't hurt you or the characters or be less sick or give you an outtake. I'd just appreciate it :) **


	14. Chapter 14 Flame

**A/N: Thanks for sticking with the story. We're getting to the good stuff now. Please note: Marc Piper Band is completely made up, but in Bella's world they are pretty popular right now. **

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWIKE! You are the best beta in the world, and everyone gets this chapter a day early as a gift from her. This chapter is dedicated to her :) **

**Thanks to profmom, Daisy, and LTR for help on this chapter. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 14

Flame

Caroline's was a cute little Italian diner within walking distance of my house. I grabbed my keys and my purse, and Edward held the door for me and then waited while I locked it behind us. He didn't mention what he'd seen on my computer, and I wasn't about to bring it up. We started down the sidewalk, and Edward walked so close to me that our shoulders were practically touching. It was still light outside, but the sun began to make its way behind the trees. There was a light breeze, and the leaves were just beginning to change to fall colors. Everything about the evening was perfect. Everything except the butterflies I had in my stomach. Edward seemed a little nervous too. The silence between us seemed to drag on too long.

"I'm sorry about leaving like I did back in Seattle. I tried to work up the courage to wake you up and talk to you, but I was afraid if you asked me not to go, I would end up staying," Edward finally spoke first.

Huh?

"Oh, well I was sad that you left without saying goodbye. Alice freaked out enough for all of us though."

"I can imagine," he sighed.

"Why did you do it? Why did you leave?" I asked.

"It wasn't a rash decision. There were things I needed to figure out, and I had to do it away from my family. I wanted to talk to you, I really did, but in the end I thought it would be best to do it here. Plus I have a deadline next week that I needed to work toward, and I'd been thinking a trip could help me find inspiration. I've been stuck lately. I wasn't planning to leave that soon. I just woke up Sunday morning and needed to go then. I needed time away from my family to clear my head. It seemed like something I had to do."

"Can I ask what kind of deadline?"

"You can ask me anything, Bella." He reached over and took my hand in his. My heart started racing. What was happening here?!?! Was this really happening? "If it's okay with you though, I'd like to show you what I'm working on after we get done eating."

"Sure." My voice cracked a little bit. I better put myself on another talking restriction.

We got to the restaurant, and of course, the cute young blonde, slutty, whorish tramp of a hostess was checking Edward out. This wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn't offered my facilities to him. Bad move.

I stepped in front of Edward and told her how many. She showed us to a table. It was a small place, and they boasted authentic food, though I'm pretty sure the owner was from Wisconsin judging by her accent. The first few times she asked me if I wanted a "to-go beg," I thought she wanted me to beg for my leftovers. We sat down in a booth, and she told Edward the specials. He didn't seem to notice; he was too busy staring at me. Take that, skank.

"I talked to my grandma. She told me you called her," Edward said.

"I did. She promised to help me. Thank you for the push. I'm really glad I called her."

"So am I." An awkward silence followed, and I wondered if he was as uncomfortable as I was. Every once in a while I would glance up at him and catch him looking at me. He would look away. I was starting to pray our food would come soon so we'd have something else to focus on.

"So where have you been? I mean what have you been doing for the past few weeks?" I finally asked.

"I went through Montana, but it was already getting cold there so I made my down through Wyoming and Colorado. I stayed on a ranch of one of Jasper's old friends for a few days. That was fun. I like that kind of outdoorsy country life. I stopped in Tennessee to meet with some people I'm working with, and then I went up to Virginia to learn to sail. After that I came here to see you."

The waitress picked that moment to bring our food, and it was a good thing, because I was sure my face had turned bright red. He said he came here to see me. To see me! Like he wasn't just stopping by or calling the one person he knew in town. He was here to see me. What the heck did that mean?

"So, Alice said they raised a lot of money at the gala. More than they expected even," I said as I started stuffing my face with Ravioli. When I get nervous I eat. I was sure to have to go on a diet if I spent too much time with Edward.

"Bella, can you do me a favor?" he asked. I would do anything he wanted.

"Sure."

"Can we not talk about Alice? I want to be with you and not my family tonight."

His words and the ravioli went down the wrong pipe, and I started coughing. I picked up my napkin and started fanning myself. Edward leaned back in the booth and laughed at me. He obviously knew exactly what he was doing to me, and if he thought he could just stop by here for some type of booty call during his road trip, he was wrong. Well, he was possibly right, but I wasn't going to be THAT easy.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked.

"Um, no. Not exactly. Well yes. I just, I don't know." I buried my head in my hands in front of me.

"Please, Bella, don't hide from me." He reached across the table and grabbed my wrist pulling it away from my face. "We'll figure everything out."

"Okay," I sighed. He held his hand out across the table offering it to me. I felt like he was offering me more than his hand, but I wasn't sure how to define it. Maybe he was asking for an admission of my feelings for him. I reached out slowly and took it. He started rubbing it with his thumb, and I sighed. I was pretty sure I would be waking up any second, so I might as well enjoy the dream.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked.

"Uh huh," I mumbled in a daze.

"Who is Mike, really?"

Crap.

"I'm not sure how to explain it," I said and took my hand back.

"Please try."

"Mike and I have been dating for about a year. He had been asking me out for a long time, and I kept telling him no, but he was persistent. I went on a lot of first dates that never turned into second dates. I was tired of it all, and I decided that if I started dating Mike, everyone would leave me alone about putting myself out there."

"Do you love him?" Edward asked without meeting my eyes.

"No. I don't. I promise I don't. I…I've been planning to end things. I'm just scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Being alone, disappointing my mom, not having a date to the company Christmas party, being a spinster, the toilet overflowing. You know the regular stuff," I shrugged.

Edward looked at me like I was crazy, but I was used to people looking at me like that.

He took a deep breath, and said, "You don't have to be alone."

I sat there, unsure of what to say next. The only thing I could come up with was, "Neither do you."

Edward cocked his head to the side, and smiled at me contentedly. I smiled back. I have no idea what just happened, but I was pretty sure it was a good thing. I was growing pretty confident in the fact that this was a date, and as I played his blogs over and over in my mind, I started to hope. We talked for a long time. I loved the way Edward seemed to open to me, and I had a feeling he didn't do that with many people. We talked about the people he met, and I laughed too loud at his stories, but he didn't seem to mind. I was surprised by how naturally things started to flow. I stopped feeling awkward and started to feel at home in our interactions.

We walked back to my house hand in hand, and it was dusk by the time we got there.

"I should be going," Edward said. "The campground has a curfew, and I need to get my tent set back up before it's too late." I considered asking if he'd like to sleep in my bed, but I decided I didn't want him to think I was too slutty.

"You promised to show me what you're working on," I whined. Edward chuckled.

"Can we sit on your porch? I need to get my guitar."

I nodded and sat down on one of the steps. Edward opened the passenger door to his truck and pulled out his guitar. He set it down on the ground in front of me and pulled the instrument out of the case. He started digging through a folder and pulled out a crumpled piece of sheet music. It had tape going down the middle, and a yellow stain on it. He sat next to me and set the music on the porch between us.

"I've wanted to play this for you…for a while," he smiled as his fingers started moving over the strings and then started singing. He had the music but never looked at it. His eyes were fixed on me. I died.

_to see  
to touch  
to be  
with you_

to know  
to trust  
to understand  
with you

the adventure has only begun

through the fields and the forest we'll run  
chase the clouds until we see the sun...one by one.

from wonder to wonder  
i'll travel and discover with you  
to have and to hold  
if its hot  
or if its cold  
with you

just when you think you're lost again  
i can be coming through  
i will be coming  
for you.

the adventure has only begun  
through the fields and the forest we run  
chase the clouds till we see the sun  
one by one  
one by one.

I was in awe. The way his lips moved when he sang, the way he would glance up and look in my eyes as he sang, it was like the song was meant for me. Goose bumps erupted all over my body, and I felt dizzy.

"I know it's not that great, but I wrote it when I was a kid," he said after he strummed the last few notes on the guitar.

"You just sang a song to me. Don't say it's not that great. Everything about today has been that great," I sighed and put my head on his shoulder. Stuff like this didn't happen to me. Men did not sing songs to me or drive across the country to see me. Guys like Edward did not look at me like he had been looking at me. This was someone else's life, and I was enjoying every second of it.

Edward reached down into his guitar case again and pulled out a CD. He pulled the booklet out of the jacket, opened it and held it out to me. I moved my body so I could read under the porch light. "What exactly am I supposed to be looking at?"

Edward put his guitar down beside him, scooted closer to me, put one arm around me, and with his other hand pointed to a specific spot on the page.

_Lyrics by E. A. Cullen. _

I flipped the booklet over, and my mouth fell open. "Edward this is a Marc Piper Band CD. You wrote lyrics for Marc Piper Band?"

"Yeah, they are scheduled to begin recording again in November, and I have a contract for more songs. The publisher I work with is pushing me for ten songs so he can offer some to other artists' agents too. I need to have them done by the end of next month."

"But, why are you selling them? Why don't you record them yourself?" I asked softly still in awe of what I was looking at.

"I don't want to be a recording artist. I like the creative process, but I don't need to be famous. If I can make a living writing music, I would be living my dream."

"I don't understand. Why don't you want anyone to know?" I frowned. This was amazing. This was spectacular. I was sure his family would be proud of him.

"A couple of years ago I got offered a recording contract. I was in school at the time, and no one in my family wanted me to sign. I'm glad now I didn't do it, but I just don't think they take my music seriously, and this means too much to me to have them squash it again."

"Oh, no, they can't. They couldn't. You're gifted Edward. This is who you are."

"I can't tell you how it makes me feel to hear you say things like that, Bella." Edward looked at me in a way that made my insides turn to mush. If I didn't distract myself I was going to pass out.

I studied the CD cover again. "Wow. Just wow. This is so amazing, Edward. I'm so proud of you. I can't believe this. I mean I can believe this; you are an amazing artist. I just had not idea. I'm so glad you have the opportunity to do something you're good at. I mean you could do anything I'm sure. You're intelligent. I just, I'm so, wow. Just wow, I can't believe your name is right there." I rubbed my finger over it appreciatively.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you stop talking now?" As soon as the words left his mouth, he reached up, moved my face towards him, and kissed me. It lasted longer than our first kiss, and I was more convinced than ever that I was dreaming. The way his mouth fit perfectly with mine, the feeling of it being too much and not enough, and the realization that this was exactly where I was supposed to be consumed me. I got lost in him as his lips moved against mine. He was perfect and sweet, not demanding or needy. I felt his affection for me in the kiss, and I tried to let him know that I felt the same. We sat on the porch kissing, and I couldn't tell if seconds or hours had passed.

He released my lips and kissed me two more times quickly and then kissed me once on my forehead. "I've wanted to do that for a very long time," he breathed still holding my face with his hands.

I tried to talk, but I couldn't. Edward had finally found what my parents and plenty of other people had tried to find since I was a small child – the cure to my word vomit. One kiss from him, and I couldn't talk if I'd wanted to. I was speechless.

"I should go," he said. "When can I see you again?"

"Tomorrow." It wasn't a question.

He put his things away and stood up. He reached out a hand to help me up, and I took it.

"Let me walk you to the door," he said.

After I'd unlocked it with my free hand, he tried to let my other one go, but I didn't want to. I kept holding on.

"Bella, I need to go," he chuckled.

"Okay," I sighed. "Promise you'll come back."

"I promise." He leaned down and kissed me again while he reached behind me and opened my door. "Lock the door behind you. I want to make sure you're safe."

I nodded and smiled, but I knew that right now I was anything but safe.

I wandered into my house in a daze. I kept reaching up to touch my lips to see if they were still attached to my face. I switched on the light and remembered the laptop. Edward had seen. He must have seen. What was he typing? Surely he hadn't… I sat down at the table and opened it up. He had.

9.24.09

_Come hell or high water, she'll know. When I kiss her tonight, she'll know._

He typed that sitting right here. I was positive. I rubbed my lips again. He was talking about kissing me. He knew I would read this. Edward Cullen wanted me. I started to let myself believe it.

When I woke up at seven the next morning, I sat up with a start. Did that really happen? Did I really make out with Edward freaking Cullen on my front porch and did he really say all those sweet things to me and sing me a song and tell me he would come back today?

I screamed and buried my face in my pillow on my lap. This was crazy! This would never work! He was Alice's brother! He was practically a kid! AAHHHH!

I needed to distract myself or I was going to go crazy. I grabbed the remote form my side table, and switched on the TV. Maybe the E Weekend News was on. Nothing like images of Johnny Depp to put me at ease. Instead I was met by an image of Ashton Kutcher walking down a red carpet with Demi Moore. See the age thing wasn't _that _creepy. The show ended and another one started.

"_E True Hollywood Story presents, Mary Kay Laterno. Was it wrong for her to fall for someone half her age, or was it really love?"_

Oh no. That was not what I needed to see right now. Maybe a nice Turner Classic would do the trick.

_Harold and Maude_. Crap.

I switched it to another channel and Diane Keaton was kissing Keanu Reaves. Sick!

I shut off the TV and threw the remote across the room.

It must be a sign from God or Buddah or someone. It just wasn't normal to date someone that much younger. I wanted to be the kind of person that didn't care what anyone else thought, but if I were being honest, I did care. I didn't want to be the butt of a million jokes or looked down on like I was some sort of cradle robber. Alice would probably have a heart attack and die if I told her I kissed her brother. Well technically he kissed me, but I doubted she'd want to hear all the gory details.

I needed to be responsible about this. I needed to be an adult and do the right thing. When Edward got here, I would tell him that I cared for him, but that it would never work out for us. I would thank him for the wonderful night last night and tell him to go home and see his family.

I would tell Alice that he'd been in town and that I'd convinced him to go back to Seattle. I would be her hero. It would be hard, but in my heart I knew it was right thing to do.

I lay in bed focusing all of my resolve on what was before me, when I heard the doorbell ring. Oh no! I was still in my pajama pants and a t-shirt. I looked out the front window, and I saw Edward's truck in the driveway. Fine. It didn't matter anyway. It would probably help if I looked like a freak who just got out of bed. I walked into the living room, swung open the door, and was about to give my speech, when I froze. I was greeted by a smiling Edward wearing the same thing he'd had on last night, holding a coffee carrier in one hand and a bouquet of pink daisies in the other.

"You're so beautiful," he said in the sweetest voice ever.

All my plans went flying out the window as I sprang toward him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and this time I definitely kissed him.

**A/N: If you don't like the bribes, just ask me not to send it to you when you review anyway. There is an EPOV outtake of this chapter for those who review. You don't need to read it to understand the story. I'm not withholding it from you if you don't review. It's just a nice little bonus for you if you do. **

**If you want to read a heart warmer, LiketoRead22 has a one shot she wrote for the Indies First Time Writer Challenge called Sand and Water. It's good. Vote for it. Find it under my favorites, and when you review it, beg her to write a comedy. She wrote a crackfic once that made me pee my pants. **

**Also, InsaneGrizzlies has a good AU story called Pixie Dust. I still think she might be an internet predator, but at least she can write. Ha ha. **

**I'm also loving Facebook Friends by GreenPuma. It makes me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy. **


	15. Chapter 15 Fireworks

**A/N: Thanks as always for reading. Only popular people read this. Congrats, you're finally in the In Crowd. **

**Thanks to the Burn Team: Daisy has to read this twice and giver her approval to every word or I refuse to let it be written, Profmom72, the best writer in the universe, has to stretch past her preferred genre, LTR has to listen to me a lot, Twike has to deal with my commas, and LMC has to share her knowledge with me. It takes a village to raise this fic. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 15

Fireworks

"Bella! Bella! Thank you, but please let me put these down!" Edward laughed. "I'm going to spill the coffee."

I heard him, but I still didn't move my arms from around his neck. "Sorry, I was just so happy to see you I couldn't help myself," I said, completely forgetting about my plans to be a responsible adult.

Edward started taking steps forward, but I remained glued to him. I walked backwards with him until he finally reached the dining room table and set the coffee and flowers down behind me and took his bag off his shoulder. Then he placed his hands on my hips and kissed me good. Real good. So good, he had to hold me up to keep my knees from buckling as his lips tugged on mine and his scruff scratched my chin.

"Good morning," I breathed when he let me go.

"It definitely is," he agreed and pulled me in for a hug.

I knew we probably needed to talk about what all this meant. We needed to set some boundaries or discuss how these developments would affect Alice, and what we should or shouldn't tell her about it. I should ask him about Tanya and about exactly what his intention was when he drove across the country to see me. I didn't really want to know the answers to those questions, though. I just wanted to have fun and be with Edward and kiss him again.

"These are for you," he said almost shyly when he picked up the flowers and handed them to me.

"Thank you," I practically squealed. I was fighting the urge to giggle and jump up and down and send a mass e-mail to all my friends about what a wonderful day I was having, or tweet about it at least. I knew I was acting like a teenager, but this whole giddy feeling was a rite of passage I seemed to have missed out on, and I was making up for lost time.

"Do you want some breakfast?" I asked.

"I could take you out," Edward offered.

"I don't mind cooking you something. You probably haven't had any home cooked food in a long time."

"I was hoping you'd say that," he sighed. "I've been eating out every meal. Something here would be wonderful. I – I don't want to impose though. Do you want me to go to the store?"

"That's cute, but no. I've got some things here I can make."

"Perfect," he exhaled like he was relieved. "Would you mind, if I um, took another shower?" He seemed so embarrassed. The whole situation was about to send me into another fit of giggles.

"Please do," I said. "Oh, I mean, not that you stink or anything. You smell good. Great really, but I um just mean that you can make yourself at home. Do whatever you want. I mean well unless you want to do anything illegal or violent." I slapped my hand over my mouth trying not to let anymore words or laughter out.

"Thank you." Edward shook his head and smiled as he walked toward the bathroom. He looked back over his shoulder at me, and I waved with my free hand. I was holding my mouth shut with the other one until he was safely out of sight. He winked at me and continued down the hallway.

I went into the kitchen and started getting things out to make omelets. I was no Alice in the kitchen, but I was a decent cook. I cut up some onions and green peppers and started sautéing them along with some chopped up bacon.

Edward came in the kitchen a few minutes later wearing an undershirt and basketball shorts. I could not wipe the crazy smile off my face.

"That smells amazing," he said and reached into the pan to pull out a piece of bacon.

"Hey, no stealing." I swatted his arm playfully. He leaned with his back against the counter and watched me cook. He didn't feel the need to talk a lot, so I didn't either. I stole glances every now and then, and he would either smile at me or wink at me causing me to giggle. I started to annoy myself, but he seemed to like it.

I finished our omelets, and we sat at the kitchen table to eat them. Edward kept moaning and telling me how good it was. I knew he was either exaggerating and buttering me up, or he was really, really hungry. Either way, I didn't mind it one bit. Well the moaning, was a little distracting, but in a good way.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked, trying to pull my mind out of the gutter.

Edward gave me a look which made me blush, and I was sure that if I'd just taken a drink of my coffee I would have spit it all over him. He practically knocked me back into the gutter, but we were not going there. Not yet.

"I mean, do you have plans for today, or do you want to me to show you around? Maybe do some sightseeing?"

"That sounds fun," Edward shrugged like he didn't really care. I still couldn't shake the giddy feeling I had about him being here. I couldn't remember ever feeling like I was going to explode with happiness before. I was like a piñata, but filled with happiness instead of candy. And hopefully no one would be hitting me with a broom.

I finished eating, and Edward was still drinking his coffee. "I think I'm going to go get ready," I announced and stood up.

I started to walk away, but Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me back. He kissed the inside of my wrist and then let go. "Don't be gone long," he said in a low voice. I stumbled toward the door in a daze, and as soon as it swung shut behind me, I let out a scream of excitement. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"What happened? What's wrong?" Edward came running out behind me.

"Oh, um, nothing. Just saw a spider. It's gone though," I said with a red face.

"Oh, well go shower, and I'll look for it. Where did it go?" he asked.

"Over there under the rug," I pointed and then quickly went to my bedroom to get ready.

Edward couldn't think of anything he wanted to see except for me in Boston, much to my delight. That left me to figure out where to take him on my own though. I decided to do what I did with my dad when he visited, and we took the train out to Fenway Park and went on the stadium tour. We both pretended to be interested in the Green Monster wall and the stories about all the insane fans that risked their lives to sit near the field. It was fun just being together, and I finally felt like one of the people I was always jealous of. I was here, holding onto a man that wanted to be here with me, and I wanted him here even more. Everything he did was funny or romantic, and I don't think I'd ever smiled that much in one day in my entire life.

A guy at the park told us we could walk to see the old Navy ships from there if we were up for a small hike. Normally, I would have been lazy and taken a taxi but with Edward there, the idea of a walk seemed nice. He was always touching me in some way. We were either holding hands, or he had his hand on my back or around my shoulder. A few times he pulled me close and kissed my forehead or my hair. He was so sweet and attentive. We walked by a group of young guys, and he pulled me to the other side of him to put himself between us. He held the door open for me. He took my hand to help me down the steps of the ship. He laughed when I tried to be funny, and our conversation flowed comfortably. I wasn't used to being treated like this. It felt amazing.

By the end of our adventure, I was pretty sure Edward was the most perfect person ever created. You could have told me he had just gone on a cross-country killing spree, and I wouldn't have cared. I was smitten, entranced, and crazed with longing for him.

By late afternoon, we got Thai food to go and went back to my place. We laughed and ate with chopsticks. Edward made fun of me for getting food all over my shirt. I couldn't help it. Chopsticks were hard.

"I'd better get going. I need to get into the campground and set up the tent before it gets too late," Edward said when we finished eating. "When can I see you again?"

"Tomorrow?" I was more embarrassed about it this time. What if he was getting sick of me? What if he had other things to do while he was in the area? Why did he want to leave so early?

"Tomorrow is perfect," he said and pulled me up from the couch with him. "Would you mind if I brought some laundry over? I'm pretty much out of clean clothes."

"Sure. I have to go to work in the morning, since its Monday, but you can come over earlier if you want. I can give you a key."

"You're sure you don't mind?"

"Of course, just don't go trying on my underwear or anything weird like that. That would really freak me out if I caught you wearing my underwear. I mean not that it would fit you. You're bigger than me, especially well you know…"

Edward grabbed me forcefully and used his super power on my lips. I realized that all I had to do to get him to kiss me was start talking. I planned to use that to my advantage, and often. Edward told me goodnight, and I stood at the door and watched him walk to his truck. He looked back before he got in and waved. I waved back, and I was still standing there smiling after he drove away. Best. Day. Ever.

It was still a little early for bed, so I decided to sit on the couch and read. I had the windows open, and I noticed it had started sprinkling outside. Poor Edward. He would have to put up a tent in the rain. It must be a pain to put it up and take it down every day. Hmm, maybe I should offer my spare bedroom after all. I mean it was raining for goodness sake. Surely he wouldn't misread my intentions.

I didn't want him to think I was calling him back for sex. I just didn't like the idea of him out there in the rain, and I really hoped he didn't get the wrong idea. I picked up my phone and stared at it, trying to decide what to do. I probably wouldn't be able to sleep with him so close by. This wasn't about me though. I could make this sacrifice for him. Really, it was the least I could do.

I found his number and pushed talk.

"Bella? Is everything okay?" Edward asked in a worried tone.

"Oh yeah. I was just wondering what you were doing," I lied.

"I'm just sitting in my truck waiting for the rain to stop. I'm glad you called."

I resisted the urge to start giggling again; instead I took a deep breath and said, "I was actually wondering if you wanted spend the night. I mean I'm not propositioning you. I'm not like that, so I hope you don't think I am like that. I mean I don't want you to expect to come here and find me naked in my bed or anything, and I want you to keep on your clothes too. Unless you just sleep in your boxers or something. That's fine. I just thought you might like a bed to sleep in, and I have an extra one. I mean besides mine. I would have offered it earlier, but I thought you might get the wrong idea."

"Oh, Bella," Edward sighed. "Sometimes I wonder if you're crazy."

"Me too," I sighed. "I swear something happens to me when I start talking to you. I can't stop myself."

"I'll take that as a compliment, and I would love to come stay with you in a separate bed with my clothes on."

"Okay, good. I'm glad. I mean not that you'll have your clothes on I just…"

"Bella," he interrupted me.

"Huh?"

"Please stop before you embarrass us both. It was hard enough earlier with you talking about your underwear. I thought I was going to have to ask to use your shower again, and I'm about to have to pull over and stand in the rain now. You're not making this, um… easy on me."

"Oh right." I was glad he couldn't see my embarrassment. "Okay, so I'll see you soon."

"Thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome, Edward."

I ran to the spare room, which was really my junk room, and I started shoving crap under the bed, in the drawers, anywhere it would fit. I had stacks of copies of my news clippings on my desk where I'd been putting together my examples to send out with my resume. I straightened those. I had a picture of Alice and me on the bedside table. I grabbed that and stuffed it in a drawer. I wasn't ready to think about her yet. I grabbed fresh sheets out of my linen closet and started stripping the bed. I had barely finished turning down the covers and turning on the bedside lamp when the doorbell rang.

I dashed to the front door and flipped on the porch light. Edward was standing there, soaking wet, holding his guitar case in one hand and his bag in the other.

"I didn't know it was raining that hard!" I said as I held the door open for him. "You look like a wet rat." A really hot wet rat.

"It just started coming down harder," Edward shivered. "Do you have a towel I can use?"

"No problem," I said. I grabbed a towel from the bathroom and came back out to find Edward setting his stuff down on my welcome mat. Instead of handing him the towel, I reached up with it and started wiping the water off his face. He stared into my eyes moved his arm so that he was holding my waist.

My heart started pounding in anticipation, and I wanted to peel those wet clothes right off of him.

Suddenly he dropped his hand from my waist and sighed. "I'd better get away from you if I'm just going to sleep here."

I was about to argue with him that we could do a little more than sleep, but I already felt so out of control that I didn't want to do something I would regret. I knew if we started something, I wouldn't be able to stop it.

Instead I hugged him. I squeezed as hard as I could trying to let him know how much I appreciated the day we'd had and that he was here and that he apparently didn't just want to get laid. He squeezed back, and I felt him kiss my hair.

"Now you're all wet too," he said as he released me.

"It was worth it. Your room is this way." I grabbed his bag and his hand, and pulled him toward the back of the house.

"You turned down the bed for me?" he asked with a silly grin on his face.

"Yes, I'm very hospitable," I said matter-of-factly.

"Very."

"Well you know where everything is in the bathroom, and you can help yourself to whatever you want in the house." My face turned red. I knew it was red. Everything I said was starting to sound sexual to me. I was in so much trouble.

"Thank you, for everything."

"Well, okay then. Goodnight." I backed out of the room and closed the door.

"Night."

I went into my room and started getting ready for bed. I put on my shorts and t-shirt that I usually wore and went out to brush my teeth in the bathroom. I practically ran into a shirtless Edward wearing the same basketball shorts from the morning and holding a toothbrush.

"Ladies first," he gestured toward the bathroom.

"Oh. You can come too. I'm just brushing my teeth. Unless you need to use the toilet too, that might be weird."

"Shhhh, Bella."

"Okay, okay," I said defensively.

We brushed our teeth side by side, and I kept catching him looking at me in the mirror. I finished brushing, and it was time to spit. I really didn't want to spit in front of him. We weren't far enough along in the relationship for me to start spitting.

"Ca wew tun awoun o ay ca sput?" I said with my mouth full of toothpaste.

"What?" he spit his toothpaste in the sink and asked.

"Tun awoun." I motioned in a circle with my hand, but when I said it a big drop of white toothpaste drool came out of my mouth and traveled down my chin. So much for being lady like. Edward laughed and turned around. I spit the rest of it into the sink, rinsed out my mouth, and wiped off my chin.

"So do you want to tuck me in?" Edward asked with sly grin on his face as he leaned against the doorway of the bathroom.

"Yeah, that would make this so much less weird. Me tucking the twenty-two year old I've been kissing in and telling him night night."

"Why, does my age bother you?" He crossed his arms over his chest and seemed defensive.

I knew we needed to have this conversation. I hadn't really pictured us having it in bathroom and him being half naked though.

"No. Yes. I don't know."

"It doesn't bother me," Edward said confidently.

"I… I think we should talk about it in the morning," I said dismissively.

"Whatever you want, Bella," he sighed in frustration, walked into his room, and shut the door.

What was going on? The day had been perfect, and now Edward was irritated with me. There was only one thing to do. I checked my hair and smelled my breath to make sure it was good. I even spritzed a little body spray over myself. I'd show him strawberry fields.

I knocked lightly on the door and turned the handle. Edward was lying on his back in the bed, holding up a book. Every part of my body wanted to crawl up on top of him and show him how I felt, but I couldn't.

"Hey. I came to tuck you in."

"I thought that would make it weirder." He really was a pouter. It was a good thing he was so good-looking.

"Well, I told you, I'm hospitable. If you want to be tucked in, I can't very well say no."

"Fine," he huffed, but I could see his lips turn up in a faint smile. He put the book down and moved his arms under the covers.

I pulled the blankets up around him and tucked them over his shoulders. "There, snug as a bug in a rug," I said as I pushed the blanket around his body on the sides. The look on his face was making it very difficult not to jump him.

I leaned over his face and gave him a soft kiss on the nose and then his mouth. "I promise we'll talk in the morning," I whispered. "Sweet dreams."

"They always are," he whispered back. A full smile had returned to his face, and I knew I had done my job well.

I backed slowly out of the room, shut the door, turned and leaned against it trying to slow down my racing heart. This boy would be the end of me.

**A/N: YOU WANT A THREAT? I'll give you a threat! If you don't get off your lazy little (yes I said little, you're quite pretty) rump and REVIEW then just as things are getting hot and heavy, Mike will come charging in wearing a Star Wars costume and attack them with his light saber. SAVE THEM FROM THE SABER! Review! **

**Really, reviews are always read and appreciated. **

**There's a thread for the story. Even Mary Soul came by. You're missing out if you're not there being cool and popular and extra pretty. **


	16. Chapter 16 Heated

**A/N: Your reviews kept Mike from pulling out the light saber - he he. Thanks for everything, and I'm sorry I ran out of time to reply to every review. I'll try and do better this time. Try being the key word there. **

**Thanks to Daisy for being the pumpkin in my pie; profmom72 for being the cash in my wallet, Twike for being the comma in my compound sentence, LTR for being the song in my heart, and LMC for being the print on my paper. Ok that was dumb. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 16

The Burn

I got up for work the next morning and couldn't help but peek into Edward's room before I left. His hair was a disaster as he lay on his back, his chest moving up and down with each breath. I could have stood there all day watching him, but somebody had to bring home the bacon. Actually, Edward had plenty of bacon, but I didn't.

He was still asleep when I left, so I wrote him a note telling him what time I'd be home, that we could talk then, and to help himself to anything he wanted. I practically skipped into the office. I swear the birds were singing, the sun was shining; everything seemed different and better. I sat down at my computer and checked my email. There was one from Dr. Cullen:

_Bella Dear, _

_Sorry for not getting back with you sooner, but I have a couple of leads for you. One is with _TheNews Tribune_ in Tacoma. I think this option would be lovely, and you would be so close to Alice. The editor there is looking for someone to cover Human Interest in the area which includes a Fort Lewis and McChord Air Force Base. He says the job would include international travel as members of the community are deployed overseas. Now, I know this isn't quite your dream job, but it would give you more international experience. _TheTribune_ also had Marcus Voltaire on staff who is an older man and he worked for many years as a world news analyst. I'm sure you came across his name in your studies. He's an old kook, and I never found him to be all that appealing, but he would be a great reference, if you're able to charm him. He's semi-retired now. _

_My other lead is with an old friend who works for _Newsweek_ in New York. He covered a major find I had in a dig by the Dead Sea a few years ago, when they did a piece on archaeology. He says he can find an entry level position for you there and that it would be a great opportunity. I don't like the idea of you living in New York. It can be such a lonely city. I'll paste their information below. Get in contact with them, and see if anything comes of it. _

_Much love, _

_Grandma Cullen_

WOW. Everything seemed to be happening at once. I knew I would need a connection like this to get the type of job I wanted, and Dr. Cullen had definitely come through. Edward was right. She knew everyone. As appealing as the New York job sounded, the one in Tacoma would also mean being close to all the Cullens. It would mean living close to Edward. Did Edward want me to live close to him? What did he think was going on? I worried he was just here to have fun. That he was taking advantage of my obvious attraction to him as a way to escape the things that had been bothering him at home. I was trying so hard not to hope for something more. I knew the deck was stacked against us. Nothing about our being together made sense. Our ages, where we lived, and – let's face it – he was extremely attractive while I was average at best.

Still, the last two days had been magical. He was so different away from his family. He seemed happy and carefree and cute. Very cute.

I hurried through my work, successfully avoided Mike, and left at five on the dot. Traffic made me crazy, and as soon as I pulled into my driveway, I practically sprinted up the steps. I opened the door and was hit by the smell of something cooking.

"Edward?"

"In here," he called from the kitchen.

I found him stirring a pot with one of my aprons on. "What are you doing?" I giggled.

"Just making my girl dinner." He put down the spoon, walked my direction, bent down, and kissed me on the cheek. "How was work?"

"Not as good as this," I said with wide eyes. "I could get used to this."

"I hope so," Edward replied.

"Edward, what are we doing here?" I asking ringing my fingers together and staring at the floor. The question came out of nowhere, but suddenly I needed to know.

"Well we're going to eat spaghetti in a few minutes. I'm sorry, I don't know how to cook a lot of different things. Spaghetti is kind of my specialty."

"No," I whined in exasperation. "I told you we'd talk today, and I'm trying to talk. I mean what are we doing here?" I gestured back and forth between us with my hand.

"Sit down at the table, and we'll talk." Edward didn't look so calm and confident all the sudden. He looked worried. I thought I was about to throw up.

Edward brought me a plate of spaghetti with tomato sauce, salad, and bread. It was the first time a man had ever cooked me dinner. I wanted to take a picture of it, but he might think that was weird.

Edward got himself a plate and sat beside me. He took a bite, the entire time staring at his food.

"Please, say something," I begged.

"I'm scared if I say too much, I'll scare you off."

"Why? I don't know what you mean? If anyone is going to scare anyone off, it will be me scaring you off."

Edward laughed at that. "You might be right."

"Hey!" I slapped his arm.

"What? You said it! I've just never been around anyone like you. You're insecure, but you have this quiet confidence at the same time. You talk too much. You say the craziest things, especially when you're nervous. You can barely walk on flat ground, and I'm surprised you don't have spaghetti sauce on your shirt yet."

"Oh." My face fell. This was worse than I thought.

"But I can't get you out of my head. You're all I've thought about for as long as I can remember, and now that I know you, it's something even more. I don't know anything anymore except the fact that I have to be with you."

"Oh." Well that wasn't so bad actually.

"I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I want you so much it terrifies me."

"Oh." This was really quite good.

"Bella! Will you say something besides 'oh!'?" Edward groaned in exasperation.

"Thank you?" I said.

Edward put his napkin down on the table, pushed his chair back, and dropped his head down into his hands.

"No, I mean. I just don't know what to say. This is all just so… awesome?"

"I should have known this would be a joke to you."

"No! No, it's not a joke. I…I'm just scared. I don't know why you're here. I don't know if this is like a stop on the road for you or if it's something more. I don't know what you see in me. I don't have any idea what I'm doing. I don't know anything right now except for the fact that you make me happy."

"Is that really what you think? You think I would have written you all those poems and that song and driven all the way across the country if this wasn't important to me? I wish you would take this more seriously, because I've never been more serious about anything."

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." Tears started pouring out of my eyes, and I made a noise that could only be described as that of a dying animal.

"Bella! Bella, why are you crying?" Edward jumped out of his seat and kneeled in front of me with his hands on my knees.

"You said you wrote me pooooooooeeeeeeeeemmmmmmms," I sobbed.

"I…I'm sorry. I know they weren't my best work, but…"

"No. I wanted them to be about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." The tears started coming even harder.

"You what?" Edward asked full of confusion.

"No one ever wrote me poems before," I choked out. "I don't believe you." My wailing was sure to bother the neighbors any second.

"Bella, of course I wrote them for you. I didn't update my blog for over a year until I knew you were reading it. I thought it would be so obvious." He started wiping the tears off my face. Finally he picked me up, carried me into the living room, and sat me down on his lap. He was stroking my hair and kissing the tears from my eyes.

"It's all about you, Bella. It's always been about you."

I buried my head in his neck and cried. It was too much. It was too wonderful. After I calmed down, I looked up at him and said, "So you really came all the way here for me?"

"Of course I did, silly Bella." His eyes were full of tenderness and concern.

"I… I thought I was losing my mind. In Seattle, I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I felt so guilty and stupid. I still have no idea what I'm doing."

"We'll figure it out together." Edward squeezed my arm.

"But you're going to have to leave. When are you leaving?" The tears started to fall again at the thought of it.

"I don't know. I have to be back in time to record the songs I've been working on, but I don't really have a plan. I have at least a few weeks."

"You would stay here with me? All that time?"

"I think I would stay with you forever."

Woah! This was quickly spinning out of control.

"Let's…let's just take it one day at a time for now."

"I mean, if you don't want me to stay here, of course I can go back to the camp ground, or if you want me to leave, just tell me."

"No!" I panicked "That's not it, but you'll get sick of me soon," I argued.

"No, I won't." Edward said confidently.

"You'll find someone younger," I protested.

"I don't want someone younger. I want you. I told you your age doesn't bother me. I don't want it to bother you either."

"But people will call me cougar or say I'm robbing the cradle."

"You're not even very much older. No one's going to care." Edward ran the back of his hand up and down my face lovingly.

"What about Alice? What about your parents? They would hate me if they found out."

"They can't hate you. We all love you. They'll be happy for us."

"I think you're underestimating Alice," I argued. Did he just say he loved me?

"Maybe, you're right, but I don't care. It's my life."

I reached my palm up and felt his forehead.

"What are you doing?" he chuckled.

"I'm seeing if you have a fever. Something must be wrong with you."

"Bella!" he growled playfully. I smiled at him and kissed him quickly on the lips.

"The nice dinner you made for me is cold now."

"Sit here, and I'll heat it up and bring some out to you. I don't know what's going to happen when I have to leave, but while I'm here I plan to take care of you." Edward moved me off of his lap and jogged into the kitchen.

I fell back against the cushions and sighed. The poems were about me? They were about me! I mean I wondered and I hoped, but I didn't dare believe it. It was too wonderful. Edward brought me my food, and we ate and watched a movie. I cuddled up next to him after we finished eating and ended up falling asleep. Sobbing uncontrollably because I was so happy must have worn me out. The next thing I knew Edward was pulling the covers up over me in my bed.

"I'm in bed," I yawned.

"I tried to wake you, but you were dead to the world," Edward said.

"Mmmmm," was all I could say. I desperately wanted to go back to sleep. Edward tucked me in, shut off the light, bent over me and ghosted the sweetest kiss on my lips.

"Goodnight, Cleopatra," he whispered.

"Mmmm, hmmm," I whispered back and drifted off into sleep.

I woke up the next morning and found a note from Edward on the coffee pot.

_Bella, _

_I can't find the words to tell_

_the song I want to sing_

_the feelings you open _

_the questions you answer_

_so i'll sing to you with my touch_

_and feel you with my heart_

_and ask for more again and again_

_Don't stay gone too long. Love, EAC_

It took everything inside of me not to start wailing like a banshee again. Those words were written for me. I didn't have to wonder or hope. I knew. It had my name on it. I ran my hand over the paper and knew I would keep this forever.

I wanted to wake him up and answer some of those questions. I wanted to experience more of that touching he wrote about. Stupid adulthood. It could be so inconvenient sometimes. I told myself not to analyze that 'love' thing too much. He might say he wasn't worried about our ages, but we were at different places in our lives. I was old enough to want to settle down yesterday. Edward was young enough to have plenty of time to see what's out there. I didn't want to put what this was into any type of box or category yet.

I spent the afternoon at work out covering a fire in Brookline, and since I'd already finished my other story for the day about the need for more police officers on patrol, I didn't want to mess with going back to the office. I stopped at a Starbucks, typed up the fire piece, and sent it to my editor. I waited awhile to see if I needed to make any major revisions, and as soon as I got the all clear, I headed home for Edward time.

I found him sitting on the front porch playing his guitar. He was just too good. He was smart, beautiful, and he could sing. If he didn't want to make out with me, I would definitely hate him. I sat down next to him, and he kept playing with a smirk on his face.

"What are you thinking? I can tell you're up to no good," I demanded.

"It's just I always pictured you more like Lois Lane in a short little skirt or some sort of a business suit. But the khakis and cardigan are nice too."

"I can't believe you!" I slapped him. "I guess you are related to Alice after all. Who do you think you are, Clark Kent?"

"Well, I do like to think of myself as a Superman."

"You'd look sexy in glasses."

"So you think I'm sexy?" Edward asked. The look on his face nearly made me swoon.

"Like you have to ask." I rolled my eyes, walked up the steps, and went inside.

I heard the door open a few seconds later, but I pretended like I was too busy looking through the mail to notice. A smile spread across my face as Edward enveloped me from behind and kissed my neck.

"Welcome home," he whispered in my ear.

"Thank you for the note," I said as I turned around to face him.

"The first of many, I hope," he replied as he ran his fingers up and down my arm, causing goose bumps to erupt all over my body. "I would like to take you out tonight. On a date. I was so nervous the last time, I could barely enjoy myself."

"I don't make you nervous anymore?" Everything I said sounded so flirty. I was turning into a monster.

"It's a different kind of nervous now." He leaned in and nibbled on my earlobe. I let out a little shriek. "Are you okay?" he laughed pulling away from me.

"Me? Oh I'm fine," I said and started fanning myself with the mail that was still in my hand. I'd never been so…so turned on. It was definitely getting hot in here.

Edward laughed again and had a cocky grin on his face when he said, "Go get ready, Swan. Our reservations are for 7:30, and it's a nice place."

"In other words lose the cardigan." I rolled my eyes.

"Lose the cardigan," He nodded and walked off to his room.

It only took an instant for me to form my plan. If he wanted Lois Lane, he'd get Lois Lane. I flew to my room and pulled out the suit I wore to cover city hall meetings. It was one of my best purchases, and even Alice approved of it when I sent her a picture. It had a navy pencil skirt with a high slit in the back and a matching jacket. Instead of the usual top I wore under it, I found something a little more form fitting and left the buttons of the jacket undone. I fixed my hair up in a wispy bun on top of my head, stuck a pencil behind my ear, and put on my glasses. I wasn't sure if I looked more like Lois Lane or a librarian, but hopefully he'd get the point.

When I felt like I looked decent, I opened the door to the hallway. Edward was coming out of his room at the same time. I froze. He was wearing dark rimmed glasses, and he was definitely sexy. He had on dark jeans and a black button up shirt tucked in with a belt and everything. That wasn't all. There were no wrinkles. He ironed. For me.

"You have on glasses," I giggled.

"You look like Lois Lane." He was looking me up and down like he wanted to eat me.

"You think?" I asked.

"Bella, I… I don't know how we're ever going to make it out the door." With that he took three steps forward, slammed my body up against the wall and starting kissing me in a way I had never been kissed before. It was passion and heat and fire and I didn't want him to stop. I was in so much trouble. Just as I threaded my fingers through Edward's hair and he started kissing down my neck, the doorbell rang.

"You're kidding me." Edward knocked his head on the wall behind me.

"Why?" I whined. "Please just go away." The doorbell rang again.

I peeked around the corner, so I could try to see who it was. Oh no. It was Mike. "Crap, I forgot to tell Mike I was busy. We usually go out on Tuesday nights."

"Seriously? It's Mike? Good, I want to see who I'm up against." Edward peeked around the corner too, and I grabbed him and pulled him back.

"Trust me, there's no competition. Just let me get rid of him."

"Just hurry," Edward whispered in my ear and kissed my neck again. I HATED MIKE NEWTON!

I pushed Edward away, straightened my clothes, and went to answer the door. Oh no. This could not be happening. Not here. Not now. I was going to die of embarrassment.

I slowly opened the door. "Mike, why are you dressed like that?" I couldn't hide the irritation in my voice.

"Bella! I'm Han Solo! Remember the convention is this week? You promised you'd go with me just this once."

Crap. I had promised that when I was in a hurry to get him off the phone one day. "Oh, um I forgot. I'm sorry, Mike, I can't go. I have um… I have company."

"But, baby, I've missed you." Mike grabbed me a huge bear hug lifting me off the ground.

The hilt of his light saber ground into my thigh, and I cried out in pain. "Ow! Put me down!"

"Come on, baby. Change out of your work clothes, and let's go. I didn't know there was a city council meeting today."

"Oh, there wasn't. I um…actually…" I heard Edward clear his throat, and looked over to find him leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Oh, um, wow. This is… Mike, this is Edward Cullen. He's Alice's little brother, and he was just stopping by while he took a road trip. Kind of a pilgrimage type of thing."

"Oh hey, how's it going, kid?" Mike walked over to shake Edward's hand.

Edward shook it and said, "Oh you know. Just busy being Alice's brother."

Oh man. He was mad. I should have known he'd be mad. I didn't mean to introduce him as her brother. I just didn't know what to do. Everything was happening so fast.

"Hey, would you mind giving us some privacy? I haven't seen my baby in weeks," Mike said to Edward.

No. No. No. This was bad. Very bad.

Edward glared at me, turned, stomped to his room and slammed the door. Knowing him, he would be pouting for a good long while.

"He seems moody," Mike said, and turned back to me. "Are you sure you can't go? I have a Princess Leia costume in the car just in case I could talk you into wearing it."

"No, Mike, no! Do you really think I would wear a Star Trek Costume?" I whined.

"Bella, its Star _Wars_!" he huffed. Was there a difference? "Well, what about the Renaissance Fair this weekend? You would look so good in one of those corsets."

"Please, just stop! This has got to stop!" I cried. "Mike…" I took a deep breath. "Mike…" I almost chickened out and told him I'd call him Saturday, but I had to do this. "I kissed someone else." Mike's face fell, and I knew I was the biggest jerk in the history of the world.

"Okay. I'm sure we can get past this." Mike said as he stared at the ground.

"No, Mike. We can't. This is not working. We don't work together. I care about you, but we have nothing in common. We don't like to talk about the same things or do the same things or anything. I'm sorry. I've been using you, and I don't want to hurt you, but we can't do this anymore."

"I just keep hoping that if we give it enough time, things will start to fall into place. If we've made it this long there must be something there."

"I'm so sorry. I know you're a wonderful man. We're just not right for each other. I think deep down you know that."

Mike shrugged. "I do get tired of always having to fix your toilet, and you snore. You get so grumpy sometimes too; it's like you have no patience."

"You're right. I'm not that great of a catch," I agreed.

"I'll be honest. I'm really not into those chick flicks either, and I hate how you always cancel at the last minute. There have been so many times I could have made plans with the D&D guys."

"I'm sorry, Mike," I sighed. He stood silently thinking for a few moments.

"You know, I think I'm okay with this. There's actually this Klingon girl I've had my eye on, and now I don't have an earthling tying me down."

"See, there ya go." I smiled and punched him in the arm.

"I just want you to know that we can still be friends, and if you still need to be like friends with benefits, then that's fine with me. I mean I realize you have needs."

No. He. Didn't.

"I think you better go now. You've got a Klingon to chase," I said and started walking toward the front door.

"You sure you don't want to go with me? I can't tell you how many times I've pictured you in this outfit," Mike said wistfully.

"Ew, Mike, no." I opened the door.

"Okay, I'll call you or stop by your desk tomorrow. We can have lunch or something."

"Yes, let's talk soon." I smiled tried to gesture for him to get going.

"It's not the end of the world for you, Bells. You'll meet someone too." Mike reached up and squeezed my arm to reassure me.

Wait who was dumping who?

"Thanks. Means a lot. See you tomorrow."

"If you ever want to talk…."

"Oh my gosh, I ate the biggest burrito for lunch, and I've really got to go if you know what I mean." I started pretending to do some sort of potty dance.

"Oh yeah, I was wondering about the smell. Bye then." Mike looked a little afraid when he finally walked out the front door.

I wasn't sure how I felt about what just happened. Relieved. Offended. Overjoyed. Irritated. Probably a combination of all of them, but at least he was finally gone. Now I had to find a way to deal with Clark Kent in the other room. Everything was going so well before the Kryptonite showed up and killed the mood.

I knew it sounded bad. I introduced him as Alice's little brother, and he was so much more than that. I just didn't know what to do. Everything happened at once, and what was I supposed to call him? My boyfriend? I wasn't sure we'd reached that status yet, and I couldn't have a boyfriend without Alice knowing about it. It would devastate her. I had no idea about how she would feel about Edward and me, and I hadn't talked to him about it yet. She entertained the joke, but the reality might be completely different. I would think about that later. Right now I had to get Edward out of that room. I would start with groveling.

I walked to the door and knocked softly.

"Edward? He's gone now. Can we talk?" I asked as sweetly as possible.

Silence.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I was just caught off guard and embarrassed that he brought a light saber with him."

More silence.

"You're so much more to me than Alice's brother. You're amazing and thoughtful, and I care about you so much."

Still silence.

"You looked really sexy in those glasses."

Even more silence. This called for something drastic. I had to work fast.

"Edward, I'm out here taking off my shirt. If you open the door, you can see my bra. It's black lace."

The door cracked open. Victory!

**A/N:** **Please oh please review. I'm begging you. I gave away my dog Sydney Bristow this weekend to a family with a big yard where she could be happy and frolic. I'm sad. Please cheer me up. Oh, and I love you. **

**Remember this story is intended to be a comedy. Don't kill me for what I did with Mike. Profmom let me do it.**


	17. Chapter 17 Explosion

**A/N: You guys are so stinkin rad. Freal. **

**Thanks to Profmom72. She has made me a better writer since she started helping me and I am so grateful to have her as a friend and role model. If you don't read and review her stories, you're not as smart as I thought you were. Thanks also to Daisy3853, Twike, LTR, and LMC. The are the best beta, treta, forta, and fiveta ever. Yes. Five people help me. Don't judge. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 17

Explosion

We never made it to dinner, and I never made it to my bed that night. We probably should have talked, and I probably should have groveled a bit more and begged for forgiveness, but Edward seemed to be satisfied with not talking. I've never been very good at math or sports, but I'm pretty sure we only passed a couple of bases. Then, we just snuggled up and went to sleep like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Of course then I woke up and had my daily melt down. I was lying on my back, and Edward was lying on his stomach with his hand draped lazily across my waist. His deep breaths were causing a couple of hairs on his forehead to move, and as I glanced down I noticed his arms looked strong and toned. I was more physically attracted to Edward than I had ever been to another human being. I mean I went through that Neil Patrick Harris obsession when I was younger, but I finally realized he wasn't a prodigy – he was an actor. It never would have worked out anyway. Justin Timberlake might be bringing sexy back, but Edward brought it even further. It was exciting and terrifying at the same time.

I still didn't know what I was doing. There were a lot of topics which still needed to be discussed, like Alice and his family, Tanya, and what would happen when he had to leave. When we weren't kissing or talking, things seemed so complicated. My brain would take over, and my thoughts would get away from me. I'd convince myself of the most ridiculous things or decide it wasn't meant to be. On the other hand when we were kissing or talking to each other, things were simple. They flowed. It was as natural as talking to someone I'd known my entire life, well except for when he started getting me flustered or nervous. Then I started talking like a thirteen year old girl with ADHD. Maybe I just needed to stop thinking so much and go with it. Or I could make a checklist! I snuck out from under his arm and crawled out of the bed. I tiptoed over to my desk and got out a pad of paper.

Things to talk to Edward about

____1. Talk about Alice.

____2. Decide how to tell Alice about us.

No. There was something else I needed to know first. I crossed that one off.

____2. Decide if this is going to become something serious enough to have to tell Alice about, or if this is just a torrid summer-extending-into-fall affair and a secret we will take to our graves.

____3. Decide how to tell Alice about us.

____4. Ask if he is dating, married to, and/or friends-with-benefits with Tanya

____5. Ask if he is Tanya's baby daddy.

____6. Find out if there is any way I can meet Marc Piper and can he get us tickets to a concert?

____7. Follow up on torrid summer affair/ongoing relationship question.

I knew most of the questions were silly, but I needed reassurance. For some reason I needed to hear the words from his mouth so I could finally dismiss all the conspiracy theories rolling around in my head. I stuck the list in my desk and went to shower.

By the time I finished my list and got ready, Edward was still sleeping. I did not want to go to work. I just wanted to cuddle with Edward and maybe go through my checklist. I guess it was normal for Edward to sleep late. He was young and a musician. He wasn't likely to be a morning person, but I hated leaving every day without talking to him.

I decided I would write him a poem and leave it by the coffee pot.

_You don't need a cape to be my superman._

_You just need to touch me with your super hand_

_I don't care if you sleep late like a bum_

_Cause when I'm with you, we always have fun_

_Not that you dress bad, and you don't smell_

_I just don't know how to write poems well_

_I'm happy you're here and I'll see you tonight_

_I'll try not to hurt you but I can't promise not to bite _

Well it wasn't Hemingway, but it would have to do. I set it by the coffee pot and finished getting ready for work. Later that day at work, I was sitting at my desk finishing a story when I heard my cell phone beep that I had a text.

_I have super hands?_

It was from Edward. I started giggling when I read it.

_Well…yes. _

I hit send back to him. Another text came a few minutes later.

_Good to know. I miss you. Come home soon._

I giggled when I read it and started giggling even harder as I started to type that I missed him more when Vicky came over to my desk.

"Swan, what has gotten into you? I've never seen you act so… so… happy," she asked suspiciously standing at my desk.

"Oh, it's nothing," I lied.

"You're lying. It's been going on for days now. Come on, spill it."

Vicky and I had known each other for a few years. We were the kind of friends that went out to happy hour occasionally, but not the kind of friends that shared our deepest thoughts and feelings with each other.

"Really, it's nothing," I giggled again when I got another text.

_That's impossible. I miss you infinity._

"Bella Swan, is it a man? Are you seeing someone new?" Was I that obvious?

"Um, yes," I said tentatively. I wasn't sure how to describe Edward. Well plenty of words came to mind, but most of them were not appropriate for the work place.

"Do tell. What's his name?" She wheeled another chair over to my desk and made herself at home. Crap. How was I going to get out of this?

"Edward."

"Oh, he sounds sophisticated. How did you two meet? What does he do?"

"He's related to one of my friends, and he's a musician," I offered.

"How long have you known him? Come on, Swan, do I have to beat the details out of you? How did you get together?"

"It's kind of complicated."

"I love complicated." She leaned forward ready for the story. Ugh. I was going to have to give her something.

"Well, I've known him for several years, but when I was on vacation, we reconnected, and spent a lot of time together. He happened to be traveling in the area and decided to spend some time with me here. It's all still kind of new and undefined. I guess we're um…seeing each other?"

"How often have you been seeing him?" Her smile was really making me uncomfortable. She was looking at me like I was a child she was humoring.

"Well, every day since Saturday. He's kind of staying with me while he's in town."

"Oh, so he doesn't live here?" She sat up a little straighter like she was finally getting to the good stuff.

"Nope."

"Where does he live? I'm just going to keep asking questions until I'm satisfied," she said.

"He lives in Seattle," I sighed. She was being awfully nosy.

"So are you going to do long distance?" She made a pouty face like she felt sorry for me.

"I'm not sure yet. It's all still pretty new."

"So when do I get to meet him?" She finally stood up, and I felt relieved. Unfortunately she just went to get her blackberry and came right back. "Are you guys free Friday night?"

We were free every night as far as I knew. The only plans I had for the near future were to spend more time making out. We didn't exactly have a full social calendar. "I guess. I'll need to make sure it's okay with him."

"Oh, that's fine. Just text me when you get home tonight. I'll invite some of the other couples over too. We'll make a dinner party out of it."

Vicky's dinner parties were half the reason I started dating Mike. They were fine if you were part of a couple, but awkward if you were single. The same people came every time. Some of them I liked. Some of them I tolerated. I got tired of going alone and feeling like I didn't fit in, but my friends at work gave me a hard time if I stayed home. So I brought Mike, and they weren't so bad. I mean until he started talking about the space time continuum or something like that.

I had no idea what Edward would think about this. Were we a couple? Could we go to couple things together? People would probably ask why I was bringing my nephew to dinner or if I was babysitting. I had to get out of this. I needed an excuse. Maybe I could schedule surgery or break my leg. I could try to fall down the stairs when I left work that afternoon.

By the time I got home, I hadn't managed to break my leg. I just decided I would tell Vicky we were busy or that Edward didn't want to go.

"Edward?" I called out when I walked in the front door. His truck was still out front, but he didn't seem to be around. I looked through the house. His guitar was here. His phone was here. His bag was here. Where was he?

I changed out of my work clothes, sat down on the couch, and flipped on the TV. A few minutes later, Edward came in the front door. He was sweaty, like he'd been working out. He was wearing sneakers, shorts, and one of my college t-shirts. Did he put it on because it was tight on him? Was he trying to impress me with his body? It was working.

As soon as he saw me, his face lit up. "You're home."

"You run?" I asked. I realized there were still a lot of things about him that I didn't know.

"Sometimes." He shrugged and made his way over to the couch. He bent down and kissed me quickly. "Is it okay if I shower before we catch up?" He asked as he took his phone off the dining room table and looked at it.

"Sure," I smiled. He set his phone down the coffee table in front of me, kissed me again, and headed toward the bathroom.

This was the life. I sighed and leaned back on the couch. I heard Edward's phone vibrate and had an idea. It would be funny if I programmed in some cheesy ring tone to go with my number. Maybe _I Just Called to Say I Love You_? No, too much too soon. _I Touch Myself_? No, too suggestive. Ahhh, _I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore._ That would be perfect. I grabbed his phone off the coffee table and flipped it open.

The screen said: 1 New Msg from Tanya

I shouldn't. I couldn't. I had to. I opened the message.

_I can't wait to try it out on you. It feels so right._

What couldn't she wait to try out? Was she talking about some sexual position? I scrolled through the other messages from Tanya.

_We missed you today._

We? Was it some sort of threesome?

_When are you coming back? The last three weeks have been amazing. I can't believe you decided to go now._

Amazing? He had amazing with her? I thought we were having amazing. I decided to look at the outgoing texts to Tanya.

_We'll go at it again when I get back._

I couldn't believe this! I was such an idiot! He already had plans to sleep with Tanya again when he went home. I was just grateful that I hadn't slept with him yet. Who knows what kind of diseases that man whore in my shower was carrying around! I just knew this was all too good to be true, and here I had proof.

I heard the water turn off, and a few minutes later Edward came back out to the living room. I was sitting straight up on the couch with my arms folded across my chest glaring at him.

The smile melted from his face. "Bella, what's the matter?"

"What are you doing here, really? Don't feed me some line about needing me again or anymore of that poet stuff. Why are you here?" I seethed.

"What are you doing?" He looked like he was in pain. Good, he deserved it.

"You could have told me you were seeing other people too. I broke up with my boyfriend for you." I think I threw up a little in my mouth when I called Mike my boyfriend, but I was trying to prove a point.

"You said Mike wasn't your boyfriend, remember?" Now he was starting to look angry. "What do you mean I'm seeing other people? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Who's Chloe's father?"

"Who's Chloe?" Edward asked confused. He was standing directly in front of me now and had a defensive stance. He obviously had something to hide. I could tell by his body language.

"Tanya's daughter."

Confusion flashed across his face. "How do you know about Chloe? How do you know about Tanya for that matter? Have you been talking to Alice?"

"I happened to meet Tanya while I was in Seattle," I said with a challenge in my voice. "And I remember her from Alice's wedding. You remember, she was the girl whose tonsils you were trying to find with your tongue?"

"Wait, you're mad because I kissed her at Alice's wedding? Five years ago?" He started rubbing his forehead with his palm.

"Tell me this, Edward, when was the last time you kissed her?"

"At Alice's wedding."

"Be honest, Edward."

"I honestly don't understand what this is about. I'm sorry I kissed her at the wedding. I wanted to talk to you, but I got a little freaked out when you called me jailbait, and well, she was there."

"Edward! I looked at your phone. I read your texts. I know you're with her."

"NO I'M NOT!" he raised his voice in exasperation. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Edward grabbed his phone off the coffee table and flipped it open. He read the text out loud, "I can't wait to try it out on you. It feels so right." Bella, she's talking about the hook to a song we've been working on. Tanya's step mom is in the music business. She helped me get the contract with TRP, and I record my demos at her studio. Tanya mixes my arrangements."

"Well, what about the text before that?" I said swallowing hard.

"They missed me at a meeting with a new recording artist. He wanted to sample some of my songs. The text before that was right after I left. I didn't tell Tanya I was leaving, and we'd been recording for three weeks. Some of the songs were turning out really great."

Uh oh. "So you're not sleeping with Tanya?" I asked sheepishly.

"No!"

"And you're not Chloe's daddy?" I closed my eyes wishing I could disappear.

"No, Sam is her father and he is also Tanya's husband."

"Then why does Alice hate her so much?" I was completely confused.

"Alice doesn't even know her." He rolled his eyes.

He was frustrated, but I must have looked so pathetic that he decided to have mercy on me. Edward's posture relaxed and he sat down beside me. "Do you have any more questions?"

"Actually, I made a checklist, and I've totally gone out of order." I buried my face in lap trying to hide some of my humiliation.

"You made a checklist of questions for me?" Edward asked still dumbstruck by the dumb girl sitting next to him.

"Yes? I know, it's just that that this is all so crazy for me, and I don't know what's going on, and I just want to enjoy it, but there are things we should talk about, and evade and avoid has been my strategy for so long, and I want this to be different. I'm still just unclear about what this is."

"Bella! I don't understand what you mean. Can you please calm down and tell me what you're talking about?"

"Let me get my list," I sighed. I got up and sulked over to my list. I grabbed it and a pen. It was time to get this over with. Hopefully if this was just a little fling, then at least I would know, and I could try and make the best of it before it ended like someone who finds out they are going to die and goes and spends all their cash. I would have a shopping spree-o-Edward.

"Okay, before we get started, I think we need to both agree to be honest with our answers. I mean I'm the one with the list, but if you want to make your own, I can get you some paper."

"I think I'm good, and yes I'll be honest."

"Good. Number one, I think we need to talk about Alice," I said.

Edward was looking at me like I had sprouted a second head, but he took a deep breath like he was trying to stay calm, and said, "What about Alice? She has amazing fashion sense?"

"This is not the time for jokes, mister." I couldn't help but smile though. "I'm just worried about what she would do if she knew about this. I might be totally wrong, but I don't think she would be thrilled."

"I agree with your assessment of the situation, but I've told you before, I don't care. Alice got to pick who she wanted to love, and we get to make our own choices about that as well."

"Interesting," I said and tried to hide the fact that I started screaming on the inside when he said the word love. I checked off number one and looked at Edward. He was calmer now. He almost looked like he was enjoying this. Well number two would probably freak him out enough to put an end to that.

"Okay, number two is, 'decide if this is going to become something serious enough to have to tell Alice about, or if this is just a torrid summer-extending-into-fall affair and a secret we will take to our graves.'" I closed my eyes and braced myself for his reaction. I heard a huge sigh, and then felt Edward's arm on my back.

"Why are you even questioning that? I thought we already talked about it," he said gently.

"Well, I still just wanted some clarification?" I glanced up at him, and now he looked sad. Great.

He ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Just how honest do you want me to be?"

Oh no. This was going to be bad, I could tell. "Completely," I said with more confidence than I felt.

"Are you sure, because it's going to make me sound like some sort of psycho?"

I nodded, and Edward took a deep breath.

"Don't you think it's too soon for us to be putting all our feelings out on the table? We've only technically been together for a few days," he stalled.

We were together! Yes!

"No?" I said nervously. "Just say what you're thinking. You're acting like me."

He looked down at the floor. "I've had kind of a thing for you since I was 14. I nicknamed you Cleopatra, because Alice met you in Egypt, and I've written maybe hundreds of poems and songs with you in mind over the last eight or so years. Well that song I sold to Alanis was pretty much all about Jacob, but she wanted something angry."

"Wha… what are you saying?" This was not at all what I'd been expecting to hear.

"I'm saying that I have been in love with this vision of you for as long as I can remember. When I met you at Alice's wedding, I got pissed off, because I thought I was some sort of a joke to you. When you came to visit this summer, you were nothing like what I imagined you to be. You weren't the goddess from my fantasies. You were clumsy and silly and you caught me completely off guard. I fell for you, the real you, so hard I still don't know what hit me."

My heart started pounding out my chest, and I worried I would fall into another one of those embarrassing crying spells. I stared at my hands afraid to look at him.

"Am I scaring you?" Edward asked.

"A little," I admitted.

"I'm just telling you this, because I don't want you to think I'm just here to escape Alice or for a vacation. I came to try and see if there was a chance that you could love me too. You're it for me. You're the one. I just hope I can find a way to be the one for you too."

Well this was certainly not the conversation I'd been expecting. I opened my mouth a few times trying to say something, but for the life of me I couldn't come up with a thing.

"Please, just don't make a joke right now. I know you use humor when you're afraid to say how you really feel, but please, just tell me if there's a chance for us." Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed it so hard it almost hurt.

I made myself look at him. "I've never felt like this before. I don't know what I'm doing. I just don't see how you could really feel like that about me. I have no trouble believing in my feelings for you though; they are real and completely overwhelm me."

"Thank God," Edward said in relief. "I don't know what made you stop believing that you're beautiful and amazing, but I'm going to fix that. It hurts me that you don't see how wonderful you are." He rubbed his thumb across my cheek, and I felt so full of warmth and goodness that I thought I might explode. "All this talking and vulnerability isn't easy for me either. I usually sing or write my feelings. Your little talking problem is contagious I think," Edward said lightening the mood.

"No, it's what I needed. I needed to hear you say it out loud." I closed my eyes and smiled in satisfaction.

"Now, give me that list." Edward snatched my notepad out of my hand before I could stop him. He took my pen and scratched off number two.

"Decide how to tell Alice about us," he read aloud. "Hmmm, that's going to be a tough one. I think we should just text her a picture of us kissing." He smirked, and I was grateful for the break in the intensity. I was in serious danger of fainting.

"I can just see her throwing herself on the floor in a tantrum," I replied.

"Really, I think she knows about my feelings for you. I've never talked to her about it, but I'm sure she can tell," Edward said.

"She's never mentioned it to me. The key will be making her believe this was all her idea. She needs to feel like it was her that got us together. If she gets credit, she'll be fine."

"I like the way you think, Lois." Edward leaned over and kissed me quickly sending shivers all over my body. "Let's hold off on telling Alice for a while. I kind of like doing something she has no say in to be honest."

"I don't know. I tell her everything. I'm worried the longer we wait, the more potential there will be for her to be hurt."

"We'll tell her by the time I need to go home. Deal?"

"I can live with that," I agreed.

Edward turned his attention back to the list. "Bella!" he groaned. "No, I am not Tanya's baby daddy, her husband, or friend with benefits. I can't believe you sometimes." He chuckled, and I was really relieved that he found all of that funny. Most men would be running for the door by now.

"Just making sure," I shrugged.

"You want concert tickets?" He laughed fully this time. "Can I go with you to the concert?"

"If you want," I laughed with him.

"I'll see what I can do," he said and checked it off the list.

"Follow up on torrid affair slash ongoing relationship," Edward read the last number on the list. He looked at me and had that smoldering thing going on in his eyes that made me start feeling all sweaty. "Bella Swan, will you have an ongoing relationship with me?" he asked.

"Oh Edward, I thought you'd never ask!" I launched myself on top of him and attacked his face with my lips.

After a few minutes of frolicking on the couch, I sat up and tried to catch my breath. "I need to pee."

"Bellaaaaa," Edward groaned. "You don't really have to say everything out loud. It's fine with me if you want to keep some air of mystery about you."

"Sorry!"

I jumped and practically skipped to the bathroom. I was in love. I was sure of it now, and I was pretty sure that Edward was in love too. It was so silly how I worried all those years about things not working out. My life was absolutely perfect.

I came out of the bathroom and found Edward talking on the phone. My phone. "Sure, Vicky, we'll be there. Thank you for inviting us." He paused to listen. "I look forward to meeting you too. Okay, bye."

"What are you doing!" I shrieked.

"If you get to mess with my phone, I thought it would be okay to answer yours," he challenged.

"But I was going to get out of that!"

"Why? I want to meet your friends."

"You're sure?" Please oh please don't be sure.

"Why? Do you not want to go? Vicky seemed nice on the phone."

"Well, it's just that my boyfriend's really hot, and I think they might get jealous and try to steal him." It was worth a try.

"Boyfriend. I like the sound of that." Edward broke out with one of those smiles that made me tingle. "Well, I want to show off my girlfriend. She's hot too."

"Really? You think she's hot?" I must have looked like The Joker my smile was so big.

"Yeah, except for when she talks about herself in the third person. It tends to worry me."

"Well I'm sure she wouldn't want to worry you."

"I wish she would join me on this couch again. We were kind of in the middle of something," Edward winked at me.

"I'm sure she'd be happy to," I said and happily took care of business.

**A/N: **

**Please note: Edward will not New Moon again. So calm down. **

**I am failing at reply to reviews. I really really want to reply to all of them, but this week there were not enough hours in the day. I'm sorry. You'll get one for sure this time. There's an EPOV for those who review. It includes some of Edward's reactions to Mike and the door opening for those of you who were mad at me for skipping ahead. **

**I'm sorry this is rated T, but imagination is a beautiful thing. I want to make it kind of hot without it being graphic. We'll see if that is possible. Also, every lemon is more or less the same. If your imagination is broken, just go read one in another fic and pretend it's this one. **

**Remember this formula: Review = reply with EPOV outtake. **


	18. Chapter 18 Down in Flames

**A/N: Welcome back! You guys are all kinds of fun. Well those of you that review anyway. The rest of you can be fun too. I'm a counselor. I can help you. Please, help me, help you. Shoot, I'm getting ahead of myself. **

**Daisy3853 is the prettiest ficster in town. She reads these chapters about 3 times, and I don't know how I ever wrote anything without her. She is really smart too and maybe one of my closest friends in the world. I'll let you know next week about that. Thanks also to Twike, LTR, LMC, and profmom for their help. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 18

Down in Flames

_When I see you, I see safe. I see lovely. I see home. _

_When I hear you, I hear the perfect lyric. I hear laughter. I hear tomorrow._

_When I taste you, I taste skin. I taste desire. I taste forever. _

_When I touch you, I'm burned by the fire of my need for you. _

I'd been getting the poem I found this morning out at least every three minutes and reading it over and over. I spent the rest of my time reading every blog entry he'd written with the knowledge he was writing about me. I'm pretty sure I'd underestimated his writing talent until now. The man was clearly a prodigy. His words were so passionate, so deep, so sensual. Ugh! Honestly I didn't know what Edward was waiting for. Maybe he was nervous or wanted everything to be perfect, but I was more than willing to let him take advantage of me. I felt like I'd been the one trying to push us further, but he was holding back. The old Bella would have worried he didn't want me or that he was actually attracted to men or that something else would intrude to make my complete happiness impossible. I was now officially a glass half-full person though, and Edward was probably just trying to be romantic or respectful or something lame like that.

Maybe tonight after Vicky's party he would respect my wishes and do what I wanted. I wanted him. I couldn't wait to see what sex would be like with someone like Edward. He was passionate and emotional, and well, hot. I was practically a virgin. Between the whole Embry debacle in college and Mike, I definitely felt like I'd yet to experience what all the hype was about. Sex with Mike wasn't something I really enjoyed. It was more like something I tolerated, and I could have easily lived without it. My friend Jen kept trying to convince me that with the right supplies, I could teach myself what all the hype was about, but that just seemed so desperate and possibly unsanitary.

My desk phone rang. "Bella Swan," I answered.

"What are you doing for lunch?" his deep voice called to me from the other end of the phone.

"I was hoping to eat. What are you doing for lunch?"

"I was hoping to meet you. Do you have time?"

"I have the time, but by the time you get here my lunch break will be long over. Traffic is probably bad right now."

"I decided to go to work today. I'm actually working outside your building right now," Edward said.

"What? What do you mean?" I peeked out the window but didn't see anything.

"I enjoy performing. I don't want you to think I'm some sort of bum."

Edward had told me how much he got paid by the publisher per song. He was no bum. "I just need a few minutes to finish some edits, and I can be right down."

"I'll be near the front door. Just follow the singing."

We hung up, and I was excited about getting to see him in the middle of the day. I had a strange fascination with the little dent in his chin, and I was going to have lunch with that dent. My dent. Sigh.

I was just about to lock my computer screen, when my phone rang again. It must have been my dent calling to see if I was on my way yet.

"Bella Swan," I said in my sexiest phone voice.

"What exactly are you selling there, Bella?" I was shocked to hear Alice's voice. We hadn't spoken in almost a week, and the last time we talked she just called to complain more about Edward.

"Why are you calling my work number?" I asked in my regular voice.

"You didn't answer your phone, and I'm bored."

"Oh, I must not have turned the ringer on after my staff meeting. How are you?" I suddenly felt very, very guilty. I told Alice everything. How could I possibly have a boyfriend and not tell her? It would hurt me if she did the same thing. I mean if she told me she had a boyfriend, I would think she was the stupidest girl in the history of the world. Jasper was pretty much perfect, but she would never keep a secret like that from me.

"I'm okay. Edward hasn't called me back for days. I don't understand why he's still being so selfish." I rolled my eyes. Could she ever talk about anything else?

"He probably just needs some time. Maybe he's figuring things out, or maybe he's just on vacation," I offered feeling slightly terrible about everything.

"Whatever. He only cares about himself." I might be betraying her, but she was really starting to piss me off. I didn't like her talking about Edward like that.

"Alice! He moved in with you to help you take care of Lucy!"

"Why are you defending him so much? You're supposed to be on my side," Alice grumbled.

"I'm always on your side. I'm sorry." I desperately wanted to change the subject away from Edward. "I broke up with Mike."

"What? You did? When? How? It's about time! Oh I'm so glad; now you can finally find your soul mate. I just know you will, Bella. You deserve to be happy more than anyone."

"I'm feeling more optimistic about that now, too," I admitted.

"Perfect! This is just perfect! Oh, Lucy's crying. I'm going to call you later so we can make an action plan!"

"Okay," I laughed getting caught up in her enthusiasm. I forgot for a second that I was having a secret affair with her little brother behind her back.

We said goodbye, I grabbed my purse to go meet Edward, and I pushed Alice out of my mind. Thankfully I'd had to go to the court house that morning to cover a trial, and I was wearing my power suit. Lois Lane was in the house.

I walked out of the front door of the building and heard Edward to my right. I turned and found him surrounded by a gaggle of women swaying to his music and molesting my dent with their eyes. I noticed a few women from accounting and even Irina, one of the copy-editors. They'd better look but not touch, or else.

I stood off to the side and listened to the music. Edward found me almost immediately, like he could sense I was there, and started singing the words straight to me. I felt the words and the music and the intent behind them. My heart rate sped up. I grew warm inside, and I got that tingly feeling all over my body.

I was flushed and fanning myself by the time he finished. The song ended, and he announced it had been his last song. I heard a collective moan from the women in protest. Edward just smirked and started to put his guitar away as they grabbed money out of their wallets and showered it on him. My boyfriend was kind of a whore, selling himself to women on the street for money.

I waited till the last of the audience dispersed before making my way to Edward. He snapped his guitar case shut, stood, and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me off the ground and kissing my neck. "Lois," he growled into my ear sending chills across my skin.

"Hello, Superhands," I laughed.

We walked across the street to a little hole in the wall Thai place and had to wait a few minutes while they cleared a table. We sat on a bench by the front door, and Edward rested his hand on my leg where the hem of my skirt hit my bare skin. I stared straight ahead. All I could think about was his hand touching my skin, and how I wanted him to touch more of me. I had the impulse to start pulling off my clothes right there. Edward was turning me into an animal.

Thankfully I snapped out of my horny haze when our table was ready. We sat down, and soon I found myself just staring at Edward.

"What in the world are you doing?" he finally asked.

"Just enjoying the view," I sighed. I swear Edward blushed a little.

"I'm finding myself a little obsessed with you. I can't stop thinking about you. I miss you every second I'm away from you. I have E.C.+ B.S. doodled all over my post-it notes at work. This can't be healthy."

"That's what love is supposed to be like, Bella. It's perfectly normal." Edward smiled and his eyes looked even more alive than usual.

"I hope so. I've never really been normal, you know."

"Okay, forget normal. It's right. We're right for each other."

I sighed again and wondered how my life went from pathetic to perfect in such a short time. We ate our food, and I remembered I had other things to tell Edward.

"Oh I forgot to tell you, Alice called. She's upset you haven't called her in a while."

"I know." Edward rubbed his forehead. "I need to call her. I just don't have anything new to tell her. How many times can I say I don't know when I'm coming home?"

"She just misses you. You should call her," I suggested, and Edward nodded his head in agreement.

"I have something else to tell you." I suddenly felt nervous. I wasn't sure exactly how Edward would feel about this news.

"What's the matter?" Edward looked concerned.

"Oh, nothing bad. I just, well, your grandma gave me a lead on a couple of jobs, and I sent my résumé out today. Both jobs would mean relocating."

Edward looked down at his plate and took a deep breath. "Where are you moving to?" he asked slowly.

"I don't know yet, maybe nowhere. It's just that one of the jobs would be with the Tribune in Tacoma."

Edward's head snapped up. "You would move to Washington?" A smile broke across his face.

"Would you want me to?" I asked nervously.

"Shit, yes!" Edward said with a goofy grin on his face.

I almost spit out my drink. "EDWARD! Don't say that!"

"Why not?" he asked happily.

"Don't cuss! It's so crude. Say shart or shiz or something like that."

"Shiz? Really?" Edward laughed and grabbed my hand. "Silly, Bella, how is it that I'm the grown up in this relationship? Of course I want you to move to Washington!"

I had never seen him look so happy and care free. "Don't get too excited. I don't have the job yet."

"Maybe you could look for other jobs in the area if it doesn't work out. I mean I'll follow you anywhere if you'll let me, but I would love for us to live close to my family."

Holy shiz, this was getting serious. I looked up at Edward in shock. Panic registered on his face. "Too much too soon?" he asked nervously.

"No, I don't think so," I beamed at him. "I'm happy. Really happy. I'm a little surprised though, I kind of thought maybe you'd want to get away from your family."

"Sometimes I do, but I know I'd miss them more than not. They've been a source of frustration lately, but they're still my family." The way he described it brought back the familiar little ache of longing I always felt when Alice talked about her family. They had something special. Something I'd never had.

We enjoyed the rest of lunch, and as soon as it was time to tell each other goodbye, the sexual tension from earlier returned. Edward walked me to my building, stopped just outside the door, put his guitar on the ground, and wrapped his arms around me. He hugged me, rubbing my back, nuzzling my neck with his nose, and finally resting his hands on my hips and pulling back to look at me. "Maybe we should stay in tonight, Lois," he said in a breathy voice. Of course he would want to skip the party now!

I grabbed his shoulders trying to hang on and not lose my footing. "They'd never let me hear the end of it," I squeaked unable to make my voice work right.

"Promise we'll leave early then," he whispered in my ear.

"I'll fake food poisoning," I promised, and kissed him quickly, not wanting to cause too much of a scene in front of my building. It was too late. When he let me go, I saw Mike swinging the door open hard with a disgusted look on his face.

"Oh, no," I groaned and buried my head into Edward's shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just a terrible person. I better go."

"Okay, I'll see you in a few hours." He looked at me confused and released me.

I followed Mike into the building and found him waiting at the elevator. It opened just as I reached him and we both got on.

"Mike, I'm so sorry. I know you must hate me right now," I said.

Mike didn't say a word. He just looked straight ahead, angrily.

"Mike, please. It just happened. I didn't mean…"

Mike looked up at the digital display on the elevator, punched the next button so it would stop at the next floor, and got off the elevator without a word. I felt like I'd just been punched. Actually that might have felt better.

By the time I got home, I only had half an hour to change and get ready before we were supposed to be at Vicky's. I quickly threw on more casual clothes, and yelled to Edward that we needed to leave. He was waiting in the living room, reading a book.

When he stood up, I took in his appearance. He had on his black jeans and an old Bob Dylan t-shirt. Of course he would have cool band shirts. He looked good, but it didn't make him look any older. Unfortunately I doubted he'd brought any sweater vests with him. I was nervous about what my friends would think when they met Edward. The people he was meeting tonight weren't even my real friends. They were Vicky's friends and my coworkers. Most of them were alright, but I was worried they would think I'd gone crazy or disapprove of Edward's age.

"What?" he asked.

"I didn't say anything."

"I know, but you're looking at me like you want to."

I considered asking him to wear that shirt he ironed the other day, but I didn't want to offend him. I knew it was my issue and that it wasn't exactly based on rational though. "It's nothing. Are you ready?" I asked.

"Yes, do we need to stop and get anything? Wine? Flowers? Pie?" He seemed a little nervous. It was cute.

"No, Vicky will have it all covered. She's a pro at this," I answered. "Are you nervous?"

"No, I just want your friends to like me. Do you think I could play my guitar? I'm more confident when I'm hiding behind my guitar," Edward grinned.

"Um, that might be a little weird if you just sang everything you wanted to say. Like if someone introduces themselves and you sing your name back. You should totally do that…next time." I laughed. "Everyone will love you, don't worry. They'll just be so excited you're not Mike and they don't have to listen to any of his theories on time travel."

"Oh, I have my theories, but I'll keep those to myself tonight, promise."

As soon as we climbed into Edward's truck, I found myself scooting closer to him. He rested his hand on my thigh again, and the same heat from earlier coursed through my body. I forgot all about my friends and my worries about them accepting Edward. All I could think about was how much I wanted that hand all over me. How I longed for the rush of his skin against mine. How I wanted to find out if he was ticklish.

The radio was playing, and a new song came on. Something about it seemed familiar, but I'd never heard it before. I listened more closely. It couldn't be.

"Edward?"

"Yes, dear?"

I giggled at the title. "Did you write this song?"

He took his hand off my leg and gripped the steering wheel tightly. His mouth formed a hard line, and he did not look happy. I guessed I must have insulted him.

"How did you know?" he asked flatly.

Oh! Wait… why didn't he look happy? "I didn't. I just…I don't know, it seemed familiar to me. It felt like you."

"Are you serious? You really didn't know? You just guessed?" I nodded my head.

"That's…weird." He looked at me, confused. "I thought you were teasing me about it or something. I guess I'm sensitive about that stuff." Yeah, that was an understatement.

"No, I just wanted to know. That is weird. I can't explain it. I could just tell. Look, I have goose bumps." I held up my arm to show him.

"Wow." Edward grabbed my hand and kissed it.

"Wow," I agreed, leaned the side of my head against the seat and stared at him. "What do you think that means?"

"I don't know. Maybe you know me or my writing well."

"Could be, or maybe we have some cosmic connection written in the stars since before the beginning of time and we were fated to find each other, and if we didn't a meteor would hit earth next week, and we just managed to save the planet."

"Where did that come from?" Edward laughed.

"I have no idea," I shrugged and tapped my head with my index finger. "I'm full of brilliant ideas."

"Well I think you might be right about fated to find each other, but possibly wrong about the meteor." We both smiled at each other like a couple of people in love, because that's what we were.

I didn't have enough time to process just how crazy that little song incident was because we arrived at Vicky's house. We walked up to the door hand-in-hand, and I rang the bell. Vicky's husband Riley opened the door with a huge smile on his face.

"Bella and the guest of honor! Welcome." He moved so we could walk inside.

"This is Edward," I introduced him. "Edward this is Riley, Vicky's husband."

"Pleasure," Edward said and shook Riley's hand. That wasn't so bad. One down, five to go.

Vicky came traipsing into the entry way. "Bella! I'm so glad you could make it. And who is this young man?" She asked turning to Edward.

The word young hit me like a slap in the face, but I tried to ignore it. She probably didn't mean anything by it. "The man is my uh…" I didn't dare say friend's brother, "boyfriend, Edward." I glanced up and could see the look of pride flash across Edward's face. I was so getting lucky tonight.

"Nice to meet you, Edward. I've never seen Bella as happy as she's been this week." Vicky shook his hand. I was sure my face turned bright red.

"It's been the same for me," Edward said causing me to blush even more. He wrapped an arm around my waist as we followed Vicky to the living room.

"Everybody, this is Bella's boyfriend, Edward," Vicky announced. "Bella, I'll let you introduce him to everyone."

I made my way around the room with Edward introducing him to the couples. "This is Angela and her husband, Ben." They graciously shook Edward's hand.

"What do you do?" Ben asked politely.

"Oh, he's a songwriter," I answered for Edward.

"Really? You can make a living doing that?" Angela asked innocently enough, but I kind of took offense to it. What did she think; he was some sort of bum?

"Oh, he does very well, thank you. What did you think, I was some sort of sugar momma? Really, that was so 2004 for us." Crap I was talking again! I looked up at Edward hoping he would think it was funny, but he wasn't laughing.

"Yes, I do alright," Edward said to Angela. "It's a hard field to break into though."

"I can imagine," Angela agreed.

We moved to the couch where Peter and Charlotte were sitting. Charlotte annoyed me. She had a big mouth, stepped on people to get ahead, and made rude comments all the time that she covered up by acting like she was joking. I didn't consider her a friend, just someone I had to tolerate.

"This is my friend Charlotte and her boyfriend Peter."

Peter nodded, and Charlotte said, "Rawr, Bella, I never knew you were such a cougar!"

I froze. This was my worst nightmare come true. I was hoping our age difference wasn't painfully obvious, but it obviously was.

"Char, she's too young to be a cougar," Peter corrected her. Thank you Peter! "She's more of a puma. There's a difference you know."

Ugh. This was not going like I planned. I looked over at Edward, and he had a polite smile on his face, but I was sure he was annoyed too.

"Well, younger men are so much more energetic, if you know what I mean," I said flatly and rolled my eyes.

Peter and Charlotte burst out laughing, but Edward just tightened his grip on my waist. He wasn't laughing at all. Oops. We moved on.

"Edward, this is Garrett, he works at the paper, and his girlfriend Kate. She's younger than he is too, but I guess no one thinks twice about it if a man dates a younger woman. Such a double standard."

"Uhh, nice to meet you?" Kate said uncomfortably.

Garrett reached out to shake Edward's hand, and gave me a look that said, 'shut up, you idiot.'

I was getting frustrated with myself and with the world for making my life complicated. Stupid Charlotte. I hated her.

When the introductions were finished, we all sat down to dinner. Conversation flowed easily, and I was finally able to relax. Edward seemed to relax too and interacted easily with my friends. They acted impressed when I told them about his songs on the radio, and Edward was interested in Ben's work as an English professor. I loved that my boyfriend was so smart. He kept a hand on me possessively all night. He was either touching my leg, holding my hand, or had an arm draped across my chair. I was pretty sure all the girls were jealous. Take that, Char.

After dinner, Vicky suggested that we play a game. She got out Taboo, and I saw a fierce determination in Edward's eyes. I remembered back to Win Lose or Draw, and I was scared. Edward didn't take defeat easily.

"We've got this, Swan," he whispered in my ear, sending sparks through my body.

We started playing the game, and despite my fantasies that Edward and I would be able to read each other's minds, we had a bit of trouble communicating. I thought it was perfectly clear that when I said 'a thing you suck on till you get to the good stuff,' that I meant a lollipop. It wasn't my fault his mind went straight to the gutter.

And really, when he said 'something that brightens your house or your day,' was it my fault all I could think of were daisies? No, that was his fault. He had no right to be frustrated.

"Wow, Edward, you're so competitive!" Kate teased, and Edward stuck his tongue out at her playfully.

"There there, baby, it's past your bedtime, isn't it." I patted Edward on the knee. He didn't laugh, he just rolled his eyes.

We finished the game, and of course team Cullen-Swan came in dead last. Edward seemed a little grumpy about it, so I put my hand on his thigh, leaned over, and whispered in his ear, "I'll make it up to you when we get back to my house."

This time Edward started choking, and I laughed and patted him on the back. "You're insane," he rolled his eyes at me when he stopped coughing. Vicky and Angela started clearing the dirty wine glasses off the table, while Riley put the game away. I grabbed a couple of glasses and followed them into the kitchen.

"Bella, that boy is absolutely delish!" Vicky gushed when I got there.

"He's really sweet, Bella," Angela agreed.

"I know, I'm so happy."

I hadn't noticed Char had accompanied us. "Bella, you're a smart little puma. If I wasn't with Peter I would totally tap that. Hell if Edward wasn't with you, I'd probably tap that anyway."

"Uh, I'm not sure you've got your biology right. I don't think you can technically tap anything," I said, disgusted with her talking about Edward like that. She wasn't going to get her tappers anywhere near him.

"Whatever. Come on, tell us, how did you land this one? He's certainly a step or twenty up from Mike." Charlotte asked.

"I don't know how to explain it. I've known him for years, and it just grew into something more." I really didn't want to talk about this with her.

"Well, do whatever you can to keep him. Have you considered any enhancements? I can give you the number to my Botox lady," Charlotte offered.

"Char!" Angela gasped.

"No thanks, I shrugged. He's young. I can train him to stick around. That's the beauty of it, really," I said sarcastically as I plotted all the ways I wanted to kill her.

I looked up to find Edward leaning against the doorframe. He didn't look happy at all. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"Sure," I answered anxious to get away from Charlotte. I couldn't believe how quickly she'd reduced me to feeling unworthy of Edward. It wasn't as if I wwasn't insecure enough on my own. I really didn't need her help. I wanted to cry, but I held it in. I wouldn't let her see that she affected me.

Edward and I thanked Vicky and Riley for the lovely evening. Ben and Edward discussed plans to meet for lunch one day and for us to go on a double date on Saturday night. We walked to Edward's truck, and I noticed his hand was suspiciously absent from my hand or my waist.

He held the door for me, and I climbed into the truck. I scooted closer to the middle, expecting his hand to take mine or to rest on my thigh again, but I got nothing. Great. Charlotte was right. He probably took one look at Kate, who was closer to his age, and realized that I was just gross. He probably wanted to get back to Seattle as quickly as his truck would take him. I scooted over and stared out the window.

We were silent for most of the car ride, until Edward finally said, "I don't know why you do that. I hate it that you do that."

"Do what?" I asked confused.

"You turn me into some sort of a joke. You do it all the time with Alice, and you did it tonight over and over again."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Oh it's past his bed time. He's young, so I can train him," he mocked me.

"Are you kidding? Those. Were. Jokes. Sheesh, I didn't know you were so sensitive." He was being ridiculous. I knew he was irritated by them, but this reaction was over the top.

"I don't want to be a joke to you, Bella. I'm tired of being the butt of your jokes."

"You're not a joke to me!" I started to raise my voice. "I don't know why you're being so pissy over nothing!"

"I don't know why you treat me like a child!" he practically yelled.

"I'm sorry if I'm not pretty enough or young enough for you!"

Edward just looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "Why would you even say that?" he asked with disgust on his face. "You're everything to me." He pulled his truck into my driveway and stopped.

"Obviously. You think I think of you as a joke, when in reality, I'm the joke. I'm stupid to think I'm good enough for you, and that you would actually want me. Do you think its easy trying to be good enough for Mr. Perfect? I mean thank God you dress like a sloppy teenager. At least there's something you're not perfect at!"

"Now you don't like how I dress?" Edward snarled.

"I didn't say that!" I yelled and got out of the truck, slamming the door behind me. I stomped up the steps, unlocked the door, and went straight to my room. So much for getting lucky tonight. I heard Edward come in a few minutes later, and I prayed he would come to my door and talk to me. I waited for a long time, and when he didn't come, I started to cry. It wasn't the sobbing kind of cry, just silent tears trickling down my face. I hoped I hadn't really screwed things up beyond repair. I didn't know what I would do if I lost him now. My life would be over. I would never recover; I was sure of it. It had only been a handful of days, but those days had changed everything.

I saw the hallway light go off and heard the door to the spare room close. Part of me thought I should go to him, and apologize, but what if he couldn't forgive me? I just hoped he was still here when I got up in the morning.

I'd almost drifted off to sleep when I heard my door open. I kept my eyes shut, pretending not to be awake. I felt my bed shift, and then Edward moving to lay behind me. He wrapped an arm around my stomach and nestled his face into my hair, breathing me in. I moved my hand over his and squeezed it.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered.

"I love you too," I whispered back and knew everything would be fine.

**A/N: I wish all my problems were fixed by a snuggle. Next chapter is Alice.**

**I want you to take your mouse and move it in a slow circle around the screen following it with your eyes. You are getting very sleepy. On the count of three I will snap my fingers, and you will do exactly what I say. 1…2…3… there you go. Now in a few seconds I'm going to count to three again. When I do, you will go to the bottom of the screen, hit review, and tell me that you think I'm brilliant and pretty. And until you read the A/N at the end of chapter 19, any time you hear the word "Vampire," you will immediately stand up and do the Macarena. Ok 1…2…3!**

**There, now I don't have to beg or threaten. I just hypnotized you. **

**I know there was some ff fail, so if you still need the epov from 17 let me know. **


	19. Chapter 19 In Flagrante

**A/N: Just a reminder that the title of Edward's blog is Cleo Consumes Me and his first entry is titled Cleopatra. **

**Did you know that Twike teaches highschool, runs a theater program, runs marathons, raises money for cures, is a newly wed, is in grad school, and betas this thing twice a week. She is RAD! Not in an attachment disorder sense – sorry therapist humor – hardy har har. **

**Thanks also to LTR, LMC, Profmom, and Daisy for their help. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 19

In Flagrante

I woke up early. I hadn't slept long, but it felt like the best sleep of my life. I stayed in Edward's arms feeling perfectly secure and content. Whatever happened the night before, I realized was just growing pains. We were bound to have misunderstandings and frustrations, but they didn't have to be deal breakers. We didn't find each other in the most traditional way. There were challenges associated with our situation, but we made it through this one. We would make it through the next one. The fact that Edward came back to me and told me he loved me meant more than any apology or explanation. Obviously there were things I needed to say too. Things I needed to apologize for. I let my fear of what other people would think affect the way I treated Edward, and that was wrong. In the end the only thing that mattered was how much we loved each other. I was proud of myself for being able to believe that now. I should have new business cards made: Bella Swan, relationship expert.

Edward was still sleeping behind me. I turned under his arm so that I was facing him and watched as he breathed in and out. I ran my fingers across his cheek, down his neck, and over his chest. He opened one eye and looked at me.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hi," he whispered back and closed his eye again. He might be used to sleeping till the afternoon, but I didn't want him to go back to sleep. I scooted closer to him, until I could reach his face with my mouth. I ghosted kisses on both of his eyes, his nose, his lips, his chin, his neck, and moved down to kiss his chest. I felt his sharp intake of breath and glanced up to find his eyes wide open.

I kept kissing his chest but looked up at him meeting his eyes. What I saw there scared me and thrilled me at the same time. I understood it, because I felt it too – desire. Edward put his fingers under my chin pulling my face back up to his mouth, and as our lips met, he rolled us over so that I was on my back, and he was on top of me. His kisses became more desperate more passionate, and almost subconsciously I started sighing and moaning in response to what he was doing to me.

Much like I had done, he started moving his lips across my face to my chin, to my ear lobe, then down my neck to my collarbone. He rose up on his forearms and kept kissing me everywhere. Finally he stopped and looked me in the eyes, and I could feel the fire of the passion in his gaze threatening to consume me.

"I'll love you forever," he promised.

I couldn't speak, I just nodded my head in agreement and tugged at the bottom of my shirt pulling it off of me, and the rest of our clothes soon followed. The way Edward took in every inch of me with his eyes and the touch of his hands all over my body left me breathless and aching with longing. The rush of his skin over mine ignited a flame in me that nothing could extinguish, and the feeling of our bodies entwined made me whole.

As he moved inside of me, I finally understood what it meant to be desired. I was Cleopatra. No, I was his Cleopatra. The woman he yearned for above all others. He was consumed by his need for me. Every word he wrote in every poem that had moved me was written because I had moved him. I felt powerful, beautiful, and alive. I knew in that moment, that I was created, put on this earth to love this man. It was my purpose, my calling, my reason.

We'd connected physically, but it was more than that. We communicated something deeper to each other without using words. An understanding had been reached, a commitment of sorts. He would love me forever, and I would only ever love him. It was the kind of love that you read about, but few ever experienced. The love that consumed you body and soul until you forgot everything you knew before. It couldn't be replicated or replaced. Without Edward, I could never be whole again.

"I love you so much more than I know how to put into words, and I'm supposed to be an expert with words," Edward said while tracing lazy circles on my arm. We'd come up for air, but the intensity of the morning still hung heavy in the room.

"I know," I smiled at him. "Me too." Then I yawned.

"You're tired," he chuckled.

"I'm sorry. I'm not tired of you. I'm just well… that was quite a work out. I'm going to be sore later."

"Was it worth it?" I was surprised that he seemed so serious.

"Oh my gosh, Edward, it was… I… thank you. I don't know how to explain it. I've never felt or experienced or dreamed of anything like this before." I finally understood what all the hype was about, and I didn't even need to shop with Jen for any "supplies" first.

"I've dreamed about being here with you, like this, for so long," he said. "It's hard to believe it's really happening." He stared at me and ran his hand across my cheek gently.

I yawned again involuntarily, taking away from the perfect moment. "Why don't you take a nap? I need to get some music down on paper. I'm feeling inspired." He leaned in and kissed me gently.

"Okay, promise you'll play it for me later?" I asked sleepily.

"Of course."

I closed my eyes after I watched him climb out of bed. I was sure that sight would never get old. I had a peaceful smile on my face as I drifted off to sleep.

A few hours later, I lingered somewhere between asleep and awake. I was still tired, so very tired, but I could hear Edward strumming on his guitar, and the sound of his voice was luring me away from the bed. I wanted him to look at me while he sang. I loved it when he looked at me while he sang.

I climbed out of bed wrapping the sheet around me. I was too lazy to look for my clothes, and I was still in a sleepy haze when I walked into the living room. Edward looked at me with a lazy sort of smile, running his eyes up the length of my body. I stood a little taller. It was kind of exciting being so alluring.

I slumped down in the chair across from him and laid my head on the arm rest pulling my feet up under me and listened. His voice soothed me until I was on the verge of falling asleep again, but my phone on the table next to me started ringing. I reached for it without opening my eyes and fumbled as I tried to flip it open. It went falling to the floor. Edward kept playing and singing as I reached down for it.

"Hello?"

There was silence on the other end. I'd missed the caller ID when I dropped it, so I wasn't even sure who it was. Probably someone selling something.

"Hello?" I said a little louder this time. Edward stopped playing and looked at me to see what was going on.

"Why is my brother with you?" Alice asked without a hint of friendliness in her voice. No. No! No! No!

"Alice! Oh my gosh, Alice! Um. I uhh…well…he. Hmmm. That's a good question." I searched my mind desperately for an explanation that might save me, but I came up with nothing.

"Bella, you tell me what's going on right now," she demanded.

"Edward came to see me." I looked up at him, and he had a shocked expression on his face. He put the guitar down and leaned forward.

"Why?" Alice still sounded on the edge of fury.

"Wow, that's another good question. Well, I guess he is sort of interested in me?" Edward rolled his eyes and held out his hand wanting the phone. I shook my head no at him.

"Like he wants to be a reporter?" Alice asked in confusion.

"No." Crap! I didn't know the right thing to say! " Romantically?"

"Is this a joke? You're joking right?" Alice practically yelled.

"No, I'm not joking, Alice," I tried to sound serious and calm. There was a long pause. I started to wonder if she'd hung up or fainted.

"How long has he been there?" she finally asked. At least she wasn't yelling.

Crap! I handed Edward the phone like we were playing a game of hot potato. His eyes grew wide, and he didn't look so confident all the sudden. He slowly held it up to his ear.

"Alice, I've been meaning to call you back. I just wasn't sure how to tell you what's been happening," Edward said calmly into the phone. "Bella and I are together now."

I could hear Alice screaming on the other side of the phone; clearly she'd lost any sense of control she had been maintaining with me.

"Alice, stop," Edward said forcefully. "I know Bella is your best friend, but I love her, and I'm going to be with her. This is a good thing, and you are going to accept it." Yeah Alice, was going to have to accept it! I had no idea where he got the courage to stand up to her like that, but it was hot.

Alice started yelling again, and Edward was growing agitated. He stood up and walked out the front door with the phone, leaving me sitting there wondering what in the world was going on. I fiddled with my handsI knew Alice would be mad. We should have told her first thing. I should have called her the second he walked in my door and asked for her blessing. No, I should have called her and thanked her for sending him here, and then I should have sent her flowers or one of those edible bouquets. I should have promised to name my first born child Alice, and thanked her for providing me with the opportunity to know Edward. The last thing I should have done was hide this from her. I was about to get up and start pacing when Edward came back in the house.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well, it was a little worse than I expected, but I think she'll be fine."

"What does that mean!? What did she say? Does she hate me?"

"No, I don't think she hates you. I think she's just hurt that we left her out of the loop."

"I knew she would be." I buried my face in my hands. Edward came and sat on the ottoman in front of me, and pulled my hands into his.

"Hey, I asked her if she wanted you to be happy, and she said yes. That's the key here. Alice wants you to be happy. Once she understands how good this is for both of us, she won't be able to stay mad."

"I just feel like I betrayed her. You know it's supposed to be bros before hos. Oh I mean sisters before misters, and I knew this would upset her, but I did you anyway."

I felt Edward chuckling. "Why is that funny?" I demanded.

"You just said you did me anyway."

"Oh no! You didn't tell Alice about that did you?"

"Bella, that's none of her business," Edward said calmly. "I promise everything is going to be fine. We'll give her a couple of hours to whine to Jasper, and then you'll call her. Just tell her how sorry you are and what a great dresser she is, and she'll forgive you."

"Come on Edward, you act like she's completely shallow. She has a right to be upset. We hurt her." I felt a pain building inside of me. How could I do this to my best friend?

"Stop it. Look at me." Edward lifted my chin to meet my gaze. "You're right. We'll find a way to fix it, but we can't let this ruin our happiness. We deserve this, Bella. She's going to understand that."

"I guess it's good we got it over with," I sighed. "I felt terrible for not telling her, but I didn't want her to find out like this." I moved to rest my head on Edward's chest, and he stroked my hair lovingly. Part of me was upset and worried about my best friend, but in reality that part of me was really pretty small. Most of me was still just thrilled about Superhands sitting next to me.

"Bella, I've been having a problem," Edward said and took his hand away from me. I sat up, and Edward stared at the floor and looked kind of sad.

"What?" I started to panic. I couldn't imagine what he was going to say.

"There's this spot on my back." He turned so I could see his back while he pointed to the middle of it.

"I don't see anything," I said looking closer.

"No, it's not like that. My problem is I just can't quite reach it with a washcloth, and I'm worried it might be dirty. I need to shower, but I'm afraid of failing again. Is there anything you can do?" He gave me a puppy dog face.

Holy Guacamole. Was he asking what I thought he was asking?

"I have one of those brushes with a long handle," I answered with a sly smile on my face. Edward rolled his eyes. "Or I guess I could help you with it," I let out an exaggerated sigh like it was a huge hassle. "I wouldn't want you to grow a fungus or anything."

"Thank you for being so concerned about my hygiene." Edward stood, pulled me up with him, and kissed me. Thankfully I was able to help Edward with his problem as we took a break from worrying about Alice. Just because my best friend hated me didn't mean I could stop worrying about things like fungus or dirty backs. I had to have priorities.

Later that afternoon after I made sure Edward was good and clean, I called Alice. I got her voicemail.

"Alice, I'm so sorry. You have to forgive me, you just have to. You're a really good dresser, and I need some shopping advice." What was I doing? Oh that's right, I was using Edward's shallow Alice approach. It wasn't really a great idea, but I had no idea what to say.

I tried again later and it went straight to voicemail.

"Alice, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I mean all those years it's not like I was planning how I could really seduce him. It's just when I visited and got to know him, he was really interesting, and well he's very attractive, but still I didn't think he would be interested in me, but he was, and so really this is all his fault. I couldn't help it. You Cullens are so persuasive, and pretty. You're pretty Alice." Ugh! I did it again!

I hung up and sighed. Edward was looking at me funny.

"What?"

"All my fault?"

"Duh," I rolled my eyes, and Edward just chuckled.

I called Alice a few more times with no luck and was reduced to singing songs on her voicemail. If I couldn't make her forgive me, I was determined to annoy her to death.

Finally my phone rang, and I jumped up and grabbed it excitedly. When I looked at the caller ID though, it was Jasper.

"Jasper?" I answered.

"Hello, Swan. I hear you and Edward are practically living together."

"Do you hate me?" I asked nervously.

"No, no. I'm glad. I thought I sensed something between the two of you when you visited, but I didn't want to stir the pot by asking in case I was wrong."

"How's Alice?" I asked.

"She's…upset. She says Edward is too young for you and all that, but I think most of all she's upset that you didn't tell her. Honestly, I think she's jealous that Edward gets to hang out with you, and she doesn't."

"But Alice is the most important person in my life. I need her to be okay with this. "

"I think she just needs a little more time, and maybe a little less showtunes."

"Oh she didn't like that?" I asked.

"I'm not sure, but she played them on speaker phone, and I'd personally appreciate it if you didn't sing anymore," Jasper chuckled.

"Jerk," I teased.

"Really, Swan, I'm thrilled. You deserve someone like Edward, and he obviously cares a great deal about you. Don't give that up for Alice. She'll be fine. I also wanted to give you and Edward a heads up. Alice…well she doesn't always think rationally when she's upset. She sort of called a family meeting for tonight to discuss Edward, and what he's been up to. I think she's planning to tell mom and dad, and well everyone about the two of you."

"Oh freck. That's bad."

"I'll try and keep it positive, but I thought I should warn you."

"Thanks, Jasper. Please tell Alice to call me or let me know when it's safe to call her."

"I will, just don't tell Alice I'm giving you inside information. This is all covert. In fact I better make sure no one is following me right now."

"Okay, thanks for the heads up. I'll talk to Edward about it."

"Swan, I really am happy for you."

"Thanks, Jasper. That means a lot to me."

"Goodbye, old friend."

"Ugh, not a good time to call me old!" I groaned.

Jasper laughed, and we hung up. "Edward!" I was in the living room, and he was in the kitchen making a sandwich.

"Yes, dear?" he said as he walked back into the room, and I giggled again at his words. I was feeling slightly better after talking to Jasper.

"Jasper just called. Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"

"Good news."

"Jasper is happy for us. He said you are one lucky man, and that you should do whatever I want."

"Okay, that is good news. What do you want to do?" he winked at me seductively. I swear he had a one track mind.

"Stop it," I giggled.

"What's the bad news?"

"Alice is calling a family meeting. She's going to tell your parents about us," I told him.

Edward rubbed his forehead in frustration. "I figured she would. I just hoped maybe she would be mature for once. I guess I'd better call them before she gets a chance. It will be better coming from me."

"What if they don't like me?" I asked nervously.

"They already love you."

"They love me as Alice's friend, not your… your…"

"Everything," Edward finished for me. The man had a way with words; I had to give him that much.

"I just… what will you do if they forbid you to see me?"

"Bella! I'm not twelve."

"But I'm twenty-nine! It's a little weird. Jasper said Alice was creeped out by our age difference."

"If this is going to work, that is something you are going to have to let go, Bella." Edward sat beside me on the couch. "I don't think the age difference is even that great, and it is really not even a factor to me. If you can't get past it though, it's going to be a problem. I don't care what anyone else thinks but you."

"I…I try not care what other people think. It's just hard for me. I'm a people pleaser. I also don't get why you would want me, when you could have anyone."

"Do you want me to list all the reasons?" Edward asked sarcastically.

"Yes."

Edward rolled his eyes, and said, "Come here." He took my face in his hands and kissed me, caressing my lips with his, and making my organs turn to Jello. "Don't you feel it? That's why I want you. I belong with you. I don't care how old you are or how you talk too much when you're nervous. I. Want. You."

"So was that the list, because it was kind of short. I thought you might mention my intelligence or interior decorating skills," I teased.

Edward laughed and pulled me into a hug. "We'll get through this. We just have to stick together."

I rested my head on his chest. "You'd better go call your mom," I sighed.

Edward ran his hand over my hair a couple of times and kissed my head. He stood up, pulled his own phone out of his pocket and went outside.

A feeling of dread enveloped me. I was putting something dear to me on the line, the Cullen family. If this ended badly, I could lose everything. If Edward and I didn't work out, the entire family might end up hating me. They might all hate me even if it did work out. They might look at me as some sort of opportunist taking advantage of their vulnerable and sensitive Edward. It was a good thing they didn't know how successful he was becoming with his writing, or they might even think I was after his money.

Edward came back in with a frown on his face. Oh no. He slammed his body down on the couch next to me and sighed.

"I knew it. She hates me, doesn't she?"

"No, but I'm not so sure how she feels about me right now."

I rubbed his back trying to comfort him. "What is it? What did she say?"

"Well, first I told her I had feelings for you, and she was really excited. She said she couldn't imagine anyone better suited for me."

"Well that's good." I was confused. I thought he wanted her to like me.

"Then I told her I was here and that I've been seeing you, and that we're in love."

"And?" I asked impatiently.

"Well she wasn't so happy about that. She said that it was irresponsible of me to quit my job at the coffee shop and come down here to shack up with you, and that if I am going to try and have a serious relationship I need to get serious about my future. You know the same old thing. I need to go to college. I need to grow up. I need to blah blah blah. Then she said she was concerned about you encouraging this behavior."

"Oh God, she probably thinks you're like my boy toy or something!" I shrieked and buried my face in his shoulder.

"Well it's not true. I'm not a kept man. I've done work every day since I left Washington."

"You've got to tell them about your music, Edward." I squeezed his arm.

"What if they still don't think it's enough? You care what everyone thinks. I only care what a few people in the world think, and most of them think I'm a loser."

"Edward! That's not true. Your songs are amazing! I'm sure they are just worried you don't have anything you're passionate about, and they think you're unhappy. You have to give them a chance. Even if they aren't crazy about it, which they will be, then it's not like they will stop loving you or inviting you to Christmas. They're your family."

"I guess." He still looked so defeated, and I wanted desperately to fix it. I wanted to call Esme myself and tell her how amazing her son was, and send her copies of his music, and show her that he was successful in business. I was sure she would be proud of him. How could she not be?

"Do you care what I think?" I asked forcing him to look at me.

"You know I do. More than anyone." His eyes burned into mine.

"I think you are an amazingly talented artist and musician." I kissed his chin. "I think you are a good man, and you care deeply for your family, which I admire." I kissed his neck. "I think you're very skilled in most everything you do," I whispered in ear, and we forgot all about his family for the time being.

**A/N: Want the good news or bad news? **

**OK Good news: This weekend I'm meeting up with Daisy3853, Profmom72, Hmonster4, and LiketoRead22 for a weekend o fun in Chicago. If I never post the next chapter, your mom was right when she told you people you meet on the internet are dangerous. **

**Bad news: We're at least over 2/3 done with this story, and I'm behind on writing chapters, so at least for now, posting will change to once a week. I know I know – when people say that I want to tantrum, and I'm sorry, but I promise I will post once a week minimum. Unless I don't… ha ha . So don't expect an update till probably next Thursday. **

**To tide you over, I will send you surprise if you review. I won't send it until probably Monday – so be patient. I have to write it first. **

**P.S. I love you. **

**P.S.S. Please review. **


	20. Chapter 20 Burned

**A/N: Well I'm back from Chicago. All the girls were normal except for LiketoRead22. SHE was actually a HE. Ok not really. LTR as I call her is actually a very nice gal and a great friend to me. She is busy with work and a family but still makes time to help me with this thing. You see it's a complicated process editing this thing and I've grown to depend on her feedback. I love her. **

**Thanks also to Twike, Daisy, Profmom72, and LMC for their help. **

**Characters are not mine. The plot is not yours. Don't steal it or say you wrote it or I'll bite you. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 20

Burned

Edward and I spent the next two weeks getting to know each other. We learned how to be more considerate of each others' feelings. I knew that my not taking him seriously frustrated him, and he learned that I used humor to deflect when I felt awkward or uncomfortable. We were a good balance for each other. He was introverted and deep. I was outgoing and had trouble with big words, but somehow we worked. Our attraction was more than physical; we became close friends. I found that in those quiet moments as I lay in his arms, I felt safe enough to tell him the things I had trouble sharing with anyone. Like how much it hurt me that my mom sent me to live with my dad my senior year in high school, and how I was jealous of Alice's life.

Edward told me more about the record deal he was offered when he was 19. Some family friend from New York had introduced him to producer, but his parents looked over the contract and thought it was shady. Edward said he understands now that it would have been the biggest mistake of his life. Hearing all this as an outsider made me wonder if this was one of those instances where Edward overreacted and made assumptions about his parents' criticism. He didn't even seem to have considered the fact that they might have been worried about the contract instead of unsupportive of his talent. It was a good thing one of us was completely rational.

I was also getting used to Edward's sultry looks and words of appreciation for my body. For years I'd thought my life was some sort of dud, a disappointment. Now I could see that the hard times were just the prologue to this. It was all just the beginning of a story with a happy ending.

There were other things I hadn't gotten used to. Living by myself for the last five or so years, I was accustomed to having things the way I wanted them. One of the more difficult moments was what I coined Boxergate.

"Ugh!" I let out a grunt as I slammed the kitchen cabinets shut. Was it really that hard to open the cabinet, get out a glass, and then shut it again afterward? I swear Edward thought he could get away with whatever he wanted just because I couldn't resist him.

I stomped into the living room, ignoring him, and headed for my bedroom. There I found Edward's dirty underwear on the floor. AGAIN!

I'd had it. Something had to be done. "EDWARD!" I stormed into the living room holding up his laundry. "Is this really necessary? There is such a thing as a hamper!"

"Why are you talking with your back to me?" Edward asked with amusement in his voice.

"Because if I look at you, you'll give me that look, and I won't be able to stay mad."

"What look?" Edward laughed.

"Will you please pay attention! We are talking about your underwear!"

"Personally, I'd rather talk about your underwear," Edward chuckled.

"I mean it. I am not your maid! And if I fall into the toilet one more time because you left the toilet seat up, I'm going to glue it down."

"You fell in the toilet?" he was really laughing now.

"You need to stop!" I turned around to glare at him.

Edward stopped laughing immediately and looked a little scared. That was better.

"Bella?"

"What?" I snapped.

"You're cute when you're mad." Edward grinned at me, and I almost broke, almost. But I was not about to let him win this time. I stormed out of the room and slammed my door. I went on a dusting frenzy in my bedroom. I might not be able to get Edward to pick up his clothes, but I could get this dust the heck out of my room.

I heard the door creak open a minute later. I was picking up the things on my dresser and slamming them down on the other side so I could dust under them when I felt Edward's arms wrap around me from behind. He started kissing my neck.

"I'm sorry, Lois," he whispered in my ear. "I'll do better at picking up after myself."

I let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Do you forgive me?"

"No, I think this side needs some attention first." I tilted my head the other way so he could reach the other side of my neck. All was forgiven as soon as I got the attention I needed.

That was how we dealt with most of our disagreements. Instead of talking we would just make out. It wasn't like I was complaining. Edward's tongue was better than any apology.

~8~

I was lying on the couch with my head on Edward's lap, pretending to read but thinking about the fact that Edward had to leave tomorrow. He was playing with my hair with one hand and holding a book with the other. He'd stayed as many days as he could, but he would be leaving in the morning and driving all day and night in order to be back to Seattle in time for his meeting with the people from TRP. He'd sent his songs to Tanya, and she was ready to record them as soon as he got there. The songs were good. Even if I wasn't biased, I would think they were exceptional. I had a particular fondness for the one called _Fire of Phoenix_. It was all about a girl who was irresistible.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward put down the book and looked at me.

"I don't want you to leave," I whined. "I don't want things to change. I want my snuggle buddy."

"It's temporary, Bella. You'll be out in less than two weeks for your interview, and hopefully after that I'll be flying up here and driving the U-haul back for you."

"I hope I find out right away, so I know whether or not I have to go to that other interview in New York after that. Two trips in two weeks is a lot of traveling, and Washington is definitely my first choice anyway."

"Let's not even think about New York yet," Edward picked up my hand and kissed it. "I'm going to miss you, but you'll be there before you know it. I wish I had my own place so we didn't have to stay in a hotel."

"Are you sure it's a good idea not to tell Alice I'm coming? I think if she finds out, it will make everything worse."

"You'll only be there for three days. I don't want to share you. Plus, you can't very well tell her when she refuses to talk to you."

"I guess," I shrugged. "I just hope she gives up on the silent treatment soon." I'd been calling Alice every few days, but I was still getting her voicemail. I'd spoken with Jasper a couple of times, and it sounded like Edward and I had successfully created a giant rift in his family. Carlisle and Emmett were one hundred percent supportive of Edward and my relationship. Emmett and Alice had been arguing about it non-stop. Esme still thought Edward was going about it the wrong way but wasn't completely against it. Rosalie wanted to stay out of it. She and Alice were close, and I suspected she would be loyal to her no matter what. Alice and Jacob were both furious and had bonded over the way they had been mutually scorned by Edward and me. Jasper was happy for us, but he was careful with what he said to Alice. We all understood that disagreeing with her meant trouble, but he said he was working to help her see the light.

In some ways I understood Alice's reaction. I'd expected it, but on the other hand, I was starting to feel angry. She wasn't really even taking my feelings into consideration. I would forgive her though, because she was my best friend, and I wasn't willing to lose her. I also had to keep in mind that I was the one who lied to her. Well I hadn't lied, but I'd hidden information from her. I would be hurt too in her position. I just had to have faith that our friendship was strong enough to survive this conflict.

The more I thought about Alice and her family, the more I started letting myself imagine what my life could actually be like someday. Once everyone made up and realized we were all on the same team, I might even end up married to Edward. I could be this happy with him always. What was more, the silly fantasy I'd had about being a part of Alice's family could come true. I could be a Cullen. The irony of it was almost too much to wrap my mind around. There would be presents for me under the tree at Christmas, and I could walk into Esme's house without knocking. I could go to Carlisle for advice, and I would have sisters to shop with. There would always be people around that belonged to me, and I would belong to them. It was what I'd always wanted.

"Hey, I got you something." Edward said and stood up, dropping my head onto the couch. He came back with something wrapped in brown paper. I thought maybe it was a book of his poetry or songs or something, but when I unwrapped it, I saw our faces smiling back at me.

"It's the picture Esme took." I ran my fingers over the wooden frame lovingly.

"I had her email it to me and got it printed and framed here," Edward explained.

"You were such a jerk that night," I laughed.

"You were driving me crazy. I'd already decided you weren't what I'd imagined you to be, but then you were still so beautiful and funny. I couldn't keep my eyes off of you, and I was sure Jacob was going to say something about it. When my mom took this picture, I desperately wanted to smell your hair. I thought I was losing my mind."

"I know the feeling." I kept looking at the picture and thinking about how good we really did look together. We looked like we were in love even then. I guess in a weird way we were.

"So do you like your present? I thought about getting you a necklace or something fancier, but I decided you might like this better."

"It's so perfect." I leaned my back against his chest on the couch. "You promise you'll still love me after you leave, and this hasn't just all been in my imagination? One of my grandmas went crazy and thought the CIA was watching her through her TV screen. That stuff's genetic, you know. This could very well just be a very long delusion. You should probably drive me to the loony bin."

"You want someone you think you're imagining to drive you somewhere? I don't see how that works."

"I see your point," I sighed. "I just hope it's always like this."

"Silly Bella, it's not too good to be true. How can I convince you of that?"

"Just keep reminding me," I said seriously. I didn't like that I needed constant reassurance, but thankfully Edward seemed to be willing to give it.

"Check this out," Edward said. He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket, opened it, and pulled out a smaller copy of our picture. "I'll always have it with me." I think I fell in love all over again when I saw it, and then it reminded me of something.

"Hey, did you really have my picture in your front pocket? You know from that one blog entry?"

"No," Edward chuckled. "Can you imagine if my mom was doing the laundry and found that? I do have several old pictures of you that I swiped from files on Alice's computer."

"Well I like this file better, anyway," I said and playfully swatted at his butt.

"We'd better get ready for dinner. You are welcome to go through all my files when we get home."

"How did we manage to just turn the word files into something dirty?" I laughed.

"You've got a dirty mind, Bella." Edward stood and helped me up from the couch giving my file a squeeze too.

We decided to go to Caroline's again, and the walk there this time was much more comfortable than the first time we went. We didn't talk the whole way there. We didn't need to. I just wanted to hold onto him for as long as I could. We arrived and were seated at a table near the back. Edward reached his hand across the table, and I took it. We just stared into each others' eyes as he rubbed circles on my hand with his thumb.

That's when I heard it. That laugh. That cackle. I slowly turned my head toward the door and saw her. It was Charlotte.

"Hide!" I whispered and sunk down in the booth.

"What? Why?" Edward asked confused and turned his body around to look.

"Stop! Don't look. Get down," I said and lay down in the booth.

"Bella, what are you doing? Would you please sit up?" Edward leaned forward to look at me.

"It's Charlotte. She'll just say something to make me feel ugly or stupid and ruin our night. Now duck so she won't see us."

"Bella, that's silly. No one can make you feel ugly," Edward argued.

"Bella? Are you feeling okay? Why are you lying down?" I heard Charlotte's voice coming from the end of the booth.

Nooooo. Not only was Charlotte here, but she caught me hiding from her. "Oh I was just looking for my napkin. I dropped it," I lied. "Hi, Charlotte. Hi, Peter. You guys remember Edward?" I said after I sat up.

Peter said hello and excused himself to go to the bar to order a drink while they waited for a table.

"Oh, of course I remember Edward," Charlotte cooed. "You're still here. I thought for sure you would have left by now."

"I'm leaving tomorrow actually," Edward said politely.

"Really? That's a shame. Well I guess all good things must come to an end."

"It's not like we're not breaking up," I said defensively.

"Of course not dear," Charlotte patted my shoulder and gave me a patronizing frown. I glanced at Edward with a look that said, 'see,' and I could see the muscles in his jaw tense.

"I was wondering something about the two of you actually. Do you think it will hurt your music career, Edward? I mean Bella is obviously several years older than you, and if you become famous, well people will talk. There will be certain expectations even, like for you to date another artist or model or something."

I saw Edward's right hand squeeze his napkin on the table until his knuckles turned white. Oh no, what if he just realized she was right?

"Charlotte, I'm trying to enjoy the last few hours I have in Boston with the woman I love. We really don't need you coming over here and insulting us and interrupting our time together, so I would appreciate it if you would leave us alone and go join Peter. He obviously sees something in you, but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is," Edward snapped at her.

"I – I." Charlotte's mouth opened and shut a few more times. "Ughhhh!" She screamed, spun quickly around, and stomped off toward the bar. I saw her yelling at Peter, and he actually had the nerve to laugh at her. At that, she stormed out of the restaurant. Peter slowly finished his drink before following after.

What in the world just happened?

"God, I'm so sorry, Bella. I just couldn't stand to let her talk to you like that. You were right. She's…"

"Evil," I finished his sentence for him. "Please don't apologize. That was so…so…hot." I took a long drink of my water trying to reign myself in. I desperately wanted to jump across the table and maul him.

"You thought that was hot?" Edward asked in confusion.

"Oh yeah," I breathed. No one had ever stood up for me like that before.

"Damn, I should have punched her too. I don't like to hit women, but I would have done it if I'd known this was how you'd react."

We ordered our dinner, but all I could think about was what I wanted to do after dinner. I'd never eaten so fast in my entire life.

"Bellaaaa," Edward groaned after the waitress cleared our plates, and we were waiting for the check.

I gave him a confused look.

"You've got to stop looking at me like that. I can't take much more. I don't know how I'm even going to make it home. I feel like I'm going to combust over here."

"Here, use this to fan yourself. It helps." I handed him the dessert menu.

Edward chuckled and shook his head, but I noticed he waved the menu in front of his face a few times. After Edward paid, he grabbed my hand and practically dragged me up the hill back to my house. His gait was wider than mine, and I was having trouble keeping up. I was afraid if I asked him to slow down he would just fling me over his shoulder and carry me home. On second thought, that might not be too bad.

When we finally reached my porch, he snatched my keys out of my hand and unlocked the door. Then he grabbed my hand again, swung me inside, and shoved me up against wall as he kissed my neck and reached behind me to unzip my dress. It wasn't long before all our clothes were discarded. Every other night, we'd made love and enjoyed each other, but tonight we devoured each other. It was like we knew these touches would have to last for weeks, and we wanted to make sure it was memorable. And oh, was it memorable.

Edward and I were tangled up in a sea of pillows and blankets on my bedroom floor. Somehow we'd managed to fall off the bed, but instead of letting it faze us, we just kept going. Now I lay with my head on his chest as he stroked my hair. I didn't really want to sleep on the floor, but I didn't want to move yet either.

"What are you thinking," he asked.

"I was thinking about a song."

"What song? One of mine?"

"No, the one from Armageddon." I started singing, "_Don't wanna close my eyes. Don't wanna fall asleep, cause I miss you girl, and I don't wanna miss a thing… cause even when I dream of you…"_

"Bella, please," Edward interrupted, and I could feel his body shaking with laughter beneath me.

"What?" I asked innocently like I hadn't been trying to be funny.

"I think you should let me sing the love songs," he smirked.

"Hey!" I protested.

"No, really, I don't think Aerosmith is your style." He was really laughing now, and I was doing my best to keep acting offended.

"Oh so what is my style, then?"

"I don't know. Try Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," he laughed even harder.

"It's not funny!" I said but started to giggle.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'll stop." He held up a hand in surrender. "Ah, I'm going to miss you so much." He hugged my body tighter.

"I'm going to miss you too," I said and held on as tight as I could until I had to let go while he sang the love song in my ear.

**A/N: This is a regularly scheduled bribe chapter. Review and I will send you an EPOV outtake. I may not get them sent out till the weekend, so don't get your panties in a bunch if you don't get it in five minutes. **

**I wanted to tell you that have really grown to care about you as a reader. I'm thankful for you, and I want to do something nice for you. I'm going to lead you to a one shot that I'm crazy about. Seriously, I love it so much. I read it on a plane and squealed. Read Just This Once by Profmom 72. The link is at the very top of my profile. I promise you will thank me later. **

**P.S. I still love you. **

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	21. Chapter 21 Fan the Flame

**A/N; Hello friends. And you are my friends… if you review anyway. If not well then… no – I won't say it. **

**Thanks to all my little sparkies like Daisy, Profmom, LTR, TWIKE, and LMC. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 21

Fan the Flame

"Bella," I heard someone whispering my name.

"Oh yes, Edward do that again," I answered in my dream.

"Bella, wake up." I heard a whisper again.

"Just like that, Edward."

"Bella, if you keep talking in your sleep, I'm not going to be able to leave," Edward said louder this time and shook my shoulders. I opened my eyes. It was barely light outside. Edward was already dressed.

"Nooooooooooooooo. I don't want you to go."

"I don't want to go either, but I have to," Edward whispered and kissed my cheek.

"Let me make you breakfast," I offered.

"I can't, Bella. I need to get on the road."

I made a pouty face and climbed out of bed. I tried not to let myself wake all the way up. Maybe if I didn't wake up, it wouldn't hurt so badly. I followed Edward into the living room. He had his bag and his guitar by the door. I went into the kitchen and got the Ziploc bag of cookies that I'd made him.

"Here, I made these for you to take with you." I held out the bag to him, and he smiled warmly at me.

"I was wondering what all that baking was about." He took the bag out of my hand and set it on top of his guitar. He turned back to face me and took both of my hands in his. "Bella, thank you, for everything. This time with you has been amazing. I – I don't even want to imagine my life without you in it. I'm so in love with you."

Tears filled my eyes. I had so much to say, but the only thing I could squeak out was, "Please, don't go." I could already feel the hole that he would leave behind forming.

"Bella," he groaned, and his face looked pained. "It's temporary. Before you know it we'll be together."

"Okay," I nodded my head and did my best to believe him. "I love you," I croaked barely able to talk.

"Please, Bella, please don't cry." He reached up taking my cheeks in his palms and wiped the tear that had fallen down off my cheek with his thumb. I knew I was being too emotional. I didn't have to make this harder than it already was for either of us, but I didn't want to let him go.

I buried my head into his chest and held onto him with all my strength. He rubbed my back and tried to comfort me. I was a mess. I worried that no matter what happened we would never have a time like this again. It would never be this perfect. Life wasn't usually sunshine and daisies. It was usually rainy with occasional sunny days. Especially in Seattle.

"I've got to go," his voice cracked. I nodded and let go of him. He picked up his things, and I followed him out to his truck. He loaded it up and turned to give me one last kiss. I tried to put all the love I had for him into the kiss, but it was impossible. He rested his forehead on mine for a few seconds and took a deep breath. "I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

"We'll talk all the time. We're lucky, with technology it will be just like I'm here."

"Maybe you can strip for me on Skype," I suggested. I saw that on TV.

"Whatever you want, Bella," he chuckled.

After one more quick kiss, I watched as he got in his truck and drove away. I sat on the porch for a few minutes blinking away the tears and praying he would turn around and come back. I waited until I was sure that wasn't going to happen and went inside.

The days dragged by. I had finally tasted happiness and what it felt like to have a true companion, but now he was gone. My only consolation was his daily phone calls. He called me when he first woke up. Those were unusually early for him, like around ten his time. The poor thing wasn't used to working mornings, but he was spending long hours tweaking his songs and recording the demos. The morning phone calls usually consisted of him yawning a lot and asking what I was wearing.

He called me at night and told me about what he'd done that day. He was really pleased with how the demos were turning out. He was nervous about his meeting with the producers from the publishing company and what kind of contract they would offer him. He felt like this would be the deciding factor of whether or not he had "made it." He had an opportunity to get greater exposure and bigger royalties.

He was so excited when he talked about it. He said he could write songs anywhere, so if I got assigned overseas he could go with me. The fact that he was planning his future around _us _thrilled me. Every night he talked to me until I was ready to go to bed and then whispered sweet nothings about his love and devotion to me before we hung up. The only thing that could have made it any better would have been for him to be whispering those things in person.

In addition he'd been updating his blog everyday:

_10.14.09_

_**Fill Me**_

_There's a hole in my chest where I ache for you. _

_I ache for your laugh, your touch, your body on mine._

_There's a place in my heart you have branded_

_It is seared with your smile, your declaration, your kiss_

_There's a dream in my soul of only you._

_I dream of your softness, your vows, your all. _

_10.18.09_

_I would walk 1000 miles for your kiss. _

_I would brave land, sea and desert for the one I miss._

_The cold of winter. The heat of the day. _

_Why am I here when you're so far away? _

_(It rhymes :) I never rhyme, but I thought you might like it, dear.) _

That one had me cracking up on the train on my way into work. People were looking at me like I'd lost my mind. Ugh, why was I here? Part of me just wanted to quit my job today and move to Seattle. If I didn't get the job at the newspaper, I could always work at Starbucks or an organic food store. I could just hear my mom's reaction to that one after all the money she and her husband paid for my journalism education.

10.22.09

_Come softly to me and whisper forever in my ear and I'll show you always with a tender touch._

Oh dear. That one was a bit much. I wanted him here. Touching me. Now. I couldn't wait to get to Tacoma.

I was trying to control my breathing when Edward called.

"Hello?"

"What are you up to?"

"Oh nothing," I lied. I was not about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that his blog had me all hot and bothered.

"What about you? It's early for you to be calling."

"We took the day off today. We finished the demos, and Tanya wanted the day to listen to them and see if there is anything we need to record over."

"Oh good, you needed a day to rest."

"Yeah, but I was home long enough for Alice to corner me." He sounded frustrated.

"Oh no, what did she say?"

"That's the weird thing. She just asked how you were doing and made small talk. She didn't lecture me or meddle. I'll be honest, it freaked me out."

"Maybe she's coming around," I said as hope sparked in me.

"Well she hasn't answered your calls yet, has she?"

"No," I sighed. "I miss her."

"Not as much as I miss you."

"Oh you're good," I giggled. "You're about to ask me what I'm wearing, aren't you."

Edward let out a hearty laugh. "You know me too well."

I couldn't stop smiling, because he was right.

Later that night I was surprised to get a call from Dr. Cullen.

"Bella dear, how are you?" I recognized her voice immediately when I answered.

"Dr. Cullen! I can't believe it's you. This is a wonderful surprise!"

"Oh dear, call me grandma. You're family now."

Whoa! That was more than I was expecting, but grandma had a ring to it. "Okay, Grandma," I laughed. "I'm so glad to hear your voice."

"Listen, dear, Edward tells me you'll be in town next week, and it just so happens I'm scheduled to lecture at UW that week. I've already informed him that I will be taking the two of you to dinner, but I wanted to make sure you keep Thursday night free for me."

"Oh, of course. But well…" I paused.

"What's the matter dear? You and Edward will still have plenty of time for hanky panky. I'm an old woman. I don't stay out late."

"No! Oh my gosh, not that!" I giggled nervously. "It's just that I haven't told Alice I'm coming. She isn't speaking to me actually, and I'm worried about how she will react."

"Pish posh, Alice is a spoiled brat. I love her dearly, but really she needs to get her own life, besides I'll see her plenty. We won't tell her a thing about our secret rendezvous. It will be just like my days in the CIA."

I laughed, but I had no idea if she was joking or not. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't. "Sure, Dr. Cullen, oh I mean Grandma. I can't wait to see you then."

"Me either, dear. I can't tell you how happy I am to have a kindred spirit like you in the family. You're the best thing to happen to us since Jacob taught me to use a cell phone."

"Well, thank you," I laughed.

"Of course, now take care of yourself until I see you."

"I will, goodbye."

"Ciao," she said, and we hung up.

Edward called me in the afternoon, but I still expected him to call me that night. I waited and I waited, and finally around midnight, I called him. He didn't answer, so I left him a message, told him he could wake me up later if he wanted to talk, and went to bed.

I woke up the next morning and wondered if maybe I'd turned my ringer off. Nope. Everything felt wrong as I got ready for work. Why wouldn't he call me? What if he was hurt, or dead, or in Vegas marrying a stripper?

I had difficulty focusing at work. I kept losing my train of thought while writing, and when one of my sources called me back, I couldn't remember what story I'd called them about to save my life. Noon came and went and still no call from Edward. I skipped lunch so I would be sure to hear my phone if it rang. He was probably just busy, or his phone died.

I did a terrible job on my story that day, and my editor sent it back with a big "WTF?" Ugh, he knew how I hated cussing. I barely got it fixed by the deadline. I was in a terrible mood by the time I got home. Why hadn't he called? I checked the blog. No update. By the time I went to bed that night, and I still hadn't heard from him. I cried myself to sleep. He'd obviously had second thoughts. I hoped he would at least be man enough to tell me. He probably met some beautiful girl who was sophisticated. She was probably French and blonde. I hated her. I hated him. I hated my life. How could he do this to me? Part of me knew I was being ridiculous, Edward loved me. I knew he loved me, but I couldn't figure out why he wouldn't have called.

I woke up to my phone ringing. I looked at the clock, and it was five a.m.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Are you okay? I've been worried sick."

"Edward!" I sat up quickly in bed. "What do you mean? Why haven't you called?"

"Why haven't you called?" he said sounding confused. "I texted you the night before last and told you to call me when you woke up. I was worried when you didn't call. I'm sorry this is the first time I've been free enough to call you."

"I didn't get a text. You didn't text me. Why were you too busy to call?" I decided not to ask him about the French girl.

"I did text you. Geez, I thought you changed your mind about me," Edward moaned.

"Never. I thought you changed your mind about me!" I was wide awake now.

"I'm so sorry Bella. The execs from TRP insisted I fly to LA to redo some of the tracks in their studio. I've been recording and going to meetings non-stop. I was going crazy not talking to you, but I didn't want to wake you up. As soon as I got done having dinner with the guys up here, I decided I didn't care if you were asleep. I had to talk to you."

"You finished dinner at 2 a.m.?"

"Yeah, these people are ridiculous. I hate it here."

"How long do you have to stay?" I asked. Suddenly I was worried he wouldn't be back in Seattle when I got there.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, or today I guess. These guys are pretty happy with my music. One of them, Aro, asked me where I got my inspiration, and I showed him our picture. He said he wants to meet you and nicknamed you his money maker."

"Oh my," I laughed.

"Bella," Edward said sounding more serious. "I'm glad we're okay. I would never change my mind about you."

"I know," I answered, and I really did. "I missed you."

"I missed you more," Edward said with a laugh.

"Impossible."

"Probable," he argued, and I could still hear the smile in his voice. Then he yawned.

"You're tired. Do you want me to sing you to sleep?"

"Um, no thank you?"

"Jerk," I giggled.

"You love me though."

"I love you though," I agreed. "I don't love Verizon anymore. I can't believe I didn't get your text."

"I should have just woken you up. I'm sorry."

"I should have called. I'm sorrier."

"Okay, enough of that."

We talked until Edward couldn't keep his eyes open, and I had to get ready for work. He promised to call before I went to bed that night, and I promised to think about him all day long. After that conversation, I felt really stupid for doubting him yet again and really happy that we talked. He wasn't going anywhere. My heart was starting to finally convince my head of that fact.

I kept my end of the bargain and thought about him all day. My mood was considerably better, and my editor said he was starting to think I was bipolar. I didn't mind. Nothing could get me down today. Then I got an email from Jasper.

_Swan, _

_Is Edward there with you again? Alice was starting to accept the fact that the two of you were together, and then Edward took off telling her he had something to take care of out of town. She is mad because he didn't tell her where he was going. I tried to tell her that he's an adult and can do what he wants, but of course she didn't want to hear that. I don't care if he's there, but if you could maybe influence him to call Alice and try to talk to her, I think it would help. I just have to believe there's a better way for them to communicate. _

_Love, Jasper_

Oh no. I didn't want Alice to get any madder. I hadn't even thought about the fact that he'd left home again. This time it wasn't my fault! I didn't want Alice blaming me.

_Jasper, _

_He's not here, but I will talk to him and try to get him to talk to the whole family about what he's doing. It's nothing bad, I promise. I'm sorry for all the stress. Hang in there. _

_-Swan_

Edward was going to have to tell his family about his music. They needed to know, especially if he would be able to do it as a sustainable career. I wished everything could just be simple. There was really no reason for anyone to be mad at anyone else or for Edward to hide things from his family.

That night when my phone rang, I was ready for this intervention.

"Bella, you'll never believe what happened today," he blurted out as soon I answered the phone.

"What happened?"

"They've been kind of schmoosing me since I got here. Taking me to nice restaurants and even them flying me here was strange, but now I know why. I met with the president of the company today and it turns out that TPR is a subsidiary of TwiRecords. They offered me a recording contract. They had this whole proposal lined out about how I would be the next big thing. I guess my style is popular right now, and they went on and on about my look being just right."

"Oh. Oh my gosh. Wow." I was trying to sound excited, but all I could see was my entire life crumbling before my eyes. Edward couldn't work from anywhere as a rock star. He would have tours and shows and thousands of screaming girls wanting to rip his clothes off. We wouldn't have the quiet life with the Cullens I'd imagined. I even started to hear Char's words from the restaurant. A girl like me didn't fit with a super star.

"Bella, what's wrong? You sound upset."

"Nothing, sorry. Congratulations, honey, I'm so happy for you!" And I was happy for him. I just felt sorry for myself.

"Thanks. Of course I told them no. I was just relieved they were still interested in my songs."

"Wait, you told them no? Edward, why?"

"I told you I don't want to do that. I've met some of these artists. They have no life of their own. They are pretty much ruled by their agents and their tour schedules. They have no privacy. Most of them don't even enjoy their own music. It's not for me. I'm happy with my life the way it is. Plus, I mean if we, uh, or if I have a family of my own, that's not what I want for them."

"Oh." I was pretty sure he just mentioned having kids with me. Please let me have heard him right!

"Please, tell me what's wrong? Do you think I should have done it?" Edward sounded less confident.

"No. I mean it's huge. It's a great opportunity, but you're right you would have to give up so much. If it's not worth it to you, then you just follow your instincts."

"You really think it's okay, what I did? Please be honest. If you think I should do it, I'm sure I can still change my mind."

"No! I mean, I'm relieved. I…I…is it selfish of me not to want you to do it?" I practically whispered.

"Bella, no, I don't want it. I have this vision of my future, of us, and that kind of life isn't it."

His words made me feel so good that even my pinky toe was smiling. Then I remembered – intervention.

"Edward, can I say something else? I mean I don't want to upset you or anything, but I think it would really help matters, especially with Alice, if you told your family about your songs. I just think it would ease some of the tension."

"I've been thinking about that too," he sighed. "I just wish you could be here with me when I did it. Maybe we can wait until you move…"

"I don't think it can wait. I think the sooner the better. Please, Edward, do it for me?" I tried to sound as sweet and pathetic as possible. "If they aren't happy for you, then screw 'em all. I'm proud enough for all of them."

"You're right. It doesn't really matter as much what they think now that I have you."

"Awww. So you'll tell them?"

"My mom asked me to come to a family lunch tomorrow actually. I'll see everyone then."

"Perfect. I'll be there with you in spirit. You can even put me on speaker phone if you want, well as long as you don't tell anyone. I'm scared of Alice."

We fell into easy conversation after that, and Edward said more of the mushy stuff that made my skin tingle. Before we hung up, I reminded him that I would be there in only a few short days and to call me as soon as he was finished telling his family. I didn't tell him I was secretly worried about it. I'd spent so much time convincing Edward everything would be fine that I wouldn't know how to fix it if it wasn't.

**A/N: Don't worry. The next chapter Bella travels back to Seattle and hilarity ensues. Ha ha I just wanted to say hilarity ensues. What a funny phrase. **

**I've been trying to think of a reason you need to review like the fact that my mom is blind in one eye, but that seemed to be a bit much. WHO AM I KIDDING! She really is! PLEASE REVIEW. (Love you mom – just in case you read this.) **

**On another note, nominations for the Eddies and Bellies are open. You can nominate my stories – whatever, but EVEN MORE, I would love for you to ****nominate Profmom72's story Just This Once for the short story Eddie category****. I think it was a lovely story, and I think it deserves to be recognized. Profmom is modest, so she told me I couldn't say to nominate it or I'd die, and this is all my idea – not hers, so I won't die, but I might be maimed beyond recognition if you don't go nominate her. **


	22. Chapter 22 Backdraft

**A/N: Some of you obviously have a problem with my half blind mother. Shame on you. For those of you that shared with me, that you also have half blind parents, I feel closer to you now. For those of you who are half blind, be careful. Your kids will try and get away with stuff on your blind side. I did. **

**Here Bella goes back to Seattle. Thanks for your support. **

**Thanks to my lovely beta people Profmom72 (still time to nominate her one shot Just This Once for an Eddie), Daisy3853 (she just started posting a great story), LikeToRead22 (she's about to start writing a story), Twike (she's busy), and LMC (she's crazy). **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 22

Backdraft

I was practically dying from excitement during the flight. As soon as they turned off the seat belt sign, I started checking the time and making calculations, trying to figure out how much longer. I was pretty sure I was driving the man next to me crazy, but I learned my lesson last time. No more talking to strangers on airplanes.

Edward's talk with his family about his music had gone even better than I expected. They were all upset that he'd hidden this from them. There was a good deal of arguing and hurt feelings, but they were thrilled for him at the same time. I think he got a little choked up when he told me about his mom telling him how proud she was, and that she believed he'd finally found his path. Alice said she'd always known he'd do something significant. Carlisle was happy for his son, but still wanted him to get a degree. Edward understood his position. Jacob and Emmett just wanted to know if Edward had met anyone famous yet.

Edward seemed almost like a new person after their talk. He was optimistic and bright, and when he talked about his family, the usual hint of disappointment was missing from his voice. I was so happy for him. He and Alice had talked one on one afterwards, and once he apologized to her, she quickly offered him a full pardon for not telling her about his songwriting and for deciding to fall in love with her best friend. Apparently it was now all my fault, and Alice was not ready to forgive me yet.

I was getting angrier with every day that passed. Who was Alice to be mad at me for being happy? She was the one who was always telling me to find true love, that I was selling myself short by settling. I was so frustrated with her that I didn't even feel guilty for coming to Seattle without telling her. In fact, I almost hoped I ran into her so I could snub her like she'd been snubbing me.

"Attention passengers, we are now beginning our descent. It's overcast and sixty degrees at SeaTac today. Thank you for flying with us, and I hope you enjoy your stay."

I accidently squealed a little bit. Getting to Seattle meant I was one step closer to getting to Edward. I was going to have to rent a car to drive to my interview. Edward wanted to pick me up, but Tanya's dad had scheduled a meeting for Edward and a music agent around the same time.

When I got off the plane, I took a deep breath of Washington air. It was strange being in this airport without running and screaming to Alice. I swallowed down the bit of pain and regret that had made its way to the surface, held my head high, and tried to focus on the interview I was on my way to. I had just enough time to drive to Tacoma, check into my hotel, change clothes, and then go to Tribune offices.

I made my way past the baggage claim toward the rental car counters. I almost missed the man standing off to the side with a sign that said, "Lois Lane." I noticed the sign before I saw his face, but as soon as my eyes snapped up to meet his green eyes, I broke out into a smile so big that it hurt and practically dove at him as soon as I was close enough. He was wearing nice jeans without holes and a ribbed navy shirt. I might not have noticed him if he'd brushed his hair or worn shoes that went with the outfit.

"What are you doing here? You said you weren't coming!" I squealed between kisses.

"I couldn't stand the idea of not seeing you as soon as possible. I played the diva card and told them I'd be a couple of hours late," Edward answered.

"Oh, thank you. Thank you. You're here. I'm so happy you're here." I squeezed his neck so tight I probably cut off his flow of oxygen, but I couldn't help it. The emptiness I'd been suffering from ever since he left was finally filled.

"Did you check a bag?" He asked as he finally tried unsuccessfully to peel me off of him.

"No, they make you pay now. I just left my shampoo at home."

"Let's go then. My car is in the lot."

I held on to him planning to never let go again as he carried my bags to the parking lot. I was surprised when he walked up to dark gray Volvo instead of his truck. "What's this? Where's your truck?"

"I bought a new car," he shrugged. "I figured it was time I got something more responsible and grown up."

"I love that truck," I whined. "I mean this is nice too, and a…um…station wagon is definitely responsible."

"It's not a station wagon. It's a hatch back!"

"Whatever you want to call it, dear." I patted him on the arm reassuringly. He growled, and reached over to tickle me. I screeched and fell into him. He caught me and leaned me up against the car before moving in to kiss me roughly. His lips tugged on mine and the kiss was full of heat and fire and passion. One of his hands rested dangerously low on my waist as his other held the back of my neck. I pulled on his hair and tried to force our bodies closer.

"Mommy, is that lady okay? Is he hurting her?" I heard a little girl's voice.

"Come on, sweetie, some people just don't have any self control."

"Mommy!" the kid started to cry.

I pushed Edward off of me, and gave the mom an apologetic look. She just glared at me as she held one hand over her daughter's eyes. Edward wasn't fazed and snuck back to sucking on my neck.

"Stop it! Not here! And be careful, I'm on my way to a job interview."

He sighed and rested his head on my shoulder. "I just missed you. I don't ever want to be apart from you. I need to have you with me, always."

His words had me breathing heavy again. I needed to get in the car and fast, before I got us arrested. "We've got all weekend. Let's go, I can't be late for my interview. Too much depends on it."

Edward nodded and reached over to open my door. He loaded my bags into the trunk and climbed in the driver's side. He held my hand on my lap as he drove out of the terminal and headed South toward Tacoma. I really needed to focus on my interview, but the man next to me was making it very hard to concentrate on anything but him.

As he drove, Edward updated me on the music and his family. He told me about how Lucy was starting to say "momma" and could sit up on her own now. I just sat back and listened to him. He was so animated and carefree. He was so beautiful. I loved seeing him like this. I had to believe that some of his contentment came from the fact that I was here now.

When we got to the hotel, Edward still couldn't keep his hands off me. I liked it, but I was starting to get worried about my interview. I needed to be prepared and fully clothed. After we checked in and got to the room, I had to put the brakes on.

"Edward, no." I noticed him giving me that look from across the room. I took a few steps back from him. "I have to get ready for my interview. I only have an hour."

"It doesn't have to take long," he breathed.

"No. Please," I whimpered. "You need to go to your meeting."

After a lot of self control and a few promises of making it up to him later, I finally pushed Edward out the door. Our future depended on this interview. I couldn't afford to mess it up.

Edward had arranged for there to be a car for me to use waiting at the hotel. I drove to the office of the _Tribune_, parked the car, and made my way inside. I had a file folder ready to present to the editor. It had some of my clips, letters of recommendations, my paper resume, and my resume presentation I'd put together on a CD. I'd worked hard for this moment, and I was confident that I was qualified for this job.

I walked into the elevator with my head held high and hit the button for the thirty-fourth floor. Just as the doors were closing, I saw an older man with a cane rushing toward the elevator. I realized he was trying to make it on. Instead of hitting the door open button, for some reason I thought it would be more practical to throw my body in front of the door to keep it from closing. I succeeded and it glided back open. I smiled at the man, proud of my accomplishment, and went to move back out of his way. Unfortunately, my foot wouldn't budge.

"Excuse me," the man said gruffly.

"I'm trying," I said pulling on my foot. "My heel seems to be stuck in the floor." He looked down to see that me heel was indeed stuck in the small space between the floor and the elevator.

"My my, I hope it doesn't take off with you jammed in there like that. You might lose a limb." He bent down and studied the situation more closely. I couldn't believe my luck. I was going to miss out on this job trying to do a good deed.

"I'm so sorry. I'm holding you up." I grabbed my knee and started trying to use my arms to pull on my leg. The man bent down further and grabbed onto my shoe trying to help me pull. With my luck he'd end up pulling a muscle and sue me.

"You know," he looked up at me. "This might be easier if you took your foot out of the shoe."

"You're a genius!" I slipped my foot out, and then we both bent down at the same time to try to dislodge my shoe. We ended up knocking heads.

"Ouch." He stood up and rubbed the spot on his crown.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry." I gave my shoe one more hard tug, and it came loose. Unfortunately I went flying backwards and ended up sitting on the elevator floor. The man calmly walked on after me and offered his hand to help me up."

"Thank you," I gushed but unable to hide my embarrassment. "I seem to have a knack for ending up in uncomfortable situations."

He stared at me in bewilderment, before he broke out laughing. This was no ordinary laugh. This was a Santa Claus laugh, and I had a strange desire to hug him. I laughed with him for a moment.

The man pulled out a hanky and wiped his eyes. "My darling, that was the hardest I've laughed in thirty years."

"Oh, well, I hope that's a good thing." I smiled at him.

"It is, it is." he said.

"Oh I'm sorry, what floor are you going to? I should have asked sooner," I gestured toward the buttons.

"Same as you, thirty-four," he answered. There was a lull in the conversation, and I didn't do well with silence, especially when I was nervous.

"I see the handle of your cane is made from olive wood. Is it from overseas? I know they sell olive wood carvings in the Middle East."

"Oh yes, actually it is." Before he had time to say more, the elevator beeped and the door opened on our floor. "Watch your step," he winked at me.

We went separate directions before I had a chance to hug him and thank him for helping out of my predicament. He really seemed like a lovely person, and I would have enjoyed talking to him more, but I had a job to land. The receptionist showed me into the conference room, where the editor soon joined me.

He introduced himself, and then announced that we were waiting on Marcus Voltaire who would be sitting in on my interview. Part of the job would be covering overseas deployments of the local troops, and Marcus Voltaire liked to keep an eye on anything related to the war. If I was hired, I would be working side by side with him. I was a little nervous before that, but as soon as he told me Marcus Voltaire was coming, I became petrified. I'd done my research. He was a big shot. He was basically who I dreamed of becoming someday, and I wasn't sure how to act in the presence of such greatness.

_Edward Edward Edward _

I chanted his name over and over in my mind reminding myself of why I needed to ace interview. It would make him happy, and I desperately wanted him to be happy.

I made small talk with the editor and tried to appear calm. "Oh there he is," the editor stood and motioned behind me toward the door. I stood and turned as I took a deep breath and plastered on the best smile I could muster. My eyes grew wide as I was greeted by Santa himself. We both froze and stared at each other for a few seconds.

"You!" he said and smiled.

"You," I giggled back.

"You two know each other?" the editor asked.

"We've not been formally introduced," Marcus answered. "I'm Marcus Voltaire, and you must be Bella Swan."

We shook hands. "I enjoyed your piece on the police officer who retired. I'm glad you sent that with your resume."

"Thank you," I beamed.

The interview went on, and I talked about my desire to write stories that mattered to people. We discussed how human interest pieces would be different than the beat I'd covered before, and how I was confident I could adapt my style.

Conversation flowed easily when I started talking about my Middle East experience and my studies. I was pretty sure they were impressed, and a few times I was even amazed that the confident woman I was telling about was me.

Marcus started telling me funny stories about Dr. Cullen, and he seemed elated when I told him she was in town, and I would be meeting her for dinner. I didn't have the heart to tell him she called him a grumpy old kook. He didn't seem grumpy at all. The interview ended, and the editor asked me to wait while he got a couple of forms for me to fill out. I told Marcus goodbye and was glad I got to spend more time with the man with the warm laugh and olive wood cane.

"I must say, I've never seen Marcus respond that way before in an interview," the editor said when he brought back the papers. "He's usually disinterested and aloof, but you did a fine job of engaging him."

"Yes, we met in the elevator. He seems like a lovely man."

"Lovely, yes, that's exactly how I would describe him," he scoffed. "If you can win over Marcus Voltaire, I'm positive you would make a fine human interest reporter. The job is more about the people than anything else, and you have to be able to get them to talk to you. It's almost an art form. I know it's not exactly what you've been working toward, but I think maybe it's a good fit for you."

"Really? Wow. Thank you. I would really love to be a part of the team here."

"Give me a few days. I have another candidate to interview this afternoon and phone calls to make. I'll let you know either way as soon as I can."

I told the editor goodbye, filled out the paperwork, and practically skipped out of the building. Who knew I would be lucky enough to fall on my butt in front of a newspaper legend?

I tried to call Edward, but he didn't answer. He must have still been in his meeting. I didn't feel like sitting at the hotel, and I knew Edward's meeting was north of Seattle so I headed his direction. I saw a sign for Edmonds and remembered that was the area I went with Edward for lunch by the water. There were cute little shops down there and of course, coffee shops. Seattle was probably the only place on earth with Espresso bars built into their homeless shelters.

I couldn't wait to tell Edward. I wanted to tell someone. I wanted so desperately to talk to Alice, but that wasn't possible right now. I was mad at her, and she was mad at me, but most of all I missed her. I loved Edward, but I loved Alice first. Our friendship was too important to let anything come between us. I had this feeling that everything was going to be okay though. I knew if it was possible for Bella Swan to find earth-shattering all-consuming passionate love, anything could happen. I had a new faith that things would work out, that I would be happy, and that life was going to be good from now on.

As if the sky wanted to rain on my happy parade, tiny droplets splashed on my face as I window shopped. I wasn't prepared with an umbrella or rain jacket, so I quickly ducked into a store trying to avoid getting soaked. It was a cute little dress shop, and a friendly looking girl asked me if I needed any help.

"No, I'm just looking, thank you," I answered.

"Are you having a good day?" she asked.

"Oh yes, I get to see my boyfriend soon, and I just had a job interview. I'm hoping to move here from Boston to be near him and his family."

"Wow," the girl laughed. "And here I was just trying to be polite."

"Oh right, sorry," I laughed. "I'll try and keep the over sharing to a minimum. I'm just going to look around until the rain lets up."

"Well good luck with the new job." She smiled at me politely.

I thanked her and started looking through the racks. This was exactly the kind of place Alice would have brought me to. In fact I was pretty sure I'd seen her wear some of the outfits I was looking at. I put back a green party dress and moved over to some tops.

I heard the bell ring up front and then, "Hey, Bree. Anything new this week?"

What were the chances really! Did I just have the absolute worst luck in the world, or was the universe conspiring against me? Out of the entire city how did I end up in the same ten feet as Alice? This was a nightmare. I squatted on the ground behind a rack of clothes. Alice was near the door chatting with the sales lady. Ugh, this was stupid. I shouldn't have to hide from her. She was my best friend, and she shouldn't be putting me in this position. The sight of her though made my heart ache for her. I really did miss her.

It would not the time for sentiment though. If she found me, it would be disastrous. She might actually hurt me or at the very least cause a scene. I put my hands on the floor in front of me so I could peek under the rack at her. I only had a good view of her shoes. Oooh designer…nice. Oh no! She was coming toward me! I crawled around the rack as she got closer, and then as soon as I didn't think she could see me, I sprinted for the dressing rooms. I jumped inside and closed the curtain.

I sat down on the small bench, prepared to wait her out. My phone rang. It was Edward.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" Edward whispered back.

"I ran into Alice at a store in Edmonds. I'm hiding in the store's dressing room. I can't let her see me."

"Oh no. Just try and stay calm…and quiet." I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"This is not a joke! This is awful," I whispered sharply.

"Miss, can I get you any other sizes?" the sales woman asked from outside the dressing room.

"Hold on," I whispered into the phone. "No, no thank you. I'm good," I said to the woman.

"She's visiting her boyfriend from out of town," I heard the woman say.

"Oh! So you've got a long distance relationship. Those can be so hard," Alice said in my direction. "I did it for a short time, and it drove me crazy. I couldn't stand to be away from my Jasper."

"Yes, yes. It very hard." For some reason I chose to speak in my best Russian accent trying to disguise my voice.

"How long have you been together?" Oh no! Alice was actually trying to have a conversation with me!

"We be loving each other maybe 2 months," I or rather Svetlana answered.

"I'm so happy for you. Do you need help finding something to wear? I'm really good at putting outfits together."

"No no, this dress is very well thank you."

"Come on, let us see it," the sales lady said. I wondered what she must be thinking about my new accent.

"No, no, I don't want to be not modest. I very well thank you."

"Are you sure I can't help you with something. You've been in there a long time," the sales woman said.

Shoot! This wasn't working! I needed to think of something fast.

"Oh no, I very well. I had how you say… wardrobe malfunction. All is better now."

Thank God I heard Lucy start to cry. "Oh dear, it smells like someone's made a mess in her pants," Alice sighed. "I'm going to go to the car and change her. I'll stop back by in a bit."

"Okay, Alice. See you soon," the sales woman said. That's when I remembered Edward was on the phone.

"Edward, she's gone. I've got to get out of here! Oh no what if she sees me on the street. What am I going to do?"

"What store are you at?"

"Faye's Boutique, I think. Why?"

"Come out the front door in 30 seconds, I'll pick you up."

"What? You're here?" I whispered into the phone.

"I started driving that way as soon as you told me you were in Edmonds. I wasn't far from there. Now come on, I'm just up the street."

"Okay, bye."

"Miss, are you sure I can't help you?"

"No, I'm fine." I pushed the curtain back and stepped out of the dressing room. The sales woman looked at me bewildered, and it must have seemed strange that I'd lost my accent and didn't have any clothes with me in the dressing room. Oh well.

"Thanks, bye!" I said to her as I walked quickly out the front door. Just as I did Edward's station wagon…er, hatchback screeched to a halt in front of me. He reached over and swung my door open.

"Get in," he said.

I jumped in, and he sped off down the street getting to the highway and away from Alice quickly.

"I'll send someone back for the car. Are you okay?" he asked. I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"Yes. I ..ok. I talk like Russian immigrant while I hide in dressing room from Alice," I said in my bad Russian accent.

Edward released a booming laugh that made my heart sing. I was pumped up from the adrenaline of my possible near death experience and high from being close to Edward again. It was one of those perfect moments in the middle of life. I stopped to make a mental note to come back to this exact second the next time it rained or I felt lonely.

"How was your interview?" Edward asked, reaching over with one hand to rub my shoulder while he held the steering wheel with his other.

He laughed even harder as I told him about how I met Marcus Voltaire, and he seemed so excited and alive when I told him my interview went well. He was already telling me about areas we could live in where the commute wouldn't be too bad. As we talked and laughed and smiled, I felt like we were unstoppable. Nothing could ruin this. I knew everything would work out, even Alice. This was just too right for anything to go wrong.

**A/N: Well I'm telling you, you better review or Alice will have seen Bella jump in the car, will follow them, get an ax out of her trunk, and this will no longer be a comedy. This will be a mixture of Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Saw III, and The Notebook. **

**Daisy3853 is writing a wonderful story called Underexposed. It's a heart flutterer/wrencher. You should read it. There's a link on my profile. **

**OH yeah, sorry I didn't reply to many reviews this last chapter. I have been trying to so so hard to write and having a rough go of it, so I didn't stop to reply. I will try and do better. Tell me if you want a teaser and I'll send you one. **

**P.S. I still love you. **

**P.S.S. I'll love you even more if you review. **


	23. Chapter 23 Pyro

**A/N: Well isn't this just the prettiest bunch of readers in the universe (or handsome for you two men that I know of). **

**I have a lot of fan fic friends. I kind of want to list them all, but then I worry I will forget some and hurt feelings. I'm slightly worried that I sometimes don't hang out with RL friends (sorry Erin), because I'm too busy hanging out with you guys. Just seems unhealthy. Oh well, if loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right. **

**Thanks Daisy3853 you are the best wife ever. Lets renew our vows. Oh man at least three of my RL friends do read this- they are going to wonder about that. Thanks profmom72 you are the best writer in the universe and I will never let you go. LiketoRead22 you know I just plain like you a lot. LMC I don't think you read this chapter but thanks. Twike I'm praying. **

**AND YES I have more to thank Mommy of Both/dhk/Debbie Thank you for helping with medical stuff. JaneAustenLover thanks for helping with the title. **

**If I were you reading, I might think all these thank yous were annoying. SORRY!**

Controlled Burn Chapter 23

Pyro

Once we got back to the hotel, Edward and I spent some time getting reacquainted with each other before we went to meet his grandma. Our connection felt so consuming it overpowered my senses. There was a part of us that still didn't make sense to me. How could my life be so completely different in such a short amount of time? As I started to get up to get ready, Edward pulled me back to him on the bed. "I meant it when I said I don't ever want to be apart from you again." He ran his thumb across my cheek.

"Well there are times I'm going to have to go to the bathroom or work," I replied running my hand up his arm.

Edward sighed. "I'm being sincere here. I need to be with you. Nothing is right when I'm not. It's like I can't breathe." His intensity made me nervous. Part of it thrilled me, but at the same time, I didn't know how to handle it. It was times like this it bothered him if I turned it into a joke, but I had trouble responding otherwise. It wasn't that I didn't feel it. I did. I understood what he meant; I just didn't know how to express myself. Anything I said would have still sounded more trivial than I felt.

I simply looked him in the eyes and nodded 'yes' in agreement. After a few more moments of bliss, I had to get ready. I didn't want to meet up with his grandma looking like I'd just… well.

Edward got dressed, too, and soon we were headed toward the restaurant to see Dr. Cullen. I was nervous. This was the first time we'd been with a member of his family as a couple, and it was kind of a trial run for the real thing.

When we got to the restaurant, she was already inside and seated. I hadn't seen her since Alice's wedding, and I was a little surprised how much older she looked. Her skin had aged, and she seemed to have shrunk a little bit. She looked up and waved us over. I dropped Edward's hand and practically sprinted to her. I forgot I was trying to impress her. All I could think about was giving her a hug.

"Dr. Cullen!" I squealed and wrapped my hands around her neck. "I've missed you so much! You look beautiful."

"Oh, child, let me go right now. I need to get a better look at you." She held my shoulders at arm's length and studied me. "Breathtaking. Now where's my baby?" She dropped her hands and looked behind me searching for Edward.

"Hi, Gran," he said and smiled at her.

She opened her arms, and he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "You're all grown up," Grandma gushed and tried unsuccessfully to brush his hair down and away from his face. "My you look handsome."

I swear Edward blushed at her assessment of him. "I've missed you so much. How was Yemen?"

"Oh same old thing," Grandma waved him off, and we were all seated at the table. Edward automatically scooted his chair closer to mine and wrapped his arm around my back. Grandma kept looking between the two of us and smiling. "I must say, you're quite the good looking couple. I don't think I could have picked two people better suited for each other. And Edward, I can't believe it; you've been smiling for almost three minutes now," she said after checking her watch.

Edward laughed loudly and winked at his grandma, "It's all because of Bella. I don't think I've stopped smiling for weeks, actually." Now it was my turn to blush.

"And how about you, dear?" Grandma turned to me. "Does my Edward make you happy?"

"Eh, he's okay," I shrugged and gave her a look that told her I was teasing. Edward reached down and tickled my side for revenge, and I squirmed in my chair. "I'm happy! I'm happy!" I laughed.

We were eating some sort of elegant Asian cuisine, and we let Grandma order for all of us. Edward explained that she was the unquestioned expert at ethnic cuisine. As we waited for our food, I told her about my interview.

"Marcus Voltaire went on and on about you, Dr. Cullen… oh I mean Grandma," I corrected myself when she gave me a dirty look. "He called you a brilliant scholar and said he'd never met anyone like you." Grandma's eyes got big, and I wasn't sure, but I thought she might even be a little embarrassed. "I thought it was all very interesting since you told me you didn't care for him much."

"Ah, well, I think he's a grumpy old man, but I suppose he does have good taste if he said all those things about me. There's a bit of history there, I suppose. I doubt after all these years he even remembers our little rendezvous in North India. It was just before I met your grandfather, Edward."

"Please, Grandma, I don't want to know," Edward pleaded and covered his eyes.

We both laughed at him. The rest of the meal was much the same. Grandma told stories, and we laughed. I loved asking her about her adventures. Edward kept a hold of me the entire dinner and even stole a kiss or two as we listened to Grandma talk. He seemed just as enthralled with her as I was, which made me love him just a little bit more. His affections weren't limited to me. He complimented his grandma several times and even reached over to squeeze her hand. I think I let out a couple of audible sighs as I was overcome with what a good man was sitting next to me.

The entire night had been perfectly wonderful, but I noticed too soon that grandma was looking tired. Her face paled some, and her speech had slowed. I noticed she kept rubbing her left shoulder.

"Dr. Cullen, are you okay?"I started to grow concerned.

"Oh sure, it's nothing. I think I just have a little jet lag," she answered.

"We should go, Edward. I think she needs to get some rest." Edward nodded in agreement and asked the waiter for the bill. He insisted on paying, and I noticed the look of pride on his face as he handed the waiter his credit card. Grandma looked a little impressed too.

We opened our fancy fortune cookies as we waited.

I opened mine first. "Constant grinding can turn an iron into a needle," I read out loud.

"In bed," Grandma added.

Edward actually snorted, and I blushed. "It's so much funnier that way," Grandma shrugged and opened hers.

"Your emotional currents are flowing powerfully now…in bed," she read her slip of paper. "Wow, that was amazingly accurate," she said with a straight face. I resisted the urge to scream. "Your turn, Edward dear."

"No, Grandma. You turned it into something dirty, and I don't want any part of it." I loved that he seemed so shy all the sudden. I knew he was anything but shy…in bed.

"Oh come on, boy. You've got JBF written all over your face." Edward's mouth fell open in shock.

"What's JBF?" I asked.

"I'll tell you later," Edward said still looked slightly horrified while his grandma giggled.

"Read it, or I'll tell her now," Grandma challenged Edward.

He rolled his eyes and cracked open his fortune cookie. "Your persistence and endurance will be rewarded."

"In bed," Grandma and I said at the same time, and then we all started laughing.

"This is the most fun I've had since I unearthed that etching from the second Temple," Grandma said as we stood from the table. She wobbled a little on her feet, and Edward caught her elbow.

"Are you okay, Grandma?" he asked with concern. I noticed again that she wasn't looking quite right.

"I think I just need some fresh air," she said. By the time we made it outside, she was breathing heavier.

"Grandma, what's wrong?"

"I…I think we'd better go to the hospital. I'm having some chest pain."

Edward froze and stared at his grandma. I didn't understand what he was doing. She said she was having chest pains. We needed to move!

"Edward!" I said forcefully. "Go get the car."

He snapped out of his stupor, nodded, and ran toward the lot. I rubbed Grandma on the back as we waited. "Can you breathe okay?" I asked.

"I feel like I'm having trouble getting a breath," she admitted. "I'm sure it's nothing. I've probably just overdone it today."

"You're probably right." I tried to reassure her. Edward screeched to a stop on the street in front of us and jumped out to open the back door for his grandma. She sat down inside, and I ran around and climbed in back beside her.

"Do you want me to call Dad? He's not on call tonight." Edward asked his grandma.

"Oh goodness, no. I don't want him to worry," she answered.

Edward sped to the hospital, and I did my best not to pay attention to how many near death experiences we had because of his crazy driving. He pulled up to the emergency room doors and ran inside to tell the staff we were there. He obviously knew someone, because he was out a second later with a wheelchair for Grandma and once we were inside, they took her directly back to see a doctor.

They made the two of us stay in the waiting room. "Do you think she's okay?" Edward asked nervously. "It's not like her to go to the hospital. She wouldn't have come here unless it's really bad. She hates hospitals and avoids doctors at all costs."

I found that ironic since her son was a doctor. "I don't know. I'm sure she'll be okay." I wrapped my arm around him trying to comfort him, and he leaned into me. For the first time, he felt young to me. He seemed so vulnerable, and I could tell he was really worried about Grandma. I was too.

It seemed like forever before a doctor finally came out. He explained that Grandma was having a heart attack, and that they weren't sure how severe it was yet, but their preliminary tests were concerning. He suggested we call the rest of the family in.

Edward froze again and looked so helpless. "Can we go in?" I asked.

"There's only room for one of you in the ICU. We're going to move her to the Cath lab in a few minutes." the doctor answered.

"Edward, you go, and I'll call your parents." He squeezed my hand so hard it hurt. "She's going to be fine, but she doesn't need to be alone right now." I urged him forward, and he finally relinquished his grasp and followed the doctor.

Crap. Did I just offer to call his family? His family didn't even know I was in town! It was an emergency, and I'm not sure Edward needed to think about anything else right now.

I had the Cullens' home number in my phone from when Alice lived with them. I found it, took a deep breath, and hit talk.

"Hello?" A man answered.

"Hi, um, is this Carlisle?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"It's Bella Swan, Edward's well, Alice's friend, Bella." I swallowed hard and tried to focus on what needed to be done.

"I know who you are, Bella. It's nice to hear from you." I could tell by his voice he was confused as to why I would be calling.

"Yes, sir. It's about Dr. Cullen, I mean Grandma, well your mom actually. You see she's in the hospital, and the doctor said she's having a heart attack. We need you to come down here right away."

"Bella, my mother is here in Seattle. Are you feeling okay?" Carlisle turned on his doctor voice. Oh no, he thought I was delusional.

"Oh yes, sir. I'm actually in Seattle too. We're in Bellvue at the emergency room."

"Wait, my mother is there? She's having a heart attack? Who is the doctor?"

I told him the information he needed to know, and he promised they were on their way. He sounded so distraught, nothing like the ever calm Carlisle Cullen I was used to. "Oh and Bella, you'll call Alice, right?"

"Oh, um…sure."

He thanked me and hung up in a hurry. There was no need to put it off. I dialed Alice's number. It rang twice and then went to voicemail like she'd just hit ignore. Ugh! I dialed again, and it went straight to voicemail. Really Alice? This was getting old.

I pulled up Jasper's number and hit talk. He answered right away. "Hello?" he whispered.

"Let me guess, you're hiding from Alice, who is ignoring my calls."

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm hiding. I'm just talking quietly in the bathroom."

"Whatever, listen, I'm in Seattle with Edward. We went out to dinner with their grandma, and I think she's having a heart attack. We're at the hospital in Bellvue. Alice needs to come to the hospital now. I've already talked to Carlisle, and he and Esme are on their way here. You also need to tell Alice to quit acting like a baby. This is not the time for it."

"Okay, we're coming. Is she going to be okay?" he asked.

"I don't know," my voice cracked. We hung up, and I was struck with the weight of what was happening. Jasper and I had been close to her before we'd even ever heard of Alice or Edward. I knew how much she meant to her grandchildren. They idolized her. She had to be okay. She just had to.

I was nervous to see everyone, but I wasn't the concern right now. Edward came out a few minutes later, and all the color was gone from his face. I'd never seen him look so awful.

"What happened?" I panicked.

"They're prepping her for surgery, something about her not being hemodynamically stable. They want to take her back as soon as my dad gets here," he said grabbing my hand and pulling me to sit down with him in the chairs lining the waiting room. "I've never seen her look so weak. How did we go from laughing at our fortune cookies to this?"

"It's going to be okay," I promised him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I'm glad you're with me," he said and kissed my head.

"Me too."

A few minutes later Carlisle and Esme came rushing in the door. Carlisle nodded toward the two of us and went directly back to the exam area. Esme walked toward us, and I held my breath as Edward and I stood to greet her. I had no idea what to expect from her.

"What happened?" she asked reaching out to hug Edward. He embraced her and immediately sought my hand again as soon as he let her go.

Edward told her what happened after dinner, and she finally looked over to me when he finished.

"Bella, this is a nice surprise." She reached out her arms and enveloped me in a tight hug. "I'm so happy to see you."

Whew! "Hello, Esme." The sliding door to the hospital opened again, and we turned when heard a baby crying. Alice ran in frantically, and Jasper walked behind her carrying Lucy. She rushed over to us, and once again I felt nauseous.

I was surprised when she ran straight for me and practically knocked me over with the force of her hug. "Is she okay? Is Grandma going to be okay?"

"She'll be okay, Alice. She has to be." I had no idea what to make of Alice's reaction, but I was glad she didn't smack me. She was still holding on, so I looked over her shoulder at Jasper who just shrugged at me. We were soon joined by Emmett and Jacob. Jacob looked worried, but he kept staring at me. It was kind of freaking me out.

Carlisle walked back into the waiting room and up to the family. Alice let go, and all eyes were trained on him. The usual calm confidence was missing from his face. He wore the same expression as Edward, hurt and scared.

"They are taking her back to surgery. Kids, I want each of you to go back there and tell her how much she means to you. I want her to go in feeling loved and remembering who she's got waiting for her out here." Edward was squeezing my hand so hard it hurt again. "Jasper you and Bella need to stay out here with Lucy. I'm sure you understand," Carlisle said.

We both nodded in acceptance. Carlisle started leading the family toward the exam rooms. Edward leaned down and kissed me softly, and I could feel my face redden at the show of affection in front of his family.

I settled down next to Jasper and Lucy in the waiting room. "Hi, friend," I said sheepishly.

"I'm quite surprised to see you here, Swan."

"Yeah, well, I'm only in town for a couple of days for a job interview at the _Tribune_," I admitted.

"Really? And you thought it was a good idea to not tell us you were coming?"

"Well it's not like I haven't tried to call her, Jasper. There's basically nothing else I can do to mend the fence but wait for her."

Jasper sighed, "I know. She's not acting like herself. I'm sorry, Bella. You don't deserve the way she's treated you. One minute she seems like she's ready to accept it all, and the next she's strategizing how to get back at you and Edward. Maybe she's possessed."

"What did she do when you told her I was here?"

"You don't want to know," Jasper laughed.

"Come on tell me," I nudged him.

"Well, I made her sit down. Then I told her very calmly that you had just called and that you were in town having dinner with Grandma. She interrupted me, started throwing her hands up in the air screaming, and talking about you to trying to steal everyone she loves away from her."

"Ugh!" I groaned.

"But then I forced her to be quiet and listen while I told her about Grandma. I think maybe she's finally snapped out of this insanity. It's too bad it took something like this to remind her what's really important."

"I hope so. I hope Grandma's okay."

"Grandma?" Jasper looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

"She made me call her that!" I defended myself.

"I know. Believe me I know. Sometimes I still call her Dr. Cullen just to make her snarky."

"Remember that time she took us to that crazy bar in Cairo? You and I were totally enthralled with her stories."

"You kept looking at me like you couldn't believe the things coming out of her mouth," Jasper remembered.

"Well it's not every day you hear an old lady telling you about her torrid affair with the Prince of Monaco," I said.

"I was impressed with the way she negotiated with that guy in the bar up to sixty camels," Jasper chuckled. "Sixty is a lot compared to the twelve he offered for you at first."

"I'm worth way more than sixty camels, and you know you never would have let her sell me. She was just being ridiculous that time." I rolled my eyes.

We sat and told old stories about Dr. Cullen while we waited. I'm pretty sure we both teared up a couple of times as we worried about what was going to happen.

The family came back looking pained. Emmett had his arm around Esme, who was wiping tears from her cheeks. Alice was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, and then there was Edward. He looked so hurt, so vulnerable. My heart ached seeing him like this. He didn't seem like the same man who was always confident and always knew the right thing to say to fix every stressful situation. He looked afraid.

I knew this was ripping him apart. He and Alice were both so close to their grandma. I didn't even want to think about what it would do to them to lose her.

I stood and walked straight for Edward wrapping my arms around him. He hugged me back tightly and buried his face in my hair. "It's going to be okay. I'm here," I whispered. I felt him nod, and when I looked up the entire family was staring at us. Esme and Rosalie had small smiles on their faces, Jacob looked furious, Carlisle and Emmett looked proud, and Alice just looked bewildered. I let go of Edward and moved to Alice, pulling her to me for a hug. "I love you, Alice. I'm sorry for how I handled things, but you're still my best friend, and I love you so much."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry." She started crying and then I started crying and pretty soon we were just one big blubbering mess.

"How's Grandma?" I asked her. "Is she going to be okay?"

"She's in surgery right now. They had to do something called a Coronary Artery Bypass Graft. They said it was a risky procedure, but if she makes it through the surgery she should be okay." Alice looked up at me and started wiping off my cheek with her thumb. "You've got mascara. I've told you a million times to wear waterproof."

"I know." My head was swimming with a million different emotions. Edward moved to my side and wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Thank you, Alice. It means a lot to me to see the two of you talking," he said to his sister.

"Like I could stay mad at her. I've invested way too much into helping her dress better," Alice teased.

"Well I guess now all we can do is wait," Edward said glancing at his watch. "They said it would be several hours."

Alice and I both yawned. I glanced over at Jasper who winked at me and smiled. This wasn't the way I expected to make up with Alice, but I was glad we were going to be okay after all.

**A/N: Bribes. You love them. I love your reviews. There is an EPOV for this chapter. You review – I send it to you. **

**Other business:**

**Read Daisy3853's Underexposed its beautiful and all the beautiful people read it. **

**I'm also falling in love with Ciaobella27's stuff. She has a hilarious one shot called The Baker's Magic Buns and I've been reading Living Backwards all evening. She might be funnier than me. That's annoying. **

**There's a thread. I have a twitter jackbauer429 . Love you. Bye. **


	24. Chapter 24 Melt

**A/N: Hi. Merry Christmas. For those of you who thought Alice got off too easy – well she's not done yet. Oh, and the original plan was to kill Grandma, but then I remembered I was basing this on a real family whose grandma I really love, and I would feel bad for killing her.**

**Thank you so much beta team twike, profmom, daisy, liketoread22, LMC, everybody and their mother. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 24

Melt

I thought it would be awkward waiting in the hospital with all of Edward's family especially considering the circumstances, but it wasn't. After a few minutes of tense dread, the mood lightened.

"Alright kids, sitting around crying isn't going to help Grandma. We need to be thinking positive thoughts," Esme commanded using her confident mom voice.

"So, Eddie, you want to introduce us to your girlfriend?" Emmett said further breaking the heaviness in the room.

Edward rolled his eyes, and I swear he blushed a little. It was cute. It usually seemed like nothing phased him.

"Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Bella. She is in town for a job interview with the Tribune, and we're hoping she will be moving here in the next few weeks." Edward raised my hand to his lips and kissed it when he finished speaking.

There was a collective "Awww" from all the women in the room.

"Welcome to the family, Bella. I guess you were already family, but we're glad you make our son _and _our daughter so happy," Carlisle said graciously.

I noticed Jacob roll his eyes, and I had to fight back the giggles that threatened to spill over. It wasn't really the time for giggling, but was he serious?

"Thank you," I said feeling completely self-conscious.

"Come here sweetheart. Edward has been so different lately, and he gives you all the credit. I can't thank you enough," Esme gushed as she pulled me into another hug and kissed my cheek. I wanted to find a hole to crawl into. All the attention was making me uncomfortable.

"Just remember, I saw her first," Alice stomped her foot and pretended to pout. Everyone laughed, but Edward and I shared a quick glance. We both knew it was a warning we needed to take seriously.

"So how long are you in town for, Bella?" Emmett asked. "Maybe we can all get together and play Wii. I mean if Grandma's okay." His face fell.

"I'm here till Monday morning, and I don't think we really have anything planned. Do we, Edward?"

He shifted uncomfortably and stared at the floor. "No, not really." I knew that look. There was something he wasn't saying.

"Alice, this is perfect. Bella can go with us on Saturday to that sale at Northgate," Rosalie said.

"Oh, we can make it like a girls' day out," Alice chirped. They both looked at me, and I nodded my head and shrugged my shoulders.

I heard Edward sigh behind me.

As soon as we were settled back into the chairs, I leaned over to Edward and asked, "What's the matter? You look like you're pouting."

"It's nothing. I just wanted you to myself this weekend. We only have a little bit of time, and I don't want to share you with the rest of your fan club."

"Ha, fan club. I promise we'll have plenty of time together. These circumstances couldn't be helped." I squeezed his arm. I wanted nothing more than to spend every moment we had left holed up in my hotel room, but now that Alice knew I was here, there was no way that was going to happen.

While we were waiting my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but it was local, so I answered.

"Hello?"

"Bella Swan, please," a man said.

"This is she."

"Hello, Bella, it's Marcus Voltaire. I'm sorry to call so late, but I wanted to let you know that you've got the job. The boss didn't want me to tell you yet, something about making an official offer tomorrow, but I didn't want to keep you waiting."

"Really, oh, thank you! That's wonderful news." Edward looked at me and raised his eyebrows curiously. I motioned for him to hold on.

"I'll be on vacation for the next couple of weeks, but I want you ready to start as soon as I get back."

"Oh, of course. Okay." Wow I couldn't believe this was really happening!

"Now, how was your dinner with Dr. Cullen? Are you still with her by any chance?"

"I'm…it was…we ended up having to take her to the hospital. She was having chest pains."

"Is she okay?" he asked frantically.

"I don't know. She's in surgery right now. We're just waiting for more news."

"What hospital?" His tone was strange. Overly concerned. Desperate.

"Bellevue."

"Okay. Thank you, Bella. We'll talk soon."

"Who was it?" Edward asked when I hung up.

"It was Marcus Voltaire. I got the job!" I squealed and jumped at him.

"You got the job!" Edward repeated, grabbed my face, and kissed me hard.

"I start in two weeks! I'm moving here!"

"Bella!" Alice screeched and dove at me knocking me and Edward back in our seats. "You're going to live here! You're going to live here! This is perfect!"

I swear that girl was giving me whiplash. "It's just like we always dreamed!" I said forgetting about the last two weeks and going with the moment.

We had some sort of awkward group hug with the three of us, and then the rest of the family congratulated me. Edward and Alice started arguing about where I should look for a condo or apartment, and I almost forgot we were sitting around waiting to find out if Edward's grandma was going to be okay. The planning was cut short when the doctor walked in still wearing his surgery scrubs.

"How is she?" Carlisle jumped up.

"She made it through the surgery. She is doing well, and I believe she'll recover." There was a collective woosh as we all let out the breath we'd been holding. "She'll recover IF you can get her to slow down. Her body can't handle the way she pushes herself. It's time for her to give herself a break."

"That's easier said than done," Esme frowned.

"I'm afraid it's not optional," the doctor said.

Carlisle and the doctor spoke privately for a few minutes, before Carlisle came back to talk to all of us. "They are going to try and move her to a regular room in the morning. You can come back then, but for now everyone needs to go home and rest. I'll stay with her tonight."

"Is she going to be okay, Dad? I don't want to leave unless we know she's going to be okay," Edward asked. The worry returned to his face.

"I think so, son. We just have to convince her to take care of herself."

We all said our goodbyes and started walking toward the parking lot with the exception of Carlisle.

"Bella wait," Alice called after me.

"Where are you staying?" she asked.

"At a hotel near downtown."

"That's silly, why don't you come stay with us? You can stay in Edward's room this time I suppose."

"Um…." I didn't know what to do. There was no way in the world I wanted to stay with Edward at Alice's, but I felt like I was walking on thin ice with her.

"Thanks, Alice, but I want the privacy," Edward winked at his sister.

"Ewww," Alice groaned. "This is definitely going to take some getting used to."

I just shrugged as Edward pulled me toward the car. "I'll call you tomorrow," Alice yelled my direction.

"Okay," I shouted back.

We climbed into Edward's car, and as soon as his door was shut he rested his elbows on the steering wheel and fisted his hair like he wanted to pull it out.

"Edward, what's the matter? Are you okay? Please, say something!"

"I'm just…I don't know. First grandma, and then this is exactly why I didn't want Alice to know you were here. As if tonight wasn't enough of a nightmare, now we are going to be bombarded with invitations from my family over the next few days. I only want to be with you."

Wow, Edward was a little…possessive. It was kind of hot.

"Hey, look at me." I grabbed his wrist. "I'm moving here. We're going to be together from now on. As for this weekend, we'll do what we have to do to stay in everyone's good graces and spend the rest of the time alone or in bed."

I saw the corner of his mouth turn upwards when he heard my plans. "Okay," he sighed like he was still being put out. "As long as we spend plenty of time in bed, I guess I can share you a little bit."

"I promise. We'll get started as soon as you get us back to the hotel." At that, he started the car and drove us quickly back toward the hotel. It had been a stressful evening, and I could see that he was still extremely tense. Luckily, I had some ideas about how to distract him.

"Bella?" Edward said running his fingers up and down my arm as we lie in bed later.

"Edward?"

"When you move here, where do you want to live?" He seemed hesitant.

"I don't really care. You know the area better than I do. Where do you want to live?" His face broke into a huge grin. "What?" I asked confused by his behavior.

"I wasn't sure you were planning to live in the same place. I mean we kind of talked about it, but that was more hypothetical, and now it's really happening."

"Oh, well I guess I just assumed. You want to, right? I mean if it's too soon I understand. I just thought…"

"Shhh, Bella, of course I want to." He kissed me and then smiled against my lips. "Everything is working out."

"I know. Don't jinx it." I kissed him back. He talked too much.

The next morning Edward asked if I wanted to go look at condos after we visited grandma. We got ready, and I typed up a quick letter of resignation to my boss in Boston giving my notice. I would send it just as soon as I got the call with the official offer. We were walking out the door when my phone rang. It was Alice.

"I just wanted to see if you wanted to go have lunch, and maybe hit that sale Rosalie was talking about," Alice said.

"Oh, that sounds fun, but I can't. Edward and I are going to look at a few Condos he found online."

"Fine," Alice said flatly. Crap, she was mad again.

"Maybe we could go to coffee later and catch up?" I tried hoping that would satisfy her.

"I guess," she sighed.

I made plans to meet Alice that afternoon, and it frustrated me that Edward didn't seem happy about it. Did the two of them not understand how hard it was for someone like me to make everyone unhappy? They were putting me in an impossible position.

It was difficult seeing Gandma looking so frail, but she seemed in good enough spirits. I noticed a large bouquet of roses. She admitted they were from Marcus Voltaire, and smiled. Marcus Voltaire was after more than just my talent for reporting. That sly dog.

Edward and I had fun looking at the condos. In some ways it felt like we were pretending or playing house. I was imagining what we would look like in those places, and it all seemed so surreal. We found one we particularly liked. It was actually an old house turned into three residences. It was older but updated and not far from downtown Seattle. The commute wouldn't be ideal, but it was such a great place, it would be worth it. Edward was so excited about everything; it made me happy to see him so giddy. He begged me blow off Alice and hit Ikea and Pottery Barn to look at new furniture, but I successfully told him no. Then he wanted to come with me to coffee with Alice, but I had to tell him no. He wanted to compromise and wait for me in the parking lot. He said he just wanted to be near me. I told him he was being ridiculous, and he pouted until I made out with him for at least half an hour. Alice needed to realize that I was giving up time with Superhands to make her happy. She owed me.

On the way there I got a call from editor of the Tribune. He made the official offer, and I graciously accepted. He was going to fax the paperwork to the hotel for me to sign. I hung up, called Edward, and had him send the email to my editor in Boston. Perfect. Everything was perfect.

I got to the coffee shop, and Alice was already waiting for me at a table near the back. She waved me over. "Hi, deary, how are you?"

"I'm good. I think we found a place near downtown that we both like."

"You're going to live together?" Alice asked looking less than thrilled.

"Oh yes, I thought you knew."

"No, I sure didn't." Her lips formed a tight line, like I'd offended her again.

"Alice, please. We've got to make this work. I love you both."

"Really? Is that why you went behind my back the whole time you were here visiting me? Jake told me he found you two kissing." She folded her arms over her chest gave me a look that dared me to challenge her.

"The only things I did with Edward were the things you arranged, like babysit Lucy and go to that movie with him. I didn't do anything behind your back. I didn't know I was coming here to fight with you."

"So you're saying Jacob lied?"

"Well, no, but that just sort of happened. I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm sorry!" I was pleading with her now. I just needed her to be okay with this. It wouldn't be right until she was okay with it.

"It just really hurt me that you did all this without telling me," Alice's said more calmly looking defeated.

"I know. Believe me it was tearing me up. I just didn't know what to do. I knew you would be upset, and I wanted to tell you. I just…this whole experience is so new for me. I've never been in love before."

"You think you're in love?" she asked flatly the hardness returning.

"Yes?" Why was she looking at me like that? It was like I didn't even know the person sitting across the table from me. She was acting like I was her enemy.

"I just don't think you've really thought this through. I mean he's Edward. He's kind of flighty and emo. He's never lived on his own before. He's never even been in a serious relationship before. I don't think you should put all your eggs in his basket."

"I disagree." Now I was starting to get angry. How dare she say those things about Edward?

"And did you even think about what this is going to do to us? We've been best friends for forever and you're just willing to throw that all away to get into my brother's pants? I mean I thought you were better than that." It was such a departure from the night before, I wasn't sure if she'd just been putting on an act in front of her family. She was being borderline cruel.

"Alice! Listen to yourself! You're not exactly being a great friend to me either." I started to raise my voice.

"What? You didn't expect me to be angry that you used me to get to my brother? All those years I thought you were joking, and really you were just biding your time."

"Stop. Just stop right now. What do you want from me? Do you want me to choose between you and Edward? Is the only thing that will make you happy is for us to break up?" Not that I was really willing to do that.

Alice just looked at me and shrugged her shoulders.

"No. Way. No." I leaned forward ready to make her deal with this. "I refuse to let you give me that ultimatum. You are my best friend, and I should have told you, but you should be happy for me." I was talking way too loud for a coffee shop now, and I was squeezing my hands into fists on top of the table. "My whole life I have wanted one thing more than anything else, to fall in love. I was there, and I was happy for you when it happened to you. I listened to you tell me for years that my time would come. I let you convince me that I deserved to be happy. If it wasn't for your voice in my head, I never would have had the guts to love someone like Edward. I never would have been able to believe he could love me, if wasn't for you telling me for so long that I was worth it."

She tried to interrupt, but I just kept ranting, "You can just stop right now. This is as much your fault as it is mine or Edward's. I refuse to choose between you. You WILL be happy for me, and you WILL be my best friend, and you WILL support me in this because I need you. I need you now maybe more than ever."

Alice sat there with her mouth hanging open. I took a deep breath and continued, "Don't you see – it's our silly little dream. It's what we always talked about, but that doesn't work without you, so it's time for you to get on board. I am not taking no for an answer!"

Alice stared at me in shock. I had never talked to her like that before. I had never talked to anyone like that before for that matter. I was usually too worried about hurting someone's feelings or making someone mad at me. I was pretty shocked myself.

I noticed her bottom lip start to tremble and then her nose started to twitch. Her eyes got moist, and before I knew it the dam broke. Alice started sobbing into her hands, and everyone in the coffee shop that hadn't been eavesdropping already turned to stare at us. The sight of Alice's tears triggered my own, and soon we were both holding each other and crying again.

"I hate my life," Alice said.

"You what?"

"I hate my life. I'm not important to anyone anymore," she cried.

"Alice, don't be silly. You're important to everyone. What about Lucy?"

"No, I'm not, and Lucy has to love me. You were all I had left, and now you don't even need me anymore."

"Of course I need you. I might have a relationship with your brother, but that can just make the two of us closer too. We'll really be like family now."

"I don't need another sister though. I need a best friend."

"Alice, I will always be your friend first, and Edward's girlfriend second. Do you understand me?"

"Okay," she nodded her head yes. "I'm sorry I've been acting like some sort of crazy bitch. I'm going to try and be happy for you."

"Crazy beach," I corrected her. We hugged and dried our eyes. For the second time in two days Alice chastised me for my mascara choice. Then it was just us again. Things between us were out in the open now, and they felt right.

"He's really good for me, Alice."

"I know. That's the worst part. I should have seen this sooner. I can't believe it wasn't my idea."

"I knew that would bother you," I laughed. "Just think of it this way, I introduced you to Jasper, and you did introduce me to Edward. We're even now."

"You make it sound so permanent," Alice said nicer this time.

"I think it is. That's the plan anyway."

"You guys are moving fast. I mean I'm not saying anything. I'm just making an observation."

"I guess we are, but it feels right. You and Jasper were practically joined at the hip right after he moved here. Oh, and remember – you thought I'd be mad, and I wasn't. So you can't be mad at me. You owe me a pass."

"I'm not mad," Alice sighed. "I was never mad." I gave her a dirty look. "I wasn't! I was just um…"

"Psycho?" I finished her sentence for her.

"Hey!" she slapped me on the arm, and we both laughed.

A little bit later, I was back at the hotel with Edward. I found him lying on the bed reading, and I climbed in beside him wrapping my arm across his torso and resting my head on his chest.

"I think Alice is going to be okay," I said.

"I knew she would be," Edward said and put down his book. "Did you guys talk?"

"Yes, and I even yelled at her."

"Wow, I thought I was the only person with enough guts to yell at Alice."

"I know. She was shocked. I was shocked for that matter, but I think I needed to get her attention. Oh, I need to check and see if my boss emailed me back." I started to sit up, but Edward's strong arms held me against him.

"No way, you promised we could stay in bed," he breathed into my ear sending shivers all over my body.

"I can bring my laptop to bed," I compromised, and he let me go. I saw him rake over me with his eyes as I got up, and I moved faster anxious to move on to more exciting things. I flipped my computer open and checked my email.

"Edward! My boss said not to worry about giving a notice, just to finish up the stories I've already started on, and he'll reassign the rest. I've got them done already. I just need to send them in."

"You mean you don't have to go back to Boston?" Edward smiled.

"I just need to pack up my stuff, and put my house on the market, but I don't have to go back on Monday now."

"I'm going with you. You're going to need help," he said eagerly.

"You don't have to. I can get some friends to help." He had a lot going on too.

"Yes, I do. I told you, I don't want to be away from you."

"Okay," I surrendered easily.

"Okay," he affirmed with a huge smile.

I put up the laptop and started unbuttoning Edward's shirt, when my phone beeped. "Leave us alone!" Edward groaned.

I grabbed it and saw that I had a new text. It was from Alice. "Alice wants to know if we can come over for dinner tomorrow night," I told Edward.

He groaned, while I texted back, "yes."

**A/N: It's Christmas. The time when we know it is better to give reviews than to receive the 12 seconds you could save by not reviewing. DON'T BE A GRINCH! **

**I think I might send you a Christmas present. Maybe. Thanks. Love you. Bye bye. **

**I like Elemental by Tallulabelle – weird stuff but good stuff. I'm scared she'll put a curse on me if I don't get you to read it. So check it out. **


	25. Chapter 25 Space Heater

**A/N: For those of you who want to kill Alice, well you're supposed to want to kill her. She's slowly settling into the idea of Edward and Bella, but Rome wasn't built in a minute. **

**Thanks to the usual helpers Daisy, Profmom, LTR, and Twike. They are all smart and pretty.**

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 25

Space Heater

On Saturday, Edward and I took it easy. We called the airline, changed my ticket to the next Friday and bought him a one-way ticket on the same flight. Then we took a picnic over to the park at Greenlake near where we would hopefully be living. When we got done eating, Edward got out his guitar and started playing me some of the songs he'd written. It was a sunny day and relatively warm outside, so there were quite a few people milling around the park.

He started strumming and making those eyes at me that got me all tingly. I leaned back on my hands and enjoyed the song I knew was about me.

_More than you know_

_Soft hands make me feel_

_What I haven't felt for too long_

_More than you see _

_Your eyes are what I need_

_I need to have you here with me…_

It was a couple of minutes before I happened to glance to my right and saw three teenage girls standing a few feet away, watching us. Strike that, they weren't watching us; they were staring at Edward and listening to him sing. I nodded in their direction so Edward would look. He glanced over at them and smiled. The three of them started giggling. I couldn't decide if I wanted to giggle with them or stab them for ogling my boyfriend.

Edward finished the song, and they started cheering. "Thanks ladies," he nodded at them, and they answered with a collective sigh.

"Smooth, Romeo," I smiled at him.

"Have to keep the fans happy," he shrugged, and started strumming on his guitar again. The groupies moved even closer, and I reached out, grabbed Edward's arm, and stopped him.

"Do you think you could put it away for now?"

"Jealous?" he asked with a smirk.

"No, not jealous. I just don't like the way they're looking at you, and I don't want to have to hurt them."

"Fair enough," he conceded and put the guitar back in the case. I proceeded to get up and scoot closer to him on my knees. When I could reach him, I put my hands down in front of me and leaned in to kiss him. I heard one of the girls start coughing, and I just kept going. I wanted to make it clear that this singer was not for sale.

"What's gotten into you?" Edward laughed when I finally sat back.

"Just enjoying what's mine," I said nonchalantly.

"By all means, carry on then," he replied moving to where I was this time, leaning us back, and kissing me deeply.

Every touch, every look, every kiss still felt so right. It's not like there hadn't been a few bumps along the way, but everything seemed to come naturally now. I wondered if it would always feel like this. Passionate and simple. My mom always lectured me about how serious relationships were hard and a lot of work, and they were doomed to failure from the start. Her pessimism clouded my view, and I was sure that perception had affected some of Edward and my earlier interactions, but this didn't feel like a lot of work. It's not that every minute was easy; every minute with Edward was just worth it. I'd rather be with him picking up his dirty clothes and closing his cabinet doors than without him. The truth was, I didn't even mind doing those things. I wanted to do things for him, because I loved him. I was willing to do whatever it took to make his life easier or better. The best part was that it wasn't one sided. He seemed intent on taking care of me. The little things like opening my car door or refusing to let me carry anything made me feel so cherished.

The forecast had been sunny, but clouds started gathering.

"I hope you don't hate it here. It literally rains pretty much every day eleven months out of the year," Edward said as we started packing up our things. We could already smell the rain in the air.

"I'm sure it will be an adjustment, but I'll be fine. I like to think I'm adaptable. Besides, you can stand under my umbrella ella ella eh eh eh," I sang.

"Really?" Edward looked at me like I was causing him pain.

"Jerk," I laughed and slapped him in the arm. He winced and acted like I'd bruised him. He obviously had no appreciation for my musical talent.

We decided to take the books we were reading and wait out the rain in a coffee shop near the park. We got drinks and sat across from each other, entangling our legs under the table as we read. Every now and then I would glance up over my book at Edward, and as if he could feel my stare, he would meet my gaze and smile at me.

"I don't want to go to Alice and Jasper's," Edward moaned out of nowhere and put down his book.

"What brought that on?" I asked.

"I like this. I like being with you. I hate the idea of us being scrutinized and the way Alice keeps pissing on you to remind me that you were her friend first."

"I promise that if Alice pisses on me we're leaving." I made a disgusted face.

"Very funny. Maybe we should live in New York."

"You'd hate it there, and so would I. We don't have to stay late. We'll just eat dinner and then leave. You know, you need to accept that I'm friends with Alice just like she needs to accept that I'm in love with you. I need to have room for both of you in my life."

"You seem so logical and articulate about this. What happened to the Bella who has crazy schemes and gets hyped up about things?" he asked, grabbing my hand giving me one of his flirty smiles.

"That's when I'm trying to figure out things for myself. This is us talking about your issue, and it's much easier figuring out someone else."

"I do appreciate your insights. I'll try to be on my best behavior, as long as she didn't invite Jake. God, I wanted to punch him last night for the way he was looking at you."

"I know. Ewww. I miss Jake, the harmless, adorable little brother."

"He's anything but harmless." Edward rolled his eyes.

"Well she didn't mention him coming. I'm sure it's just us."

We stopped at the hospital to check on Grandma. She was giggling on the phone, and I heard her say something about the deplorable food in the Congo. When she saw us, she looked startled and embarrassed and quickly ended her conversation.

I had my suspicions about who she was talking to, but decided to let it go. We chatted with her for a while. She would be coming home the next day or so, and I was relieved that she was going to be okay. Edward reminded me that the real battle of getting her to slow down was still ahead of us. I didn't think it would be as hard as everyone else did. Luckily, when we got to Alice and Jasper's, there was no Jacob in sight. Alice greeted us at the door, and of course she looked perfect and had a gourmet meal ready for us.

"Where's Lucy?" Edward asked as soon as we walked in the door, and neither Alice or Jasper were holding her.

"I took her to Mom's so we could have a nice dinner. It's our first chance to do anything with either of you as part of a couple," Alice answered.

"Oh, that was nice of you," I said and shot Edward a glance telling him to be nice, and he smiled at Alice and gave her a hug.

Alice handed out glasses of wine, and we all sat in the living room for a few minutes and ate from the fancy cheese plate she put out. Things were a bit awkward. I wasn't sure how to act as Edward's girlfriend around her. Edward wasn't helping things; he practically sat on my lap he was so close to me. He had his arm around me and kept rubbing my hip with this thumb.

"Are you guys coming over after church for lunch tomorrow?" Alice asked.

"No, we're going to look at some things for the condo. Bella already has a lot of stuff, but some of it could use updating," Edward told her.

"But we have lunch every Sunday," Alice complained, looking frustrated. "The whole family will be here."

"And they will get to come to all the lunches they could ever want to as soon as Bella moves here," Jasper interrupted. "Speaking of that, tell us about your new job."

I told them all about my new position, including the work I would get to do with the local troops.

"Wow, that's different from what you wanted, but it sounds great for you, Swan." Jasper said enthusiastically.

"Yeah, I can't believe you're finally going to live here. I mean we always talked about it, but you never even considered it until you hooked up with Edward," Alice said sarcastically.

I took a deep breath, and I could feel Edward tense. "Alice, I started applying for this job before I had any idea that Edward and I would become anything more than acquaintances. Your grandma actually recommended it to me. I pursued it because it would mean being closer to you and your family."

"Oh." Alice look sighed and looked away. Ugh, I thought we were past this. Hopefully she was just teasing and wasn't back on the bus to crazy. "I'm going to get dinner on the table," Alice announced.

"I'll help you," I said and started to stand, but Edward pulled me to him and kissed me on the forehead first. I smiled at him and stood up to find Alice watching our movements. She wasn't smiling or frowning. She just looked like she was trying to figure us out.

"So when do I get to see this condo?" Alice asked once we were in the kitchen.

"Well we haven't even officially rented it yet. We're going to call the leasing agent back on Monday to do the paperwork."

"Wait, aren't you leaving tomorrow night?"

"I forgot to tell you. I moved my ticket back to Friday. When I gave my notice, my boss said I didn't have to come back. I'll just email my last assignments and go clean out my desk. I was obviously expendable."

Alice's face broke into a smile. "So you're just packing up and moving here then? This is so exciting!" She squealed and threw her arms around me. "Oh! Lucy and I can fly back to Boston with you and help you pack!"

"Um…actually, Edward is already going. He bought his plane ticket this morning," I said hesitantly.

Alice's shoulders slumped a little and the elation drained from her face. "I guess the two of you can handle it then. It's just different than how I thought it would happen, you know."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I thought someday you would move out here to be close to me, and I would be a part of it all. At the very least, I would help you find a place and pick out furniture."

"I know what you mean, Alice, and I'm moving here to be close to you too. I'm sorry this is upsetting you, I just want everyone to be happy." Alice nodded, but she still looked a little hurt. I understood what she felt. I just didn't see a way I could easily fix it. As much as I did want to make everyone happy, I needed to do these things with

Edward. Over the last month things had changed from being about me to being about us. I wasn't the only factor in these decisions. They belonged to him too.

"It's different than what we planned, but it's still going to be good, Alice. I promise." She gave me an obligatory smile and told the boys to come to the table for dinner.

"So what are you doing for the holidays, Swan? It's coming up. Will you be here with us this year?" Jasper asked.

"Oh well, I was planning to go to Phoenix for Christmas, and I guess I'll be here for Thanksgiving. I usually spend it with friends in Boston." I smiled over at Edward.

"You're not going to go with her at Christmas, are you, Edward?" Alice looked at her brother.

"We haven't talked about it, but I want to. Bella?" He gave me one of those looks he knew I couldn't resist.

"Edward, my mom is crazy. Seriously I can't put you through that." I waved him off. _ Please say you'll come. Please say you'll come._

"I met her once. Bella's mom is a little nuts," Alice agreed.

"Yep." Jasper nodded in agreement.

"Well I'm not spending Christmas without you. I can handle your mom." Edward sat up straighter like he'd made up his mind.

"Okay." I smiled at him and leaned over to kiss him quickly. We looked at each other smiling like mad, and I could feel Alice getting annoyed across the table.

"Well that's just great. Christmas is ruined," Alice grumbled.

"Ali, I'm sure we can still find a way to celebrate with them. Actually, my mom would love to have us in Texas this year. Maybe we can go out there and just postpone the Cullen Christmas till after everyone gets back."

"We'll only be gone a couple of days. You know I can only handle small doses," I added hoping she wouldn't freak out.

"Fine, but we're flying first class," Alice huffed.

"Only the best for you." Jasper grabbed Alice's face in his hands, looked her in the eyes, and then kissed her in a way that made me and Edward both feel like we were intruding. When he let her go, Alice beamed at him and started eating with the smile still on her face. What was it with these men and their super powers over us? We were so screwed.

We ate, and Jasper saved the day steering the conversation away from anything controversial. We ended up talking about Egypt and some of the funny things that happened to us there, like the time Alice and I were walking down the street and a crazy lady walked up to me and started assaulting me with her half-eaten cucumber. Our friendship had grown and changed over the years, but it was still fun to think back to the early days.

Edward laughed, and I could tell he was thinking about all the years he didn't know me but wanted to. I still couldn't believe it. I had never imagined myself as the object of anyone's fantasy.

I smiled at him, and he smiled back, and my heart started beating faster. We were getting lost in each other's eyes, and I wanted to start singing a Debbie Gibson song, but Edward was probably three when it was popular. He probably wouldn't understand how cool it was that I was an Electric Youth.

Jasper cleared his throat. "Are you two love birds ready for dessert?" he asked, smiling at us.

We both looked away from each other a little embarrassed. I knew it hadn't been very long, but I loved how he could still get me all flustered with just a glance. I hoped that would never change. "Okay," I swallowed hard and looked back at Edward who was looking at me like he'd just won a prize. Stupid boy knew I had it bad.

Jasper had just gotten up to start dishing out Alice's cobbler when someone knocked on the door.

Jasper stopped and went to answer it. We were all surprised to see Jacob follow Jasper back into the room holding hands with a very pretty girl. She had brown hair, darker than mine, and striking eyes.

"I can't believe you guys didn't invite me to the party," Jacob said reaching to grab a bite of food off the table and popped it in his mouth.

"Well it was kind of double date type thing, brother," Alice said looking at Jacob suspiciously.

"Perfect. This is my girlfriend, Alison," he said proudly pulling her closer into view.

"Hi," she smiled and waved at all of us. "Hi, Edward," she said specifically to him.

"You have a girlfriend?" Alice asked. Everyone looked equally shocked.

"Well, she's been after me for a while, and I finally gave in to her seduction," Jacob said wrapping an arm around her, while she laughed.

"Alison, I didn't know you knew my brother." Edward's expression was impossible for even me to read.

"He started coming into the coffee shop more often after you disappeared," Alison said.

"Wait, you guys know each other?" Alice asked.

"We worked together at the coffee shop, and Edward was giving me guitar lessons, before he left," Alison explained. "Everyone misses you, Edward. Your groupies finally stopped showing up on Thursday nights."

"Oh, I'll come back when I have time." Edward seemed embarrassed. I wasn't even aware he had these groupies.

"There used to be so many girls there on the nights he sang that we had to turn people away," Alison explained.

"So, do you guys go to school together?" Alice asked like she was still trying to figure this whole thing out.

"No, I'm in college. We just know each other through the coffee shop," Alison answered.

"What is it with you guys, and older women?" Alice rolled her eyes, and I looked up just in time to see Jacob wink at me. Oh no, not again.

"Why don't we take the dessert to the living room so everyone can sit down?" Jasper suggested changing the subject. I was going to have to buy him a really nice Christmas present.

We all moved into the other room. Jasper and Alice sat on the love seat, while Edward and I sat on the couch. That left the oversized chair and another seat on the couch empty. Instead of separating, Jacob pulled Alison down on his lap in the chair. She squealed while he started kissing her neck and running his hands up and down her legs. It was disgusting.

"Jake, please," Alice groaned. Alison shot straight up looking embarrassed. I felt sorry for her. She was way too pretty for Jacob. Not that he was ugly; he was just…gross.

Edward and I were sitting close enough that our legs were touching as we ate our cobbler, and I noticed Jacob kept looking at me and down at our legs with a strange expression on his face. Then he would go back to groping Alison, who looked a little uncomfortable with it. Once I accidently caught Jacob's eye when I looked over at him, and he ran his hand up Alison's leg while wagging his eyebrows at me. Ugh. I scooted closer to Edward and tried my best to ignore him.

"So, Alison, did you have your recital? How did your song turn out?" Edward asked.

"It was so good. Thank you so much. I couldn't have done it without you," she gushed. I didn't like the way Jacob was looking at me, and I sure didn't like the way she was looking at Edward.

"I told you you'd be great," Edward smiled back at her. I put my plate on the coffee table and rested my arm on his back…mine.

"What kind of recital was this?" Alice inquired.

"Oh I'm majoring in Vocal Performance at school, and Edward helped me work on a song for my fall recital. He actually wrote the music for it, and I did the lyrics. It was fantastic, Edward. I wish you could have been there."

"I'm sorry I missed it," he said genuinely.

"Do you have your guitar here? Why don't you guys play it for us now?" Alice suggested. I wanted to punch her.

"It's in the car," Edward said and stood up digging his keys out of his pocket. "You up for it?" he asked Alison.

"Of course." Her whole face lit up. I wanted to punch Alice and then her. I smiled like I thought this was a perfect idea.

Edward quickly got his guitar and started tuning it. Alison stood next to him, and smiled brightly in his direction as he played. She totally wanted him. It was obvious. I glanced over at Jacob to see if he was irritated, but of course he was just staring at me. I wanted to punch him too, or better yet kick him in the balls.

Alison started singing, and her voice was like freaking Susan Boyle but with a perfect face and perfect hair and a perfect body. I stifled the growl that was working its way up my throat.

Edward's fingers glided over the strings effortlessly as he watched her sing. Finally, as if sensing my need for him, he looked at me and smiled. I took a deep breath and relaxed. He was her teacher. He helped her with her song, but he loved me. They did look great performing together; Edward always looked great when he performed. He was masterful on stage the few times I'd seen him, and even today at the park he had those girls rapt attention after just a few notes. People really responded to his playing and his voice. He was brilliant. He had freaking groupies. I sighed, knowing I was the head groupie now.

A little while later, the guitar was put away, and we were all settled in to watch a movie. Somehow we ended up with me sitting in the corner of the couch and Edward resting his head on my chest. I lazily played with his hair, and I was pretty sure he'd be asleep by the time the movie was over. Every once in a while I heard some slobbery sounds coming from across the room. I was glad it was dark enough that I couldn't be sure if it was Jacob and Alison or Jasper and Alice making out. I really did not need to see either.

As I messed with Edward's hair, I thought back to him playing with Alison earlier. They had music in common. She was prettier than me. She was closer to his age, and she obviously found Edward appealing. Why in the world had he chosen to love me? Was his delusion of me being some goddess from his teenage years really so strong that he couldn't see anyone else? He said he'd fallen for the real me, and I was glad, because living up to the other vision he'd created would be impossible.

When the movie ended, Jasper tuned a light on, and from the looks of their disheveled hair, it had definitely been Jacob and Alison making all the noise. "We'd better go," Edward said and stood up.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked Edward. He looked at me quizzically as I grabbed his hand, and he followed me into the kitchen.

"I think I want to have breakfast in the morning with Alice before she goes to church. Is that okay with you?"

"Noooo," Edward groaned.

"Would you stop being such a baby," I said and pinched his side where I knew he was ticklish. "You will still be asleep."

"But I need you there with me, or I'll get cold." He made a pouty face that made me want to start taking off my clothes. How in the world did he do that?

"Please." I rolled my eyes. "Alice?" I called out and walked back towards the living room.

"Could we have breakfast in the morning? I think we need more girl time."

"Is that okay, honey?" Alice asked Jasper with a huge smile on her face.

"Sure, I'll get Lucy ready if you'll pick out her clothes," Jasper agreed. Edward sighed. I reached my arm behind him and goosed him. He shut up.

"This is great," Alice beamed. It was worth getting up early and making Edward cold if it made her smile like that.

We finalized our plans, and I took grumpy home to keep him warm.

**A/N: There are only three or four chapters left, but as you can see by the lame chapter title here, I am seriously running out of fire related words for chapter titles. Got any ideas? **

**This silly little T rated story has done better than I ever could have hoped or imagined. I mean the gifts you have given me in the form of reviews have been above and beyond, and I thank you from the bottom of my pathetic little heart. I don't even think I can ask you to review again. You've done too much already. I mean they might be the bright light in my dreary existence and my only reward for spending countless hours writing this story trying to make you smile, but really you don't have to. It's ok. I mean how much effort does it take to hit review and type a little smiley face…but seriously…**

**I love all of you that do. :) **


	26. Chapter 26 Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

**A/N: Thank you betas for being kind about this chapter. I have never felt posting anxiety like this before. Oh I guess I should list your names. Daisy3853, Profmom72, LiketoRead22, and Twike. Go read their stories and PM Twike and tell her to write one. **

**You're really smart and pretty for reading this and I love you no matter what happens. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 26

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes

Edward was on the stage, singing and playing his guitar. I sat in the front row and cheered right along with all the other screaming girls. Alison was there singing next to him on stage. The song ended. The crowd went wild. Edward was absolutely ecstatic, and then he got that look in his eye. I knew that look. I waved frantically hoping he could find me in all the chaos. Edward swung his guitar over his back and marched decidedly over to Alison. While I wondered what was going on, he took her face in his hands and kissed her and kissed her and kissed her. Would he ever stop kissing her? I yelled at him, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M RIGHT HERE!" but he couldn't hear me over all the screaming fans.

I felt like I was falling when my body jerked on the bed, and I opened my eyes. I heart Edward groan, and I tried to calm my breathing so as not to wake him. It was a horrible dream. Awful. The way he looked at her. The way he kissed her. He was mine. I knew this rationally. I had no reason not to be secure in his love. He had proven himself. The dream just seemed so real. It must have been all the stress of moving and dealing with Alice. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't get the image out of my head. I got up and got in the shower hoping I could wash it all away. Finally I woke Edward up and made him kiss me just once to make sure he was still mine. He was.

It was still before noon, so Edward easily fell back asleep. I took his car and went to meet Alice at a restaurant. I could feel the fact that I hadn't gotten enough rest weighing on my body, and I was starting to get a headache.

I walked into the quaint little café Alice had told me to meet her at and found my friend sitting near the back already dressed for church. I met her smile as I walked toward her, and all the tension that had been hovering over us lately seemed to be absent. I was glad.

"Good morning, dearykins," I said as I sat across from her.

"Good morning, bestie," she replied. "You're looking a bit tired. Late night?" she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"First of all, he's your brother for goodness sake; we are not talking about that, and second of all, no, I just had trouble sleeping, but thank you for pointing out that I look like crap."

"Whatever, you look fine," Alice assured me. "Why couldn't you sleep? You feeling okay?"

"Yes, I just had a bad dream. Edward was performing in a huge concert, and there were thousands of girls, and I was pretty much invisible to him." I decided not to mention dreaming he kissed his younger brother's girlfriend. It made me sound way too pathetic.

"Well that doesn't sound so bad for Edward," Alice said. "I mean, the concert part, not you being invisible."

"I guess," I shrugged. "It was probably just a combination of him turning down the record deal and then him performing at your house last night. My subconscious was working over time."

"The record deal from a few years ago?" Alice asked looking confused.

"No. He didn't tell you?" Oops. I didn't think it was a secret, but I might have been wrong.

"Tell me what?" Alice asked still seeming innocent and sweet. I was just relieved she wasn't frustrated or defensive. I wanted to keep it that way.

"The people who bought some of his songs offered him a big record deal, but he turned it down."

"Why would he do that?" Alice's expression started to darken. Shoot, this wasn't working.

"He said it's not the kind of life he wanted. It would mean touring and being away from his family and having to compromise his musical integrity or something like that," I tried to explain.

"I wonder why he didn't mention it to us when he told us about working as a songwriter. Did this happen before or after the two of you got together?"

"Look, I really didn't think it was a secret. It was probably just kind of a non issue to him. It happened when he was out of town last week for those few days. I guess they put a lot of pressure on him, but he was worried what it would do to our relationship, and he said he didn't want to do anything that would keep us apart from each other for extended amounts of time," I mumbled in an attempt to rescue the conversation. I wasn't sure exactly why, but I felt like I had just opened up a whole new can of worms.

Alice closed her eyes, rested her elbows on the table, and started rubbing her temple with her fingers. "Alice what's wrong?" I questioned.

"I just don't know if this is healthy, Bella, and I don't want to say anything that is going to make it harder between us, but can't you see what's happening?"

"Um…," I searched my mind for what I was supposed to be seeing, "no?"

"Edward is prone to being obsessive about things. He's an all or nothing kind of person, and he goes to extremes. Now that he's decided he loves you, he's gone so extreme about it that he can't see anything else. I don't believe for one second that he doesn't want that recording contract. He's giving up everything for you, and I just think he'll end up resenting you for it once he realizes… no I mean once… once you're not so all-consuming anymore."

"You mean once he's sick of me?" I could feel my bottom lip starting to quiver. I was mad. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut, but even more, I was terrified that she was right.

"No, see, I don't know how to say this without hurting you," Alice looked sincerely distraught which made me feel a little less like I wanted to poke her eyes out. "I know you love each other, but this seems like it's happening really fast, like a whirlwind romance kind of thing. I just worry that once the dust settles, you will both regret making so many huge life altering choices for someone you don't even really know all that well."

"But we know each other…" I argued.

"Bella, do you really believe Edward wouldn't want to record and perform his music? He goes and sings his music on a street corner just to get a few people to listen to it. He's been pouting for almost three years because my parents wouldn't let him sign with that label when he was still in high school. It's his dream, Bella. Trust me; I think I know my brother better than you do."

"So what are you saying I should do? You think I should tell him to sign the contract?" I asked flatly. Every ounce of joy had drained out of my body.

"That's just it. He's so extreme, he would never do it. Now that he's made up his mind that it would take him away from you, there is no changing it. I guess it should make you feel good. He put his relationship with you above everything else he's ever wanted."

I was having trouble getting in enough air, and tears started pricking my eyes. Alice thought I ruined Edward's life. I loved him. I loved him more than anything I'd ever loved before. I loved him so much that it hurt to love him, because I walked around feeling like my heart would explode any second it was so full of love for him. I could tell by the look on her face, she thought I was being selfish, but I hadn't asked him to give up anything. I hadn't pushed him to take the deal, but he said he didn't want it. I really believed he didn't want it.

"Bella, no," Alice whimpered and came around to sit on my side of the table. I was crying, and the only thing holding me back from wailing was the fact that we were in a public place. She wrapped an arm around me and pulled me to her. I shook and cried on her shoulder. It was as if I could feel something inside of me ripping apart.

"What do I do, Alice? I don't know what to do," I cried out after several minutes.

"It's okay, sweetie. There's nothing you can do. He's made up his mind."

"I didn't mean to ruin his life." He'd given me everything, and I'd taken it from him without stopping to think about what it cost. I was the most selfish person in the world.

"I wouldn't say it's ruined. It's okay," she tried to reassure me. "I didn't mean to upset you. I just…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Of course you should have." I started dabbing at my eyes with my napkin. "I don't have any cash, but I think I need to go. Do you mind taking care of this?" I asked trying to pull myself together enough to walk out of the restaurant.

"Of course but Bella, I think we should talk more. You're really upset," Alice pleaded.

"No, I'm fine. I just didn't get much sleep, and I'm really emotional right now. I just want to be alone for a little bit, I think." I stood up and pulled on my jacket.

"But…I…" Alice looked desperate. "Promise you'll call me if you want to talk? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine. I'll call you later." I grabbed my purse off the floor and walked out of the building as quickly as I could. I got outside, and it was pouring rain. It wasn't the light drizzle I'd seen over the last few days; it was a downpour. I sprinted for the car, but I was still soaked by the time I got inside.

I closed the door, ripped my coat off as quickly as I could get out of it, and threw my head down on the steering wheel to cry more. Why did he lie to me? He said he didn't want it. God, he probably didn't even realize he wanted it. Alice was right; he was all or nothing. He was so near-sighted when it came to situations like this. He really would hate me in a few years when he realized he had given up his dream.

I could tell him. I could convince him to take it, but Alice was right again. He'd already made up his mind it would keep us apart, and he wasn't willing to do that. I could go with him. I could be a full time groupie and follow him from city to city, but I worried he would still resent me. I didn't have a place in that world. Cleopatra would fit in there, but not Bella Swan.

A scream tore through my chest and came out of my mouth as the vision of him kissing Alison played before my eyes again. WHY! Why did I let this happen! I knew from the start it was doomed to failure. I knew it would only bring heartache and pain, but he kept convincing me otherwise. Now what was I supposed to do? Live with the guilt of knowing I'd ruined his life forever?

I never asked him to have a boyhood crush on me. I never asked for any poems or songs or long kisses. Even after I met him and felt his effect on me, I never hoped, I never thought… I never would have wanted this. I never would have let myself want this if he hadn't made me. I didn't pursue him. I didn't drive across the country to ask him on a date. It wasn't my fault. None of it was my fault!

"Damn it!" I screamed and then instantly held my hand over my mouth trying to pull the word back in. I hadn't cussed since 11th grade. Screw it. "Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!" I beat the steering wheel with my fists.

I needed Edward. I needed to see him. Edward always made the things I freaked out about seem small and trivial. As soon as I saw his eyes, I would know this wasn't as terrible as it felt right now.

I put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking lot. I had just gotten onto the highway when it started raining even harder. It was nearly impossible to see through the rain. The traffic was moving slow, and there were a lot of people on the road for a Sunday afternoon. I reached down to turn up the windshield wipers, but they were already at top speed. I was getting more and more frustrated. I needed to get there. I needed to see him. I couldn't wait any longer.

Cars started pulling over to the side of the road because of the rain. This was Seattle! Shouldn't they know how to drive in a little rain here? I couldn't quite make out the lines on the road anymore, but I wasn't about to stop. Even if I had to go five miles per hour, I was going to get back to Edward.

Okay, everyone was stopping now, at least that meant less traffic. I inched forward hoping I didn't hit anything and ruin Edward's new station wagon. After a few more minutes, I thought maybe the rain was letting up. I still couldn't see a thing, but it had to be getting better. Then I saw flashing lights ahead and brake lights directly in front of me. It looked like the police or highway patrol had the road completely blocked ahead. No one could get by. I was stuck.

I turned on the radio trying to find out what in the world was going on. I found the traffic station, and according to the broadcaster, there was a pileup due to some idiot trying to keep going when visibility was clearly obstructed by the rain. I guess I should have pulled over sooner, but there was at least one other idiot out there.

I turned the radio off and listened to the rain hit the roof of the car. Guilt was still clawing at me, and the feeling that I was losing control pounded through my body. I'd messed up. I'd messed everything up for the person I cared about the most. I remembered the words he said, "I'd give it all up for you." He'd meant it. He did it. I should have stopped him then; he shouldn't have told me he didn't want the contract. How could I live with myself knowing I was holding him back?

I was driving myself mad thinking about it, so I turned on the radio again and pushed the first preset station.

_Bittersweet memories are all I'm taking with me…._

You've got to be kidding me!

_And Ieeeeeaaayyyeee will always love youuuuuuuuuu. I will always looooooove youoooooooo….._

I felt resigned tears start falling down my cheeks again. I couldn't listen to this crap. I hit the next station.

_Near, far, wherever you are…I believe that the heart does go on……_

Seriously! I pinched myself thinking I must still be having some sort of sick and twisted nightmare, but I didn't wake up.

I punched the radio off and stared straight ahead. I sat there and stared and thought for a long time. It took a couple of hours before the rain let up and wreck was cleared. In the end, I knew it came down to one question. Did I love Edward more than I loved myself? He was willing to give up what he wanted for me, and if I really truly loved him like I said I did, I would do the same thing for him. Even if it would hurt me beyond repair, it was the only answer.

I'd never done anything really significant or noble. I'd never been a hero. I'd never saved a child or even agreed to send $20 a month so those African kids on TV could go to school. I didn't even spend holidays with my dad when I knew it would mean a lot to him. This was going to be the only thing I'd ever done for anyone else that ever mattered, and it was probably going to kill me. The thought of even waking up in a world without Edward was unbearable, but this wasn't about what I wanted. This was about what he needed. He needed to follow his dreams. He needed to fly, and he didn't need me holding him back.

The rain slowed down, and the traffic finally started to move. By the time I got to the hotel, it was mid afternoon. I was supposed to be back a couple of hours ago. I was so tired from crying and not sleeping the night before, that I could barely see straight. I put myself on auto pilot. I refused to let myself feel anything else. I would just do what had to be done.

I punched the button on the elevator. I rode up to our floor. I slid the keycard in and out. I opened the door. I took a step inside. A frantic Edward turned to me with relief on his face, crossed the room in a few quick steps, and pulled me into a hug.

"Oh my god, where have you been? I was so worried something happened to you. You left your cell here, and Alice told me you left the restaurant hours ago. Are you okay? Bella, what's the matter?" He brushed my hair back over my shoulder, and ran his hands up and down my arms like he was trying to warm me up.

"I…I'm fine. There was a bad wreck, and no one could see in the rain. I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm really tired." Auto pilot. I had to stay on auto pilot.

Edward took my face in his hands, rubbed his thumbs over my cheeks a couple of times, and kissed me. I couldn't help but respond, but with every touch I could feel myself breaking apart piece by piece.

"Come here." Edward took my hand and led me to the bed. He sat me down and ran his hands over my legs picking them up off the floor and removing my shoes for me. He moved his hands back up my legs until he reached the button on my jeans. He started to unhook it, when I whimpered, "Edward, I…"

"Shhh, I'm just putting you to bed. I can tell you need to rest. You look exhausted." He helped me move my jeans down my legs, and his touch set my skin on fire but burned my soul at the same time. The way he was looking at me and taking care of me was so tender. How could I give this up? I needed to tell him. I needed to do whatever it took to make him go, but I didn't know if I had the strength. One more night, I finally told myself. I would selfishly let myself have one more night with him, and then I would do what I had to do.

He pulled the covers back, and I crawled underneath them. He tucked me in, and kissed me softly. "Lay with me?" I asked trying to hide how desperate I felt.

"I just woke up a few hours ago," he replied.

"Please? Just for a little bit?" I begged.

"Of course," he smiled at me, took off his pants and his shirt, and climbed in beside me, pulling my back up against his chest. I could feel the tears escaping out of my eyes again, but I willed my body to be still hoping he wouldn't notice. Edward started humming one of my songs to me, and I told myself to forget this day ever happened. I told myself to let myself be cherished just this once. I told myself to hold on to this moment forever.

It was completely dark by the time I woke up. I hadn't meant to fall asleep, but I was glad for the reprieve from the hurt. I felt Edward lazily drawing circles on my arm. "Did you stay in bed with me that whole time?" I asked.

"Where else would I want to be?" he replied. "We didn't get anything done today."

"I know." I thought about saying we could do it later, but I didn't want to lie to him.

"I was thinking that maybe we could make the third bedroom into a music room for now, until we need it for something else," he suggested.

I didn't say anything.

"Bella?"

"What?"

"What do you think about a music room?" I turned around so that I could see his face. I might have been preparing to do something selfless, but right then I did the most selfish thing I possibly could have done. I kissed him. I climbed on top of him, taking off my shirt, and I kissed him again.

Edward responded by rolling me onto my back, and I was only satisfied when the desperation in his touches mirrored my own. I needed to feel him one more time. I needed to know again, so that I could always remember, what it felt like to be consumed by another person. I needed to show him one more time without words just how much I really did feel for him, so that maybe he would remember this too.

Over and over again I took from his love his devotion his physical expression of our bond until we were both sweaty and tired and content to be tangled up in each other and just breathe.

"I love you," he whispered for what I knew would be the last time.

Saying it back would only complicate things further, so instead I told the truth, "I know."

He fell asleep and I got up, put a t-shirt on, sat on the chair next to the bed, and watched him for as long as I could stand it. I finally lay back down in the bed, but I didn't sleep. It was sometime early in the morning when he finally stirred and our eyes met. He greeted me with a soft smile. I wanted to give myself one more day. Maybe the morning to pretend that everything was fine, but I couldn't.

"Ahh my sleeping schedule is all messed up now, and I'm starving. I haven't eaten since I got up yesterday." He stretched and then brushed the hair out of my face.

I sat up, put my feet on the floor, and looked down. I'd been trying for hours to come up with a plan, a strategy, some way to make this okay, and all I knew was that I had to do whatever it took to get him to go.

"What's the matter?" Edward asked sitting up on one elbow and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"I did some thinking."

"And?"

"I'm going to get the job in New York. I want to live in New York," I told him.

"Why? What made you change your mind? I thought we decided…" He moved his hand down my arm and tried to turn me to him, but I didn't want to look at him.

"This is about me, Edward. Don't you realize what kind of opportunity that is? To work for Newsweek? How could you possibly ask me not to pursue that?"

"Wait, I never asked you… If you want to live in New York, we can live in New York." He was trying to stay calm, but I could sense the edge in his voice.

"I want to go alone."

There was silence.

"I've had fun with you, but there's no way this is going to last. You're too young and inexperienced, and well you're just not what I need." My face muscles constricted and fought back the urge to cry. I couldn't cry. If I did he would be able to wear me down.

"Bella, look at me," Edward said forcefully.

I shook my head no, letting my hair fall over my face. He got out of bed and stood in front of me.

"You don't mean that. You don't mean any of it. Now what's going on?"

"I'm breaking up with you," my voice squeaked.

"No, you're not." Confusion was written across his face.

"I am." I said more decidedly. "I think you need to go."

"Why are you doing this? I know you love me." He grabbed my face forcing me to look at him.

"No." I pushed his hands away from me. "We both got what we wanted. You made it with Cleopatra, and I made it with Alice's brother, just like I always joked about. Joke's over. You need to go."

Hurt washed over his face, and I knew I'd hit him where it hurt. I stood up and started putting the rest of his clothes in his bag.

"You're lying. Tell me why you're lying," he finally raised his voice. I just tossed his shirt at him and kept getting his things ready. He didn't get dressed. He didn't move.

"Please, please just go," I begged. "Nothing you can say will change my mind. It's over." I swallowed the vomit that had made its way up my throat.

"Bella, please, I don't know what I did. I'm sorry. I love you. We can figure everything out," he begged and the tears in his eyes broke my heart.

"It's not you. It's me. I mean it is you. You're just not enough. I'm sorry." I didn't want to be mean, but he was making me be mean. God, I loved him so much. I just prayed this was worth it. I prayed he became everything he was meant to be. I prayed he'd realize one day that I had given him this gift, and that he could stop hating me.

He dropped his gaze from me, took a deep breath, and stomped into the bathroom shaking the walls as he slammed the door. I didn't think about anything except breathing in and out. If I could just keep breathing I wouldn't fall apart.

A few minutes later, he came out dressed and I held out his bag to hand it to him. He just glared at me, so I set it down on the floor in front of him and looked at the ground.

"You're going to regret this, Bella. I promise you; you're going to regret this," he picked up his bag off the floor, and when I raised my eyes to his face, there was disgust in his eyes.

"I know," I whispered as he turned and shut the door behind him.

**A/N: Please don't hate me. You know what…it's okay if you hate me. Go ahead – hit that review button and tell me how much you hate me. Come on do it! Get it all out. I'm a therapist and I'm giving you this session for free. I'm **

**A little angst makes the story better, but I don't believe in drawn out angst, so take heart. **

**If you leave a review I'll send you an EPOV. I'm not above shameless bribing. It's not quite finished yet, so it might be a day or two. Oh and sorry I didn't reply to reviews. I meant to go back and answer questions – I just haven't yet. I suck, but it's been a busy writing week and um, well… SORRY!**

**This may not be the best time to suggest you put me on Author Alert, but I'll be starting a new story soon. I'm not sure when I'll start posting, but you know me – I get antsy. **


	27. Chapter 27 Ashes

**A/N: I'll be honest. I feel a little beat up by some of the fiery anger directed toward me, but I'm sure I deserved it. I really appreciate you reading this story. It makes you infinitely cooler than most of the other people in the world so congrats for that. **

**Thanks beta people. LTR was really nice about this chapter oh and Profmom72 was too. I really appreciate you guys. Thanks to Twike – bacon ice cream was her idea. Daisy3853 is the prettiest fic wife in Twiland. **

**Characters are not mine. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 27

Ashes

Auto pilot. I had to stay on auto pilot. I couldn't stop to think about the fact that my best friend and lover had just walked out the door forever. I couldn't think about what tomorrow would be like. I couldn't think about anything but the next thing I needed to do. I needed to get out of Seattle. I needed to put as much distance between me and this nightmare as possible. I needed to find a way to forget Edward Cullen ever existed.

I tried to ignore the pain in my stomach and the fact that I felt like I was going to throw up any second. I got my cell phone out and then searched online for the number to the airline so I could switch my flight again. After forty minutes of arguing with someone in India about the fact that the only seat available today would be on the red eye and would cost me three thousand dollars, I gave up and booked a flight for the next day. I sat down on the bed and then slumped back onto a pillow. It smelled like Edward. Maybe three thousand dollars wasn't _that_ much money.

It was still well before noon, too early to empty the mini bar. I grabbed the room service menu and ordered pancakes, three servings of bacon, French toast, and ice cream. At this rate I would spend as much money on junk food as I would have on the plane ticket.

It was strange. I was numb. I refused to let myself think or feel too much. I remembered being like this when I was a kid, before my parents divorced. I would hear them fighting downstairs, and at first, it scared me. After a while though, I just went somewhere inside of myself where it didn't bother me anymore. I blocked all the bad stuff out. It wasn't until I was in my early twenties that I felt like I really started to deal with the emotional pain of their divorce. I wondered how long it would take before I could deal with this loss.

While I waited for my feast to arrive, I reflected on the fact that I had pretty much changed the entire course of my life over the past two months, and now I needed to chart another direction. I was going to have to come up with some sort of survival plan. I had already come to grips with the fact that my life wasn't going to be ideal. I couldn't imagine things ever really being great again, but somehow they were going to have to be good enough. I got out the hotel stationary and decided to make a list of what I would need to have a life that was good enough.

A Career – I needed an income and something to do. If things didn't work out with _Newsweek_, then I would beg my old boss for my job back. I could even ask to start writing more human interest pieces like what I was going to do for the _Tribune_.

Companionship – I didn't want cats. That would just be too cliché, but maybe a nice big dog who thought I was the greatest thing since bacon. Mmm Bacon. Where was my breakfast?

Friends – If I moved to New York, this would be challenging. Maybe they had online friending. Kind of like online dating. Hmmm – maybe I could invent that, if not. If I stayed in Boston, I needed to spend more time with my friends from outside of work. Vicky meant well, but I couldn't tolerate Char anymore.

Hobby – I'd tried crocheting, knitting, and running. I didn't have an exciting enough life to start scrapbooking. I googled hobbies. Some that stood out to me were video games, entering contests, lock picking, kites, and puppetry. Pyrotechnics was out, because I hated the smell of smoke. I really did love that Rock Band game on the Wii. Who knew I was such a skilled drummer?

Family – I brainstormed on this one. I could adopt a child. Family didn't have to be traditional. I could always find a couple of other spinsters and set up some type of commune. We could sit on our front porches and throw things like Twizzlers at annoying neighborhood kids.

I crumpled up my list and threw it away. Today was not the day to plan for the future. Today was the day to wallow. I was just about to make myself sit down, think about Edward, and cry my guts out when my food arrived. I'd do it later. Some people can't eat when they're upset. I was not one of those people.

I greeted the guy with a smile on my face, and even managed to laugh when he made a comment about the ice cream. I sat down and ate as much of it as I could while I watched the news on TV. I checked the weather outside to see if it was raining and considered maybe doing something touristy like bungee jumping off of Mt. Rainer or white water rafting. On second thought, maybe I could just ride a ferry back and forth for a few hours.

My cell phone rang, and my whole body tensed. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I ignored it and took another bite of bacon followed by a bite of ice cream. Sweet and salty…yum. Why isn't there a bacon flavored ice cream? Ben and Jerry really should get on that. My phone started ringing again and then again and then again. I knew who it was.

"Hello, Alice." I might as well get it over with.

"Bella! What happened? Are you okay? Edward just came in and slammed the door to his room. He's got some awful music playing so loud our whole house is shaking. What is going on?"

"We broke up," I answered flatly.

"What? Why? I'm sure it was just an argument. You guys can work it out. He's just dramatic, Bella. He didn't mean it. I know he didn't mean it," Alice sounded panicky.

"Stop it, Alice. You were right. I was holding him back, so I broke up with him. Now he can take the record deal and live his life without the regret."

"But…wait, Bella, that's not what I meant. I wasn't trying to get you to break up with him!"

"It's what you really wanted though, right?" I asked already knowing the answer.

There was a long silence on the other end. She knew if she said no, that I would know she was lying. She also knew if she said yes, it would make her the biggest jerk in the world. "I don't know," she finally sighed.

"We both know you did, and you got your way. I just want to be left alone for a while." The pain in my stomach was coming back, and I wrapped an arm around myself trying to keep it together.

"Okay, I can understand that, but you don't need to be alone for too long. How about I come over tomorrow to get you, and we can go shopping for your new place. It will be just like we planned years ago."

"No, Alice. I'm leaving as soon as I can get on a flight."

"Oh, well if you want, Lucy and I could still fly out later in the week and help you pack. I don't know about driving cross country with her, but you could hire a moving company instead of a U Haul. I'll help you with all the details, I promise."

"Alice, you don't understand. I'm not moving here. I can't now. I can't be near him. I have to make myself forget all of it. It's the only way I can survive."

"But…what about Thanksgiving and Christmas and…what about me?" her voice quaked.

"WHAT ABOUT YOU, ALICE!? I just broke up with the only person I've ever loved, and you're asking what about you?!? You've got to be kidding! This was what you wanted me to do; you should be happy. I'm sorry if it's not a version of happily ever after for Alice, but it's not mine either. I-I can't talk to you right now. Maybe sometime later, but right now I can't separate you from Edward in my mind, and it hurts too much." The last words came out in a sob as the mention of his name ripped through my body.

"But, Bella…"

"Goodbye, Alice," I choked out and hung up the phone. I'd been standing by the window, and I crumpled into a ball on the floor. My chest heaved and my entire body felt like it was imploding from the pain. I struggled to get air into my lungs as something between a scream and a cry broke out of my throat. The tears that I'd meant to start crying came roaring out in a flood soaking the carpet below me. The pain was so great I wasn't sure I would ever be able to move from this spot again. He was gone. He was gone, and he wasn't going to come back. I'd tasted what my life could be like, and knowing I was never going to have it…it was too much. I wasn't going to survive. How could I survive without him? It wasn't just a bad Leann Rimes song; I really didn't know how I was going to live. My life being good enough wasn't enough anymore. I didn't want it.

I felt like a cloud of darkness had descended over me, and I lay on the floor and cried and cried and cried and cried. I cried because of the time when I was eight and my mom forgot to pick me up from school. I cried because one time after my parents had argued, my dad took me to get ice cream thinking that would fix everything. I cried because Matt Johnson called me a prude dog in 9th grade. I cried because my mom didn't even call me on my birthday last year. I cried because Jasper loved Alice and never even noticed me. I cried because there wouldn't be any more poems or songs or sweet words whispered in my ear. I cried because the arms that anchored me wouldn't be there to hold me anymore. I cried, because the only man who ever thought I was worth dating besides Edward liked to wear Star Wars costumes. I cried because my heart wasn't just broken; it was obliterated. I was never going to be okay. I couldn't be.

Sometime that day when the sun was starting to set, I heard knocking on the door, but I ignored it. I heard Alice's voice in the hallway, but I didn't care. I just stayed on the floor wishing I could disappear. Wishing the black hole would swallow me up and put me out of my misery. Finally when the room was completely dark, except for the TV that had been on CNN since breakfast, I climbed onto the bed, grabbed Edward's pillow, holding onto it like a life preserver, closed my eyes, and waited for the sun to come back out.

All night long I dreamed of Edward, and when I woke up in the morning I wanted to dream some more. I wanted to wallow in every sweet and happy memory. Every kiss, every touch, every moment that I treasured. I knew I needed to forget, but I wasn't ready yet. Right now I wanted to pretend and remember and dream that everything was real. There was a part of me that worried about slipping out of reality if I let myself do this. I might lose my mind completely, but I needed to feel a piece of that life again in order to let it go.

I closed my eyes and imagined the first time we met at his parent's house. I thought about watching him sing at Alice's wedding rehearsal and how I thought he was precious. I remembered the crazed look on his face as he threw me off the couch after I sat on him. I thought about the time when we picked peaches in the orchard and how he rubbed my back when I had a meltdown. I wondered if he could feel me touching him with my pinky while we watched the movie, or if he saw me blush when we talked while sitting on the tailgate of his truck and he said I inspired him. I remembered the way my heart raced when he called me in Boston and how my nervousness started to disappear as soon as he grabbed my hand. I remembered the kisses, the touches. I remembered all of it, and it was beautiful.

I took a deep breath and centered myself around those memories. For today, they would be enough. I would never stop loving Edward; it would be impossible. I would go on, one day at a time, because I loved him, and the goodness he gave me in the time we had together was so much that it could sustain me. It would have to.

I only had a few hours left before I needed to check out and leave for the airport. I packed the rest of my things and went to check online and make sure my flight was still on time. I sighed a breath of relief when I saw that it was. My eyes wandered to the bookmark at the top of my screen. _Cleo Consumes Me. _As long as I was working on remembering, I might as well look at his blog.

Oh no.

There were new entries. The first one was every cuss word I'd ever heard and some I hadn't, written in all caps. I closed my eyes. That hurt. I couldn't blame him though. He had a right to hate me. The rest were all written sometime before midnight.

11.1.09

_**Haiku**_

_Life and death question_

_The sting of her deception_

_Can a liar love_

_**-------**_

_I built a castle for my love my dream my hope. My rock turned to sand and crumbled with the waves. _

_**------**_

_I beg. I plead. I cry out._

_Bring her back to me. _

_I scream. I grasp. I call out her name._

_She won't hear me. _

_She turns her back. She covers her ears. She closes her eyes. _

_I cease to exist. _

**-------**

_to hold is to be; to love is to exist_

_one is not without the other_

_this life of nothing_

_not to hold her_

_not to see_

_not to be_

_to let_

_go_

What had I done? He was in pain, and I wanted to stop it. I wanted to comfort him, but there was nothing to be done, except to put one foot in front of the other, and… to let go. I just had to keep reminding myself that this was for him. I was doing this for him. I was hurting him for his own good? That didn't make any sense. He would be happier in the long run though…right?

As I wheeled my suitcase out the door, a tiny part of me wished he were here begging me not to go. When I got to the airport, I tried not to want him to come running after me, calling out my name and stopping me from getting on the plane. When I sat in my window seat, I even hoped he would come and sit down next to me or start singing to me over the airplane's intercom, but the seat next to me was still empty when the plane took off and when it landed. He let go. It was what I wanted. I wanted him to let go.

The numbness had returned by the time I climbed into a cab at the airport to go home. Everything was familiar, but I found no comfort in it. The cab pulled up to my house, I handed him the cash, and grabbed my things. I began to trudge up the walk towards my porch, when I looked up and froze.

Edward.

He stood up as soon as he saw me. He was wearing the same clothes he had on two days ago. His hair looked like an oily mess, and there was three days worth of scruff on his face. The dark circles under his eyes told me he hadn't slept much. How did he get here before me?

I wanted to run to him, but I couldn't. Part of me rejoiced that he had come after me, but the other part was devastated that I was going to have to go through the pain of making him leave again.

We stood staring at each other for what felt like a long time.

"You're just making this harder for both of us," I finally said barely loud enough for him to hear me.

"No, I'm making this right." He took a step toward me, and I took a step back. I searched my soul for the strength to send him away. I didn't know if I could do it.

"You need to leave," I said and moved to walk around him to my door.

"I'm not leaving. We're going to talk about this." He grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

"Well, you're not welcome here," I said defiantly.

"I don't care. I'll stay out here until you listen to me."

"There's nothing you can say." I tried to pull my arm back, but he wouldn't let go.

"I talked to Alice, and you're wrong. I don't want to record. I don't want to be famous. I don't want to tour. I don't want any of it. If that's what you really want, I'll sign for you, but I won't do it without you."

"You're being stupid. How can you say you don't want it! You want it!" I yelled.

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do! You just don't think you do, but you do!" I pushed on his chest trying to get away from him.

"Damn it!" He let me go and I stumbled backwards. "I'm so sick and tired of everyone telling me what I should do and what I should want!"

"Well you wanted it before. You've been mad at your family for years because you didn't get to sign when you were seventeen," I argued.

"I WAS SEVENTEEN! Did you have your life figured out when you were a teenager? Why are you punishing me for being a stupid kid? I know what I want now, and it's you. But if you don't respect me enough to let me decide what's best for me, then you're right, it will never work."

"You'll resent me later," my voice cracked. "You love performing."

"I don't love people telling me what to do and when and how to do it. How have you not noticed that? I thought you understood me. Out of everyone, I thought you got it." The pain in his eyes was breaking my heart all over again.

The weight of what I'd done to him hit me full force. I'd let him down. I wanted to do something selfless because I loved him, and instead I'd just treated him like every other person who hurt him.

"I get it. I do. I…oh god, I've turned into Alice." I buried my face in my hands.

"Bella, it's not funny." He was angry now. Seething. He hated me.

"I wasn't joking. I do respect you more than anyone, I just…I'll hold you back. You deserve better."

"Stop it! Just stop it!" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

He couldn't possibly hate me any more than I hated myself.

"Stop thinking you're something I'm settling for. You are not the Mike in this relationship. You were everything to me!" he yelled furiously. The past tense of his words stung.

"But why?" I cried out. "It doesn't make any sense. I have nothing to give you. I can't write songs; I can't even tell you how I feel about you without making a joke out of it. I can't make you feel beautiful, because you already know you're perfect. I can only hold you back."

His grip on my shoulders softened and his voice shook, "Bella, what do you want for me? Do you want me to be miserable? Is misery the gift you're trying to give me here, because that's what I'll be without you. You gave me everything. You gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. You changed me. You made me better. You made me happy. Please don't take that all away from me. I need you. You're the first person I've felt connected to in as long as I can remember. Why can't you believe that I need you!"

"Edward, feelings like that change. We're infatuated with each other now, but what about five years from now? What about when you get tired of me saying stupid things in front of other people and trying to make everyone else happy? You're going to wish you'd done something different. It happens to lots of couples. I can't bear the thought of you being stuck with me and wishing you weren't."

"Is it so wrong that I have faith in us? My parents did it. I can do it. It's not always going to be easy, but I'm not giving up. You're giving up. I…I can't believe you would do this." His shoulders slumped and he looked down.

Then he exploded. "I'm so angry that you're giving up so easily!" I could see him shaking and the angry tears pooling in his eyes. His hands fisted at his sides.

"I don't want to," I sobbed.

"Don't want what?" he asked angrily.

"I don't want to give up. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm scared of losing you," I cried.

"You're never going to lose me. I won't let you. I know you love me, and I'm not letting you go. I can't. I can't go on without you, Bella. Please. Please," he begged. Edward wiped at his eyes with his sleeve.

I couldn't believe that he was begging me to be with him. I should be the one begging him. I was so stupid. I couldn't go on without him either. I would be sentencing myself to some sort of half-life.

"I need you. I need you to love me. Please, Edward I can't be without you." The dam broke as tears ran down my face at full force again.

"I told you, I'm not letting go," he said and finally moved to wrap his arms around me. I cried into his chest as he held me so tightly it almost hurt. I felt all the fear and dread evaporate as we held each other.

"I think we should go inside," Edward finally loosened his hold on me, but he didn't let go. "I'm sure we've scared your neighbors."

"Okay," I nodded.

Edward picked up my suitcase and followed me up the stairs onto the porch. I unlocked the door, and he followed me inside. I set my keys down on an end table and turned back to face him. We'd made some headway, but we still needed to talk.

"So now what?" I asked.

"I'm not sure." Edward looked uncomfortable. "I just want everything to be okay, but I'm worried that it's not."

"I know. I just…we've done everything so fast. What if it really does…what if it wears off?" I sat down on my ottoman, while Edward continued to stand several feet away.

"You think you'll get tired of me?" he asked with pain in his eyes again.

"No, I think you'll get tired of me. What if you resent me for holding you back, or you wish you'd done things differently in a few years. I mean I thought I was helping you."

"You can't leave me out of those kinds of decisions. I want us to be a team – to make decisions together. I don't know; maybe, I got ahead of myself. Maybe I'm more committed to the concept of "us" than you are." He looked up at me with sadness in his eyes, like he was disappointed in me. Like he didn't believe I loved him as much as he loved me. I hated that I was causing him pain. He still didn't understand.

"Edward, I am. I'm committed. I mean I love you more than I ever knew it was possible to love someone. I just thought I had to love you enough to let you go."

"You don't understand. I need you. Haven't you been listening to my mom or even my grandma comment on how different I am? I'm better with you, Bella. I'm happy. Just let me be happy."

"But Alice said…"

"I think I'm the most angry that you did this because of something Alice said. Alice who has been against our relationship from the beginning? Alice who threw a five-year old fit because she got her feelings hurt? You took advice from Alice about our love life?"

"Well when you put it that way…"

"You need to make a decision, Bella. You need to decide if you can love me in spite of Alice, in spite of my age, in spite of what anyone might say or do. I don't care about what anyone thinks except for you. You've got to decide if you want this, because I really don't think I could survive losing you again." He paused and waited for my answer.

He was being assertive, but not harsh, and I understood what he was asking. He was asking me to decide once and for all if he was worth doing whatever it took to be together. It would mean risking my friendship with Alice, the possible disapproval of other people because of our ages, and me having to come to terms with my insecurities once and for all. The question was, could I do it?

I knew I didn't really have a choice. "Edward," I stood up and took both of his hands in mine. "I'm not good with words like you are, and I get nervous when I try to express my feelings. I just…I didn't live before I knew you. I feel like I'm alive with you and I'm sorry I risked that so foolishly. If you'll forgive me, I promise I'll love you and I'll do whatever it takes to be with you always. I'm so sorry for what I did."

"Okay, me too," he gave me a small smile, but he still looked tired and a little sad.

"Okay? I pour out my heart and you say okay?" I asked confused. This was so unlike my lyricist.

"I'm tired, and I was so afraid I'd lost you, but I … I think we understand each other now, don't you?"

"I do," I agreed and smiled at him.

"I like the sound of those two words coming from you." He let out a deep breath and ran the back of his hand down my cheek.

My face flamed at his words, but I couldn't stop smiling. I felt whole again, and I knew that after this, and after the words that were said today, nothing could keep us apart again. We weren't my parents; we didn't have to be what anyone else thought we should be; we didn't fit into any type of perfect mold. We were just right.

Edward leaned down and gave me one quick perfect kiss sealing the promises we'd made. I wrapped my arms around his neck wanting more, but he stopped me, "Bella, I really need to go to the bathroom. I was waiting outside for a really long time."

"Oh. Oh! How did you get here before me? I couldn't find a flight for less than three thousand dollars."

"You were worth it, but I've seriously got to go, and then we need to go buy me some clothes." I let Edward go, and he scooted off to the bathroom. I fell backwards onto the couch and took a deep breath.

I was still mad at myself. I was mad at Alice, too. Part of me wondered if she had purposely found my weakness and exploited it. I never would have believed that in the past, but with the way she'd been acting lately, I wasn't sure.

Edward had forgiven me, and he wanted me, but I also knew that damage had been done. Trust would need to be rebuilt. Our relationship could grow stronger from this conflict, but there was still work ahead.

I had to stop letting my fear of what other people thought rule my decisions. It was time to make some changes.

**A/N: Well some of you will still be mad at me, some of you will be happy. Some of you are probably aliens or robots like Abby. They still have some things to work out, but conflict makes relationships stronger, and I think they needed this. **

**For those of you who hate Alice, I wrote something to tack onto the EPOV from the last chapter to satisfy Lucette21 and Jennde's thirst for Alice's demise. It is not actually part of the story, just a funny little alternate ending for Alice. I'll reply to your review with it this time. You have to review. We've come too far for you not to review now. **

**If I were you I would read Living Backwards by ciaobella27. It's funny. I like reading funny. I also like you, and I think you're pretty. **


	28. Chapter 28 The Phoenix Rises

**A/N: When I started writing this I thought it would be a silly little story that no one would read. I can't believe what happened with it. I have no idea what having this kind of response really means, but I'm very thankful for your feedback and support and kindness. I wish I could have gotten to know more of you personally. Writing is really a hobby that has gotten me through difficult times, and I appreciate you being a part of that. **

**Thanks especially to my fluffers. Profmom, Daisy, LTR, and Twike. You put up with a lot and help me so much. Thank you so soosososososo much. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 28

The Phoenix Rises

"What happened to your hand?" I hadn't noticed it before, but as soon as Edward came out of the bathroom I saw that it was red and swollen.

"I don't think it's broken," Edward answered moving it behind him so I couldn't see it.

"Tell me what happened," I demanded pulling on his arm so I could see it. I studied it with my eyes and kissed it gently as if that could make it feel better.

"I might have accidentally punched someone," Edward said sheepishly.

"What! Who? Why?" I gasped.

"Um…Jacob?" He squinted his eyes like he was bracing for my reaction.

"WHY? What did he do?"

"He just said some things about you that I didn't appreciate. I don't think he'll bother us anymore."

"But you're hurt, and Jacob's huge. You're lucky he didn't kill you!" Poor Jacob, he used to be such a cute kid, and I kind of felt sorry for him in a way. Still, Edward defending my honor or whatever was hot.

"He's not that big, Bella. I can handle my brother." Edward sounded annoyed. Oh no, I think I just questioned his manhood.

"I know you can." I kissed his hand again. "I don't even want to imagine what he said. Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," Edward said pulling his hand back.

"Yes, I do. Now sit down." I pushed him back onto the living room chair and went to get some ice out of the fridge. I ended up grabbing a bag of peas and bringing it back to him. I nudged myselfbetween his knees and picked up his hand holding it over my heart and placing the peas on top of his swollen knuckles.

He looked up at me, and I reached down with my free hand rubbing my thumb over the dark circles under his eyes. "I need things to be different," I told him.

"Whatever you need, Bella, I'll do anything for you. Just tell me, and I'll do it." He looked almost frantic, like he still wasn't sure we were okay. I hated I'd made him feel any type of insecurity about my affection for him.

"No, I mean_ I_ need to be different. You're mine." I leaned down and kissed his nose. "I don't care what anyone else says or thinks or does. You matter to me more than anyone else. Oh, and I'm going to be more selfish from now on."

He looked at me like he was a little bit scared. I liked that.

"You might be better off without me, but I don't care." I ran my finger over his lips. I loved those lips. Those were my lips.

"Alice might be mad at me for loving you and ignoring her," I moved forward and straddled his lap, "But she can just be mad. I don't care." I tossed the peas onto the ground, took both of his hands and put them on my hips. Those were my hands.

Edward started to say something but I put a hand across his mouth. "You would do best not to talk right now," I said looking him straight in the eye. He nodded slightly, and his eyes glazed over while he smirked.

I ran my fingers through his messy hair. "I'm older than you. So what? People can call me a cougar, a puma, whatever. I don't care. It's totally worth it." I started kissing his neck at the same time I started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Bella, wait." He grabbed my wrists stopping me. "You were right before, when you said this isn't the way to fix every problem. If we need to talk more, as much as it pains me to say this, we should talk. I don't want anything else left unsaid."

I smiled down at him. I knew he wasn't the type to talk it all out. He was trying to make changes for me too. For us.

"Do you love me?" I asked.

"You know that I do."

"I'll love you forever. Now that gives us plenty of time to figure everything else out."

"Good." He smiled at me and then in one quick motion pulled us together until our lips met, and I was complete again.

We were done with the heavy issued for that evening, but we weren't finished talking. While we packed up my house and got ready for the move we spent a lot of time talking through things. We both agreed that if we were in this for the long haul, we were going to have to communicate better. I shared all of my insecurities with Edward. The scary ones, the foolish ones, the ones where I worried he would keep kissing other girls in my dreams. He listened. He got frustrated. He reassured me. I promised to keep working on them.

Edward told me about his own worries like being a good enough man to have a family or making enough money to provide for one. I found those worries completely ridiculous. I grew up with a father who was a decent guy, just not very interested in my life. He loved me, but had trouble showing it, and that hurt. Edward would be nothing like that. He was quick to express his love. He did nice things for the people he cared about. Just seeing him with Lucy was enough to convince me he would be a great dad.

We talked about our plans for the future. We talked about getting married one day. We talked about having kids. We talked about the past. We talked about the next week and the next month and the next five years. We decided things. We made dreams together. We made it clear that we were both completely committed to the idea of – us.

"Can I ask you a question?" I didn't want to upset him, but we'd gotten to a place where we were free to discuss anything honestly. We'd been talking about the future, and though I worried he might take my question the wrong way, I thought it was at least worth bringing up.

"Of course," Edward answered while we packing up my kitchen.

"Have you thought about finishing school?"

He stopped packing and looked at me thoughtfully. "You know, I have been thinking about it."

Wow. That was not the answer I was expecting. I thought I was going to have to convince him of the benefits of having a degree.

"Really? What have you been thinking?" I asked.

I realized the other day that I really enjoyed helping Alison. I think I might like to teach music or composition or something. You know, like a day job."

"It would make your dad happy," I shrugged trying to play it off like it I didn't think it was a big deal.

"Bella, we're not living our lives to make other people happy anymore, remember?" he chastised me.

"Oh yeah, I just meant that would be like a bonus. I think it's a great idea, though. You would enjoy it, and it would give you something to do when you're not writing songs or when you miss me while I'm at work."

"Really? I don't know. What if I'm not good at it?" he asked nervously. It was so cute I wanted to squeeze him. I would do that later.

"Number one, you're good at everything. Number two, why don't you try teaching me to play music? If you can teach me, you can teach anyone."

"I don't know. You're not exactly naturally talented." Edward knew to duck as soon as he said it. I threw a dish towel hurtling in his direction. "Sorry! Sorry!" he laughed. "I'll teach you anything you want, just don't ask me to give you voice lessons."

That time he wasn't ready for the shoe I threw at him.

"Ouch!" he laughed.

I tried to pretend to be mad, but I couldn't help it. I laughed too.

The house was packed, the for sale sign was on the lawn, the U-haul was loaded, and my car was hitched to the back of it. It was over three thousand miles from Massachusetts to Seattle, and we were planning to take our time. We had the old tape player in the truck rigged up to play from our iPods, and Edward put in what he called traveling music. For some reason he loved blue grass when he drove. It was so adorable.

My excitement for the future was tinged with a little bit of worry. Not everything was sunshine and roses. My dad hadn't taken the news that I was moving to Seattle to live with Alice's little brother too well. It was surprising seeing as he usually didn't care what I did. I guess the fact that I started laughing when he forbade me to do it didn't help matters much. He would get over it in a week or so. Charlie was a softy underneath that mustache. When I called my mom to talk to her about it and our plans for Christmas, she was overjoyed. Edward thought it was strange that I set the phone down and went to the bathroom while she talked, but she didn't even notice I was gone. Typical.

Other than that, things with Edward's family were tense. Carlisle and Esme were not happy with Edward for breaking their baby boy's nose. After Edward told me what he said, I agreed that Jacob had it coming. Still, I could forgive him for being an idiot. My problem was Alice. She promised Edward over and over again that she hadn't meant to plant any ideas in my head, and that she didn't have a grand scheme to break us up. For the most part I believed her. Still I was angry about the way she treated me. She acted like I was her possession and not her friend. I put up with it because she was Alice. Because I loved her. I understood that she was in the middle of a major life transition, and that she wasn't coping with it well, but her behavior crossed a line. She went from feeling sorry for herself to not caring about anyone but herself. She didn't really care about what was best for me or Edward. She only cared about Alice.

Maybe I was being silly, but I felt like it was my turn to hold a grudge. She'd been calling me every day, but I refused to answer the phone. I wasn't in the mood for her to try to make me feel guilty again for being happy. It's not like I planned to stop being friends with her. Our friendship was just going to have to adapt to me being with Edward just like it adapted to her being with Jasper. I didn't have any more energy to fight with her about it right now.

It was funny how much Edward and Alice were alike. Neither of them liked anyone else telling them what to do. They both pouted – Alice just pouted a lot louder than Edward did. They both adored me. I couldn't fault them there. They were both amazingly talented and too brilliant for their own good. I think I just "got them." That's why I knew I would eventually forgive Alice. Our friendship might never be the same, but I wasn't the same. Regardless she would always be my friend. I just wanted a little more time not to have to deal with it…or with her.

After the longest car ride in the history of the world, with Edward and I somehow managing not to kill each other, we made it to Seattle. We took the week before I had to start work to settle into life there. Our condo was cozy and adorable. Edward went overboard buying new things for it, but he rationalized that it was his first time really being on his own, and he wanted to do it right. I knew he just wanted to make me happy and spoil me. I didn't mind having a new sofa one bit.

On the Saturday before I was supposed to start my job, Edward and I took a break from the work on the condo to watch a movie. He was mortified that I'd never seen _The Sound of Music_ and convinced me to watch it with him. We'd just gotten to the part where the weird little kids sang wearing curtains when there was a knock at the door.

Edward started to get up, but I stopped him. "I'll get it. I know how much you love the Do Re Mi song."

"Whatever you say," he tried to play it off, but his eyes didn't move from the screen.

I opened the door and found Alice standing on the other side. I sighed and was about to tell her that she needed to give us time to ourselves, but she interrupted me.

"I just came by to say I'm really sorry about what happened. It was mostly a misunderstanding, but even before that I was wrong, and I was an idiot. I was a terrible friend, and I'm going to do better. I was hoping you guys would come to lunch tomorrow. No pressure. I'm just asking. I'm ok with your choice. It's your choice after all. I don't want you to think I'm…"

Edward was now leaning forward on the couch looking at Alice like she was crazy. I was trying not to laugh. I'd never seen her act like this before,so unsure of herself and repentant. So…not bossy. It was kind of freaking me out.

"Here, I got you these. For the house." Alice held out a pretty bouquet of flowers. "They're from Pikes Place. I thought you would like them."

"They're nice," I said. "Do you want to come in?" Wait? What? I was supposed to be yelling at her, not offering her tea. I just…I couldn't.

"No, I need to get home to feed Lucy. I just wanted to stop by and invite you since you're not answering my calls….I mean I totally understand. I did the same thing. It's just..oh hi, Edward." She waved to Edward who was watching us from the couch.

"Hey," he answered her coldly.

"Lucy really misses you. I hope you guys can come tomorrow." And there it was, the low blow. Using a baby to manipulate our emotions. I glanced over at Edward. It worked.

"I need to pick up more of my stuff. I'll see her then," Edward answered her, but I knew we should probably go to the lunch. It was time to mend fences.

"We'll see about tomorrow," I said. "I'm glad you stopped by." I should probably have given her a reassuring smile, but I kind of enjoyed seeing her squirm.

"Really? Oh, thank you, Bella!" Alice jumped into my arms hugging me and almost knocking me backwards.

I glanced over my shoulder at Edward who was rolling his eyes. I couldn't help it. I hugged her back. I was so weak.

I might have decided to be confident and strong, but I was still nervous as we drove to Alice's for lunch the next day.

"Will you relax?" Edward said putting his hand on my knee to keep it from shaking.

"It's my first big family thing that doesn't involve the hospital. I'm just a little freaked out. Everyone probably hates me for the way I've been treating Alice."

"Are you kidding? Everyone except for Jacob is furious with her. My mom and Alice have been fighting about her behavior non-stop, and Emmett sat her down to have an intervention. I'm pretty sure it involved a high-five at the end, but it's amazing how she listens to him. He doesn't get serious very often, but when he pulls the big brother card, we pay attention. I'm sure he talked some sense into her."

"I love Emmett," I sighed. Edward shot me a dirty look.

"Like my big brother. Don't be ridiculous." I rolled my eyes.

"I was kidding," Edward tried to play it off.

"Suuuuuure."

"I wonder if Alison's going to be there today," Edward smirked. I punched him in the arm. Hard. "Ow! Why are you so violent?" he rubbed his arm with one hand and drove with the other.

"Don't joke about that. It's not funny," I grumbled but smiled so he knew I was teasing.

We walked to the doorway, and I just knew it was something I had to get through despite being nervous. I had Edward. Nothing else really mattered.

Alice answered the door. I was relieved she was holding Lucy, or she probably would have tackled me again. I let go of Edward to give her a side hug and to kiss Lucy. Lucy reached for Edward. He broke into a huge smile and tossed her up in the air catching her while she laughed. The sound of a baby laughing had to be the best sound in the world.

I was bombarded with people after that. Esme was first. She grabbed and pulled me into a tight hug. I hugged her back and sighed contentedly. My mom was not a good hugger. I loved that Esme was nothing like my mom. I was surprised that Carlisle was next. I was used to a hand shake or an awkward hug from him, but this time he hugged me just like I'd seen him hug his other kids. I could feel my face turning red when he let me go.

"We're all so glad you're here, Bella," he said holding my shoulders and making eye contact with me.

"Thanks," I squeaked out. I was really embarrassed by the attention. Embarrassed and happy.

"Come here, sis," Emmett boomed and grabbed me lifting me up off the floor. I couldn't breathe, but I didn't mind. Rosalie was next. She looked at my hair, clicked her tongue in disapproval, and hugged me anyway. I just laughed and hugged her back.

Jasper came from the kitchen to greet us, and as he leaned down to hug me, he whispered in my ear, "None of this was my idea. Just remember that."

I gave him a questioning look , but he just shook his head and shrugged.

Jacob was standing across the room leaning against a doorframe with his ankles crossed in front of him. There were faded bruises on his face, and I realized Edward was lucky he didn't break his hand.

"Hi, Jake," I said and waved at him. Surely it was safe to be friendly to him in front of the whole family.

"Hey, Bells." His smile lit up his whole face, and I saw my old buddy in his eyes. Thank God Edward had obviously knocked some sense into him.

"Well?" I held out my arms for a hug, and I heard Edward sigh behind me.

Jacob sauntered across the room and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his hand on my back inching downward, but I stealthily grabbed his arm and moved it back up. Edward killing his brother could really put a damper on lunch. So maybe Jacob was still a little creepy after all.

"Okay, everybody take a seat in the living room." Alice clapped her hands excitedly. "I'm so happy that the WHOLE FAMILY is here," she beamed at me.

Edward was still holding Lucy, and when we sat on the loveseat she reached for me. Edward smiled at me encouraging me to take her, and I started to feel rather giddy. I made all kinds of gooey noises at her trying to get her to laugh. She giggled, and I looked up to see if Edward was watching. He was. The look on his face made me tingly. I was no mind reader, but I could tell he was imagining me holding our baby. It was sweet.

"Bella, we have a surprise for you, kind of a welcome to Seattle presentation. Does everyone have theirs ready?" Alice asked, and most everybody except for Edward and me started pulling out sheets of paper.

"Um, okay," I said nervously and glanced at Edward. He shrugged like he didn't know what going on and put an arm around me protectively.

"We know now, thanks to Grandma filling us in, that Edward first declared his love for you in the form of poems on his blog. That was incredibly sweet by the way, Edward." Everyone looked at Edward, and he looked down embarrassed.

"I never told Grandma the blog was about you," he leaned over and whispered in my ear. I wasn't surprised. She would have figured it out.

"Since you obviously like poetry, we thought we would also declare our collective love for you in verse," Alice giggled. "I'll go first of course." She unfolded her paper and started to read."

"_I crossed oceans and deserts to discover the ancient secrets of the universe._

_I saw pyramids thousands of years old. I saw wonders my eyes could barely comprehend. _

_I met shepherds with the wisdom of the ages and holy men revered by many_

_But the secrets weren't in the stones or the history or the wise men_

_I found what I searched for in a friend whose heart beat in time with my own."_

"Wow, she could give you a run for your money, Eddie," Emmett bellowed and started clapping. Everyone joined in and Alice took a silly bow, handed me her paper, and bounced over to sit by Jasper.

"Thanks, Alice," I said handing Edward the paper to take care of while I held Lucy.

Emmett stood clearing his throat. He held a tiny piece of paper in his hand and read,

"_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_If Edward messes this up_

_I'll get rid of him so I can keep you."_

All the women in the room said, "Awwww," while Edward acted like he was about to flip off his brother. I caught the movement and gave Edward a dirty look. He quickly stopped and started exaggerated applause instead. That's right, Edward. He should have known by then that even non verbal cussing was off limits around me.

"Rosalie?" Alice gestured for her to go next.

Rosalie acted very formal as she stood and read her paper.

"Alice told me I had to write you a poem. I don't write poems. I'm glad you're here."

She sat down with a defiant smile on her face, and everyone laughed but Alice. "Thank you, Rose." I told her.

"Please tell me you did better than that, Dad," Alice said to Carlisle.

He stood up to read his.

"_A father is proud to see his son talk, to see his son walk, to see his son crawl. _

_A father is proud to hear his son write, to find his dream, and to answer the call._

_A father is proud when his son says no to wrong and says yes to right._

_A father is proud when his son denies darkness and says yes to light"_

Emmett's loud yawn interrupted Carlisle's reading. Everyone shot him daggers with their eyes. "Sorry," he muttered.

Carlisle continued,

"_A father is proud when his son ignores the lies and follows what is true._

_This father is proud that his son found you."_

He handed me the paper and said, "We love you, Bella. All of us love you." Carlisle looked at me with such a tender loving expression that my eyes filled with tears. I nodded my thanks to him because I couldn't get any words to come out. Edward pulled me to his side and kissed my head.

"My turn!" Esme stood up and read her poem. I wasn't sure I could take much more.

"_My daughter can't mind her own business._

_My son will make you crazy with his moodiness. _

_Emmett is so loud he'll hurt your ears._

_Carlisle's talk of diseases will give you fears. _

_My baby boy wants you to think he's fine _

_And if you don't give me a grandbaby I'll start to whine_

_Rosie and Jasper joined us no matter how crazily_

_I'm not good at poems but welcome to the family."_

"Mom!" Edward groaned, but everyone else laughed.

"What? You'll marry this girl. I'm sure of it." Esme winked at me. I was blushing like mad, but for some reason I didn't mind her saying that.

"She's right you know," Edward whispered in my ear making my smile even bigger. Lucy started to get fussy so Alice took her from me, and I grabbed Edward's hand. Esme saw it and smiled at us proudly.

"Jacob, be good," Alice warned her brother as he stood and unfolded a piece of paper.

_  
Once upon a time, I believe it was a Tuesday  
When I caught your eye  
We caught onto something, I hold on to the night  
You looked me in the eye and told me you loved me  
Were you just kidding? 'Cause it seems to me_

This thing is breaking down, we almost never speak  
I don't feel welcome anymore  
Baby, what happened? Please tell me  
'Cause one second it was perfect  
Now you're halfway out the door

And I stare at the phone; she still hasn't called  
And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothin' at all  
And you flashback to when she said, forever and always

And it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong  
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone  
'Cause I was there when you said forever and always

Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest  
Made you run and hide like a scared little boy?  
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute  
Now I'm not so sure

We all sat there with our mouths hanging open. No one knew what to do or say.

"Well son, you certainly have a way with words," Carlisle finally said.

Dad, that was a Taylor Swift song," Emmett said. We all shifted our confused faces to him. "What? She's a talented musician."

It seemed again our necks moved in unison as we looked back at Jacob in bewilderment.

"Guys, it was a joke," Jacob announced and we all broke into nervous laughter. Well, Edward wasn't laughing. Thank God that was over.

"Okay, baby, we saved the best for last," Alice prodded Jasper.

He stood but didn't have a paper with him. Of course he would have memorized it. It was Jasper after all.

"_You've gone through miles and deserts and oceans and pain. _

_You've been a true friend. A rock to those you love. A constant. A harbor._

_You have stood by us all in joy and in sorrow. _

_You have given yourself over to waiting to striving to giving to everyone else but never getting your reward. _

_I see now. The light at the end of your tunnel. The sweet smile of victory on your face. _

_We can only hope to give you what you truly deserve. _

_A family, a love, a place for you to belong. Welcome home."_

I had tears running down my face by the time he finished, but then he said, "Bella, we all love you, and we promise to try and give you back as much love as you've given all of us. We don't deserve you. None of us do," he paused and glared at Edward who tightened his grip on me, "but we're so thankful to have you here."

"Thank you," I sobbed. I was embarrassed to be breaking down in front of them, but I'd never been surrounded by a big family that loved me before. If Edward was the cake, his family was the icing…the good kind of icing made with cream cheese or lots of butter.

"Awww, group hug everybody!" Emmett demanded.

Before I knew what was happening everybody was standing up. Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet with them. Everybody surrounded me and everybody's arms were around each other making a tight circle. It was a claustrophobic's worst nightmare, but finding myself in a big ball-o-Cullen-love was my dream. The road here hadn't been smooth, but I didn't want to be anywhere else. I had Edward, I had my best friend, I had a family. Edward smiled down at me and then planted a kiss on my forehead. I was home.

**A/N: So that's the end of the story. Part of me struggled with leaving it there, but really there wasn't anything much left to tell. I will be writing an epilogue that I hope to make funny and fluffy, but it's not written yet, and I don't have an ETA. **

**You know the other day I was reading Rapsody in B by Lillybellis and she didn't ask for reviews AT ALL. I was like CRAP! I'm THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!! Thanks for putting up with me. Now… PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE REVIEW OR I'LL JUST DIE!!!!!!!!**

**What do you want to see in the epilogue? **


	29. Chapter 29 Afterglow

**A/N: I really want to list every person who has reviewed every chapter and tell you how much I love you, but that might be even more annoying than usual. I really do love so many of you and I'm so grateful that you were so nice to me. This has been one of the funnest things I've ever done. **

**Sorry I didn't get all the reviews replied to. I have excellent excuses – see end note :)**

**Thank you profmom72, daisy3853, LiketoRead22, and Twike. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 29

Afterglow

"I hate strapless," I groaned.

"You look elegant dear," Esme tried to reassure me.

"Edward's not going to know what hit him," Alice added.

"I hate wearing yellow," Rosalie complained. "We're going to look more like lemons than bridesmaids."

"I know. I think Grandma is playing some kind of joke on us by making us wear these ridiculous dresses." I tried to pull it up so it wasn't showing so much cleavage, but it was useless. The top was like a corset, while the bottom half looked something like a tutu. Grandma did have a great sense of humor. I was going to get her back for this.

Marcus Voltaire proposed to Grandma after whisking her away on a romantic trip to East Asia. They came back and announced they were getting married in less than a month in Carlisle and Esme's backyard.

Esme said this was Grandma's way of slowing down, but we were all skeptical. They were even worse than Edward and I. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. Most of us were thrilled about it, but ever since Grandma's heart attack, Carlisle had been worrying about her non-stop. I could finally see where Alice got some of her need to fix everything for everyone. Grandma was not one to put up with his hovering though.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in," Alice yelled.

Carlisle walked in, and he looked like all the color had drained from his face. "Dad, what's wrong?" Alice rushed to his side.

"Marcus just asked me to refill his Viagra prescription. He's worried about running out during the honeymoon," he answered as he fell back in a chair.

We all burst out laughing until Carlisle looked at us like he didn't think it was funny. Wow. He was taking this harder than I thought.

"I just don't think this is a good idea. She's too old for all this activity. The doctor told her to slow down, but she's already been to Asia, and now they're going to Australia for a honeymoon? For all we know Marcus is just using her. He probably lost all his money when the market crashed and needs Mom to support him. How do we even know they really love each other?"

"Honey, I know you have trouble dealing with change, but I think they're good for each other," Esme said sweetly.

"Yeah, and they obviously go at it like bunnies," Rosalie smirked.

Carlisle glared at her. "This just all happened so fast. I need to go talk to her, and beg her to call this whole thing off. She needs more time to really think about it." He started to stand up.

We all stood there with wide eyes. I'd never seen Carlisle looking so distraught.

Alice grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Dad, you have to let Grandma make her own decisions. Who she wants to be with isn't up to anyone but her, and we have to respect her decision."

"She doesn't know what she's doing. She didn't even ask me for my blessing," he argued.

Mmm hmmm. Like father like daughter.

"But she's an adult. She doesn't need to ask anyone's permission. You can't control her, Dad. You just need to be there for her and support her. She seems happy, and that's what's really important, right?" Alice put her arm around him.

Rosalie shot me a look and rolled her eyes. I tried not to laugh.

Carlisle looked like he was going to argue with her, but then stopped and let out a huge sigh. I guess you're right."

"You better get ready. You know I think you're sexy in a suit," Esme winked at him. I couldn't argue with her there. I was probably going to have to stop calling him a DILF in my head though.

Carlisle got up and started to stalk out of the room looking defeated. Esme reached out and pinched his butt as he walked by her, and he finally looked over his shoulder and smiled at her.

"I'll get you back for that later," he flirted.

"Looking forward to it," Esme waved him off. The other three of us looked like we couldn't decide if what we just saw was funny or gross.

"Awkward," Rosalie finally said, and we all carried on with getting ready.

"Oh, Dad. He's got a lot to learn," Alice sighted dramatically.

We all burst out laughing, and Alice had no idea that we were mostly laughing at her and not with her. Rosalie insisted on curling my hair, and I let her. Edward had driven down to Spokane with Grandma the night before to pick up Grandma's sister for the wedding. I thought it was strange for her to want to go get her right before the wedding, but now I realized she was brilliant. She'd made sure she missed all of Alice and Esme's last minute wedding planning drama. Rose and I should have insisted on going with them. I was glad that Edward got to spend the time with his Grandma, but it was the first night we'd been apart since I moved to Seattle. It couldn't be healthy to miss someone this much after just one night, but I couldn't help it.

Finally, just when we were about to start worrying, Grandma came bustling into the room. "Alice," she growled.

"Yes?" Alice batted her eyes at Grandma innocently.

"I specifically said nothing fancy. Why is there a truck here to deliver an ice sculpture?" Grandma asked with irritation.

"Oh, that's nothing. Actually it's a sculpture of India's national bird in honor of where you first fell in love," Alice explained.

I couldn't help but giggle. Grandma glared at me. "You just wait. You think she's going to mind her own business when it comes to your wedding in the fall? You're in for it, missy."

"Yeah, Alice will be all over your wedding like hot fudge on ice cream." Rosalie shuddered. "I still remember my wedding. Ugh, let's not talk about it."

"You guys she's going to be different with me, watch. Alice, will be you controlling or manipulative when it comes to any part of my life, or do you trust Edward and me to make our own decisions?" I gave her a pointed look.

"You can make your own decisions, I swear!" Alice held her hands up in surrender.

"Thank you, Alice."

"See Grandma, I can let Bella make her own decisions," Alice said proudly.

We all rolled our eyes and groaned at her, but she was Alice. What could we do?

Esme and Alice helped Grandma get ready. She insisted on wearing white, even though it was technically her fourth marriage. She still claimed the second one didn't count since a wedding performed by a Bedouin priest wasn't legally binding in Tajikistan.

When it was finally time for the ceremony, we took our places near the back door. Personally, I couldn't wait for it to be over. I loved Grandma and Marcus but their PDA was going to be gross, and I was in a hurry to get to Edward.

I had no idea how this family was brave enough to keep having outdoor weddings in Seattle, but it seemed to work out for them. I was having mine in a church with stained glass windows like a normal person. My mind started drifting as I waited for my signal to walk. In just four months I would be Bella Cullen. I could still barely believe it.

Edward proposed at the Marc Piper concert in New York when we went there for New Years. The trip was my Christmas present to him. He surprised me by going on stage, singing a song he wrote called _Forever Isn't Long Enough, _walking backstage where I was waiting, and kneeling down.

I was already about to swoon watching him sing, but when he said the words, "You're my everything; will you be my wife too?" he literally had to catch me. It was soon. I wasn't expecting a proposal. We'd only been together for a short time, but we were both confident that it was where we were heading. He convinced me there was no reason to wait, and I agreed. I was ready to start our life together.

The music started, and I began the walk down the aisle. I felt completely ridiculous and self-conscious. All of my colleagues, including my boss, were watching me walk in this ridiculous strapless lemon costume. I could feel myself blushing, but as soon as my eyes found Edward standing with the other groomsmen, every bit of apprehension was gone.

He was smiling, the way he did just for me, and I could tell he liked what he saw. I winked at him, and I saw his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard. The way he looked at me always made me stand taller. He made me feel beautiful. Confident.

Edward kept staring at me during the entire ceremony. Instead of embarrassing me, it just made me giggle. He must look utterly ridiculous to the rest of the people watching. Hopefully no one else noticed he wasn't paying any attention to the bride and groom.

I had to stop glancing at Edward, before I really laughed and embarrassed myself. I focused my eyes on Grandma instead, and as she and Marcus exchanged their vows, a lump formed in my throat. I didn't want to get emotional, but I felt really grateful that I had crossed paths with her. She was the reason I met Alice and later Edward. I owed so much to her, and I really wanted to emulate her. She loved life and refused to let anything hold her back. She was brilliant, but her greatest talent was making people feel important and respected by her. That was the kind of person I wanted to be. It was the kind of person I was starting to become.

The ceremony finally ended, and I'm pretty sure most of the people looked away when they kissed. Ugh, Marcus' dentures seemed to always come loose at the worst moments. I took Edward's arm to follow them down the center aisle as the music played and everyone applauded. He leaned over and whispered, "You look beautiful," in my ear. I was smiling so much and feeling so happy that my face hurt.

If there was one thing Esme and Alice knew, it was how to throw a party. The way they'd decorated with the flowers, the lighting, and even the Indian birds was just breathtaking. The music and the food made it feel festive, like a true celebration. I was having more fun than I'd thought possible at a Senior citizen's wedding.

My mind kept drifting back to work, and what it would be like on Monday. I was excited for Grandma and Marcus to leave for their honeymoon. It would mean I got first dibs on all the stories in our department for the next month. Marcus was a great teacher, but he didn't always like to share the good stuff. This would be my chance to really shine. After years of doing grunt work, I felt like I was finally coming into my own.

After he made me dance, I made Edward go get me something to drink. I was waiting for him to return, when Grandma and Marcus waved me over to where they were standing.

"Darling, I wanted to introduce you to someone," Grandma said grabbing my hand and pulling me to her side. "I'm sure you've heard of Daniel Montgomery. He broke that story on the French government supplying weapons to Hamas."

A handsome man in his early forties stood next to her and flashed a heart stopping smile at me. His dark hair was peppered with gray, and he looked distinguished. I reached out my hand, as my mind replayed Grandma's words.

"Daniel Montgomery? Wait, THE Daniel Montgomery?" My eyes almost popped out of my head. "I'm such a fan. I've followed your work since I was in college. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm shaking your hand. Oh no, I'm still shaking your hand. I should probably let go, but you're Daniel Montgomery. You're so young. I always pictured you as like my dad's age, but you couldn't be past forty, and I don't think it's likely you had any kids when you were ten." I faintly heard Marcus clear his throat. "I'm going to stop talking now." My face turned red as I realized I'd just humiliated myself in front of my hero.

"You're right Marcus, she's a delight." Daniel lifted my hand he was still holding and kissed it. I just giggled, still afraid of what I might say if I opened my mouth again. In an instant, Edward was by my side. He handed me my glass, and held my left hand. I might have been imagining things, but I thought he was holding it in a way that pointed my diamond straight at Daniel.

"Daniel Montgomery, this is Edward Cullen," I introduced them. "Daniel is a famous reporter. I always wanted to be him when I grew up."

"I'm her fiancé," Edward said as they shook hands.

"Of course, your Grandparents told me all about the two of you," Daniel said. "Bella, Marcus has shown me some of your work, and I'm quite impressed. Perhaps you'd consider doing some freelance work with me."

"REALLY!" My voice cracked like a 13-year-old boy.

Everyone laughed except for Edward. I was too excited to be embarrassed. "Of course," Daniel answered. "Why don't I call you before I leave town, and we can get together to discuss it?"

"That would be fantastic. A dream come true. I never imagined an opportunity like this coming my way, I mean, wow. I just, thank you."

"Bella," Grandma interrupted.

"Huh?" I looked over at her, and then she, Marcus, and Edward all said, "Shhh."

"Oh, right." I smiled.

"Well I think it's time for more dancing," Marcus said and took Grandma in his arms.

Daniel opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Edward grabbed me and started pulling me toward the dance floor. I gave Daniel a quick wave and set down my glass nearly spilling it as I followed Edward.

When he stopped he yanked me against his body and held me tight. "What's gotten into you?" I asked surprised.

"I just wanted to dance," he said but he didn't look in the mood for dancing. He looked grumpy.

"I don't believe you." He tried to distract me by moving my hair off my shoulder and kissing my neck.

"No way, buddy. We talk when something's bothering us, remember? Now spill it."

He let out a sigh and said, "I just didn't like the way he was staring at you, and then you got all flustered. I thought I was the only one that did that to you."

He looked so cute and pathetic, I just wanted to snuggle him and then feed him treats. "You're jealous?" I asked with a wide grin.

"Of course I am." He rolled his eyes.

"That's great!"

"You say the weirdest things." He looked puzzled and shook his head at me.

"Oh, I just mean, I thought I was the only who got jealous about dumb stuff. It's nice to see I'm not the only crazy one in this relationship. As if you could ever have anything to be jealous of. I'm head over heels in love with you."

"Say that one more time please." He gave me his sexy little grin, and I melted inside.

"I'm head over heels in love with you," I repeated tightening my arms around his neck and resting my head on his shoulder.

A few minutes later, Grandma insisted Edward go up on the stage and sing. As head groupie, I took it as my duty to stand near the stage and ogle him. He looked down at me, and it was like we were the only two people here. I could feel how much he loved me, how much he desired me. I felt my breathing grow ragged and my heart beat faster. I started fanning myself with my napkin. Edward sang, and Jasper walked up to me and put an arm around my shoulders.

"Swan, you look all hot and bothered," Jasper chuckled. I smiled as Edward sang to me.

"I know; I'm burning up," I laughed. I couldn't control it. I was on fire.

**A/N: So I know I know, you're rolling your eyes and growling at me because there were no babies and stuff. Well I have plans for one more chapter that takes place 6 years in the future. I know it's ridiculous. I can't stop. Good news – this is not quite goodbye. Bad news – I don't know when I'll get that done. Might be a while. It will be light and funny and no big deal anyway. **

**In other news: I have a collab in the twilight gift exchange. If you guess which one is mine I'll give you a present or something. I have another multi chapter fic coming out soon. If no one reads it, I'll die.**

**One of the smartest cutest creativest stories I've ever read is up for an Eddie. Baker's Magic Buns by Ciao_bella27. Vote for it. **

**Thanks so so so much for everything. You've been amazing to me and I really appreciate it. I was thinking about telling you what a horrible couple of weeks I've had and that you should review to make me feel better, but I really shouldn't exploit the fact that 3 of my immediate family members have been in the hospital or the fact that I went two weeks without Starbucks, in order to get reviews. That would be low. **

**So if you want to review, it would be nice, but I'm not going to do anything ridiculous, over the top, or crazy. That's just not my style ;) **


	30. Chapter 30 Eternal Flame

**A/N: This took a while to get out, but here it is. It's supposed to be light and funny and its in EPOV. Daisy3853's sister has a million kids under the age of five, and she swears she's happy. It's possible. **

**This has been one of the most rewarding things I've ever done in my life. Thanks for being a part of it. **

**Thanks to my dear dear friends and winds beneath my wings: Daisy3853, Profmom72, LTR, and Twike. The thing is that I'm nothing without you. That's everything. **

**Love to all my other besties – lucette22, legna989, jennde, LMC, brandy, gossip Bangkok, ciaobella, spangle, Tallulah, WriteonTime, dhk, secret keeper with some x's, meloabel (thanks for that rec), ummmm…..sunfire, yesyov, piperness, even Abby, I suppose. And everyone else that keeps reviewing and loving and I should have named more. My brain isn't working. **

Controlled Burn Chapter 30

Eternal Flame

"Don't. Touch. Me," Bella growled right after I kissed the back of her neck. I had just woken up. I thought she was still asleep on her side with her back to me. It was time for us to get ready or we were going to be late.

"What's wrong?" I sighed. This pregnancy had been harder on her than the others. Twice as hard.

"Are you kidding me?" She tried to sit up in bed, but she was stuck like a beached whale. Her arms were flailing, and I grabbed one to pull her up. She let me help her but didn't stop glaring at me. "What's wrong is that I told you I didn't want to have more kids! I know you secretly did, and this is all your fault!"

"I'm pretty sure we were both consenting adults," I smirked at her, trying to lighten the mood.

"Oh, no way, buddy, that smile is not going to work on me this time. Yesterday the nurse said this was considered a geriatric pregnancy. I'm way too told to be having these babies."

"Bella, you're not old. You're 36, and I thought you said you were happy we're having the twins." I tried to soothe her.

"I'm happy I'm having the twins. I'm just mad at you for making me pregnant. Everything hurts. I can't get my shoes on. I can't even sit up in bed," Bella complained.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." I trailed my fingers softly up her swollen calf and tried to tell her with my eyes that I meant it.

"I mean it, cut that out. Every time you look at me like that I end up pregnant again," she snapped, but I could tell she was starting to melt.

"Do you know how sexy you are to me? I think you're even sexier when you're pregnant." I leaned down and kissed her bare shoulder, making my way to the crook of her neck where I knew she liked it. I felt her tremble beneath my lips. We had been together for almost seven years, and I couldn't believe how much I still desired her, even when she was this….well…big.

Just as I began to move her back on the bed, kissing down her shoulder to her chest, we heard a shriek from the other room. I stopped, resting my forehead on her arm. Bella let out an audible sigh. "See what I mean. With two more, this will never happen. Ever."

"I'll go," I groaned and rolled off the bed.

"Edward, wait!" Bella called out. A small smile spread across my face. Claire could just keep shrieking if Bella was that desperate for me right now.

I slowly turned and gave the look that she always said she couldn't resist. "Oh get real." She rolled her eyes at me. "I just need help getting out of bed. We're going to be late getting to Alice's if we don't start getting everyone ready."

I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. I was incredibly turned on by my wife who was so pregnant she couldn't even get herself up, but I couldn't do anything about it, because our four-year-old was in the other room screaming about who knows what. Gracie had probably hidden her lip gloss again or her hair didn't have enough volume.

I helped Bella up and went to see what was going on with the girls. Claire was holding a brush and a pink dress and crying at the top of her lungs. Izzy was still in her crib but she was giving Claire her most threatening look. Well, as much as an almost two-year-old could threaten.

"Claire, baby, what's wrong?" I asked as I picked up my little angel who wrapped her arms around my neck and cried into my shoulder for a minute. I shushed her and ran my fingers through her hair. "It's okay, sweetie, Daddy's here."

Claire finally stopped crying long enough to breathe and said, "Izzy won't wear this pink dress or let me brush her hair. I told her she needs to look pretty for Auntie Alice, so Auntie Alice will give her more candy, but she just keeps trying to bite me."

"Sweetheart, that's your dress and it's too big for Izzy."

"I just wanted her to look pretty, Daddy. Her hair is so ugly, I can barely stand to look at it." Claire put her hands over eyes dramatically while Izzy just sat unaware in her crib and chewed on her teddy bear's ear. That girl loved to chew on things – toys, furniture, her sisters. Bella got angry that I laughed when she bit us, but she was just so cute…kind of like a little puppy.

"Claire, you can't keep trying to tell Izzy what to do. I know you're her big sister, and you think you know what's best for her, but she's still just a baby. We need to give her a chance to learn how to do things too."

"But Auntie Alice said it is my job to make Izzy fashion forward," Claire argued.

"I understand," I sighed, annoyed with my sister for turning Claire into her own personal mini-me. "Why don't you go make sure your Barbies are all fashion forward?"

"Okay, Daddy. Sorry for waking you up." Claire kissed me on the cheek before I put her down.

"I was awake," I sighed as she skipped out of the room.

I turned and looked at Izzy who giggled. "Did you bite your sister?" I growled at her playfully.

"Okay, Daddy!" She smiled proudly.

"I told you not to bite your sister!" I slowly moved toward her and held out my hands like I was going to tickle her. She screamed and laughed and moved toward the corner of the crib. I grabbed her and tickled, before I threw her up in the air and caught her. She squealed in delight as I started planting slobbery kisses all over her face.

"Stop, Daddy!"

"Come on, let's dress you in something pink so your sister and aunt will be happy."

"Okay, Daddy!"

In less than three minutes, I had Izzy's diaper changed, dress on, shoes on, hair brushed, with a cute little pink bow on her headband that I knew Claire would approve of. "Come on, Iz, let's go make breakfast."

"Okay, Daddy!" Part of me wanted her to talk more, but I knew from experience that my girls expanding their vocabulary was not always a blessing. I plopped Izzy down in her high chair and pulled out the eggs along with the muffins I'd made the night before.

Izzy started singing as I cracked the eggs into the bowl, and I started singing harmony with her babbles. I just knew she was going to be the musical child. Izzy was our little diva, and Gracie was bound to be an actress. She was dramatic and her imagination was bigger than our house. Our favorite and least favorite thing about Gracie was how expressive she was. She loved to talk. She loved to tell stories. She was just like her mom when she was she excited, she couldn't shut up. It was adorable and exhausting. We'd already gotten three notes sent home from kindergarten about her excessive talking. Bella was worried about it, but I thought it was funny.

I'd been working with her in the afternoons on being quiet for longer and longer amounts of time, and it seemed to be working. Bella was amazed and thought I was the most talented parent in the world. I would never disagree with her. I had found very few things in life that I truly enjoyed besides music. Bella had been my salvation from my melancholy, and so it was only natural that she had also given me the one thing…no three things, soon to be five, that made me truly happy. Being their father was something I excelled at, and I loved my work.

I tried going to school with grand plans of teaching music while I continued to write. I thought I needed a regular job to seem like a man that was good enough to be Bella's husband. The problem was that once I started, I was miserable.

Bella's job was demanding and she ended up working long hours. I would go to class every day where I was constantly frustrated that I knew more than my professors. Then I would get home and need to spend all evening composing or doing homework. Writing music for a grade seemed to zap the creativity right out of me. I didn't have enough time to spend with Bella. We missed each other. I hated school. I hated having people tell me what to do and what to write.

I was trying to stick it out, because that's what I thought a man did. They made sacrifices for the people they loved, for the woman they loved. The day Bella told me she was pregnant that all changed. She was upset, not about having a family with me, but about the timing. Marcus was giving her more and more responsibility, and that Daniel prick had been sending her on freelance assignments. She was worried about having to choose between that and being a good mother.

I threw out the idea thinking she would hate it. I worried she would think I was being lazy or just trying to get out of finishing school. I couldn't believe it when she burst out laughing and then hugged me because she was so happy. She said she had been wishing I would just quit school because I was so miserable, but that she hadn't wanted me to think she didn't believe in me. I wanted to stay home with the baby. Bella wanted to keep working. It was actually the perfect solution, and Bella was perfect, and we were perfect together.

Five years and three little girls later, I was still home with the kids, and I was good at it. Our family grew quickly, and it wasn't easy, but we did what we had to and made it work. Everyone else thought we were crazy, but we didn't care. We were happy, and the girls were happy.

"GRACIE, PUT DOWN YOUR FATHER'S GRAMMY! I TOLD YOU IT'S NOT A TOY!" Bella roared while she waddled after Gracie who was running through the house with my award. Okay, so maybe she wasn't happy that very moment, but overall I knew she didn't regret any of the choices we'd made. Loving someone so completely and knowing that they loved you completely in return had changed us both for the better. There was nothing I couldn't do with her by my side. She made me more. She made me alive.

She came into the kitchen after putting my Grammy back on the mantel with the others and backed herself into a chair, plopping down the last few inches. "I'm sorry I didn't get breakfast made. It's the weekend; you shouldn't have to do anything."

"Shush, Lois. You know I don't want you to do anything but sit there and look beautiful." She'd put on a long blue dress that reached her feet. Her hair was up, and while I preferred it down, I enjoyed the view of her shoulders and neck too.

"Stop looking at me like that, Super Hands. We have hungry mouths to feed."

"Daddy, okay!" Izzy agreed and we all three laughed.

I called Gracie and Claire in for breakfast, and I saw Bella's eyes start to glaze over as Gracie spent the entire meal telling us about the dream she had the night before where she met Oscar the Grouch on a space ship. Bella looked exhausted already, and we hadn't even left the house yet. Carrying two instead of one, plus her increased work schedule had made everything more difficult this time, and I was worried she was pushing herself too hard. I tried to make sure she had plenty of time to relax and took her mood swings with a grain of salt. It wasn't so bad now that I knew what to expect. We'd been through this before.

Gracie and I finished the dishes from breakfast, while Claire and Bella argued about Claire wearing mascara. I didn't know why Bella bothered with this one. We both knew Alice would just put it on her as soon as we got to her house anyway. I packed up the diaper bag and started loading everything into the car.

I had just finished strapping in the last of the girls when Bella climbed in. "Did you get Lucy's present?" Bella asked.

"Got it," I said.

"What about the baby sling? The kids might want to walk to the park."

"Got it."

"Oh we need sun screen! It's supposed to be sunny today." Bella started to get out of the car, but I grabbed her arm. "I've got it, dear. Don't worry."

She looked at me, took a deep breath, and tears started to pool in her eyes. I'd obviously done something wrong. I probably made her feel like we didn't need her or like a bad mother for forgetting sun screen. She probably felt insecure that Izzy said daddy more than mommy or…

"You're just so wonderful," she sobbed. Oh. I was not expecting that one. "I love you so much. You're so good to me."

I grabbed her hand and kissed and held it firmly in my lap as I backed the car out of the garage.

"Daddy, why is Mommy crying?" Gracie asked.

"Because Mommy loves Daddy so much," I explained winking at Bella who smiled at me through her tears.

"So love makes you sad?" Gracie asked.

"Not exactly, baby." I answered before Bella had a chance to explain to Gracie how love could sometimes make you sad. Once those two got started it was hard to stop them.

"Well I cried the other day when I fell off the swing, and then Kelsey said I was clumsy, and I don't know exactly what clumsy means, but I told her I was not clumsy. I am a princess, right daddy?"

"Of course, princess."

"You know in the Princess and the Frog, the boy frog said it wasn't slime, it was mucus. Mucus is what comes out of your nose when you sneeze. Did you know that Daddy?"

"Yes, Gracie."

"Micah eats his boogers at school. Boogers are mucus. Uncle Jacob told me to blow my nose on Uncle Emmett's pants one time, but I don't think Uncle Emmett would like to have mucus on his pants. Jacob told me that I am the prettiest girl he has ever seen. Daddy, I think I'm going to marry Uncle Jacob someday. I think he's so handsome, just like a prince or like you, Daddy."

I noticed Bella rubbing her temple like she had a headache. "Gracie, baby, do you think we can try the quiet project now? We still have about ten minutes before we get to Auntie Alice's. How long do you think you can be quiet for?"

"Oh Daddy, I think I can do it for the rest of the time, but Uncle Jacob told me to make sure you pay me time-and-a-half on the weekends, so I'm going to need um…. 75 cents per minute. Is that math right, Daddy?"

I glanced over at Bella sheepishly. I was busted. "Yes, Gracie, time-and-a-half, that's errr fine. Let's just start now."

"You've been paying our daughter to be quiet!?" Bella seethed through clenched teeth.

"It's been working," I shrugged.

"We'll talk about this tonight." She was mad. I rubbed my thumb across her knuckles, lovingly, and she snapped her hand away from me. "I need to check my email," she said pulling out her Blackberry.

I smiled, knowing she wouldn't be mad at me once she got the blog alert.

"When did you have time to write this?" she asked with tears running down her cheeks again a couple of minutes later.

"It was in my head last night. I got up to jot it down and decided to post it on the blog instead."

"It's beautiful," she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and tried to lean over to kiss me, but her belly got in the way. I leaned over instead and gave her a quick kiss.

"What's beautiful?" Claire asked.

"Your mother," I answered and Bella rolled her eyes at me but smiled.

"Daddy updated the blog about Mommy," Bella explained to her.

"Oh, Auntie Alice says that's so romantic when Daddy writes you those love letters. Read it, Mommy!"

"Yeah, read it, Mommy!" Gracie said and then threw her hand over her mouth. "Only three dollars this time," she said defeated.

"Okay girls, I'll read it,

_She rushes in and smiles at me as she walks past. _

_Putting her bag down and taking off her scarf and her coat. Like she always does._

_I sit, and I watch. I'm content to watch and not talk. But she likes it when I talk. _

_The thing is. I like talking to her. That's the thing. That's everything._

_She's animated and dramatic. She's fun and life and soft and flowers._

_Nothing about her is safe. Every time she touches me, I'm acutely aware of her danger. _

_I stare at her. The miles fly by, and before I know it she's more and I'm more and we're more together._

_I pinch myself and wonder. How do I deserve this? That's the thing. That's everything. _

_The little things. The way I make her walk in front of me so I can watch her hips sway. _

_She makes me soup when I'm sick and lets me hold her when she's cold. _

_I tell her she's pretty, and she makes me feel strong. _

_Her touch sets me on fire but puts out my flames. That's the thing. That's everything."_

"Okay, Daddy!" Izzy shouted as soon as Bella finished reading the poem, and we all laughed.

Bella reached over and innocently put her hand on my thigh. Such a simple little act like that made me crazy. I couldn't stop the frustrated groan that came out of my mouth as my head fell back against the head rest. Bella giggled from her seat. I should have known when we were interrupted this morning that it was going to be a long day.

We pulled up in front of Alice's house, and before I even had the car in park, Gracie and Claire went running inside. Izzy struggled with the buckle on her car seat, frustrated that her sisters could undo their own. I helped my baby out of the car, and then went to pull Bella up. She turned in the seat swinging her feet out the side of the car and held her arms out for me. I couldn't help it. I laughed. She just looked so helpless. She glared at me, but I could see the smile playing behind her eyes.

I pulled her up, and she held onto me wrapping her arms around my neck. It was hard to kiss her with the big mass of babies between us, but we found a way. "Thank you for the poem," she whispered and kissed me softly again. I was just about to lean her back against the car, when Gracie's laugher pierced the atmosphere. Jacob came flying out the front door with Gracie on his back followed by Lucy. I felt the water hit the side of my face before I saw the water gun in my brother's hand. "Get a room, you two," he shouted.

"Yeah, get a room!" Gracie mimicked him. I secretly resented how much my daughter adored her uncle. I didn't want there to be another man in her life, especially Jacob. He was always trying to come between me and my girls.

"Calm down." Bella noticed me tensing as she wiped the water from my cheek. "He's good with her."

"I still don't like it," I muttered. I grabbed Bella's hand and we walked into Alice and Jasper's house.

"Aunt Bella! Your nose is huge! What happened to your face!" Emmett's son Riley said to Bella as soon as we got inside. Rosalie looked horrified and grabbed him holding a hand over his mouth.

Bella just sighed, "I don't know, kid, when you're pregnant everything seems to get bigger. Hopefully it will all go back to normal soon."

"When are you going to pop those puppies out, Bells?" Emmett asked from where he and Jasper were watching football in front of the TV.

"They're due in about three weeks, but the doctor said he doesn't expect me to go full term. I'm hoping I have them while we're here," she said.

"That would be awesome!" Emmett roared.

"Yeah, totally awesome!" Riley agreed and gave his dad a high-five.

Alice left Claire sitting on the kitchen counter, where she'd been putting make up on her, and instead of telling either of us hello walked straight up to Bella's stomach.

"Hello there, girls. It's Auntie Alice, and I am so excited to meet you any day now. I know we will have so much fun, and I promise to buy you lots of pretty things and never to let your mommy shop at Wal-Mart for you." Alice kissed Bella's stomach, and Bella and I both rolled our eyes.

"Done yet?" Bella asked.

"I guess," Alice shrugged and hugged us both. "I can't believe you're going to have five kids. If you have any more you'll have to buy a bus or something."

"No, we could still fit in one more into an SUV that seats eight," I pointed out.

Bella slowly turned and looked like she was about to kill me. "Um, not that I've thought about that. I just, well…oh look, I'd better go help Jasper with the grill."

I heard Bella complain about how I was taking my Sound of Music obsession overboard as I slid open the back door and went to help Japer.

"What's up, Edward? You surviving?" Jasper asked.

"Of course. I've never been better," I answered truthfully. Just then I heard Gracie crying, and looked in the direction to find Jacob carrying her around the back of the house and freezing as soon as he saw me. He was obviously trying to avoid me by coming in the back door. Busted.

"What happened?" I practically growled at him.

"It's no big deal. She just skinned her knee," Jacob said defensively. "She needs a band aid.

"Come here, sweetie." I held out my arms, and Jacob handed Gracie over to me. "What did Uncle Jacob do to you this time?"

"It wasn't him, it was Lucy. Jacob told her to tackle me. He said it would make me a football player like him."

"Honey, your uncle Jacob plays second string at a Junior College, he's hardly a football player."

Lucy came trudging through the back yard and up to the patio where we were. She was wearing a pink t-shirt her mom no doubt had forced her into and a pair of basketball shorts she'd probably stolen while over at Emmett's playing with Riley. Her hair was still uneven from when she'd cut it last week causing Alice to nearly be hospitalized after having a breakdown. Lucy was covered with mud, and it only got worse when she lifted it up to blow her nose into it.

"Lucy, please stop blowing you nose on your shirt," Jasper groaned. "Your mom will freak out if she sees you doing that again."

"But I didn't have a tissue," Lucy shrugged and spit on the ground beside her. "Hey, Uncle Edward!"

She smiled and reached out her arms like she wanted to hug me.

"How about we hug after I get Gracie a band aid, and you change your shirt." I couldn't help but laugh. Lucy was such…such…a boy. A complete tomboy. It was Alice's worst nightmare come true. Jasper secretly encouraged it, and I knew he was relieved she wasn't too prissy. Little Lucy could care less about clothes or shopping. She would rather be playing baseball with Riley or making mud pies in the woods behind their house. If it wasn't for our Claire worshipping the ground Alice walked on, Alice may not have been able to handle it. Alice still adored Lucy, but told everyone it was just a phase she was going through. It would be a shame if that were true. Lucy was a cool kid.

We were just getting ready to eat when the doorbell rang. "Oh! I think that's her!" Jacob jumped up and ran to the kitchen. He came back in holding hands with a cute blonde girl, who thankfully looked his age.

"Amy, this is my family." He started pointing out who the different people were around the room. "That's my sister Alice, she's a design consultant and her husband Jasper. He's an anthropologist. My mom and dad, Esme and Carlisle. Over there is my oldest brother, Emmett and his wife Rosalie. That's Lucy, Izzy, Riley, Claire, and my girl, Gracie. My sister-in-law Bella, she's a writer, and my brother, Edward, the stay at home mom."

Emmett started to laugh at my job title and Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs.

"He's not a stay at home mom," Claire argued. "Mrs. Cope said he's a dilf."

Everyone started laughing except for Bella and me. Bella started choking on her water, and my face turned 10 shades of red. "I knew that bitch was trouble," Bella snarled so quietly that only I could hear her. My eyes almost pooped out of my head at her language, but when I looked over at her she just winked at me and shrugged. God, I wished we were alone…and naked.

"Mommy, what's a dilf?" Riley looked up at Rosalie and asked.

"Nothing. It's nothing," she answered quickly and everyone laughed again.

"Everybody, this is my girlfriend, Amy," Jacob finally announced.

We all started to greet her, except for Gracie who ran to the bedroom crying. Bella and I realized what was happening at the same moment, and she looked at me with a helpless expression.

"I'll take care of it," I said.

"Thank you." Bella squeezed my hand and I followed in Grace's direction.

I found her in Lucy's room crying on the bed. "Gracie, what's the matter?" I asked but feared I already knew the answer.

"Uncle Jacob doesn't love me anymore," she sobbed.

"Of course he does. You can love more than one person at a time," I rubbed her back.

"But you only love Mommy."

"That's not true. I love you and Claire and Izzy and your new sisters."

"But, how can I marry Uncle Jacob if he has a girlfriend? He probably wants to marry Amy." Gracie threw herself back down on the bed dramatically and cried harder.

"Baby, one day when you're around 30, just like your mommy was, you're going to meet a nice boy that you're not related to, and he is going love you very much just like I love your mommy. Until then I have plenty of love for my best girl."

"So you love me more than you love Claire and Izzy?" Her head perked up.

"I didn't say that…" I walked right into this one.

"But you said I was your best girl!" she smiled.

How should I handle this? She was in a fragile emotional state. I couldn't tell her she was just in the top three. I knew what I had to do.

I got out my wallet and pulled out a five. "You're my best girl, and I'll give you five dollars not to mention that to your sisters. It can be our little secret."

"Okay! I love you Daddy!" Gracie smiled and threw her arms around my neck. When it came to fatherhood, I really was brilliant. We walked back to the living room hand in hand. Everyone had just finished filling their plates, and I felt bad that I hadn't been there to help Bella with Izzy. Gracie and I got our food, and Jacob called her over to sit with him and Amy. Gracie looked up at me to make sure it was okay, and I nodded yes. She went happily, and I knew she and Amy would be the best of friends in less than five minutes.

I found Bella, Izzy, Claire, and Alice sitting on the back porch eating lunch. Bella was making faces at Izzy and making her giggle. I didn't think there was a more beautiful sound in the world than one of my girls laughing. Bella was the perfect mother for them. She loved the heck out of them and was fiercely protective. She was a fun mom too. She liked to take them on little adventures and was good at making each girl feel special individually. Seeing her like this with them made my heart ache in a good way. I was the luckiest man alive, and I didn't take that for granted.

I bent down and kissed Bella's neck as I set my food down on the table beside hers. "That was quick. What did you do, pay her to stop crying?" Bella asked sarcastically.

She must have noticed the guilty look on my face before I could come up with a believable answer. "I can't believe you!"

"Yeah, but you still love me." I winked at her hoping it would work this time.

She took a deep breath and smiled at me. Bingo.

I spent most of the rest of the day just watching Bella. It was a sight I would never get tired of. The curve of her belly underneath her dress. I'd done that to her. I watched her chest rise and fall as she laughed with Jasper, and I thought about how much I wished I were touching her right now. I watched as she held Izzy in her arms when she fell asleep, exhausted from all the rough playing with the big kids. She was beauty incarnate.

The sun was just starting to set when Bella looked up at me and caught me staring. We were outside, and I was pretending to listen to Grace tell me about how wonderful Amy was. She stared back at me, and it was one of those moments in which our eyes shared more than a million words full of devotion and vows of everlasting love. We'd grown, we'd changed, we'd evolved, but we had done it together. We needed each other to make the other one whole. I was only a fraction of a man without her.

Finally we said our goodbyes, and I took my four sleepy girls home. It had been a fun day with my family, but the only thing I could think about was being alone with Bella. I drove home too quickly, but she didn't complain. I pulled into the garage and told Gracie and Claire to get ready for bed. They were too tired to protest. I picked up Izzy who had fallen asleep in her car seat, and went to help Bella up with my free hand. She let out a huge yawn, and said, "I'm too tired. I think I'll just sleep in the car tonight."

I made her get up, and tried not to show that I was disappointed at how tired she was. I had been hoping we could pick up where we left off that morning, but she needed her rest more. I got the girls all tucked in and when I finally made it to our bedroom, Bella was already in bed. She had on a black satin maternity gown, and it was low cut revealing more of her skin than I was ready for if we were just going to sleep. I pulled the covers up over her, tucking her in and kissed her softly on the lips before walking over to my side of the bed and climbing in. I reached up to turn off the light, and my head had barely hit the pillow, before Bella said in a whiny voice, "Edward!"

"What? What is it?" I shot straight up in bed wondering what was the matter.

"I…I just thought. I mean you were looking at me like that all day, and you wrote that poem, and I don't know maybe my signals are off since I'm pregnant and all, but I didn't put on this thing for nothing. I mean I can understand if you don't find me attractive right now. I don't find me attractive right now, but this morning you seemed all about it, and I thought we were on the same page, but then you just tucked me in. I mean you tucked me in? Did I misread something, or …"

"Bella," I interrupted her exasperated.

"What is it, Edward?"

"Shhh," and with that my mouth was on hers. I was desperate to touch her to feel every inch of her, and her kisses were urgent and needy, and the fact that she was swollen and perfect just make her infinitely hotter to me. I let out a moan as she grabbed my bicep and squeezed…hard. Ouch.

"No! Not now!" She rolled away from me looking defeated.

"What is it, Bella? If you're too tired, we can…"

"I think my water just broke."

**A/N: That's it, until the NEXT EPILOGUE! Ha ha no. That was a joke. Calm down. Thank you all for everything. At this point any other fan fic writing for me is on hold. I'm sure I'll get bored soon though and start writing so – we will probably meet again. I have that christmas outtake to post on the fireman too. **

**There is very important business to discuss. Ciao_bella27 wrote a very creative one shot called The Baker's Magic Buns. It was part of the Once Upon A Twilight contest that I hosted with wishimight. It's up for an Eddie. Please do me a favor and vote for it. And if you're smart you'll read it. I've never seen something so witty and spectacular. **

**Review if you want. **


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